Hope you enjoy! This is a bit dark though. Not ridiculously though. I tried to really portray Mello as the emotionally unstable, violent person he is. He is afterall just a human, a person with strong feeling like any other, but unlike most he has been put under unbelievably stress. Long live MelloxMatt!
Warning: Rated M for sex. (malexmale)
Pleasurable Poison
A cigarette dangled from the redhead's lips, his dark blue orbs were focused intently on the screen in front of him. He was crouched forward with his elbows balanced on his thighs and his hand gripping a controller. Like the expert he was, he was blazing through the levels. As if second nature, he would suck in a lungful of smoke, and then exhale while keeping the cigarette balanced between his lips. His day had been a stressful one, hacking systems, breaking firewalls and putting to use his genius mind and unmatched computer skills. While he still preferred this any day over actually going around popping people off and threatening the sad people who were so unlucky that they crossed paths with him and Mello, for unlike the blonde who derived some kind of sadistic pleasure from these games that he would never understand, those types of jobs made him feel sick. Still he overworked himself on a daily basis and today was no exception, in fact today it felt worse. All those short, sleepless nights seemed to catch up to him today and made him sluggish, causing his work to drag on forever. He had gone through about three packs already and his current one was the first in the fourth pack he had blindly ripped open whilst playing his game. He just needed to relax and what better way to escape it all and let his mind rest than playing video games.
"Fucking Christ Matt, it smells horrendous in here." An irritated Mello called from the door as he came in. The two shared an apartment and Mello always got temperamental when Matt would smoke so much that the house began to reek. Matt's hands gripped the controller a little tighter but didn't move to take the cigarette from his mouth and put it out. He put up with Mello's incessant consumption of chocolate so he figured Mello could suck it up and allow him his own vise and outlet. "Put that shit away," the blonde grumbled loud enough for Matt to hear.
Mello shucked off his boots and then his coat and slammed the front door closed before moving into the living room where he knew Matt was. His irritation spiked to actual anger when he perceived that Matt was still smoking besides what he had said. He was annoyed when earlier today he had ordered Matt to go to the store and pick him up some chocolates and some bullets and the redhead had denied him, stating that he was too busy to leave his work right then. Mello, being far more generous than usual, had grumbled a bit and accused Matt of just being a lazy, worthless bitch but had gotten up and gone to the store, because while, in his opinion, Matt should have gone to get the stuff since Matt was his bitch and not the other way around, the last thing Mello wanted was Matt to screw up on the case. Matt's failure would only cause him more problems in the long run, and on top of the case getting screwed up, he would have gone off on Matt and proceeded to beat the shit out of him which would be a pain to clean up.
So while he had been irritated before now he was just pissed that Matt wasn't listening to him. Mello had hauled his ass to the store to get the stuff he asked Matt to get and had even picked up some cigarettes for the gamer, and he comes home to nearly get knocked out by the stench of smoke in his apartment and a disobedient partner.
Stomping over to the gamer, who tried not to flinch as angry steps approached him, Mello grabbed the cigarette and yanked it from the gamer's mouth, stubbing it out on the ashtray on the table. "I told you to put that the fuck out." He hissed, glaring down at Matt who was scowling up at him. A malicious smirk formed on Mello's lips at the defiant look shining in Matt's eyes. "Something you want to say?" He sneered. Matt's scowl deepened and he wanted nothing more than to chuck his controller at Mello's head. Unlike Mello though, Matt was a bit more level headed and merely pushed down the bubbling anger. Just like every other time Mello did something to him.
"Not to you," Matt bit out. His eyes slid away from Mello and back to his game which he had paused when Mello had plucked his cigarette from his lips. The fact that he was so easily dismissed, that he was no longer the center of Matt's attention, sent Mello's anger spiking once again. He flicked his wrist and sent Matt's controller sailing from his hands onto the ground. This time Matt's temper snapped. "What the fuck?!" He snarled standing up and glaring into Mello's glittering blue eyes. The blonde, satisfied that Matt's eyes were once again on him, smirked and walked past Matt to the kitchen. The kitchen, separated from the living room only by the counter with stools in front where the two ate their meal, was only a few steps away. Matt glared at the back of his head as he strutted into the kitchen, white plastic bag in hand. Throwing the bag next to the sink, he pulled out one of the dozens of chocolate bars filling up the bag. He peeled the wrapper off as he watched Matt bend down, pick up his controller, plop back onto the couch, and resume his game. As he bit into the chocolate he moaned quietly as the delicious taste flooded his mouth. The pack of cigarettes stood out in the bag full of chocolate. An idea popped into his head as he contemplated when to give Matt the cigarettes.
"Matt, get off your fucking videogames," He commanded the redhead. Matt merely gave a derisive snort. He didn't know what the hell Mello wanted but he knew that all he wanted to do was play his videogame so that was what he planned to do dammit. He made no move to oblige the blonde's request. He told himself he was being strong, but he knew deep down that if Mello pushed he would probably cave. Hell, if Mello had only asked him nicely the first time, Matt would have turned it off right away. A self-deprecating smile formed on his lips as his thoughts turned toward his feelings for the blonde. Now there was some fucked up shit. He wasn't sure if he was a masochist or what but he knew something was wrong with him for feeling the way he did for the blonde.
Annoyance ticked away inside of Mello as he watched Matt snort and then smile in an odd way. Yet he made no move to follow his order. "God Matt, turn the fucking kid's games off." He was in a good mood because of his idea but Matt's lack of compliance was seriously wearing his little patience thin. Matt sighed and turned off the game. The last thing he wanted was for Mello to flip shit over such an inconsequential thing as turning off a game. Not that it was really that inconsequential. They had fought over smaller things and even about this very matter numerous times. Matt was just not in the mood tonight incase things turned physical. Plus there was a certain ring in Mello's tone that intrigued him.
Mello grinned when he saw Matt turn off the game and place the controller on the table. "Well why did I have to turn it off?" Matt asked turning to Mello with an annoyed and curious expression.
"Come to the bedroom with me for a second." Mello said as he walked past the couch Matt was sitting on and heading to the bedroom. Mello smirked and Matt tensed. He gulped, feeling anxious. He didn't know what Mello had planned but he was feeling very wary now. He tried to ignore the nervous butterflies that made their way into his stomach at the words. He got up and followed Mello into their bedroom. The bedroom they shared. When they had moved into this apartment and Mello informed Matt that they would be sharing a room, the redhead had a silent panic attack. In the beginning Matt found it hard to share a bed and resist the urge to look at Mello too long or accidently cuddle with him in their sleep, and thus reveal his feelings toward Mello went beyond, far beyond, just friends. He had eventually gotten used to it, and now it was completely normal to him. Not that he wasn't tested every time the blonde strode through the room in just a bathrobe or would get into bed and slide far too close to him. To confuse the poor redhead even more, Mello would sometimes caress him when they were both in bed or stare at him when he changed clothes. Mello knew the prospect of sharing a room would emotionally torment Matt and he purposefully pushed the redhead by walking around the room half naked or sleeping very close. He enjoyed the pained look that would come over Matt's face as he tried to control his feelings and urges. Mello especially loved being near the redhead and looking at him while changing, not that he'd ever admit that.
Mello reached into his nightstand drawer, fished out what he was looking for, and then sat on the large bed. Matt walked in and sat on the bed as well, eyeing the other suspiciously. Mello smirked. "Let's play a game." He purred. Matt's eyes widened before narrowing. "I was playing a game," he pointed out bluntly.
"Not a stupid videogame, a man's game," He said annoyed. Matt rolled his eyes at the jab at his favorite activity. Mello brought the hand behind his back into view and showed the deck of cards in his palm.
"Poker." He said. "Strip Poker."
Matt became stock still. He quickly controlled himself and relaxed, though. He was not expecting that. He turned his head to the side, eyeing the comforter, to hide his blush. This could turn out very badly. Seeing the blonde strip would cause some problems for him, ones that stemmed from his attraction and feelings. And Matt did not want Mello to find out about his feelings, because he would be heartbroken by rejection. The worst thing that could happen would be that Mello was disgusted by him and threw him away. Matt wouldn't be able to handle being away from Mello. He needed him more than he would ever admit.
"Well?" Mello drawled, completely aware of why Matt was hesitant and finding entertainment in his struggles. Dark blue eyes looked into his own ice blue ones.
"Bring it on. Just don't cry when I beat your ass." Matt said with a smirk. Mello's eyes narrowed and his smile tightened at the challenge. Experienced hands shuffled the deck, his eyes locked with Matt's. Both of them felt the electric-like current running between them. Matt broke it, looking down as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes.
"Don't even think about it." Mello said disgustedly.
"Why not?" Matt whined, putting the pack over on his nightstand instead of taking a cigarette.
"Those things will kill you."
"Mels, I think the last thing I need to be worried about killing me is cigarettes." Matt said languidly. He was well aware that with the way him and Mello lived, he would most likely be killed by a bullet, by Kira, in a car accident, or some other violent way. He was pretty damn sure he wouldn't even be alive by the time he would have been diagnosed with lung cancer. The thought made him a little depressed but he shrugged it off. He had thought off this countless other times, and though he wouldn't mind dropping all of this Kira and mafia shit right now and moving someplace to live quietly, he knew Mello would never do that. And there was no point in moving somewhere quiet to live the remainder or his life if Mello wouldn't be there.
Mello said nothing to Matt's response. It made perfect sense logically, but the thought of Matt dying made his heart hurt and that just pissed him off. He didn't want to talk about this anymore. If he responded it would turn into a conversation, a road he didn't want to go down. Instead he just dealt out the cards.
Many rounds later, Matt cursed loudly, throwing down his cards. "Are you fucking serious?" He wriggled out of his jeans. Now all he had on was his boxers. He shot a glare at Mello who had on only his leather pants still. His eyes unintentionally raked over Mello's body. Again. He eyed his smooth chest and slim waist. He felt himself getting aroused and quickly shook his head. Shit, it happened again. He dragged his eyes to meet Mello's, only to see that Mello was eyeing him hungrily.
"One more round." Mello said, his voice heavy with lust. He was having a hard time holding himself back. Temptation wanted him to take Matt right now and throw him on the bed and start fucking him senseless. But Mello wanted to win. He didn't do things half-assed, he finished them through to the end.
Mello gathered the cards up again and began shuffling. Matt squirmed a little as the thought struck him that Mello was probably going commando. No, Matt knew Mello was not wearing underwear under his leather pants. He never did. Seeing Matt squirm, Mello smirked. "You look uncomfortable, Mattie. Don't worry I'll get you out of those soon enough." He said sensually, causing Matt's face to turn the color of his hair.
Matt looked at his cards. He had 4 of a kind, all aces. That meant he had this game in the bag. So he surprised himself when he laid the cards down, and said, "I fold". His confusion disappeared upon seeing the look of victory and power that crossed over Mello's face. That expression was why he did it. Mello wasted no time in shoving the cards to the ground and pouncing on top of Matt. He shimmied out of his pants as he pinned Matt's shoulders to the bed before straddling him. Matt's eyes were glued to the blonde's half erect cock. It was larger than his and he wasn't even small, but somehow the fact that Mello outsized didn't bother him in the least. It just turned him on and made him happy for the blonde. A heavy blush coated his cheeks and Mello found the sight unbelievably cute. "Mello…" Matt whimpered. He was so confused. Did Mello feel the same way or was he using him for a quick fuck? He hoped it was the previous but he would let Mello do whatever would make him happy even if it was just a quick, meaningless fuck. Mello couldn't hold it back anymore, he lunged forward and smashed his lips to Matt's. The kiss was hard and rough. Matt's hands eagerly fisted Mello's hair. Mello bit Matt's bruised lips hard enough to draw blood. Matt gasped and Mello thrusted his tongue in. Both groaned as Mello raped Matt's mouth with the pink appendage. Brutal and domineering, the kiss was everything Mello was. Matt's hips bucked forward. Matt moaned lewdly as his hips met Mello's. The friction was amazing, causing Mello to hiss. "Fuck Mattie. I'm tired of teasing and waiting." He said huskily, referring to all the baiting he had put both Matt and himself through, the small touches and the temptations that came with sharing a bed with someone you wanted to be kissing senseless. As Mello ground his erection into Matt's clothed one he kissed Matt again passionately. Intense heat was building in both of them, but the molten fire pooling in each of their lower stomachs was unlike anything. Matt was a virgin and everything felt unbelievable to him. Mello trailed sloppy kisses down his neck, harshly sucking and biting in places, drawing blood and bruises and keening noises that only made him harder. Mello had fucked a few whores here and there but even his first was nothing like this. Everything was ten times stronger. Matt's hands left his hair and trailed over his skin, feeling everything he could, everything he had wanted to feel for so long, his abs, his chest, the muscles on his back. A loud moan escaped the redhead's parted lips as Mello has twisted his nipple. It was rough, but since it was Mello it was perfectly fine, better than fine really. There was no Kira, no Mafia, no pressure for L's seat. There was just Matt and the one he loved with his entire being. It was just Mello and the only person he wanted.
Mello pulled back, sucking in fast breathes. His half-lidded eyes looked at Matt, panting below him. "Heh..you look like…a whore, Mattie." He laughed breathily. Matt opened his mouth but Mello just ground hard onto Matt's erection. "Ha-ahh…" Matt issued a long moan, his words lost and forgotten as pleasure consumed his mind. "Just like the bitch you are." Mello smirked sadistically. Matt was his bitch, his and his alone. He was the only one that could do this to Matt, could make him some moan like a bitch in heat. Drunk off power and lust, he leaned down and licked a spot on Matt's neck before sinking his teeth in deeply. Matt's moan stopped, replaced by a yelp. He tried to push Mello off but Mello held onto him with a bruising grip. Unlike the other bites, this one wasn't shallow but deep. Blood seeped out and Mello lapped it up, sucking on it in between. When he pulled away he was happy to see a huge mark. He finally loosened his grip and Matt wasted no time in pushing Mello away.
"That fucking hurt, you bastard!" He snarled in anger, the hurt reflecting in his eyes as he brought a hand up to his neck. He knew Mello would be anything but gentle with him, but he didn't expect him to outright inflict such pain. "Che." Mello replied carelessly. "Now, shh." He said in low voice. He grabbed the band around Matt's boxers and tugged them down. The cool hair against his overheated cock felt amazing to Matt. He gazed down at Mello as the blonde pulled the boxers off and threw them carelessly onto the floor. Mello crawled back over him. "Suck." He said as he shoved three fingers in Matt's face. The redhead hesitantly took them into his mouth and began to lather them with spit. Mello bit back a groan as the feeling of his fingers being encased in the moist warm cavern. When he felt they were adequately wet he pulled them out and without any warning plunged two into Matt's puckered hole. A loud, pained yelp filled the room and Matt instinctively tried to pull his body off the offending things shoved up his ass. Mello would have none of it, forcibly keeping Matt in place. He began scissoring, causing Matt to further yelp. The pained sounds began to die down, the tide of pain ebbing away to be replaced by only discomfort. Mello felt him relax and removed his fingers, his patience completely worn out. Matt's face was scrunched up, flushed red, and breathing heavily. Mello needed to be inside him, now. Matt's eyes fluttered open as the fingers were yanked out of him. Ice blue eyes were looking down at him intensely.
Then Matt's world erupted in pain. His body felt like it was being torn in two, the very seams off his being getting wrenched apart from the middle. His pained scream melted with the long groan Mello let out. Mello's mind went blank as his length was incased in warmth. Not waiting for his partner to adjust, he slid back out to the tip and plunged back in with a hard, swift jerk of his hips. Matt bit his lip as he was rammed into again, stifling the pain that threatened to leak out if he opened his mouth. Tears built in the corner of his eyes. They opened to see Mello's face a mask of pure bliss. Any will that he had to tell Mello to stop crumbled. He squeezed his eyes back shut tightly, ready to endure any pain.
Mello was so caught up in the pleasure of pounding into Matt that when he finally opened his eyes to look at his redhead his thrusts faltered at the sight of silent tears cascading down his cheeks. The blonde's face morphed into a steely expression. He turned his hips and thrust into the redhead again. This time instead of getting lost in the pleasure Mello watched Matt's face intently for any spark of what he was looking for. Growling in frustration at the Matt's lack of reaction, he pulled out again and changed his angle again. He slammed back in, his eyes glued on Matt's face.
Matt's eyes flew open and a scream tore through his throat as pleasure suddenly coursed through him. His shocked eyes locked with smug light blue ones. Matt quickly melted, moans and cries of pleasure streaming out of his mouth as Mello hit his prostate dead on with every thrust. A weird molten sensation continued to grow in him, the pressure building and building.
There were no butterfly kisses, no tender exchange of words. Mello just gripped his hips and continued to pound into him. Matt reached his peak first. Mello's name spilled from his lips, his whole body clenching, as his release spilled across his stomach and chest. With Matt clamping around him, Mello felt himself reach the edge. His name, cried by Matt, pushed him over the cliff and into the sea of stars, releasing inside Matt. Mello's arms wobbled but he refused to fall onto Matt, who was looking up at him with an expression the blonde couldn't place. Using what little strength he had left he unsheathed himself and threw himself onto the bed next to Matt.
A blush crept across Matt's face at the squelching sound that occurred when Mello pulled out of him. He glanced at the blonde once he lay on his back next to him. He was still feeling absolutely amazing from his orgasm. His heart swelled and for once he wasn't reigning in his feelings, letting them fill his eyes. Mello once sneered at him for wearing his feelings on his sleeve, but the blonde had no idea how well Matt actually hid his unfathomably deep love for him. All of his repressed emotions bubbled to the surface as he looked at Mello, blonde wisps stuck to his sweaty, flushed face as his light blue eyes stared at the ceiling.
"Mels…" Matt spoke slowly. He knew it would most likely backfire; no he was sure it would but he felt he had to say it or else he would internally combust.
"I love you." He said, his voice tender and sincere. Mello whipped his head to the side, wide blue eyes staring shocked at Matt. The redhead had a small smile on his lips but his expression was serious. Slowly Mello composed himself. The stretching silence sent splinters through Matt, who was waiting for something that never came. Ice blue eyes took on a mocking glint and pink lips turned up in a condescending smirk.
"I know." That was it. There was no love, not even a hint of tenderness in his words. Matt's expression defaulted to neutral, like it always did when he absorbed an emotional blow by Mello, but his heart cracked. A pain throbbed there that was worse than when Mello had roughly pushed his cock into him for the first time. He wanted to manage a smile and wave it off as insignificant with an 'of course' but his lips wouldn't move and the words died in his throat. He looked away from the merciless eyes and looked with a broken expression somewhere between devastation and dark humor at his exposed ankles.
He slid his eyes shut, the pain thrumming from his heart through his being. He wanted to curl up and get as far away from Mello as possible at the moment. Resignation overcame him. What had he been expecting really? This was Mello, after all. He had a feeling his confession would be crushed like this which is why he hadn't done it before.
No, this was what he always expected. He had just selfishly wanted to get it off his chest. He knew and always had known that he was Mello's through and through, and so did Mello. Hell, Mello said it himself that he had already known of Matt's love. Matt was Mello's. Whether to be abused, loved, fucked or exploited, he was Mello's. No matter what he did to him, he would stay by his side, do what he wanted, whatever to make him happy and satisfied. Matt's lips twitched, not sure whether to frown or smile sadly in self-deprecation. He would do anything for him. He had already killed for him even though it ripped him apart inside him. He's take a bullet for him without a second thought.
The exhaustion of having his heart hurt and his physical weariness called sleep upon him quickly. Mello watched as Matt turned his back to him and listened as his breathes became low and even. Sleep had overtaken him. The blonde stared at the messy red hair that went in every direction. He knew that his words had broken Matt's heart, but he also knew that when morning came Matt would pick up the pieces and put it back together. He would do the same thing every time Mello hurt him.
Between the bullets and the emotional breakage, the abuse and overworking, Mello, and the life he had dragged Matt into, would completely break Matt beyond repair. Ever since Mello had laid his eyes upon Matt and decided to pull him into his life, he had slowly been poisoning Matt. He would bring him closer and closer to death until finally the pair would be on Death's doorstep, ridden with bullet holes and their souls black with sin.
He scooted closer and leaned over his sleeping companion. His expression softened and his hand stretched out and stroked the redhead's smooth cheek.
"You idiot. You shouldn't have fallen in love with me." He whispered softly. Leaning forward he placed a small kiss on Matt's forehead. When he pulled back he shifted and pulled the slumbering gamer's back against him so that he spooned the other. Their curves fitted together so perfect Mello briefly entertained the idea that they were made of each other before quickly squashing such weak thinking.
He nuzzled his face into his neck, soft red hairs brushing his hair. Matt shouldn't have fallen in love with him. He wasn't kind and he wasn't sweet. He would break and hurt him and not bat an eyelash because of it. He wouldn't stop hitting him or treating him like his bitch just because of Matt's confession. The blonde had a pretty good idea the other had loved him for quite some time and tonight just solidified his suspicions.
Matt would follow him beyond the end. He would never leave Mello, both of them knew it, and even if he did want to leave, Mello wouldn't let him. He needed Matt more than he would ever admit. He would use him completely. He would suck him dry until all that was left of him was a soulless heap of degraded, emaciated flesh. He would force Matt to stay by his side until both were six feet under. Matt was his: his bitch, his partner, his best friend, his lover, and his most important person. Matt was his and no one else's. He always had been and always will be.
"I feel the same Mattie." He whispered into the soft flesh of Matt's neck as his eyes slid shut. And the words were completely true. Mello loved Matt. In his own, twisted way he loved Matt as much as Matt loved him.
For: Envyyyy -thanks for all your support! I hope you like!
Yes…angsty, somewhat smutty, love mush!
Damn can you believe that this idea started out as pure fluff?...I'm not quite sure what happened. Haha, oh well! Feel free to leave comments~