Don't Speak
By: AndiKaneUnderwood
Full Title: Don't Speak (Breathe With No Air)
Blaine and Rachel made me angry. Not just because they cheated. No, it's also because Rachel was being a child about it and because Blaine had accused Kurt of doing the same (and don't even get me started on his "I needed you and you weren't there"). Explanation at the bottom, if you feel like listening to... well reading my rant.
Kurt couldn't sleep.
He didn't dare close his eyes with Blaine lying next to him, because when he closed his eyes all he could think about was Blaine and some other teenager and Kurt didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think about how much it hurt when Blaine had accused Kurt of doing the same thing not even a year prior and now Blaine was doing the same thing.
Kurt understood that the long distance thing was hard, he understood that it was frustrating, and he understood how much it hurt when Kurt couldn't answer the phone because he was working, working, working.
He understood, he did. But Blaine... Blaine hurting him by cheating on him.
That was hard, that was frustrating, and that hurt far more than the long distance thing had.
And what hurt even more was that Blaine had tried to pin it on Kurt. Like it was Kurt's fault that Blaine had cheated, that he'd spread his legs for or put himself between the legs of someone else.
They'd talked about this, Kurt had asked and asked and asked again if Blaine was sure this is what he wanted. Blaine had said yes.
Blaine had told him to go and then complained that he was lonely.
And, yes, Kurt would allow Blaine the right to complain as he pleased, but Blaine didn't get the right to cheat because he was lonely and he missed Kurt. Kurt moving to New York was what Blaine had wanted, that wasn't what Kurt wanted.
Kurt hadn't wanted to leave, no matter how many bitches where rude to him at the Lima Bean, no matter how awful the tips where, no matter how many times he was spat on by those who saw him as a washed-up has-been.
Kurt had wanted to stay, he wanted to reapply for the next term and spend more time with his boyfriend because he could. Blaine told him to go, Blaine wanted to see Kurt follow his dreams because "staying here is killing you, and that kills me" and Kurt had agreed only because Blaine had said he'd be okay.
After Finn left (they'd hugged three more times before Finn made it out the door), Kurt began breakfast and the smell roused Blaine, who made his way into the kitchen and began apologizing again.
"Kurt, I... I'm sorry. Please, tell me what you want me to say, I'll say anything, I'll do anything. I love you." Blaine pleaded as Kurt continued fixing breakfast for Rachel when she woke up.
Kurt didn't say a word, just turned and held out the plate of eggs and bacon he'd made for Blaine and waited for the former Warbler to take it.
Blaine took it gently, like he was afraid to even touch it. His hazel eyes bore into Kurt's own eyes, pleading and sorry and so, so unhappy. Kurt simply held the gaze and said nothing, stone faced and ice hearted. This is what Blaine wanted. Blaine wanted Kurt to come out here and Blaine wanted to have the affair, Blaine wanted to cheat on Kurt.
Blaine's eyes filled with tears that slipped silently down his face as he looked away with a hitched breath that Kurt knew to be a muffled sob.
Something in Kurt wanted to help, to comfort him, but Blaine had hurt him and that wasn't something Kurt could easily forget. Or forgive.
So, even as tears pooled in his own eyes and ran silently down his cheeks, his own breath coming too fast and too painful, he turned away, blinked back his tears, and continued making breakfast for Rachel.
Not once did he turn to look at Blaine.
Not when Blaine thanked him for making breakfast ("It was very civil of you.").
Not when Blaine started sobbing and apologizing and begging Kurt to forgive him.
Not when Blaine left to get dressed and gather his things.
Not when Blaine told him goodbye.
Not even when Blaine looked back and said, "I love you."
Finally, when the door closed and Kurt was sure Blaine was gone, the younger man broke down and sobbed.
Kurt just broke apart, heart shattered in pieces on the wooden floor of the tiny house he lived in.
Kurt turned (maybe to run after Blaine, maybe to beg for him to stay, maybe to hug Blaine hard, and tell him he was sorry for leaving but wasn't that what Blaine wanted?) and noticed a red blur on the table.
On shaky legs, Kurt stumbled over to the table and took a long look at the object that hadn't been there when Kurt gave Blaine breakfast.
A single black rose sat on the table, the tips stained with white. Kurt sobbed harder, wishing that Blaine hadn't done what he did.
His legs suddenly decided to stop working and he collapsed to his knees on the cold, unforgiving floor that Blaine wanted him to go to.
Kurt's tears wouldn't stop, though he didn't want to waste them on the man who'd broken his heart to violently.
He woke up on the floor of his apartment still very sad and still feeling like he was dying and he still couldn't close his eyes without thinking of Blaine and Sebastian or some other highschooler and tears still came to his eyes when he thought of Blaine.
But as Kurt picked himself up, he felt his shattered heart mend in the slightest bit.
He may not be able to breathe right now, and it still hurt, but he'd be okay.
You took my breath, but I survived. I don't know how, but I don't even care. So how do you expect me to live alone with just me, 'cause my world revolves around you? It's so hard for me to breathe. Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?
"Why'd you do it, Blaine? Why did you hurt me like that? I don't have an anchor now, there's no gravity for me anymore. How do you expect me to live with this when you've stolen my breath away from me? How am I supposed to breathe with no air?"
Glee~Glee~Glee
Finn wanted to believe that Rachel hadn't meant anything by kissing what's-his-name, but Rachel had done things like this before and no matter how much he wanted to believe it didn't mean anything, he knew it did.
He'd wanted to come back and find Rachel and actually marry her and apologize for hurting her so badly. He'd wanted to say he was sorry for sending her on that train, but all he wanted was for her to follow her dreams and she couldn't do that in Lima, Ohio.
He hadn't wanted to let her go, but he had to. She was a star and she needed to shine.
He'd expected her to meet and be friends with other boys and become close with them because of class and the like.
He'd expected her to shine like the star she was, even without him.
He just hadn't expected her to start dating another boy while she was there.
And it hurt a fuck ton, but what hurt more was that she was trying to pin it on him.
A quick conversation check in with Kurt confirmed both that he was alive and on his way to okay, then that no it definitely wasn't his fault that Rachel cheated.
When Rachel confronted him, Finn had already let it go. His only regret was that he hadn't gotten to break up with her. Instead, she'd broken up with him.
Then she'd kissed him, which was confusing and hurt more than any other kiss he'd had.
Finn resolved to mend his own heart, and help Kurt mend his because they were brothers.
And thought it would definitely hurt for a good long while, he didn't dare talk to Rachel or let her speak to him.
He was done with all the hurt.
He was done with the pain.
He was done with it all.
Don't speak, I know just what you're saying. So please stop explaining, don't tell me 'cause it hurts. Don't speak, I know what you're thinking. I don't need your reasons, don't tell me 'cause it hurts.
"Don't speak, Rachel, I know. Don't explain a thing to me. I don't need any reasons or anything else from you. Don't tell me a thing. Don't tell me, because it hurts."
Alright.
Rachel's a fucking child. Finn wanted her to go live her dreams and he gave her the ability to do that, she doesn't get to hide behind that reason and use it as an excuse to cheat on the boy she says she wants to marry and she says is her first love.
She doesn't get to do that shit, it isn't fair to Finn. She needs to get over herself, at least long enough to see the destruction she's leaving with her actions.
And Blaine! He not only accused Kurt of cheating, he did it himself and then tried to blame Kurt for not being there for him because Kurt has a life and a job and responsibilities he has to handle. I understand that it's hard to maintain long-distance, but that doesn't give a person the fucking right to go cheat on someone.
You get over yourself too Blaine, you just fucked up a good thing. Deal with it.