One

Ianto made his way past the kitchen garden, followed the white shell path through the arched tunnel festooned with sweet peas, then traversed the maze without any hesitation. Reaching the other side he came across a large black and imposing door. Turning the large round door knob he pushed it open.

The brightness of the sun momentarily washed out his sight but his other senses told him he had reached his most favourite place in the entire universe. Starting as he always did he made his way towards the perfect climbing tree to reach the top of the wide brick wall which surrounded the garden.

In complete contrast to his last attempt just seven months ago he reached the top with comfortable ease. He had not felt so fit for years. There was still an odd twinge and he knew if he overdid it his body would react. That said he regained much of his previous strength and he knew why, the perfect getaway: four months of just himself, his guide, and a mountain range.

As a child this wall had seemed as tall as a mountain. The trees against the wall were the perfect scale for a small boy to scramble up. How many happy hours and days had he spent here in this garden of delights and wonders? They were uncountable. Over the slight breeze and bird song he heard the trickle of water from the square pond. It was not a pond he reminded himself; it was vast sea full of mysterious sea monsters. The fountain was a thunderous waterfall set in the middle of that exotic ocean. In his imagination each arch that separated the different areas of the gardens were portals to other world. One section had borders bursting with thousands of flowers surrounding a lawn festooned with tiny 'Piccolo Daisies' their perfect violet crowns surrounded a circle of white in perfect contrast to the soft green of the grass. Those deep borders of flowers beds were forests where he had built fantastic cities on far off planets or hunted wild fantastical beasts.

In another nook was a hammock where he would pretend he was captain of a boat at sea, the waves rocking him violently as he sought out the dragon that was his quarry. Or he could lie with his face poking through the large weave as he imagined he was afloat on a giant hot air balloon and the shadows created were magical flying creatures only he could see.

He took a deep breath taking in the heady scents of the end of summer exuberance. There were few places he felt truly at peace and in the past entering through the door to clear his mind had grounded him until now.

Ianto felt a burn of resentment as his uncle's admonishments still rang in his ear. He had never experienced his Uncle as the' uncompromising no-nonsense business man' until now. That man had outlined to him it was to be a case of return or be returned. Ianto had family commitments he could not ignore. There were several issues of vital importance that needed his attention. It was about time that they all sat down and worked out the way forward beginning with some ideas he, Charles, and his father would like to discuss.

Besides he was the hero of the Torchwood. People and Ianto understood these people to be highly important, powerful and, influential ones wanted to see him, reward and thank him.

Much to his annoyance and consternation the furore caused by the entire saga had not died down. He and Jack were celebrities. And as far as his Uncle was concerned there was now another hero: the very ship itself. It now represented the very epitome of quality Space Industries had aspired to, enshrined it its construction.

Ianto didn't need it explained; he was a promotional gold mine.

As a consequence a tour was being arranged, which included several important governmental meetings where Space Industries could argue a case to build the entire fleet: commercial, military and exploration. And their number one spokesman was the one and only Ianto Jones, hero of the hour.

The vibration of his communicator caught his attention. Pulling out the small device he saw it was a message from Rhia. She was furious he had arrived back and not said hello. She demanded he stop mooching around the formal garden and return to the house forthwith. Ianto grimaced as he keyed in a response and pressed send.

She would just have to wait to give him the long overdue telling off he knew was coming and she felt he needed. Ianto huffed; the solitude of the moment was broken. He climbed down and the thoughts had been plaguing him for months about his future came to the fore. There was one thing he did know. As difficult as it was to find a future for himself, whatever his father and Charles had planned was not it.

It was a matter of elimination. The Torchwood had allowed him to realise he was not a teacher. He had also discovered he had far more inner strength and courage than he thought possible. More importantly he had learnt the truth. No matter how uncomfortable some of the conclusions he had been forced to face, he was better off knowing. Strangely he knew he should feel better but the truth had left him with a Pandora's box full of feelings he didn't know how to address.

Following the border of the garden he came to a narrow grassy path that led to a small domed gazebo surrounded by lupines and foxgloves of ever colour. Stepping inside he stood next to a plaque. Gently using a finger he traced the letters that made up the name of his mother and felt the same sense of numbness he always did when he entered here. If he closed his eyes just for an instant he could catch a drift of her perfume as she wrapped her arms around him. He had felt so invincible, her arms protecting him from all the ills in the universe. What was the point of life when everyone you loved could be taken in an instant? Along with the numbness he felt the terrible emptiness caused by his loss of purpose.

One thing was for sure he was not going to be some bloody spokesperson and dragged pillar to post on show like some prize poodle, telling his story over and over to different groups of morally bankrupt individuals no matter how powerful. The communicator began to vibrate again. Ianto saw it was a message was from Charles reminding him of the meeting to be held in his father's study in one hour. Ianto touched the side of the communicator and it expanded to fill his hand and he scrolled down and opened a file along with a list of documents he had prepared a week ago but still hesitated to send.

Maybe this was the answer. It was not Deep Space Exploration but it was close. He felt the thrill of excitement. The archaeological expedition was heading for a whole world covered in ruins. Artefacts the Solaris had brought back had shown they were from a previously unknown civilisation that utilised organic technology. Others artefacts more fragile were profoundly beautiful objects. Clearly a race who was highly creative as well as technologically advanced

He and Craig had seriously debated a return to Zeta Sigma Three. At the time it had been nothing more than fantastic talk because both of them knew they were unlikely to leave the life of the Deep Exploration Service with too much to discover and map. A life with each other doing what they both loved had been the dream.

He read down the expedition programme again. It would be fascinating to return, and he would be on the forefront of uncovering a previously unknown civilisation far in advance of their own. So many puzzles to solve; who were the beings who had created those wonderful objects and left so many ruins? What had happened to them? Had their civilisation collapsed or had they just left, and if so where to and why? And just what had they left behind? There would also be planetary and geologic exploration. The place was hardly a hell hole from the short time he had spent on Zeta Sigma Three; it appeared to be a temperate pleasant planet with three small moons.

Then there was the other aspect to all this: Jack Harkness. The man had been much in his thoughts since he had left the Torchwood so surreptitiously. Ianto found he kept returning to the point where own sense of fairness had vanished and he had found it impossible to grant Jack even an acknowledgement and give credit for the man he had become.

Even if a part of him still struggling with forgiveness, he did recognise the man on the Torchwood was not the same as the one on the Diligence. Jack had transformed himself and made himself anew. Five years of hard work on a par with Ianto's own physical and metal recovery. Yet in that final moment Ianto had become paralysed. The feelings of disgrace he felt on not being able to speak was something he still battled on a daily basis with So maybe this would be an opportunity to deal with the confusion opened during his encounters and interactions with Jack Harkness on the Torchwood. He didn't kid himself it would he easy but the invitation was there.

Ianto let out a long breath, all this anguish and he might not even be accepted. No matter how desperate they were to attract the lowest order sensor calibration engineer in any capacity they might see him as over-qualified. 'End of argument,' Ianto said out loud.

A large message invaded his screen reminding him of the family meeting. Every fragment of resentment of being hauled back here came to the fore. He used his thumb to open his application form and pressed send.

As the submission was acknowledged he smiled to himself as he imagined he was facing Charles. 'Sorry I've found a use for myself, I've joined an archaeological expedition.'

Ianto moved to shrink the device when it chimed. 'I'm coming,' he growled and went to dismiss the message when he saw it was the leader of the expedition paging him, wanting a face-to-face communication.

Ianto turned the viewing function on.

'Commander Ianto Jones?' A long face that came into view asked in a tone that suggested he didn't trust this was who he was calling.

'Yes.'

'Commander Jones, I'm sorry to disturb you. My name is Doctor Smith and a few moments ago I received an application for our expedition that would appear to have been sent by you.'

'That is correct,' Ianto answered and the man looked confused.

'There appears to be some misunderstanding. The position you have applied for is a level entry position meant for someone with basic above and underground mapping skills. Due to this being an archaeological expedition some finesse will he required but this position is way below your level of expertise.'

'I'm aware of the requirements. My understanding is you've had difficulty attracting any sensor specialist to apply.'

'Considering the lack of sensor specialists in Space Command and generally in the commercial sector even the lowest grade graduate has their pick of any number of prestige postings. To receive an application of someone of your calibre, ability and qualifications I assumed it had to be an error or worse some kind of hoax.'

'No it's genuine,' Ianto assured him.

'In light of your current profile I have to ask what would make you apply for this role and how did you even get to hear of our venture?'

'I was one of the officers on the Solaris who did the initial survey of Zeta Sigma Three. I also did the planetary sensor sweep.'

Doctor Smith appeared to make a connection. 'This is beginning to make more sense. You would be the Jones on the report. So you are wanting to come back and make a more detailed examination?'

'Actually I was unaware of the expedition until it was brought to my attention by Captain Jack Harkness.'

Doctor Smiths face twisted in disgust. 'Yes we did receive his application for Super Cargo. Regardless of his current exploits he is not the sort of person I wish associated with this mission. Considering your history with the man you will be pleased to note he didn't even reach the short list.'

'I think you should seriously reconsider because my acceptance of the position is conditional on it including Jack Harkness,' Ianto suddenly found himself saying.

'Are you sure? 'We are considering several applicants who have had experience in the commercial sector.'

'My acceptance depends on Jack Harkness being part of this expedition, but I don't want him to know I said that,' Ianto added quickly.

Doctor Smith pulled on his lip as he thought and then looked towards Ianto. 'You will of course have to pass the medical requirements…'

'If you will check my application I included an up-to-date medical report. And you will also see I have included a substantial list of medical equipment I will donate not just for my use but would benefit everyone joining.'

Doctor Smith looked into the distance then looked directly at Ianto.

'Very well. You leave me little choice.' The screen went dead and Ianto feared for a moment that he had overplayed his hand. What on earth had made him insist Harkness be included? It was like another part of his mind had taken control of his actions.

A few seconds passed and he saw a huge file download, the covering message was a firm offer to join.

Ianto felt a moment of triumph as he flicked back his acceptance. Now all he had to do was walk over to the main house and explain he was going to disappear for two years and accompanying him was none other than Jack Harkness. His stomach turned, and he braced himself for the eruption to follow.

'Please tell me; I have misunderstood?' Ianto's father thundered. 'After everything that has happened, and what that man put you and this family through, you are going off on some damn fool archaeological expedition with none other than the instigator of your abuse, Jack Harkness?'

'I thought you of all people would understand,' Ianto interjected.

'What I understand is I was woken at 2am by my son screaming at me because I gave the man a chance to redeem himself and now…'

'Things have changed…happened on the Torchwood, we have unfinished business.'

'Any unfinished business does not require us missing your company for another two years Ianto. Why can't you deal with this here?'

'It not just that. I was part of the original expedition. Returning was a thought at the time. Now I have that opportunity.'

'And what about your recovery?' Charles demanded.

'I had a fitness check. This is not a high risk mission and I think I've proved that I am more than capable of handling myself,' Ianto said thinking of his adventures on the Torchwood.'

'I thought any long term expeditions were off the cards,' Charles fired back.

'This is a privately funded expedition,' Ianto replied. 'And I've offered to supply the expedition a more comprehensive medical bay.'

'You know we could make this difficult, make a few calls and suddenly the expedition funding is gone, the carrier to rescind their offer, those signed up suddenly find they are unable to honour their commitment.' Charles said.

'Then you are not the man I thought you were,' Ianto said his gaze locked with his Uncle.

Ianto's father turned to Charles. 'Would you please leave? I want to speak to Ianto on his own.' Charles put his hand on his brother's shoulder, glared at Ianto then left.

'Ianto, I'm asking you don't do this.'

'Dad, please don't ask me not to go. I have to find my own way.'

'Charles and I we have an idea, why not try it? We want to market a whole range of ships based on your experience, and your input would be invaluable and now we have the tender for designing the next wave of Deep Exploration Vessels. Hands' on helping your fellow officers.'

'I can't become a marketing tool,' Ianto pointed out.

'You wouldn't be. You would be an integral part of the entire proposal,' Arthur pointed out.

'Dad this is not me. It's never been me. I can't stay.'

'I'm asking you Ianto. Stay, and if this is not what you want let us find a new way together.'

'Dad you don't know what you're asking.'

'I'm asking you to stay….'

Ianto closed the study door to find his sister waiting for him her arms crossed. 'Don't start.'

'What were you expecting after running off again? Four bloody months and now I suppose you are just here for a pit stop before you disappear again.' She saw her brother blush. 'At least you have the decency to look ashamed.'

'I'm not completely disappearing. We can at least exchange messages.'

'Oh, we are supposed to remain grateful. You're leaving but don't worry you can send me a message that will be weeks out of date by the time we read it.'

''I need some time and space. I have to get away.'

'But that's you isn't time and space. Time and space away from us.'

'That's not it, Rhia.'

'Liar.'

'Listen, I know this is hard to understand…'

'Bloody right it's hard to understand, Ianto. Dad loves you; he would give you the earth if he could to make you happy.'

'I have to make my own way. Don't make this harder than it has to be.'

'What? Harder than having to watch your own brother fight for his life, and have to re-learn to walk, then see him put himself into danger again, then disappear for four months climbing some mountain rather than spend time with his family.'

'You've always been comfortable with how things are.'

'Don't give me that 'I can't handle I'm privileged' rubbish, Ianto. You are rich, your family is rich you need to get over it. The truth is Mum died and you've been running from us ever since.'

'You don't know the whole story,' Ianto snapped back.

'He was suffering he didn't mean for what to happen to happen.' Rhia pleaded.

Ianto glared at her. 'Am I supposed to take that as a comfort?'

'You should take it for what it is.'

'Should I?' Ianto retorted.

'He's sorry for what happened. He's tried to make it up. You know he has.'

'How come he has never said those words to me?' Ianto said

'What was the past five years? You are his life, Ianto. He grieves every time you leave. It's painful and I am sick of seeing him hurt.'

Ianto remained silent

'Why can't you find yourself here? Confront the past, find someone,' Rhia continued.

'I found a life for myself and someone who I wanted to share it with twice and twice everything I worked for and loved were gone in an instant. No-one on the ski circuit or Deep Space Command cared who I was other than the respect I earned through my own effort.' Ianto closed his eyes. 'I know this is hard and but I have to do this for my own sanity.'

'Ianto, running away never solved anything.'

'I am not running away,' Ianto growled

'You can say what you like, but I'm calling this how I see it. She wasn't just your mother she was mine too and I miss her every day. '

Ianto shook his head. 'This has nothing to do with her.'

'This has everything to do with her, Ianto. Every loss becomes harder because somewhere in that head of yours her dying was somehow your fault. It wasn't, Ianto; it was an accident no matter what the circumstances. I know Dad's forgiven you. Why can't you forgive yourself? Liselle wasn't your fault and neither was losing Craig. Punishing yourself by hiding yourself with endless work or some sporting obsession is not the answer. You need to forgive yourself and come home for good and be around those who love you.'

'You never understood Rhia…you had Uncle Charles, Auntie Vera and Dad.' Ianto shook his head.

'This is you punishing him. What more does he have to do to earn your forgiveness? He was lost in grief. None of us questioned why you didn't want to be with us so why are you so hard on him?'

Ianto lent forward his fists clenched went to speak then spun round and headed back into the garden and his sanctuary.

Martha Jones banged on the door to Jack's quarters. She knew he was in there. The news she had received was absurd, unbelievable, she was reeling and she was not going to take no for an answer.

'Jack Harkness, I know you are in there. I am not going until you and I talk.'

A few seconds passed and the door opened.

'Is it true?'

'Is what true?' Jack double-checked a list against the clothes and personal items on his bed.

'You know damned well what I'm talking about.' Martha crossed her arms.

'No I don't.' Jack moved across the room and picked up what looked like a personal library archive the size of a slim book.

'I've just heard you have resigned your commission and walked away from the Captaincy of the Torchwood?

'Yes and no,' Jack replied as he flicked the archive closed it and added it to the items of the bed.

'Don't play games with me, Jack.'

'I've asked to go on a sabbatical for two years and I can confirm I have declined captaincy of the Torchwood'

'Are you out of your mind? Five years, Jack! Five hard years of work. To throw it all away.'

'Something important has come up.'

'What could be more important than you achieving everything you worked so hard for? Against the odds, against all predictions, your hard work paid off and you were offered a Captaincy. Not just on some escort to a cargo convey but Captain of the Torchwood. One of the most sought after commands in Space Command. You had better start explaining yourself because I just don't understand.'

Jack stopped and looked at her. 'I know this will be hard to understand, hell it took me weeks to figure it out myself. The truth is reaching Captaincy was what I thought I wanted. Don't get me wrong when I heard the news I was blown away. I'd done it, proved to everyone and myself yet... 'Jack took a breath. 'But the truth is I should never be trusted with those under my command.'

'So your refusing is you punishing yourself.'

'An opportunity came up that I could not say no to.'

'That's the second time you've mentioned something, what could have come up that could be better than being Captain of the Torchwood?'

Jack glanced at the framed picture of Ianto Jones that had graced his cabin on the Torchwood.

'This is about him isn't it?'

'I've taken a position of supercargo for an archaeological expedition to Zeta Sigma Three.'

'Never heard of it.'

'Well, that's not surprising. It's on the outer rim of the Yirada sector in the Zulu quadrant.'

'And how does Ianto fit into this?'

'He's accepted the position of mapping specialist.'

'Oh I see,' Martha said as everything came clear. 'You and him together somewhere isolated, working together and he falls in love with you. And then you can spend the rest of your life showing him your devotion.'

Jack looked into the distance and bit is bottom lip then returned to packing.

'You have to know he is never going to fall in love with you. You realise that don't you? There is too much pain and hurt.'

'You don't know that,' Jack said stubbornly. 'You could never know that.'

'This is crazy, chasing after him like this. It's not too late Jack, please don't throw away everything you've worked for.'

Jack stopped and placed his hands on her shoulders. 'I did that to myself five years ago. Five years and the damage I caused continues to ripple out. I apologised Martha and it meant nothing to him, nothing. The truth is my destiny was linked with his the moment he was sent orders to join the Diligence. I have to do this Martha, or I will never be able to move forward.'

'Don't you see the trap you've laid for yourself? You have given yourself no way out if what you plan doesn't work.'

Jack smiled. 'The trap I set for myself was done long before I suggested this to Ianto.'

'You are beginning to frighten me,' Martha said.

'Don't be. My destiny…my very life…lies with Ianto Jones. I made a promise to myself; a promise that may take my whole life to fulfil but fulfil it I will.'

'Jack this is crazy talk'

'So be it.' Jack turned his back and continued to pack.