Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers: Melee, its characters, or anything related.
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Bonus Awards Show
Chapter 1 – Hack Attack
By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)
06/02/2002
Deep within the headquarters of the evil empire known as Microsoft a team of evil hackers were evilly hacking Nintendo's Super Smash Brothers: Melee. The game was too much for Microsoft to handle and some of their computers exploded, but not after they had managed to delete a few lines of data.
Inside the melee headquarters the superstars were lounging about, with the exception of Peach. Suddenly, Peach busted into the room holding up a piece of paper.
"People!" she demanded their attention. She didn't get it, everyone continued to sit around looking bored.
"PEOPLE!" she screamed again.
Mario, Luigi, Captain Falcon, Ness, the Ice Climbers, Samus, Marth, and Roy looked at Peach.
"What?" they asked in unison.
"Okay…and reptiles, foxes, birds, apes, elves, pokémon, and 2D characters," Peach restated.
The remaining melee stars gave her their attention.
"Finally." Peach held the paper into the air once more. "Super Smash Brothers: Melee has been hacked!"
A few gasps were heard amongst the crowd.
"Who could have done this?" Ness asked.
"Take a wild guess," Captain Falcon responded.
"Umm… the Russians."
"No, it was the Chinese," Link suggested.
"You're all wrong, this could only be the work of the Koreans!" Falco stood up.
"Isn't it obvious? It's the Sega Corporation!" Roy cut in.
"Silence!" Peach's voice dominated the crowd. "Stop being stupid! We all know this was the work of Microsoft."
"Yeah, Roy! Why would Sega attack us?" said Falco.
"It makes more sense than the Koreans!" Ness shot.
"What did they hack?" Fox changed the subject back to what was important.
"Some bonus awards! I have a printout of everything that was deleted," Peach answered.
The fighters looked at the paper. It read:
"Bird of Prey
Juggler
Sweeper
Sniper
Statue
Marathon Man
Shield Buster
Rock Climber
No R 4 U
Switzerland
Stalker
Coward
World Traveler
Magnified Finish
Jackpot
Super Spy"
"So what-a do we-a do?" Luigi asked.
"We need to get back these awards," Peach answered.
"Alright guys! Let's do it!" Fox encouraged.
"Raa!" several smashers raised up their fists. They all went off in separate directions to hunt for the missing awards.
"Wait!" Peach called. "You don't know how to get the awards!"
Later, Falco was walking down a hallway thinking about how he could get one of the awards back.
"What was one of those awards on that list," Falco thought to himself. He recalled the first award on the list was 'Bird of Prey.'
"That's it!" Falco thought to himself. He raised his wings and looked to the ceiling.
"I am a bird of prey!" he called.
He lowered his head and looked around for the award.
"Come on! Give me the award! I'm a bird and I eat meat!"
Still no response came. Falco waited to be proclaimed the bird of prey but noticed it wasn't working after a few moments.
"Maybe I can prove I'm a bird of prey," Falco thought to himself. He began down the hallway looking for something.
In another room, Link was leaning against a wall thinking about how he could get back an award. His sword and shield were left beside him. He closed his eyes to better visualize his thoughts.
At this time Bowser walked by. He was also thinking over the list and saw Link's sword and shield lying against the wall, and Link with his eyes closed. He slowly made his way over to Link and picked up his sword.
"Hmm, The Hand That Wields It 2," he thought to himself. He remembered the missing bonus awards and decided against it. Bowser then returned the sword. He slyly picked up the Hylian shield and sneaked away.
Link's eyes shot open, "That's it!" He grabbed his sword and ran down the hallway into a teleporter room.
Yoshi was sitting in a corner looking over a travel book. He was quickly skimming a few pages. He glanced down to see his bag. He had packed it with a few necessary items needed to take a vacation, but no extra clothes as he never seemed to wear clothes. He highlighted a few lines in his travel book. He closed his book and placed it in his bag. He zipped it up, picked it up, and threw the strap around his shoulder. He left the room vacant, or was it vacant? Under the couch something lurked, something hidden, something… shivering. Roy was remaining as silent as possible while hiding under the couch. Roy was terrified, but of what?
Mr. Game and Watch had made his way into one of the storage rooms in the building. Inside rested several fun items seen in Super Smash Brothers. His attention was directed to a box labeled, "Pokéballs." He opened the top of the cardboard and took hold of three pokéballs. He exited the closet-like room into the hallway and looked to see if anyone was near. When he found he was alone he tossed the first ball in his left hand in the air to his right. He did the opposite with the second pokéball. Soon he developed a rhythm with the three red and white spheres and juggled them. Every time he tossed a ball into the air he emitted a "click" sound.
"I got it!" Fox called. He entered a room carrying a bag, which was apparently heavy. It was obviously straining Fox to lift it but he tried to make it look easy. It didn't work.
"Need any help with that, foxy boy?" Captain Falcon asked.
"No," Fox grunted trying to hold the bag up. "I got it."
"Pichu!" Pichu called. He and Falcon were standing near a table Fox was approaching. Fox set the bag down beside the wooden table. The vulpine was gasping for breath.
"Shall we get started already?" Captain Falcon asked. "We still have that award to get."
"In a minute, Doug," Fox responded.
"Never call me that name!" Falcon said offended.
"Pichu pi pi pi!" Pichu tried to pacify the F Zero racer and the fox gasping for air.
"Pichu, get the container," Captain Falcon ordered.
Pichu ran to another side of the room and came back with a rectangular metal holder. Captain Falcon ripped open the bag and dumped its contents into the container. The bag was carrying cement, regular cement used for sidewalks and such. Fox was now sitting in one of the armchairs. His breathing was still visible.
"Pichu!" Pichu held up a device to smooth out concrete. It had a wooden handle and a flat metal service. Next to him was another one, to be used by Fox.
"Let's begin," Falcon suggested. He stood on top of the table and did his taunt.
"Show me your moves!" he taunted. The difference was he held his taunt, keeping his salute raised and feet apart.
"Pi!" Pichu said as he gathered some cement on his spreader. He jumped on the table and began covering Captain Falcon's foot with cement. Fox stood up and picked up his spreader. He began on Captain Falcon's other foot.
While Pichu and McCloud worked, Peach entered the room. She observed the odd behavior and decided to approach them.
"What are you doing?" Peach asked skeptically.
"Pi pi chu!"
"What?" Peach was confused.
"We're trying to get the Statue bonus award back," Fox informed.
"But that's not how you," Peach began.
"I think we know how to spread cement, princess," Fox interrupted.
"But I was going to say," Peach again tried to begin a sentence.
"Look, just let us work. We're working on the ugliest statue in history," Fox stopped working to deal with Peach.
"Hey!" Falcon shot.
"What are you gonna do about it, Doug?"
"Don't call me that, Foxy!"
Peach was too aggravated to continue. She turned around and left the three to be fools playing with cement. Fox went back to work.
"Why couldn't they have hacked away the Cement Shoes award?" Fox complained. "We'd already be finished."