Twelve Dollars and Twenty-Five Cents
Disclaimer: I don't own Phoenix Wright or any of the characters. They belong to Capcom.
Note: This fic was originally written in response to a prompt on the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme.
Phoenix Wright opened his wallet, grateful for the good amount of money it contained for once. He normally didn't care much about not having money to spare – as long as he could afford to pay the bills and keep Maya's stomach satisfied, there was really no point in complaining – but this time, it was different. Opening his wallet a few days back, he had seen himself wishing there were more than twelve dollars and twenty-five cents in it. More than twelve dollars and twenty-five cents to afford that last present on his list. And he couldn't help but damn himself for not thinking about it sooner.
Sure, Edgeworth probably wouldn't mind not getting anything. Or at least, that's what he would want Phoenix to think. His pride obviously wouldn't allow him to admit expecting something from the other man. But still, Phoenix knew too well that Edgeworth would hold it against him in his own manner and that he would use the incident as a weapon to turn things to his advantage whenever he'd feel like getting him back.
Not to mention Phoenix really didn't want to dwell on how much of a jerk he would look if he got everyone but Edgeworth a present.
But in the end, it had all worked out somehow.
The exhausting day was finally coming to an end. The mall was about to close and Phoenix had remained torture-free for a record twenty-five minutes and twelve seconds. He knew that too well, because looking at his watch was the only thing that had kept him sane throughout the day, reminding him that time did, in fact, flow, and that he wasn't stuck in some kind of endless nightmare.
It was a relief. Not that Phoenix didn't like kids, quite the contrary, but before today, he had no idea that kids could be that scary. As if being stuck in an oversized red and white suit that made him feel like he was in a giant oven wasn't enough, he had been tortured all day by rabid little rascals kicking his shins, trying to rip his beard off, and running off with his hat to laugh at his hair. Why did people always have to make fun of his hair?
"Over here!"
Huh? That voice…
"Come on, Pearly! We're gonna go see Santa Claus before we leave!"
Maya?
Damn! I can't let them see me like this!
This is way too embarrassing!
…Although I'm not usually three hundred pounds with the beard of a seventy-year-old hobo, so I guess I'll be fine.
Phoenix couldn't see because of the North Pole themed décor that surrounded the big chair he had been sitting in all day – at least they'd had the decency to give him a fairly comfortable seat – but he could clearly make out what they were saying on the other side.
"Who's… Scent-of-Gloss?"
Phoenix chuckled a bit at that, though if it was out of amusement or pity, he wasn't sure.
She really did miss out on a lot, didn't she?
"Santa Claus, Pearly! You can ask him anything you want for Christmas and you'll get it!"
"Really?"
"Come on! I've been wanting you to meet him all day!"
Just admit you're here for your own selfish reasons, Maya!
He heard the clapping of sandals on the hard floor of the mall until the two girls made their appearance around the corner of the giant candy canes that stood at the entrance of his artificial-snow-covered house.
Pearl looked unsure at first and took a glance at Maya, as if asking if it was okay to talk to the perfect stranger in front of them. It strangely reminded Phoenix of the first time he had seen her back in Kurain.
Maya smiled and nodded, which seemed to be reassurance enough for Pearl, as she stepped forward and sat on Phoenix's knee.
Phoenix cleared his throat, trying to make his voice sound deeper. "What's your name, little girl?"
"Pearl."
"Were you nice all year?"
Pearl pondered the question for a bit before answering. "I'm sorry… I've been a really bad girl…" Tears started forming in her eyes. "But I'm really sorry and I won't do it again, I promise!"
Aww, Pearls…
"It's okay. If you're truly sorry, it's all that matters."
A normal kid would have simply said yes…
Phoenix had to fight off a shudder at the thought of the other children.
Thank God she's anything but 'normal'…
Pearl managed a soft smile and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands.
"So," Phoenix continued, "what would you like for Christmas, Pearls… I mean, Pearl?"
The girl's smile suddenly grew wider. "I want Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya to be happy together."
…Why did I even ask?
"Whoever these Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya are, I'm sure they're already very happy, Pearl."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Thanks Mr. Sorta-Claws!" Pearl squeaked and gave Phoenix a peck on the cheek. "Your beard tickles."
Tell me about it. Just be happy you don't have to wear that thing all day.
"Does it?"
Pearl giggled and jumped off Phoenix's knee, humming a tune as she started skipping towards the exit. Phoenix looked on, smiling. Seeing Pearl happy was always enough to make the heart melt. After all she had been through this year, it was the least she deserved. But he was quickly stirred out of his thoughts when he felt a slightly heavier weight crash down on him.
"Come on, Santa, it's my turn!"
Phoenix turned to look at an overly ecstatic Maya sitting on his lap.
"Aren't you a bit old to be asking for presents, young lady?"
Maya pulled a face. "I'm not twenty-one yet! Better take advantage of it while I still can, right?" She clapped her hands excitedly.
Oh, cause when you reach twenty-one, you magically turn from a kid to an old fart, right. Forgot about that one.
He sighed. "So… what's your name?"
"Maya."
"And have you been good all year?"
She nodded. "Of course!"
It's wrong to lie, Maya…
"Right. What do you want for Christmas?"
I swear, if I have to ask these questions one more time, I'm gonna need therapy.
"Let's see…" Maya looked up at the ceiling, hand poised on her chin. "I'd like the new Collector's Edition Steel Samurai DVD set, the new collectible figurines with sound effects, the ne-"
"Haven't you got like a hundred of those already?"
Maya looked at him in shock.
"Uh, I mean… Ho ho ho, some good taste, there! Just stay good until Christmas and you'll definitely get all those wonderful things."
…Not.
"Thanks, Santa!" Maya gave him a hug and quickly got up to her feet, running off behind the décor that was slowly starting to make Phoenix claustrophobic.
"Did you hear that, Mr. Edgeworth? Santa likes the Steel Samurai, too!"
Edgeworth!
"Oh, does he, now?"
What the hell is Edgeworth doing here!
"Come on, I wanna hit that burger joint before I die of starvation!"
Oh, thank God…
"Go ahead. I'll meet you there."
What! Don't tell me he's…
"Forty dollars? Wow, thank you! You're so generous, Mr. Edgeworth! Unlike Nick!"
I'll remember that, Maya…
"Don't keep us waiting!"
"I won't."
The clapping of the girls' sandals made itself heard again, growing fainter and fainter with each step. At the same time, another set of footsteps was doing the complete opposite, slowly becoming louder and louder.
Phoenix took a glance at his watch for what was probably the millionth time that day, only now hoping that time actually stood still. But he didn't have the chance to dwell on his wish for too long, as Edgeworth appeared between the red and white posts.
He stared at Phoenix for a moment, before finally making his way towards him.
"Am I too old for this?"
…Is he serious?
Damn it! What do I say!
"…Ho ho ho!"
Well, that was smart. I didn't sound like an idiot at all.
"May I…?"
You can't seriously be sugges-
Phoenix's eyes widened as he felt an even heavier weight settling in his lap.
What the hell!
"You see," Edgeworth started in a serious tone, "I haven't celebrated Christmas in over fifteen years."
Edgeworth…
"So I thought I'd make up for lost time."
Phoenix just stared at him, not trusting himself to say anything coherent anymore.
"See, there's this person I like…"
Phoenix blinked.
What? Why would he…
A smirk. "But he's a hopeless idiot who likes to make a fool out of himself cause he can't afford to pay his bills but still wants to waste his money on presents."
Phoenix suddenly felt his face burning.
He chuckled. "How did you know it was me?"
Edgeworth shook his head. "Honestly, Wright… What do you take me for? Even that laugh was horrible."
Phoenix rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks."
"You're welcome."
There were a few seconds of silence.
Phoenix grinned. "So what's your name, little boy?"
Edgeworth sighed, but couldn't fight down the soft smile that tugged at his lips. "Miles."
"Have you been good all year?"
"Oh, you know I have."
Phoenix laughed.
"And what do you want for Christmas?"
Edgeworth shifted position slightly, straddling Phoenix's legs.
"I want you to take that stupid beard off right now."
In the end, it had all worked out somehow.
And even though Edgeworth had told him very clearly not to waste his money on something as insignificant as a present, Phoenix couldn't bring himself not to buy anything. Not that it would make any difference now – matter of pride or not, Edgeworth wasn't about to stop bringing up that whole Santa thing and would have the upper hand for a good while no matter what. And Phoenix knew Edgeworth too well to believe his little 'I-don't-care-about-presents' haughty façade. The man watched children's shows on the sly, after all.
Besides, he hadn't endured that scratchy beard, incredibly uncomfortable clothing and demonic brats for nothing. Despite his still aching head and shins and the constant teasing that would inevitably follow him for weeks to come, the previous day had paid off nonetheless, and he now had more than enough money to afford that classical album he thought Edgeworth might like.
"Is that all?"
"Yes."
"Oh, this one's on sale for the Holidays. It'll be twelve dollars and twenty-five cents, please."
Fin