Written for the Four Seasons Competition, by Rosalie'sRevenge. This is for Spring. I really enjoyed writing this, and even if I don't finish all four pieces of the competition, I'm glad I did this one at least. I've been itching for quite some time to have a look into Remus' head, and I think I did pretty well with this. It's something that makes me really want to write him more. I hope that you all feel as if I've done him justice.
I don't own Harry Potter, or anything else that you may recognize in his very magical world.
Remus was surprised to find so much solice in that place. Maybe it was the calm of the ocean as it crashed into the rocks below, sending up just enough ocean spray for him to faintly feel the little water droplets scatter across his face. Maybe it was the excitement of seeing all the little flowers begin to bloom in the field behind him, hesitant in a way, as if spring couldn't really be upon them already. Or perhaps it was the way the wind rushed around him, making him feel so infinitely insignificant. Whatever the reason, he felt at home.
His mind was extremely heavy as he surveyed his surroundings. It seemed ironic to him, how hopeful being here made him feel. He couldn't help but feel like all the little whispers of life around him were letting him know it would be okay. How could anything be okay though? They were in the middle of a war. He didn't know that he would ever come back to this place once he left, he never did. Perhaps that's why it was such a relief to him every time he did return.
Dora didn't seem to understand why he felt so drawn to the little cliff, she seemed to think it was the camaraderie he had found in Bill Weasley. That may have been the reason Remus originally began visiting Shell Cottage when he could, but over time it had nothing to do with the people, it was truly the place. Remus had always felt very at home when he was surrounded by nature, being a creature himself may have had something to do with it. Perhaps it was that his heightened senses made him able to appreciate the true beauty of it all more than other wizards. Perhaps it was the openness of it all. Ever since he had been bitten as a young child he had hated enclosed spaces. He hated feeling trapped. Being caged like an animal did nothing but remind him of the monster that he truly was. The monster that his son would be.
His son. Theodore Remus Lupin. Teddy Lupin. Ted. That's the reason he was out here this time. It was too much for him. He had his fears the entire time that Dora was pregnant. He had been a horrible husband, he knew he was a horrible father, for even allowing himself to be a father. He swallowed those fears though. Harry had called him a coward and he was perfectly right in doing so, Remus knew that. He needed to make the best of the situation and be there as the best father he could be to Teddy. He just needed to think sometimes though.
The final battle was drawing nearer, Remus knew it. He didn't know what he was going to do. He didn't know what the right thing was anymore. He had been so scared to be a father to Teddy, he just knew that something would be wrong with him. Remus was so surprised when he first laid eyes on his son and saw that there was no snout, no fur, no hint of the lycanthrope that must be a part of him. He knew it was ridiculous to have been expecting a cub of course, but he had been expecting something. When the mediwitch confirmed what they had all been telling him all along, he thought it was a joke. They were lying to him, how could his son possibly be fine? How could the babe possibly not be affected with Remus' disease? But then, Dora handed Teddy to him, smiling with so much love and adoration in her eyes, and told Remus to look at their son. When Remus had felt his child, his own flesh and blood child, in his arms for the first time. When he had looked into that alert little face, and smiled as the baby fuzz on the top of the little guys head turned from a dark brown, to an electric blue, to an alarming red, he knew. Remus John Lupin knew for the first time in his life what it felt like. He understood why James and Lily had been so ready to die when they first heard the prophecy concerning Harry. He knew why Arthur and Molly were so fierce about their children's well being. He knew what it was like to be a father. To love something so innocent and helpless with all his being, without having any real reason to yet, other than the simple fact that the little bundle in his arms was his.
That was why he was having such a hard time now. How could he fight in the battle and risk orphaning his son? How could he not fight in the battle and not try his damned most to rid the world of any evils that may what to hurt his son? No matter which way he looked at it, he couldn't decide what would be better for Teddy. He had to fight, he had no choice but to fight. They had come so far, they were so close. If only Dora would be reasonable. If only Dora would stay home with Teddy, he knew he would be able to face the battle. If he knew that Teddy would at least have his mother, Remus could face anything. But Remus knew that Dora wouldn't have it. She wouldn't sit by as he fought and do nothing. They were in this together, besides, Dora would argue that she was the trained Auror and he was the Professor, she should fight. Remus wouldn't have any of that though. So they would fight together, and Teddy would stay in the care of Dora's mother. There was nothing else for it anymore, every argument he had tried, she had extinguished.
Remus sighed as he looked out over the ocean. As he looked at all the new life, getting ready to bloom. He knew what he had to do, he just didn't know how he would bring himself to do it. If for no reason other than that he simply had to give his son the chance to live. He had to fight. Teddy was barely three months old, he was so young and so innocent, he deserved to live without the fear that Remus had grown accustomed to throughout his life. Remus swore to himself then that he would do anything in his power to make Teddy have a happy life, even if it was without him in it. He sighed again.
Remus sat a while longer in silence, lost in his thoughts. He didn't notice the dainty figure approaching him until she settled herself down beside him in the grass on the cliff overlooking the sea. She sat with him in silence for a few moments before speaking.
"'Ou are looking so troubled Remus." Fleur stated, a little v of worry forming between her lightly colored eyebrows. "Is zere anyt'ing we can 'elp you wiz?" She asked sincerely.
Remus smiled, he had grown quite fond of both Bill and Fleur throughout the course of the war. Bill was a friend to him like no other, and their common suffering brought them closer after Greyback's attack on Bill. Remus had helped him adjust quite well, not that Bill ever really needed the help. Remus found Fleur quite amusing too. While she did come across rather strongly, she was an exceptionally bright witch, and her loyalty to Bill was something that awed Remus every time he witnessed it.
"No Fleur, I am quite alright." Remus finally replied, giving her a slight smile to convince her. "I've just been thinking about a lot of things." He said a little sadly. Fleur nodded in understanding.
"I vill listen if 'ou like." She told him simply. "Or perhaps Beel..." She trailed off.
"You and Bill have done quite enough for me." He assured her, looking away over the water again before turning his face back to hers. "There is one other thing I will ask of you though." He decided suddenly.
"Of course." She said, waiting for his request.
"If anything were to happen to Dora and I..." Remus began, searching for the words. "I want to know that Teddy will be surrounded by people that love him. He'll hopefully still have Andromeda of course, and Harry is his godfather, but I want more than that for him. Can you swear to me that you and Bill will treat him as your own? I know 'Dromeda means well, but she can be overbearring, and as remarkable and adult as he is, Harry is still a child himself. Teddy will need parental figures, especially when he's older. Can you be that for him? If I can't?" Remus asked a little embarressed, and felt a wetness begin to form in his eyes.
Fleur sniffled and wrapped the older man in an awkward hug.
"Of course Remus!" She insisted. "Teddy iz already a part of us, 'e is such a sweet bebe. There is no 'uestion." She told him. "You need not worry, 'e will be loved by our family, I assure 'ou."
Remus smiled at her insistance and it truly did make him feel better. The dread of the coming war was still there, but this promise from Fleur made him feel a little lighter. As long as Teddy was loved. The two sat together a while longer in silence as the fresh spring sun sank lower in the sky. The reds and golds of the darkening sky did nothing but highlight the beauty around them, lighting up the little flowers in the meadow and the foam of the ocean below them. Even with the coming battle, Remus couldn't help but feel peace in that place. He couldn't help but feel hope.