Pairing: Ken/Daisuke, mention of Taichi/Yamato
Feedback: Criticism is welcome and appreciated. Flames are not.
Archive: Sure, go ahead. I'm flattered.
Disclaimer: Yes, that's right, they're not mine. I'm just playing with them.
Notes: This is pure sap. I apologize in advance. ^_^ And yes, I know it's slightly OOC. It's that way on purpose. This also rambles around. Sorry. I don't like this one much, but you might. *shrug* Not beta-ed.
***
We're in America - Mimi, Micheal, and Wallace ganged up on us, decided we needed to take a tour of this extraordinarily big, cursed country. And now we're on some pitch black highway in the desert. We left a town about an hour ago - Wallace says we won't hit the next town for at least another.
I'm being pressed against the window of the van, squeezed in next to Ken. I couldn't move if you paid me too. But I'm not going to complain - I have the window, and I have Ken's hip pressed tight against mine. And it's a damn good thing I have that window, too. I can lean my head against it and star at the sky, and I can try to ignore the warmth of the boy sitting next to me.
I can see so many stars out of this window. I never knew there were this many in the sky. Well, I knew, but I could never really see it, understand it before. There are millions, and millions of tiny white dots everywhere you look. I can even make out the line of the Milky Way. I press my hand against the window, wishing I had XV-mon to fly me up into that sky.
"Daisuke?" Ken's voice is curious, and I know he's wondering what I'm daydreaming about.
I shake my head. "I never knew there were so many stars," I say quietly, and I know the wonder must show in my voice. I turn to look at Ken, and smile slightly. He smiles back, but the moment is quickly broken.
Takeru snorts from the front seat. "Maybe if you actually took the time to study, you would have known that, doofus."
I frown. "I knew, I just didn't *know* before."
"You are such an idiot, Daisuke," Miyako tells me. "You don't even make sense."
"I knew what you meant, Daisuke," Ken says quietly.
"See, not everyone hates me," I inform the van, plastering a grin onto my face. It hurts that I can't even admire the sky without being torn down.
"Nah, we don't hate you," Yamato pipes up from behind me. "We just generally think you're extremely annoying, and often really dislike you."
The grin falls from my face, and I shake off the hand Ken puts on my shoulder. He's the only one who really understands that I'm not made of rubber, and that I have feelings too. "Mimi, could you please stop the van?" I ask, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.
"Can't you hold it Daisuke?" she asks, assuming my request is simply because of a need to go to the bathroom.
"Mimi, stop the van," I say, slightly more coldly than I intended to.
"I really think we should keep on going till we get to the hotel," Mimi says stubbornly.
"Mimi, just stop the goddamned van!" I pound my fist into the window, trying to vent my frustrations.
"Okay, okay, don't get pushy," she says, pulling over to the side of the road.
I open the sliding door, grab my coat, and step outside. "I'm going to walk," I say quietly. "I'd appreciate it if you waited for me to come back before you left."
As I walk into the darkness, I hear Taichi say behind me, "Don't you think that was a little much, Yama?"
And then Yamato's response of "Nah, Daisuke's like a brick wall, nothing gets to him," but his voice sounds troubled. I just keep walking.
I never really realized what dark was before now. I've lived in the city all my life, and cities are never dark, no matter what they say. This is dark, a complete and total blackness. There isn't even a moon tonight to cast a silver glow on everything. There's just the overhead lights in the van behind me, and the stars above me. It's black, all around.
I keep moving my feet steadily away from the van. I don't know what made me snap this time, I just knew I had to get away from them. I know they don't like me, that I'm only there because they'd feel guilty if they didn't invite me along. Sometimes I feel like I should give them coupons for their birthdays that say "Valid for one week without Daisuke" - it would make them feel less guilty for leaving me out.
It's not that I don't try to be liked by them, I do. But none of them have ever looked close enough at me to see below the surface, none of them except Ken, that is. All they see is my 'happy go-lucky' mask, they don't see *me*. They never have. I don't hold much hope that they ever will.
But Ken... somehow Ken saw me hiding underneath. He brings out the best in me - never makes me feel stupid, worthless, or unwanted. He just lets me be Daisuke, doesn't try to fit me into the mold the others want me to be. It's one of the main reasons I love him.
Yes, love him. He doesn't know, and if I have my way, he's never going to. But I love him more than life itself. If he wasn't there for me to lean on, I'm sure I would have killed myself years ago.
The others wouldn't accept me if they knew. Sure, they accept Taichi and Yamato - even encourage them - but they wouldn't accept *me*. They'd just laugh it off, and say "You barely know your own name, Daisuke. How can you know you're in love with someone. How can you know you're gay?". I know they would. Sometimes, I think that they think I'm too stupid to do anything of any importance at all. It'd just be another thing for them to fret over, another thing for me to get left out over.
The van is nothing but a distant pinprick of light now. I stop, and tilt my head back to look at the stars. The light from those distant suns has taken billions of years to reach my eyes. They look like they're right above my head, like I could reach out and grab them if I really wanted to. But I know that they're really impossibly far away, that I could never keep the beauty of those stars in pocket. You can't really save the stars for a rainy day.
I simply stare out into the void, thinking. About life, death, love, and hate. I don't notice when the tears start to silently fall. I don't even hear the footsteps of someone coming up behind me. It's not until they put a hand on my shoulder that I even know they're there.
"Leave me alone Ken," I say, instinctively knowing who it is. No one else would care enough to come after me. I shake off the hand, and look back up at the sky.
Ken puts his hand back. "I'm not going Daisuke. Not until you talk to me. Yamato's beating himself up back there for opening his big mouth."
"It's nothing," I say quietly. "And he was only telling the truth." I shut my mouth quickly - I hadn't meant for that to slip out.
"Oh, Daisuke," Ken sighs. His hand becomes an arm encircling my shoulders, hugging me to him. I don't try to escape.
"You can't deny it," I say quietly. "They've never liked me, not really." My eyes are still straining, trying to see further into the void above me.
His arm squeezes me for a moment, giving me a gentle hug. "Daisuke, they love you."
I don't say anything, and just keep staring at the stars, enjoying Ken's warmth next to me. "Do you ever just want to walk?" I ask him. "Just to let your feet take you wherever they feel like going? Just to walk out into the darkness, out into the void - let it take you, and never let it bring you back? Forget your problems, your fears, leave them behind you. Not to take anything with you but yourself. Just... just to walk. Walk away."
He leans his head against mine. "All the time, Daisuke. All the time. But I don't want to walk by myself. You're going to be right there beside me. Because you always help me through the darkness." I can hear the smile in his voice. "It's my turn to help you through."
I wrap my arm around his waist, giving him a small hug.
"They love you Daisuke. They might not always like you, but they love you. I love you." He brings me in front of him, and gently kisses me.
I bring my hand up to trace his cheekbone. "It doesn't make the walking any easier," I say quietly.
"No, it doesn't," he sighs. "But I'll help you walk, if you help me."
I smile. "It's a deal." I turn around and lean against him to stare up at the sky once more. His arms circle around me, and we stand like that for minutes, hours, until a horn finally breaks the moment.
I snort. "I think they want us back at the van."
"I get that impression," Ken laughs.
I reluctantly escape out of his arms, and take one last look at the sky. "Come on, let's get back," I say quietly, and take his hand into mine. No, the walking won't get any easier. And the others can't change overnight. But as long as we're walking together, I think I can make it through. I think I can make it to the other side.
Right before we reach the van, I stop and squeeze his hand, unwilling to break the contact. "Thank you."
He looks at me. "Anytime."
"I love you too, you know." I turn to look at him.
He smiles. "I know."
And I kiss him.
Feedback: Criticism is welcome and appreciated. Flames are not.
Archive: Sure, go ahead. I'm flattered.
Disclaimer: Yes, that's right, they're not mine. I'm just playing with them.
Notes: This is pure sap. I apologize in advance. ^_^ And yes, I know it's slightly OOC. It's that way on purpose. This also rambles around. Sorry. I don't like this one much, but you might. *shrug* Not beta-ed.
***
We're in America - Mimi, Micheal, and Wallace ganged up on us, decided we needed to take a tour of this extraordinarily big, cursed country. And now we're on some pitch black highway in the desert. We left a town about an hour ago - Wallace says we won't hit the next town for at least another.
I'm being pressed against the window of the van, squeezed in next to Ken. I couldn't move if you paid me too. But I'm not going to complain - I have the window, and I have Ken's hip pressed tight against mine. And it's a damn good thing I have that window, too. I can lean my head against it and star at the sky, and I can try to ignore the warmth of the boy sitting next to me.
I can see so many stars out of this window. I never knew there were this many in the sky. Well, I knew, but I could never really see it, understand it before. There are millions, and millions of tiny white dots everywhere you look. I can even make out the line of the Milky Way. I press my hand against the window, wishing I had XV-mon to fly me up into that sky.
"Daisuke?" Ken's voice is curious, and I know he's wondering what I'm daydreaming about.
I shake my head. "I never knew there were so many stars," I say quietly, and I know the wonder must show in my voice. I turn to look at Ken, and smile slightly. He smiles back, but the moment is quickly broken.
Takeru snorts from the front seat. "Maybe if you actually took the time to study, you would have known that, doofus."
I frown. "I knew, I just didn't *know* before."
"You are such an idiot, Daisuke," Miyako tells me. "You don't even make sense."
"I knew what you meant, Daisuke," Ken says quietly.
"See, not everyone hates me," I inform the van, plastering a grin onto my face. It hurts that I can't even admire the sky without being torn down.
"Nah, we don't hate you," Yamato pipes up from behind me. "We just generally think you're extremely annoying, and often really dislike you."
The grin falls from my face, and I shake off the hand Ken puts on my shoulder. He's the only one who really understands that I'm not made of rubber, and that I have feelings too. "Mimi, could you please stop the van?" I ask, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.
"Can't you hold it Daisuke?" she asks, assuming my request is simply because of a need to go to the bathroom.
"Mimi, stop the van," I say, slightly more coldly than I intended to.
"I really think we should keep on going till we get to the hotel," Mimi says stubbornly.
"Mimi, just stop the goddamned van!" I pound my fist into the window, trying to vent my frustrations.
"Okay, okay, don't get pushy," she says, pulling over to the side of the road.
I open the sliding door, grab my coat, and step outside. "I'm going to walk," I say quietly. "I'd appreciate it if you waited for me to come back before you left."
As I walk into the darkness, I hear Taichi say behind me, "Don't you think that was a little much, Yama?"
And then Yamato's response of "Nah, Daisuke's like a brick wall, nothing gets to him," but his voice sounds troubled. I just keep walking.
I never really realized what dark was before now. I've lived in the city all my life, and cities are never dark, no matter what they say. This is dark, a complete and total blackness. There isn't even a moon tonight to cast a silver glow on everything. There's just the overhead lights in the van behind me, and the stars above me. It's black, all around.
I keep moving my feet steadily away from the van. I don't know what made me snap this time, I just knew I had to get away from them. I know they don't like me, that I'm only there because they'd feel guilty if they didn't invite me along. Sometimes I feel like I should give them coupons for their birthdays that say "Valid for one week without Daisuke" - it would make them feel less guilty for leaving me out.
It's not that I don't try to be liked by them, I do. But none of them have ever looked close enough at me to see below the surface, none of them except Ken, that is. All they see is my 'happy go-lucky' mask, they don't see *me*. They never have. I don't hold much hope that they ever will.
But Ken... somehow Ken saw me hiding underneath. He brings out the best in me - never makes me feel stupid, worthless, or unwanted. He just lets me be Daisuke, doesn't try to fit me into the mold the others want me to be. It's one of the main reasons I love him.
Yes, love him. He doesn't know, and if I have my way, he's never going to. But I love him more than life itself. If he wasn't there for me to lean on, I'm sure I would have killed myself years ago.
The others wouldn't accept me if they knew. Sure, they accept Taichi and Yamato - even encourage them - but they wouldn't accept *me*. They'd just laugh it off, and say "You barely know your own name, Daisuke. How can you know you're in love with someone. How can you know you're gay?". I know they would. Sometimes, I think that they think I'm too stupid to do anything of any importance at all. It'd just be another thing for them to fret over, another thing for me to get left out over.
The van is nothing but a distant pinprick of light now. I stop, and tilt my head back to look at the stars. The light from those distant suns has taken billions of years to reach my eyes. They look like they're right above my head, like I could reach out and grab them if I really wanted to. But I know that they're really impossibly far away, that I could never keep the beauty of those stars in pocket. You can't really save the stars for a rainy day.
I simply stare out into the void, thinking. About life, death, love, and hate. I don't notice when the tears start to silently fall. I don't even hear the footsteps of someone coming up behind me. It's not until they put a hand on my shoulder that I even know they're there.
"Leave me alone Ken," I say, instinctively knowing who it is. No one else would care enough to come after me. I shake off the hand, and look back up at the sky.
Ken puts his hand back. "I'm not going Daisuke. Not until you talk to me. Yamato's beating himself up back there for opening his big mouth."
"It's nothing," I say quietly. "And he was only telling the truth." I shut my mouth quickly - I hadn't meant for that to slip out.
"Oh, Daisuke," Ken sighs. His hand becomes an arm encircling my shoulders, hugging me to him. I don't try to escape.
"You can't deny it," I say quietly. "They've never liked me, not really." My eyes are still straining, trying to see further into the void above me.
His arm squeezes me for a moment, giving me a gentle hug. "Daisuke, they love you."
I don't say anything, and just keep staring at the stars, enjoying Ken's warmth next to me. "Do you ever just want to walk?" I ask him. "Just to let your feet take you wherever they feel like going? Just to walk out into the darkness, out into the void - let it take you, and never let it bring you back? Forget your problems, your fears, leave them behind you. Not to take anything with you but yourself. Just... just to walk. Walk away."
He leans his head against mine. "All the time, Daisuke. All the time. But I don't want to walk by myself. You're going to be right there beside me. Because you always help me through the darkness." I can hear the smile in his voice. "It's my turn to help you through."
I wrap my arm around his waist, giving him a small hug.
"They love you Daisuke. They might not always like you, but they love you. I love you." He brings me in front of him, and gently kisses me.
I bring my hand up to trace his cheekbone. "It doesn't make the walking any easier," I say quietly.
"No, it doesn't," he sighs. "But I'll help you walk, if you help me."
I smile. "It's a deal." I turn around and lean against him to stare up at the sky once more. His arms circle around me, and we stand like that for minutes, hours, until a horn finally breaks the moment.
I snort. "I think they want us back at the van."
"I get that impression," Ken laughs.
I reluctantly escape out of his arms, and take one last look at the sky. "Come on, let's get back," I say quietly, and take his hand into mine. No, the walking won't get any easier. And the others can't change overnight. But as long as we're walking together, I think I can make it through. I think I can make it to the other side.
Right before we reach the van, I stop and squeeze his hand, unwilling to break the contact. "Thank you."
He looks at me. "Anytime."
"I love you too, you know." I turn to look at him.
He smiles. "I know."
And I kiss him.