I own Nothing of Janet Evanovich or Carrie Underwood. This song came into my head while I was driving home from grocery shopping. Ill return to Bobby soon I'm real sick and couldn't concentrate on writing but had this story already wrote in a note book enjoy!.
Told by Lester Santos
Remind me never to piss Stephanie Plum off. I was out with her today helping her round up skips when I noticed it was way past lunch time. Once we drove over our latest skip, I asked Steph if she was hungry. She casually looked over at me and gave me a look like why did you even have to ask. I nearly ran off the road laughing at her expression. Parking in the pino's lot we both walked in laughing, me my usual self trying to get in her pants, and her blocking every advance. I was walking behind her making sure her fine ass was safe, when he suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. If I hadn't been watching I would have plowed right into her.
"Steph what is it?" I asked placing my hand on my gun
"That son of a bitch" I heard her swear and looked around to see what she could have saw
In the back corner of the restaurant I spotted a blond woman with a very short skirt and plunging shirt to reveal both sides of her breasts. The woman looked familiar but I just couldn't place her. I continued to watch and saw a man's hand slide up the woman's exposed thigh. When I looked closer I then saw what Steph saw.
"Morelli" I said with disgust
"Uhh huh" Steph said as we saw Morelli lock lips with the barely dressed blond
"Come on Steph lets go somewhere else"
"Ut uh" she said shaking her head
I watched as Stephs back straightened and her eyes go black. There was something that came over her as she watched the make out session in front of her. I tried to speak to her but noting I was saying registered. Steph out of the blue turned on her heels and walked back out into the parking lot. I was happy that she had decided to leave before anything happened. I knew if the sleezeball had laid a finger on her, I would have to kill him and I didn't really feel like going to jail for killing a police officer today. Steph and I walked side by side in silence to my vehicle but as we neared it, Steph took a left and walked past several other cars.
"Steph my cars here" I called to her as I followed her a little ways
Steph kept on walking never acknowledging if she heard me or not. I watched her jump up onto the side of this nice four wheel drive truck, she leaned over the side of it and looked into the bed. Whoever's truck this was and I had my suspicions on who it belonged to had really spent a lot of time souping it up. I watched Steph smile and pick something up out of the truck bed, when I saw what she had I grabbed my phone and hit the speed dial.
"Get down here we've got a situation" I said when the line picked up
"On my way" he said hanging up
I saw Steph had hopped down from the truck and was walking around it. She stopped and stood there a minute and looked at the truck. The next thing I saw was she took a set of keys from her pants pocket and dragged it along the side of the truck.
"Ohhhh Shittt" I said wincing as she ruined the custom paint job
A black turbo pulled up behind me. Ranger got out in time to see Steph open the passenger side door of the truck and carve her name into the expensive leather seat. I thought what an idiot to leave your doors unlocked. The next thing we watched after she had climbed out of the truck was she walked around to the front of it. Steph took the stance of a baseball player and swung the bat connecting with the headlights of the truck. I was in awe watching her work, I looked over at Ranger, he was leaning back onto his car with his arms across his chest, he was enjoying the show. When she was done she tossed the bat into the debris she had caused of the head lights and stalked over to me.
"Your knife Mr. Santos" she asked holding her hand out for it
"Steph don't you think you got your point across?" I asked her
"For years he has accused me of sleeping with Ranger and then working my way thru you guys when you just saw it was him"
I pulled my knife out of its sheath and handed it to her. It was an ugly knife, sharp, and with a lot of bad ass teeth. Steph smiled, walked back over to the truck, and proceeded to let the air out of each tire. We watched as the tires deflated the truck leaned until it was now sitting on its rims.
"STEPHANIE WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY TRUCK?" Morelli came out yelling when she saw the remains of his ride
Stephanie said not a word to him, instead walked back over to me and gave me my knife back. "You done?" I asked her
"No there's one more thing" she said pulling me by my shirt to her for a hungry frantic kiss
"God how I've wanted to do that for a very long time" she said pulling me away from a shocked but happy me
Steph walked around me and over to ranger. I watched as she placed a hand on to his cheek and brought him in for a deep kiss. Their tongues battling for control
"Take me to seven" I heard her say to him after they parted
"You got it" he told her letting her into the turbo
"STEPHANIE" Joe yelled as Ranger pulled out
"Hey Joe maybe next time you'll think before you cheat" I called to him as I jumped in to my nice shiny black Escalade and took the path back to RangeMan that Ranger had taken.
The End!
~~ Before He Cheats~ Carrie Underwood
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania Karaoke
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky
Right now, he's probably dabbing on three dollars worth of that bathroom Polo
And he don't know
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
I might saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
'Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
Slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Ohhh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Ohhh, before he cheats