Big Girls Don't Cry of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons was blaring through the radio of an outdated Ford Fiesta that raced over the highway at an unrelenting pace.
That was the summer of 2018, when everyone called me Feyre Darling and I didn't even mind. That was before Elain's relationship went to shit, two boys were disinherited from their family business, before the president was shot two months prior to the new election and back when I thought I'd never trust anyone except myself.
That was the summer we went to Vanserra & Nolanson Resort.
We'd been invited over by Graysen's family to spend the holiday at a reduced price at one of the cottages on the grounds. It was the first time ever since the global financial crisis we'd be able to enjoy a holiday. My father's leg hadn't been smashed by the mob and my mother hadn't died yet. I could barely even remember it.
Nesta and Elain took turns driving, since my dad couldn't with his knee and I- well, there'd never been money for me to get my licence. Elain was a courteous driver, using moderate speed, frequently asking if everyone was okay with the music being played and taking regular bathroom breaks. Nesta was merciless, as with everything. Hurling the car across state lines, not making any conversation unless she wanted to be given her drink and completely hogging the radio and only playing her cd's. I didn't complain though, not as she aggressively slung her car in front of another when switching lanes or when she harshly pressed the break because she started slowing down too late. I just took a deep breath and lifted my pencil from my sketchbook and continued once we were back to a regular speed. I would've loved to stop and go sightseeing in the states we passed, but I knew it wouldn't happen.
'Graysen!' Elain jumped in the arms of her boyfriend when he passed us by at the reception. 'Elain, love, you're here! I hope you all had a nice trip? Feyre Darling, Nesta, mr. Archeron.' The last two names were said with a decidedly tense politeness. I suppressed a smile, Graysen had always been scared of Nesta.
'It's alright, Suriel, I'll show them around.' The old man, Graysen explained us, worked as a park cleaner and receptionist. He'd been working for the business for two generations. 'The man is positively ancient. I guess he's too stubborn to die. It's mean to say but his skin simply consists of age spots.'
Graysen was kind enough but you could really tell he'd grown up in fancy circles. He was prejudiced and vain, but not ill meaning, I was sure of it. He'd immediately fallen for Elain the second we moved to town. It had taken him another three months to get her to go on a date with him, but between his charisma and joyful spirit and Elain's sweet but melancholic nature they were destined to happen.
As we walked towards our bungalow Graysen pointed out all the important spots. Tennis courts, dance grounds, animation rooms for children, the children's pool, the three adult pools, barbeque spots, golf courts, a soccer field, the lake to go canoeing… It was massive. I could only image the top 1% of America actually being able to stay at the resort hotel, this looked like something right out of one of those travel Instagram accounts.
We finally arrived at the bungalow… Though that was a condescending word for the place. The bathroom was bigger than our living room at home. The tub could fit four persons easily, the walk in shower was carved out of limestone, a hot tub adorned the back deck.
Elain gushed over the kitchen, making squeaky noises and touching everything. 'We won't be cooking here, Elain. All meals are included.' Nesta walked into the next room. 'But how can I not use the opportunity to cook in a kitchen like this?' Elain muttered as she opened the oven and the glass lid slid under the oven like magic.
'I'll make you a cake. For giving us the opportunity to come here', she promised Graysen.
Graysen provided them all with a map of the place. 'Now excuse me, I got somewhere I got to be.' He kissed Elain goodbye and took off on his golf cart.
Two hours later all of us had unpacked. Dad was off checking out some of the things the resort organised, Nesta basked in the sunlight with a book and big pair of sunglasses looking completely unapproachable and Elain was hiding in the shade while making a crossword puzzle.
That left me. I hadn't expected otherwise. We'd never really been close and most closeness had disappeared completely when we moved back in with our grandparents. So I put on my bikini and decided to discover the pools.
One of the huge adult swimming areas doomed up before me and in the distance, the gleaming hotel stood elevated above the pool. Stairs carved in stone lead from the terrace filled with people nipping their drinks to the party area and pool area.
It was an oval pool with side whirlpools and a fake waterfall running down from a rock structure. It looked like something out of Pool Master. Palm trees, stone and plants were combined in a skilful way that almost made it look natural. Because of the amount of pools and because the park deliberately had only a couple of hundred people at the same time so the facilities wouldn't be too crowded, the pool was fairly empty. A whistle was blown and I was pushed aside by a dark muscled hand. Stumbling through the thigh high blue I could just catch a glimpse of a man running through the water as if it possessed no resistance at all. I gasped for breath and focussed on adjusting to the water. Luckily it wasn't too cold. By the time my body stopped shivering, the man had helped an elderly woman to a lounge chair.
He was, for lack of a better word, stunning.
Whipping his hair back he turned away and met my gaze. His hair was as white as his teeth, I'm sure on anyone else it must have looked silly.
'Hey, sorry 'bout that.'
'You were just doing what you had to.'
'Yeah and if you fell and chafed your knee I would've had to deal with you as well.'
'Well, luckily for you I'm not as easily swept off my feet.'
He laughed heartily and offered his hand. 'I'm Tarquin.'
'Feyre.'
'I should crawl back on top of that chair.'
'Yeah, there's a ridiculous amount of pool to oversee.'
'It's better than the children's area. With all those different pools, floaties and waterslides it's quite hard to spot everything. But it's exactly there where most accidents happen since some children go in deeper pools than they should, or a playful push goes awry. It's awful.'
'I can imagine. No wonder there are so many guards. I've never seen anything like this.'
'First time?'
'Yeah, although I don't have anything to compare it to. Are all resorts like this?'
'No. This is Hollywood level fanciness.'
'Thought so.'
'I'll keep an eye on you, Feyre.'
'I'm pretty good at keeping myself safe.'
'I don't doubt it', he laughed.
As I was walking home from dinner, I took the opportunity to discover the grounds a bit more. It was a beautiful park. They must have a lot of gardeners to keep all the flower beds and trees under control. I thought of the woods at home, which were just trees and dead leaves. The trees guaranteed the residents they had some sense of privacy from the surrounding bungalows and kept sounds from carrying too far. Yet there weren't that many so as to ward off too much sunlight. At that moment I heard a soft curse.
A familiar silhouette was struggling in front of me.
'Tarquin?'
He startled and bent through his knees. He was obviously carrying something heavy.
'Feyre! Hye.'
'Where are you taking those watermelons?'
'To the staff party.'
'Need some help with that?' I asked as I took one of the giant watermelons from his hands.
'Can't. No guests allowed. House rules.'
I sighed and pushed the melon back in his hands.
'I'm sorry. Might- might you help me a hand? I'm terribly sorry.'
'It's no problem. I've got nothing better to do.'
'The Nolansons and Vanserra's are going to kill me when they find out.'
' That's alright. My sister is dating Graysen.'
'Your sister? Him? Even worse.'
We walked away from the visitor area of the terrain and obviously neared the staff area. There were no flower beds here, and the trees were irregularly planted and bigger.
Tarquin was great company, talking enthusiastically about little things that happened by the pool that day and recounting some of the more amusing things that had happened to him in the park. I was almost sad when we reached the building.
Nothing could have prepared me for what lay behind that door. I had never been to a real party but I assumed this was it. An awful smell of booze and cigarettes met us as we entered and the dancing crowd were only lit by brightly coloured spots.
My mom had enrolled me in a dance school as a kid but no move I ever learned came close to the sensual moves and grinding of these people.
Men throwing women in the air. Women turning and twisting to the beat of the music. And in the middle, with no one daring to go near them, were a blond man and woman, twirling and floating over the wooden floorboards. They were absolutely marvellous as her bright red skirts swung open at each step while he threw his magnificent golden manes up and down on the beat. Their moves were more schooled, their linework more refined and their footwork significantly more technical yet seemingly effortless.
'Where did they learn to do that?'
'Them? I don't know. It's the way they do it in the clubs. Wanna try it?' he asked whilst shaking his melons. I rolled my eyes. As if. Years of only doing P.E., fishing and chopping wood had left me anything but flexible and fluid. I'd call my moves efficient and woody.
'Follow me!' Tarquin yelled as he pushed me with his elbow. I blinked and followed suit through the dancing crowd. I awkwardly shuffled between the dancers, looking at women who were seemingly being held upright only by the hands on their asses, shirtless men snogging the women they were pressing against them.
'Can you imagine people dancing like that on the main floor?' Tarquin laughed as he put down the watermelons and sat down on a bench looking over the room. I put down mine as well and went back to observing them. I couldn't tear my eyes away. The beat went straight to my body and I was sure even my heart was beating along with the base. I ached to move but I would most definitely make a fool of myself.
The blond man let himself fall backwards and started twisting and shaking, only being held upright by his lower legs. I'd never seen anyone dance like that.
How could he posses such muscle and balance to pull that off? I was equally jealous and intrigued.
'That's my cousin, Tamlin. He's a dance instructor and got me my job here.'
'Well that explains how he can dance like that.'
I stayed silent for a little while longer.
'They look great together', I innocently remarked about Tamlin and the woman.
'Yeah. You would think that they were a couple, wouldn't you?'
'Well, aren't they?'
'No. It once looked like they were but something must've happened. I've only known her to have had one night stands. She doesn't dare to date anymore.'
'Why's that?'
'Eris Vanserra, he's been pursuing her for years now. She hates him but she's afraid that if she dates someone else, he'll find a reason to fire her.'
'Can't she find work elsewhere?'
'I'm sure her cousin would be able to offer her a job but she really enjoys being a dancing teacher.'
At that moment a tall and handsome man tapped Tamlin's shoulder. He stepped aside, allowing tall, dark and handsome to take over the woman.
'Speak of the devil. That's him. Rhysand.'
He swung the woman up. She planted her knees on his shoulders and started throwing her skirt around, not caring about anyone seeing her underwear. He let her fall down over his hip, letting her slide down his behind and pulling her up through his legs. Was he a dance instructor as well? He probably wasn't if he was able to offer his cousin a job.
At that moment, Tamlin spotted us and smoothly danced his way past some of the men and woman. He simply exuded sex appeal and confidence.
Tarquin had just turned away from the crowd, trying to move a bit as Tamlin jumped on him.
'Yo cous', he greeted him.
'She doin' here?' The way he looked at me made my heart flutter but it also made me feel incredibly small.
'She came with me. She's with me.' He immediately said.
'I carried a watermelon', I claimed confidently.
I carried a watermelon? Just terrific.
He looked back at Tarquin with obvious dismay and walked back towards the dance floor. He wasn't going to cause a scene but he obviously wasn't happy.
Tarquin and I exchanged glances and went to get drinks as the party carried on.
Tamlin found me again though. As the dancing crowd split up and he and his previous partner both turned to find other ones he suddenly focussed on me. I froze.
No.
No he wasn't.
He wouldn't. I could barely awkwardly shake my shoulders.
He grinned, signalling me to come closer.
Oh yes. He was going to make me dance.
I didn't want to make a fool of myself but I was so going to regret it if I didn't take the opportunity to dance with this man.
He pulled me forward into the crowd. I cast a last glance at Tarquin, who just shook his shoulders. Don't make this too embarrassing, I prayed as he grasped my hips and started moving.
Now what?
He pushed my shoulders down and nodded his head to indicate when I should move my hips. If I put a wig on a broom, you couldn't tell the difference.
He didn't give up though.
'Good, that's better', he commented as he put a casual arm around my waist. My attempts at rhythm fell flat against his smooth moves, but he didn't seem to mind.
'Now turn this way', he instructed me after I finally got it. He demonstrated the moves in an exaggerated way. These though, I didn't manage.
'No, watch.' He did the movements again. I bit my lip as I tried to mimic it. Shaking his head, he gently took my hips and guided me with his own movements. I slid one of my legs between his in the way the other couples did and let myself sink a bit more through my knees. I would do this and I would succeed.
He laughed. 'Exactly.' He let his hands fall down and let his hips do all the talking.
Too soon the song ended and he left me. I looked around, suddenly feeling self-conscious all over again. I couldn't find Tarquin anymore and I didn't dare to look for him between all the drunken people.
Lost, I stumbled upon to kitchen. After the claustrophobic feel of the dance floor I welcomed the silent empty place and just walked around the countertops to collect myself.
A silent sob broke the muted noise in the room. Curious as to where it came from I found the woman in the red dress from before.
'Hey, are you alright ?'
'Does it look like I'm alright ?'
I sat down on the floor with her.
'Do you need anything? Water? Hankerchief?'
'Water would be nice.' Even with black smears of makeup on her face, the blonde was more stunning than almost everyone I ever met. They must be hiring people based on their looks here.
I opened a couple of cabinets until I found a glass and filled it up with some water before returning it to her.
'I'm sure that whatever it is, we can work something out.'
She huffed a laugh. 'Oh baby, you have no idea of the kind of mess I'm in. There's no getting out of this one… Unless something else gets out very soon.'
The door opened again. I glanced over my shoulder. I signalled to Tarquin he should get out again and he disappeared without a noise.
'Why? What's going on?'
The woman shook her head.
'What's your name? I haven't seen you around before.'
'I'm Feyre. I just arrived.'
'What do you do?'
'I'm just here on a holiday.'
'You shouldn't even be here. And you especially shouldn't know about staff problems.'
That was when Rhysand, Tamlin and Tarquin barged in again. The two aforementioned men immediately coming for the woman.
'Mor, what's the matter?' He took off his blazer and put it over her shoulders.
'I- I didn't want to tell you Rhys, I didn't want to get you worried. I thought I could solve this on my own without bothering anyone, including you Tamlin.'
Tamlin crossed his tanned arms as he leaned against the countertop.
'Why? What would you bother me with?'
Mor took a deep breath to steady herself before looking Rhysand in the eye.
'I'm pregnant. I- I wanted to get rid of the baby but it turns out that the only moment one of the nearby clinics has an opening, I've got to work. And you know I can't call in sick without giving up a reason to the administrators for my regular work here at the resort. But if I make an appointment at that time, that means I won't be able to perform in Hotel Cortez.'
Apparently that meant something to Tamlin, as his expression got even more grave.
'Mor, we can take you to another doctor, or another clinic. Money is no matter, and neither is time.' Rhysand purred soothingly. If I were her, I would immediately believe whatever he told me. He had such a soothing and convincing voice.
'I'm forced to be here during the opening hours of every clinic except that night Rhysand. That's the only time when I don't have to work for the resort. But the performance at the Cortez is the biggest performance for me and Tamlin each year. I can't cancel it. Besides, that would be unfair to Tamlin. It's so fucked up. Like it wasn't enough that bastard raped me, he had to knock me up with that unholy offspring of his.'
'I thought Eris didn't-' Tarquin mumbled to himself. Unfortunately, Mor heard him. Her eyes were sharp when she looked at him.
'He didn't. But Graysen sure did. Eris tried the longest but Graysen and him entered a bet about who'd manage to lay with me first.'
Graysen? Elain's Graysen? The sweet cool kid of our town had actually raped someone and cheated on Elain. Shock couldn't cover what went through me. It was blinding rage and disbelief. How could he have cheated on my sister. And not just cheated, but cheated by raping an employee of his father. It made me sick to my stomach. I had to tell Elain. But how could I break this to her? Her world would be absolutely shattered. She'd been with him for years and there had never been any problems as far as I knew. More so, we were here on a holiday on his invitation and so that she could spend time with him. I had even imagined the two of them would have gotten married at some point in the future.
'And after the summer holiday?'
'I'm already a month along. I'll be four months pregnant then. It has to be now. Besides, if I wait another two months they'll surely fire me because I'll start showing and the rule is clear. No pregnant employees', she sighed in response to Rhysand.
'Can't you like, file a complaint against him?' I asked gently. Surely there had to be procedures for this? Everything in me screamed that this couldn't be legal.
Mor shook her head. 'You're sweet but no. What am I going to do? Stepping to the police about statutory rape and sexual assault against the two eldest sons of the people who own this place? I'll be fired within a heartbeat.'
'Mor, she has a point. You can't let this go on. You know you're not the only one who they've done this to. It's worth risking your job if it means saving yourself and many others. You can get another one. I can work something out.'
'Rhys no. I love dancing. It's the only thing that gives me genuine joy and this is the best paying job in the area. Besides, hiring me would be too expensive, you've already reached your maximum amount of employees to still be able to make a good profit to make your business grow.'
'Than what do you want to do?' Tamlin asked, finally breaking his silence.
'I don't know. I genuinely don't know.'
'I could do it. It's not like I have anything better to do.'
So many things were going through my head but I didn't allow myself to take it back.
But the strongest voice was that of Gimli from Lord of the Rings.
"Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?" Well, I had always been the one ready to get my hands dirty to save the family out by getting a job, chopping wood and fishing, so why not choose to help out for once, instead of having to do it.
Besides, I had always wanted to dance. Doing this meant I would finally be able to learn.
Tamlin started laughing, but he appeared to be the only one to dislike the idea.
'Well', Tarquin said. 'I can't see why not. The other employees probably have to work and it's not like you're going to cancel the performance at the hotel, or will you Tamlin?'
'Boy's got a point', Rhysand agreed.
'Of course I'm not going to cancel the performance. It's the best paying performance we have the whole year. But the performance is in three weeks. We have to learn the mamba, the chacha and the paso doble in three weeks. Do you even know what those dances are?'
'Sure, I've seen Dancing with the Stars.'
Tamlin bit his cheek.
'This is going to be great.' He took a deep breath before continuing. 'Thank you for doing it. But I can't say I'm not more than a little bit afraid.'
'Thank you', Mor smiled, tears still streaming freely.
'It means a lot to us', Rhysand agreed.