Chapter 1: A Noxious Beginning
It was a dark and stormy night at the House of Anubis, despite the warm meal that Trudy had fed all her residents before bedtime. Nina Martin, awake in her bed, watched shadows play on the ceiling to the backdrop of Amber's snoring.
"Alfie…that hurts," the dumb blonde muttered in her sleep, and rolled over with a particularly loud snort as if to punctuate her words.
Nina rolled her eyes at her moronic roommate, a patronizing grin upon her American face. Amber was sleeping like a baby, but Nina couldn't get a wink of sleep. She was too busy thinking of Fabian Rutter.
It was the first day back at school after a long and hard summer without her crush. Fabian was still off at vacation in Majorca (his original, earlier flight had been cancelled), and still hadn't moved back into Anubis House. How she longed to touch him, to run her fingers through those luscious brown locks, to kiss those soft and supple lips. They had only shared one kiss, at last term's prom, but Nina knew from the passionate emails he had sent her over the summer that he was craving more. And so was she, although she wouldn't admit that to anyone, not even snoring Amber.
As if on cue, Amber rolled over again, this time moaning about Mr. Winkler, and Nina could swear she heard a whistling fart sound from the blonde's side of the room.
"Jason…that stinks," mumbled Amber, smacking her lips and snoring a bit more.
Nina ignored the putrid odor and turned to her nightstand, upon which was nestled a photograph of her Gran, a hideous but sweet old woman who had raised Nina from a very young age.
"Gran, I can't sleep," Nina whispered to the picture, and the old woman's permanent smile seemed to permeate her very soul, warming her down to her toes.
"I…I miss you, Gran." A single tear leaked from her American eyes.
.#.#.#.
Nina woke up the next morning to Amber shaking her violently.
"Wake up, sleepy head! Trudy's made us pancakes!" Her long blonde hair whipped across Nina's face.
"Five more minutes, Gran…." Nina mumbled groggily.
"Oh, and was that you farting up a hurricane last night? The smell woke me up! Oh and Fabian's returned."
Nina sat bolt upright, suddenly awake. "He's WHAT?" But before Amber could reply, Nina had sprung from bed, pajamas still on her body and eye boogers still in her tear ducts, and raced downstairs. As she ran, she almost knocked into Victor, holding his ugly stuffed raven.
"Slow down," he said, wagging a random pen in her face.
Nina slowed down temporarily, but as soon as she had cleared the stairs she proceeded to sprint into Fabian and Mick's bedroom.
"Fabes!" she exclaimed, bursting the door open.
"Whoa what the fu-!" Mick screamed, pulling up his boxers. "You can't just do that to people, Nina! You almost got a look at my willy!"
"Where's Fabian?" Nina asked, ignoring Mick's indecent state; too crestfallen to notice. "Amber told me he was back…but he's not here! Has Victor taken him to the cellar? Has Rufus abducted him? Has Trudy baked him for breakfast? WHERE IS HE?"
"Um, I think I saw him walk down the hall with Joy; dunno why," Mick answered, trying to shield his exposed skin from sight. "Now please get out, my nipples are freezing over here!"
"Um, overshare," Nina replied, and exited the room. What was Fabian doing walking around with Joy? Nina thought to herself, walking towards the dining room Why hasn't he come to see me? Engrossed in her inner questions, Nina barely noticed when she walked head-on into Trudy, the housekeeper.
"Whoops!" Trudy cried, almost dropping the plate of pancakes she was holding. "Watch where you're going, now, sweetie!"
Nina looked up at her, detached, and did not reply.
"But of course, you've got your head in the clouds, sweetie," Trudy went on. "Thinking about your new school term…and vampires."
"Have you seen Fabian?" Nina asked.
"I'm right here," came a voice from the dining room. Nina whirled around. That voice, that sweet voice! It was Fabian! His hair was lightly tousled and his skin was slightly less pale from the summer sun. Nina's face broke out into a glorious smile…and then the smile fell as quickly as it had come. Sitting next to Fabian, eating a particularly large pancake, was none other than Joy Mercer.
"Good morning Fabian," Nina said weakly. Her voiced became softer. "And Joy."
"Good morning Nina!" Joy beamed in reply. "Fabian and I were just talking about the new term!"
"…And vampires," Trudy added from the kitchen. Everyone ignored her.
"Do you have Mr. Winkler for homeroom, Nina?" Joy asked. "Fabian and I do." Fabian smiled at Joy, and she returned it gleefully.
"No…" replied Nina in a small voice. "I have Mrs. Andrews for homeroom."
"Ohh, tough luck there," came the voice of Patricia Williamson. "I have Mr. Winkler too. And so does Mara. And Alfie. And Jerome."
"So does Mick," added Fabian.
"I think Amber does as well," said Joy.
"And vampires," Trudy repeated from the kitchen. No one listened.
"R-really? Everyone has Mr. Winkler except for me?" Nina asked. "There must be some mistake…I mean, why would they give everyone Mr. Winkler for homeroom except me?"
"I don't know, bad luck?" Patricia sneered, stuffing an entire pancake into her mouth at once.
"Good morning, everyone!" said Jerome and Alfie simultaneously, sitting in their usual seats. "So we've all got Mr. Winkler for homeroom, right?"
"Almost everyone," said Nina quietly, but nobody heard her over their excited chatter about the new term.
"Good morning!" said Amber, who had finally finished applying her makeup and hair care products and was ready to eat. She sat down, and a loud fart sounded from the chair. "Alfie! Did you put a whoopee cushion on my chair?" she screamed, standing up in anger.
"Um…Amber…there's no whoopee cushion on your seat," Jerome pointed out.
Amber blushed violently and sat back down.
"Where are Mick and Mara?" Joy asked to change the subject.
"Yeah, I haven't seen them all morning," Alfie said.
"I saw Mick," said Nina. "A lot of him. Too much of him."
Fabian looked up from his breakfast. "What's that supposed to mean? You two aren't…"
"Oh no! Not at all!"
"Okay."
"Wow, am I sensing some romantic tension?" asked Amber.
"No, no, no, that's nonsense," Fabian answered quickly, averting his eyes from Nina's direction.
Gran…what could be going on? I thought he liked me, Nina wondered. I just don't understand….
.#.#.#.
Amber made sure to leave breakfast early that day. She told everyone that she had a bathroom emergency (the farts made it more realistic) and rushed from the house to get to class as soon as she could. The reason was not for studying of course-why on Earth would a genius like Amber need to study?-but the real reason was to see Jason Winkler before anyone else entered the classroom. She wanted to be able to see him alone; in private. She had plans for that dapper dan.
Ignoring a wandering old lady who had escaped the nursing home (and almost knocking her over in the process), Amber rushed to class and burst through the classroom door. As expected, Mr. Winkler sat at his desk, polishing a replica of Yorick's skull from Hamlet.
"Jason…it's so good to see you," Amber grinned her most sultry grin and leaned up against one of the desks.
Mr. Winkler smiled at her. "Good to see you too, Miss Millington," he rejoined, smiling with his bright white teeth and irresistible dimples. He ran his hand through his curly locks. "I missed you over break, and your one-of-a-kind mind."
"Thank you, sir," she said, and this time she got a little closer. "I..I thought a lot about you over break." She was close to him now, and she leaned against his desk, letting her skirt ride up her thigh just a little more than was allowed by the uniform code. "I…I just couldn't get you out of my mind."
Uh-oh. Amber tried to keep composed, but she could feel a fart bubbling inside her, eager to come out. She really should not have eaten so many of Trudy's beans last night. Her features blanked into her best pokerface, trying to hide her inner turmoil.
"Really, Amber?" Mr. Winkler asked. He took her petrified expression as one of withheld desire. "What a coincidence." He lifted a hand and brushed a stray strand of hair behind one of Amber's ears.
But she couldn't hold it in anymore. Just as Mr. Winkler began to lean towards her, the loudest fart she had ever made screamed from her rump. Ashamed and embarrassed, she leapt from Mr. Winkler's desk and ran from the room as fast as she could.
"Amber! Amber wait!" Mr. Winkler cried after her. But it was too late. She was gone.