Of Homemade Plates and Relationships
She would leave eventually, they always did. It was hardly their fault; it was his more then anything else. He was so closed down sometimes that he had a hard time being with himself. As he watched Sara unpack one of her many boxes, he knew that if she did leave it would be the end of him. She was so much a part of who he was now, that it astounded him almost as much as it did her.
"Grissom where should I put these?"
Sara held up a small pile of books in her hand, her face questioning. Grissom glanced at the bookshelves that housed his own massive collection of books, realising that there was no room on the bulging shelves.
"There should be room in the bedroom shelves."
Sara left with a small smile and retuned second later her hand empty.
"I managed to fit them in with a bit of squeezing."
Sara turned back to her unpacking, the top half of her body lost in the huge box. He still for the life of him could not figure out why she was with him. She had assured him so many times that whatever doubts he had in himself she would never share. The age gap didn't matter to her nor did the co-worker thing. She didn't care, she loved him, had always loved him. That was something she was so adamant and confident about and it always shocked Grissom with the purity that she seemed to feel it.
"You could get started on the kitchen box if you want. Put the stuff we don't need aside so we can give it away."
Grissom said nothing, moving silently into the kitchen. He began by unloading the plates that Sara had in a box, deciding that he liked her flower design plates much more then his plain blue-rimmed ones.
"Hey Sara, where did you get these plates from?"
Sara's voice came from deep within the box.
"I made them myself."
It was only when she mentioned that that Grissom felt the slightly uneven edges of the plate, the imperfections of the flower lines and in the lower right hand side of the plate was the initials SS. They reminded him of Sara in a way. They were imperfect but were beautiful in there imperfection. Grissom laid them carefully on the bench, the matching bowls, saucers and cups soon to follow. Each had the same basic flower design but was different in small ways. There were bumblebees on the mugs, suns on the saucers and oddly enough, a cloudy sky on the bowls.
"It took me over three months just to make the whole set."
Sara had come to stand by Grissom now, her hand settled on his waist, just above his belt.
"Each set represents something. Like the one with the bees was when we had that case with those abandoned kids. I was trying to cheer myself up and I remember that little boy saying he liked bees, so bees it was. The suns was when I was just having a bad day and as for the clouds, that was you."
Grissom raised an eyebrow.
"Me?"
Sara nodded as she picked up a bowl and traced the clouds with a finger.
"I couldn't see anything but you that day and it was clouding everything up. So I drew clouds."
Grissom kissed her on the temple, taking in the sweet smell of her hair before turning back to Sara's pottery.
"Well I love them. I think we should keep them."
Sara smiled that huge smile he had grown to love.
"I would like that. Maybe we could go to one of the pottery classes together, make another set."
Grissom nodded.
"Maybe."
Sara began to attack the stack of pots that sat to the side of the kitchen.
"You know what my pottery teacher said?"
Grissom was carefully stacking Sara's plate set in the cupboard, unloading his boring ones as they spoke.
"What?"
"Well you know how big I am on perfection? I was trying to make the perfect plate. But it's harder then it looks, trying to get rid of all the air bubbles, get the perfect plate rim and all that. So I was throwing out plate after plate until my teacher pulled me aside and told me that even in plates, there was no such thing as perfection."
Grissom kept silent as Sara kept talking.
"She asked me if I was in a relationship and I said I wasn't sure. Which at that point I didn't. I gave her some details and you know what she said?"
Grissom had taken his head out of the cupboard and was now facing her, interested in where this story was going.
"We will never have a perfect relationship because there's no such thing. There will always be air bubbles, uneven edges, bleeding colours and tacky paints. I know you have doubts Grissom."
Grissom said nothing; he knew there was no point confirming or denying if she knew it was true.
"I know that you think that once I see the real you that I'll run the other way."
Grissom nodded slightly.
"Well you know something? I was thinking the same thing about me."
Grissom frowned.
"What do you mean?"
Sara smiled.
"See? I was confused as you were right now! I didn't see anything about you that would make me turn away from you. Unless you're a serial killer or a child molester, which I know you're not, then there is no chance that I'll be leaving."
Sara came to sit beside him on the floor, taking his hand in hers, her eyes locking his in her gaze.
"I love you Mr. Gilbert Grissom and that's not going to change. Can you just throw your doubts to the wind and just allow yourself to be happy with that?"
Grissom ran his hand over the side of her face, taking in her deep brown eyes, the wide pretty mouth and the peaches and cream skin, knowing he loved her. Not for what she looked like but for who she was. That overly neurotic, passionate, bubbly, intelligent and sarcastic woman that could whip him in a verbal fight as well as still be effected by what they did. He had seen her have a break down over abused woman and children and she had seen him do the same. She was one of the only people who had seen his weaknesses, had seen his Kryptonite and loved him anyway. She had fully accepted him and even though at the beginning he had tried to push her away, she had always pushed back. She didn't give up even when he had insisted. She had always been sitting on the sidelines of his life, quietly reminding him of what she had to offer him. And when he had finally seen her for what she was, she had given herself fully to him. She had also put up no barriers. She didn't go out of her way to change around him. She still had funny looking hair in the morning, wore old sweatpants around the house, wore socks full of holes, had hugely mismatched underwear and left the dishes until she absolutely had to do them. Her life and habit's didn't change when he became a more intimate part of her life and that had impressed him. It made him want to be imperfect, to keep up the things that made him himself. He remembered the first time that he had stayed a whole night over at her house, the one night they had planned and he had gone out and bought some long legged plaid PJ bottoms. When they had gone to bed, he had been visibly uncomfortable with the huge amount of fabric and she had looked at him doubtfully.
"Do you really wear those to bed?"
He had shaken his head and she had looked hugely confused.
"Why are you wearing them then?"
"I wanted to make a impression"
Sara had burst out laughing and indicated to her stained and hole filled top.
"You want me to get into my fancy PJ's too?"
Grissom laughed as well, the mood becoming much lighter. He had quickly put on his normal bed attire and stood in front of Sara awaiting a reaction. Her eyes took in his boxers and a small smile came to her face.
"Smurf boxers? That is the cutest thing I have ever seen!"
And that had started a beautiful tradition. He slept in his Smurf boxers and Sara in her old tatty shirts. It may not be hugely romantic but it was such a comfortable thing and Grissom had to admit; there was something sexy about Sara being so relaxed around him. Letting him see her for just who she was, no bells or whistles. It was there sitting on the floor, remembering what he had been through with her, funny or not, that he realized that he loved her more then he could ever say. And just like that, all the doubts flew from his head and his heart. He didn't doubt his feelings anymore or hers. He also knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, to see her every morning wit her funny hair and to know that when he came home he would see her.
"Marry me Sara."
Sara smiled.
"I see you've lost the doubts."
Grissom nodded.
"Marry me."
Sara nodded, her smiled growing by the second.
"Of course I will."
Grissom kissed her and pulled her onto his lap just so he could have her as close as possible.
"I don't have a ring, this was kind of impromptu."
He spoke into the soft skin of her neck where he had buried his face.
"Doesn't matter. This could not come at a better time."
Grissom extracted his face from her neck to look her in the eye.
"What do you mean?"
Sara smiled as she ran her hands down either side of his face, as if trying to take in and memorise his face, as it was at that very second.
"I think I might be pregnant"
Grissom's face stayed in the same position for a full two minutes, Sara was counting the painfully long seconds off one by one, her heart pounding in her chest with a combination of fear and excitement. What if this was something he didn't want? They had yet to have the kid's conversation, just having finished the moving in together one, and that had taken long enough to come around. Grissom's face was now a little more relaxed.
"Are you positive?"
Sara shook her head.
"I haven't done a test yet but I'm over two weeks late."
Grissom nodded and moved Sara off his lap, grabbing his wallet.
"I'll be back shortly."
And with that he left the house. Sara sat for a few seconds before deciding there was nothing she could do except keep unpacking. She was just about finished the kitchen when Grissom came bursting back through the door. He handed her a brown paper bag and Sara smiled when she saw four different pregnancy tests lying at the bottom of the bag. She looked at Grissom who gave her a half smile.
"I refuse to get excited until we know for sure."
Sara nodded and moved into the bathroom. Grissom started pacing as he waited, not able to concentrate on anything else. If she was pregnant then that was great but if she wasn't then he would be a little disappointed but they had plenty of time if the tests were negative. And the practice would at least be great fun. Sara emerged a few minutes later, an egg timer in her hand.
"Two minutes starting now."
Sara and Grissom stood side by side in complete silence. There was nothing to say when neither of them knew what words would be required. The egg timer went off cheerfully in Sara's hand and they exchanged a quick glance before Sara moved back into the bathroom. Grissom stayed back, knowing that she had more to absorb then he did. Anything he felt would be small compared to the intensity of her feelings. Sara came back to stand beside him, her hand clutching tightly at his.
"We're pregnant."
Grissom felt an unexpected smile blossom over his face and when he turned to sara he saw a amtching one on her face. They stood there grinning like a couple of idiots until Sarathrew herself at grissom, wrappingher legs around his waist, her amrs around his neck.
"We're having a baby Grissom.We're going to have ababy."
Grissom held her body close to his and was overwhelmed with a sense of completeness. His life could not get an better then this. He had Sara, who was going to be his wife and now a baby on the way. It seemed as if happiness had settled in his heart, making itself at home.