AN: I'm sorry for the lame names I've given most of the companies in this story. This is my second attempt at humour and the idea popped up in the bath, as usual. The storyline isn't a line, per se, it's more of the tracks left by a train that derailed and is heading towards the land of Crack. Was I high while writing this? Not really.
You can try googling the meanings of the company names, and cringe at how lame I am.
Also, I know I'm supposed to continue Ice and Stone but I have been busy and I apologize for my inactivity. Hopefully this tides you through.
Also, Happy new year, guys. May your 2015 be awesome and better than 2014.
Gumi? The Crippler?
WANA company has always been an honest, reputable company, but maybe not anymore with the recent addition - a new recruit in the sales/marketing department called Gumi. Or so that's what everyone else says. I'm not too sure about that.
Eh? Who am I? Well, I'm actually – EH? What's that, you say? I'm not really in this story? What? I'm just the narrator and I shouldn't be using first person- But I- But- Oh FINE.
Gumi was a young woman in her early twenties, who always had the misfortune of being bullied by her co-workers, which often led to her quitting her previous workplaces after she could no longer stand the harassment. However, after she left each company…
"I'm not kidding, the Yobun, Bangai, Manzen, and OTL companies just suffered after that! It's too coincidental and creepy!" Random coworker A who isn't crucial to this story said.
"I heard orz Company, you know, the one that sells cushions and mats that are comfortable to kneel on also suffered a major loss! Like you said, their sales increased after she joined, but fell drastically after she left!" Redundant colleague B said while flailing her arms about.
"She's a monster! A Monster which cripples companies!" Sales worker C nodded.
"That's what senpai said too! He said that her nickname was The Crippler! It's quite well known in the Sales industry!" Male sales promoter D showed off, and the group Ooh-ed and Ahh-ed.
"Hmm, but doesn't that mean she's actually a good worker? Like… she makes the company really good, and when she leaves, they just… they basically return to their original stats?" A teal haired girl asked while raising her hand.
"Puahahahah!" "That's a good one, Hatsune!" "As expected of the joker!" The group laughed. How illogical was that girl, right?
"No, I'm being serious!" Miku insisted, puffing her cheeks to emphasize her point.
"Oh man, Miku-chan, you're too innocent. Your logic is flawed, but I don't blame you for that. Maybe you should ask Megurine-san for an analysis of this."
The pink haired woman who was seated opposite the group stared at them. "Please do not drag me into this. I have absolutely no interest in such gossip. Furthermore, your coffee breaks have exceeded the stipulated timing of 15 minutes. While Shion-san is a good boss who cuts you all a lot of slack, I would recommend going back to work before Executive Director Meiko comes along for a random spot check." She continued typing on her computer, while the group muttered and dispersed to their seats.
"It's just been two days and they're already doing checks on me?" Gumi, who had been hiding behind the corner, whispered to herself and braced herself as she walked towards the office. She slapped her face into a cheerful expression, and entered.
As usual, only Miku smiled and waved at her, and Megurine Luka nodded. The rest just averted her gaze and focused on their screens. Gumi sighed and went to her cubicle beside Miku's.
"Oi, Gumi. Is it true you worked at SAGI? Shounen Ai Gaming Industry?" D asked peeking above his cubicle.
'Oh ,either he plays those games or he stalked me again. Oh god, that was my first job! And I know they've gone bankrupt because they messed up Shounen Ai with Shounen and Romance, but it's not like these jerks will care.'
"Gumi-chan, he is waiting for your reply." Miku whispered, and Gumi perked up.
"Eh? A-ah, yes! I did!" Gumi nearly shouted, and sank back into her seat. Way to go.
"Oh. Okay, thanks." D ducked back into his cubicle. A few seconds later, almost every smartphone in the office beeped with various notification tones, followed by gasps and murmuring.
"Oh my god Gumi-chan!" Miku tugged Gumi's sleeve, and shoved her phone in Gumi's face.
"Luka! Can we have Yakiniku for dinner tonight? You make the best yakiniku, and after that, we can-"
"EEP! No, not this one, that's a private chat, ahahahaha…" Miku yanked the phone back, her face red, and brought the phone to Gumi's eye level again.
"According to reports and my trusty search engines, SAGI went bankrupt while Gumi was on the verge of leaving – she worked from March and in April their sales increased a little, but then in July – this proves it! This was the first company she worked at! This was the start of the Crippler!"
"Gumi-chan, are you okay? Should I tell them to stop?" Miku asked.
'No, you little shit, how am I okay? You're concerned and all, but it's not going to work, I've been here 2 days and I've heard your reputation as the Boke of the MikuLuka Manzai Duo! You're going to make this worse somehow! Okay I felt bad for that but really!'
"Ahaha, no, it's fine, I'm kinda used to it." Gumi shrugged.
"That's…. that's just so sad!" Miku started tearing, and gripped Gumi's shoulders. "Gumi-chan, I had… I had no idea! I will support you from the bottom of my heart, uwah!"
"That's quite enough, Miku." Luka spoke from the opposite cubicle. "Please return to work." And in a louder voice, she spoke, addressing the office. "And the rest of you should do so too."
"T-thank you, Megurine-san."
"Luka is fine. You're not a free loader like the most of them are. You're hardworking and I can see that, so I have respect for you."
"Luka!" Miku wailed, and launched herself towards the older woman, who smacked her palm into Miku's face.
"Ah, as busy as ever, S&M division." Meiko said, and realized what she said. "The S stands for sales and the M stands for Marketing! If you guys dare to laugh, I'll make your life hell!" She barked, and calmed down.
"You have a newbie joining you today, she's like a special delivery, but a human instead of a product. Introduce yourself, have fun and don't wreck this place."
"That's the Executive Director for you, huh?" C laughed, and Meiko shot her a glare. "erk."
Meiko stepped aside, and a girl with long blonde hair stepped forward.
"Yo, I'm Masuda Lily, I'm looking forward to working here because it's been a while since I last worked at an office setting. This is kinda small and cramped but refreshing."
The whole room was mesmerized by her beauty and presence, except for the ManzaiDuo and Gumi, who was in shock, anger, and confusion.
'How did this stupid woman get into this building?'
"Alright, there's an empty cubicle beside… oh. Beside Megurine. The pink haired one. Yeah. Good luck." Meiko walked off, and Lily sat beside Luka.
"Sup!"
Luka gave the girl one disapproving look and turned back to her computer.
"Eh? How cold. Oh! Hi there!" She waved opposite her to Gumi and Miku.
"Hi!" Miku grinned. "I'm Hatsune Miku!"
"I… I'm Gumi." Gumi stammered, her face slightly flushed.
"Eh, nice to meet you all!"
'Oh god, how will I survive this day?' Gumi groaned, and tried her best to ignore the top of the blonde head she could see.
Lunchtime came, and everyone crowded around Lily, eager to find out her age, her marital status, her availability, her handphone number, her background, her status. And Gumi was not happy.
After all, after all!
'I need to talk to that idiot.' Gumi frowned, and walked towards the horde.
"Ah ah ah, no, no." a co-worked shooed her away and continued to fawn over Lily.
'HOW ANNOYING!' Gumi growled mentally, and sneaked to the pantry to retrieve her sandwich.
"Oh, Lily-sama, you musn't get near to Gumi! She's like a bad luck charm."
"Oh, is that so?"
"Yeah, she's known as the Crippler! Companies she has worked at have actually suffered! Sales increased, and then fell when she left, and a few became bankrupt or in debt shortly after! It's as though she sucked the luck and wealth out of them!"
"But wouldn't that just prove that she's worthy of working there? Without her the company is crippled. So she's not the crippler, or whatever you call her."
'Oh shit, they're getting closer.' Gumi muttered as she grabbed her green tea latte which she had stored earlier. She just wanted to leave and be free of all this incessant bothering.
"Wow, Lily-sama has lots of wisdom, but you see, it happens so much! It can't be a coincidence! It's real! Please be careful and on your guard, Lily-sama!"
"Ah, Lily-sama, I actually brought some spaghetti to work, but I'd be honoured if you could try it!" Colleague E smiled, but Lily shook her head.
"It's alright, I just need some coffee."
"Ah! You heard her! What coffee would you like, Lily-sama?"
'Urgh, she likes Green Tea Lattes, not really coffee, she's just saying that to shake you all off, you pests. Get away from her.'
"Well, hmm, ah! What's that smell…" Lily turned and entered the pantry before Gumi could get out.
"Oh, excuse me, Gumi." Lily said, and caught the girl to steady her. "ah, that smell…"
"It's… it's…"
"It's my favourite drink! Mind if I have a sip?" Lily asked, but took the cup anyways and took a huge gulp, finishing nearly half of it. "Thanks! Hmm, I might have something different tomorrow though." She walked on, and the horde following her stopped to glare at Gumi with envy and slight awe before continuing to shower Lily with praises.
"What just happened?" Gumi muttered, and leaned against the wall. She looked at her cup.
'THAT DAMN BITCH! SHE TOOK HALF MY DRINK! SIP MY ASS!'
The day passed with not much happening, since majority of the SM department was taken by Lily's charms (she was a much more pleasant version of Luka – most of the staff agreed), and was either trying to flirt with her or so stunned by her they just froze. Indeed, it was a very unproductive day for the department.
The next morning, Colleague D sent the whole of the SM department, including Gumi, who was added at night, an interesting chat message, which quickly escalated.
"OH SHIT GUYS. I found out that Masuda Lily is THE MASUDA LILY who started her own business from scratch! She's the one who got featured in Gorbes magazine two years back when her business just started and boomed! She's also single, do you think I have a chance?"
"Whoa, you're lucky we haven't added Lily-sama to this chat, man. Forget it, you have your senpai. Anyways, if she's so rich, what is she doing in WANA? Wouldn't she be better off working from home?"
"Working from home! That's right! That's why she said she had not worked in an office setting for some time! Amazing! Good job!"
"Alright, guys, it's war from here on. I'm not going to back down."
"Go away! Leave Lily-sama to me!"
"No! Me!"
Gumi blinked as she watched the chat spiral into a childish squabble. Ridiculous. Of course she couldn't tell them that in real life. But if she could…
'You guys are all idiots. Repulsive! There is no way Lily would fall for any of you, not when she has me!' Gumi cringed at that line. 'Furthermore, you scum are treating her like a prize to be won, all swarming around her. She's an individual, a person, not a trophy! And I bet you're doing this because she's rich and has assets in more than one way, you curs. I'd just let you know-'
"Miss, your order? Miss?"
Gumi snapped out of her thoughts to face a bored barrister. "Ah! Yes, could I get…"
"Lily-sama! Good morning! Here! For you!" Colleague C bowed, and handed Lily her drink, failing to notice the eight other drinks she had hidden behind her propped up file. As soon as C left, Lily stored the drink behind the file, which was in danger of toppling. You would think anyone with a working nose would be able to smell the aroma of eight different blends of coffees from different shops mixing, but the SM department was so blinded by determination that common sense failed them.
"Whoa, that's an awful lot of coffee." Luka said, shocked as she settled into her chair. "Good job anyway, I suppose you are capable, after I reviewed your work. You are worthy to call me by my first name. Megurine Luka, nice to meet you."
"Haha, that's cool, Luka!" Lily grinned. She did not notice the other colleagues staring intently at her table, some glaring at each other for stealing their 'original' idea of buying coffee for Lily. They were all waiting for her to pick one cup. Of course, all of them had the same triumphant face and had returned to their desks, sharing their attempt at winning Lily's favour.
"The first one she drinks is the winner, you got it?" B said, and the rest nodded in agreement.
Gumi, who had bumped into Miku on her way to the office, was unaware of all of these. She entered the office with Miku, who was chattering non-stop. The first thing Gumi thought was:
'GROSS, it smells like someone with no taste dumped ten cups of different coffees together. Disgusting.'
She approached Lily's table, and the file toppled over. She looked at the two cups of regular coffee she held in her hands.
"Oh. I thought I would welcome you here with this, but I guess you wouldn't want my pathetic coffee, since you have SunCash and Stoobox. Congrats." Gumi sighed.
"No! I'll take it!" Lily insisted, standing up.
"Really, what about all of these?" Gumi eyed the nine cups of coffee.
Lily felt a chill run down her spine, like someone was intently watching her. "I… I'll drink them all!"
"You fool, there are ten cups!" Gumi hissed, and felt a sense of impending doom.
Miku stood up excitedly. "Ahaha! I could help take these off your hands…"
Luka stood up as well and whacked Miku. "She meant, if it's fine, we would like to have some as well. That looks like an unhealthy amount of coffee. Too much caffeine intake is really reall harmful. How thoughtless." She spoke louder for the last sentences.
"Right! It's as though someone wants to poison her!" Miku continued, and the fan club looked away in shame.
"Ah, I guess." Lily took every single cup of coffee and gave them to Miku and Luka, who took some away from Miku.
"Too much caffeine is bad, Miku." Luka shook her head at the visibly disappointed girl.
"This cup is enough for me." Lily reached out and took the one Gumi was initially about to offer her.
"You- you idiot! It's the cheapest!" Gumi exclaimed, her face red, but her mouth was twitching into a smile. Lily shrugged and started to drink,
"That… that bitch!" The horde growled, their faces red.
"Hey, Lily definitely touched mine first, so I win, right?" "Dream on."
The mostly silent treatment towards Gumi carried on, but after day 5 of Lily only taking what Gumi had to offer, the Lily fanclub could no longer take it. And they decided to settle this like mature adults, by having most of them cornering Gumi in the pantry during lunch break, and some of them talking to Lily to distract her.
"Hey, Gumi, don't you think you're being a little overboard? Huh? Why are you so cocky now, getting to close to Lily-sama?"
"If you think her taking your coffee, your sandwich, your home-made lunchboxes means you have an edge over us, you are so wrong, you disgusting chum."
"You might act innocent but we all know what you are. You're The Crippler, and you're just end up destroying everything around you."
'What are these assholes talking about? They don't even know Lily! And what's with colleague A's insult?' Gumi prepared her voice for a response. "E-eh?"
From the other side of the pantry, two people were watching this transpire. "Oh man, What should we do, Luka? This is bullying!" Miku whined, and Luka smacked her head.
"Just go get Lily over here."
"But Lily-sama, You don't understand! Gumi is a threat to your very existence! You see, she's trying to steal your luck and fortune! I know that the other companies are nothing compared to Lily-sama, but you really have to be careful!"
"I'd suggest ignoring her!"
Miku squeezed into the crowd.
"Hey, Miku-chan! Is Team Corner the Shrew out of the pantry?"
"Huh?"
"Urgh. Is Group A out of the pantry?"
"Erm… yeeeaaah?" Miku twiddled her thumbs, and random worker F sighed in relief.
"Let's move towards the pantry, guys. I'm sure Lily-sama is starving." She whispered, and the whispers reverberated through the group, who nodded and moved towards the pantry.
"You sicko! What do you mean Lily-sama isn't a stranger to you! Why do you think you know so much about her?"
"What's happening?" Lily asked, her face still all smiles, but there was something off.
"Huh? I have no idea…" The leader of Group B/ Group Protect the Innocent Holy Goddess shrugged and sweated nervously.
"You disgusting wench!"
"What's this." Lily said, storming into the pantry, and stopping opposite Group A, who were hovering above Gumi, one of them even pinning her wrist to the wall.
"Ah! Lily-sama! Well, we all know that Gumi here is just trying to sponge off you, that's why she's being so nice!"
'You bastards, you guys are describing yourselves.' Gumi sneered.
"Is that so?"
"Yes! It is true! She even confessed to it just now! We overheard her!"
'What the HELL?' Gumi looked up at her captor, whose palm was starting to get sweaty and icky.
"… Hmm."
"Please, Lily-sama, you have to be wary of her! She's just acting innocent now! She's terrible!"
Luka grabbed Miku's arm and held her back.
"Is that true?"
Group A nodded, confident that they had won. After all, Lily-sama looked so scary. Group B must have persuaded her, so much so that she was looking to find Gumi to deal with her personally.
Lily walked towards group A, who parted to let her through to Gumi. Everyone's eyes were on them as Gumi was finally released and Lily looked at her.
"She's gonna do it!"
Lily's hand shot out and held Gumi's hand.
"You all! I know Gumi! She's a hard worker, and she has been teaching me extensively about WANA's products, about all the companies's products! She has been the one boosting their sales, because she practices her sales pitches on me and she moves me so much! So I sponsored the companies until I realized she was being bullied, so I withdrew my sponsorship and well, once I did that, others followed suit for some reason as well. I came here to see how she would be treated! This is terrible! I'm this close to snapping!" Lily took a deep breath, and entwined her fingers with Gumi's, aware that the green haired girl was shaking.
The whole office was silent.
"And also, Gumi and I! We have been childhood friends and we've been together for 4 years! We're going out!"
"I KNEW IT!" Miku shouted, and a solid smack was heard.
"ahh… that explains the homemade lunches…" "I guess we lost." "It'd be terrible if the same thing happened to WANA, huh?" "If Lily-sama said so…" "Yeah…" "Let's go…"
"How was that, huh, Gumi?" Lily looked at the trembling girl, who was facing the floor. "Gumi? Gumi, are you alright?"
"Lily…" Gumi's left hand tightened and she delivered a fearsome uppercut, knocking Lily out. "You MORON! That was so embarrassing!"
From then on, Gumi's nickname as 'The Crippler' actually lived, but referred to something else. Also, she was never bullied at work again, since she technically ranked higher than Lily in the social and power hierarchy.
The end.
I hope you weren't disappointed, hahaha. Happy new year again, leave a review?