Gift for Kaline Reine!
A KakaSaku fic, thanks to her, I'm now a fan of that pairing.
Well, this isn't what exactly you would call "gift material"…
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
"Wow, you guys really rocked it out there," said Kiba appraisingly. Sasuke and Naruto had been having a sparring session and people had come to watch. Kiba was one of them. They were done now. She watched as all the people gathered around the two, congratulating and showering them with praise, once again leaving her alone and on the sidelines. A few girls pushed her roughly aside causing her to fall over.
She grit her teeth and her hands clenched into fists. Stupid fan girls.
.
"I had no idea you'd gotten so strong, Naruto," She watched as Kiba went on about praising them. "You were great!"
Sakura felt a sliver of jealousy creep into her veins.
"Thanks man!" replied Naruto, high-fiving the brunette.
She suppressed the jealousy and all the other ugly feelings that were starting to creep in and tried to tune them out and looked down at her feet, crossing her arms.
"Hah! I told you!"
"Hn," was Sasuke's casual reply.
Sakura twitched. All that praise and all Sasuke had to say was "Hn"?
"You know Sasuke," she bit out "it wouldn't hurt to speak properly once in a while. I'm sure forming proper sentences isn't very hard."
Everyone stopped talking and looked back at her. Her gaze was focused on the two men in front of her. The raven and the fox. The raven was pale and cold, whilst the fox was tanned and warm. Such contrasts yet best friends. She looked at the raven, Sasuke Uchiha who was looking back at her, a neutral expression on his face, cool onyx eyes looking back at her.
"Hm?" asked Sasuke. Again with those grunts.
Her eye twitched. "It seems that your ability to process sentences is diminishing as well."
A dark eyebrow arched up and Sakura knew she was getting to him. However, before Sasuke could reply Naruto spoke, "Hey Sakura-chan, what's wrong? I mean, are you-"
"Nothing is wrong with me," she said curtly. She noticed a flash of surprise and hurt in those blue eyes, but it was the concern that was visible. It irked her. Grated on her nerves like fingernails on a chalk board. Increased her ugliness more.
"Saku-"
"If anything is wrong with anyone, it's Sasuke. It seems that he hasn't quite gotten over his assholicness." Sakura knew that she was being unfair, going super bitch on the Uchiha. But she couldn't help it.
She realized that people were talking. They were looking at her and whispering. She felt cold. She clenched her fists, gritted her teeth, wrapped her sweater around her tightly, turned and walked away.
Sakura looked at the scroll in front of her. She couldn't comprehend the meaning of the black shapes on the old worn parchment. Why couldn't she understand them? It was just a scroll. She stared and stared. Until her eyes began to ache and her vision began to blur.
She wiped her eyes hastily and got up. Maybe she was hungry and her brain was exhausted. Once she had some coffee, maybe she would be able to concentrate better. She went into the kitchen and took out some milk from the fridge. She looked around for her cup and wondered where she put it.
She couldn't remember. No matter, how hard she tried, she couldn't. Her eyes started to prickle. She pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead and bit her lip. She shut her eyes tight and tried not to cry.
It's all right, she told herself. You'll find it. You just need to look for it instead of thinking about where to look for it. Telling herself that, she walked into her living room and saw that the light was off. She walked forward trying to find the button.
She was only a few feet away from her destination when she banged her knee into something sharp. She let out a gasp as pain shot through her knee. She stumbled and fell back on the floor. Her hand went to her injured knee.
She sat there hand on her knee, touching it gingerly trying to make the pain go away. Her fingers were cold, so were her hands and feet. She felt the tears come up again and she held them in.
I'm being stupid. Why am I crying over something like that? I just banged my knee. She got up; more careful this time and finally found the switch. The light came on and she shut her eyes as the harsh, white light invaded the room.
She opened her eyes slowly and looked down at her knee. A little red mark was slowly forming. It was a harmless little thing. She was a shinobi after all. Shinobi don't cry over silly things like that.
She gave a little laugh and brushed her hair away from her face. As she was doing so, she looked up and saw her reflection in the mirror.
A girl with messy pink hair, pale skin and ugly, clothes looked back at her. Her skin was a sickly pale. There were dark shadows under her eyes. The dark shadows contrasted sharply with the pale. Her jade eyes looked dull and were sparkling with unshed tears. Her clothes looked old and worn. There were stains on the dull red sweater and the shorts were patched in a few places. Her knee sported a bruise. She was barefoot. The hand that was brushing her bangs away stilled and her sleeve slipped down, revealing red lines.
She looked at her reflection and then at her wrist. The sleeve was frayed on the edges and she noticed that a piece of red string sticking out.
Her eyes were on the red marks.
Her body began to shake and she broke out in cold sweat. She jerked the sleeve up and looked around. Her breathing was harsh and her body burned hot and then went cold. She looked around the room.
Plain, ugly and a mess.
Just like herself.
She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe.
She had to get out. Stumbling, she ran for her door and jerked to a stop when she heard a voice.
"She's not being herself!" a voice hissed. Naruto.
"Hn. I don't care," replied a flat voice. Sasuke.
"Come on, you bastard! Have some compassion!"
"Hn. I don't care for the weak."
Her heart clenched. Her throat got tight and her body started to shake. She turned and wildly looked around for a way out.
Knock knock. "Hey Sakura? You there?"
Her heart was fluttering like a frightened bird.
"Sakura?" Another knock, this time a little insistent.
The sweat was coming fast and she felt sick. She felt like a mouse stuck in a trap. Her eyes frantically scanned the room and found a window. She bolted.
Her cold and clumsy fingers fumbled with the latch. She whimpered as her fingers stung.
"Sakura, open the door dammit! We know you're there!" The knocking was getting louder now.
She let a small cry of frustration and pulled it up, wrenching it. She broke a nail in the process and pain shot through her index finger. Ignoring it, she pushed the window up and jumped out.
She landed hard on the stone path covered with snow. She stumbled and nearly fell over. Her bare feet stung from the impact. She ignored it and ran.
Ran and ran into the cold darkness. The cold air whipped her exposed skin harshly. She ran until she was spent.
Panting harshly and sweating, she came to a stop. She placed a hand on her throat and clutched her sweater. She leant against a tree, trying to catch her breath. She gulped greedy lungfuls of air.
When she recovered her breath, she looked around.
She had run to the lake. It was night time and the moon shone, covering everything in its light. The lake was frozen and moon was reflected in it. It was quiet.
It was winter. Snow was everywhere, a white blanket that covered everything. It looked deceptively soft, but the ice underneath her feet told her something else.
Tired, and too exhausted to care, she sat down. The ice came in contact with her skin and the cold bit her soft skin. She forced herself not to cry out. She was not weak. She was brave. She could do this.
Her fists clenched and she looked down, her limp bangs falling into her face. Her eyes fell on her sleeves and saw that one of them had slipped down, exposing the red slashes.
She looked at them.
She had told herself countless times that she would train and get better. She had told herself that she was an able female and was going to become a strong kunoichi. She had told herself that she would become as good as Sasuke and Naruto. She had told herself that she would grow up and make life better.
She had told herself a lot of things. Were all of them lies?
She looked at her hands. Small, clumsy and sweaty. She looked at her nails. Some were bitten down to the quick, and some were broken. She looked at the shape. Crooked. Ugly.
Like her.
She had tried time and time again, to do what she had told herself. Every time she thought she was getting one step closer to her aim, something happened that pushed her two steps back.
She had tried so hard. To come up to their level. She had trained under Tsunade. She had been getting better. She would spar with them and she would put up a good fight. People would praise her, but it was them who mattered. She was nothing, just another child.
They gave her praise like giving money to a poor child. They only did it because they pitied her. Felt sorry for her. Because they knew, she would never be as good as them.
They were right…She could try as hard as she wanted, but she would never get there. She would always stand from where she started and watch Naruto and Sasuke walk away. They would shine like the sun while she would fade away into the dust. Nameless. Faceless. Forgotten.
She had let herself ago. She didn't think she could get back up again after falling down. It hurt. It hurt too much. It hurt how Tsunade's teachings had no effect on her. It wasn't the Hokage's fault. It was her. She was worthless. Usless. Defeated.
Now the evidence of her defeat was sketched on her wrists. Ugly, sick evidence.
She looked at the red slashes and wondered when and how had she let herself go like this. It wasn't like her. She heard a sound and looked up. A broken twig fell down in front of her. She looked at the scene in front of her.
The moon shone brightly, illuminating everything it's in its pure, white light. The lake was frozen, and the moonlight shone down on it making it purple. Snow covered everything. The trees, the flowers, the ground…
She got up. She walked over to the river and knelt down. She placed her hands on the ice and looked down. A distorted image of a figure with pink hair looked up at her. Her eyes looked at the image, widened with shock and horror.
Is this how I look? Distorted? Ugly? Misshapen? An owl hooted somewhere. The coldness of the ice cut into her skin, seeping into her bones. The cold stung her cuts and she felt as if a thousand needles were being pushed into her hands.
She looked at the image, transfixed. An owl hooted again. She jerked out of her reverie and looked at the image.
She smashed her fist into the ice, shattering it. Pieces of it flew around everywhere. Hitting her, piercing her soft skin. She got up, looked around and her eyes landed on something.
A rose bush, devoid of its roses and petals. The branches were brown, twisted and bent. It was covered with a thin sheen of glistening ice and the moonlight illuminated it, giving it a light glow.
It looked so pretty. She made her way towards it and fell down in front of it. She looked at it reverently and hesitantly reached out to touch it. As soon as her fingers touched it, the branch broke with a sharp snap and fell. She jerked and gasped. Her heart beat fast and she looked at the broken branch in horror.
Was she…so distasteful that everything she touched broke?
She snapped. She couldn't take it. The beauty of this place was too much. It was suffocating her.
She hit anything she could reach. Trees. She pounded and screamed and cried until her fists were bruised, her throat raw and her vision blurred with tears. But the bark of the tree was unyielding. It refused to break.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around her and yanked her back. She slammed against a hard and warm body.
She started screaming in earnest now. She thrashed and struggled and tried to escape.
"Stop it!" a harsh voice commanded. She jerked and stiffened. Shakily she turned her head and saw a single, black eye glaring at her.
Fearful and scared of his gaze, she jerked her face away and made to run but his arms tightened around her. She stiffened even more and curled into herself. Whimpering.
Kakashi looked down at the girl in his arms. Her pink hair was messed up, hanging about her face limply. He noticed that her teeth were chattering.
"Sakura?" he spoke.
She jerked and started to shake. She whimpered as if she was scared of him.
Scared? Of him? Kakashi wouldn't even think of hurting her! He saw that she was out in the cold without any protection.
"Sakura..." he said, in a voice so gentle and low that only she could hear it. She shook even harder.
Kakashi looked at his student. He felt her chakra levels drop and her pulse slow. She was shivering more than before.
He quickly hauled her up into his arms. She let out a squeak and moved in protest.
"Shhh…just hold on to me," he said. He was afraid of hurting her.
Sakura didn't dare look at her sensei. Tears were streaming down her face faster now. Her face burned. Embarrassed that she had been caught by her sensei in such a condition. Her body was shaking. She could feel the full effect of the cold now.
"Sakura…please."
Hesitantly she put her arms around him. Her fists hurt and they were bleeding. Warm,sticky blood covered her hands and they ached. Her feet felt like they were on fire. She wanted to cry out but it only came out as a strangled sound.
Kakashi's arms tightened protectively around her.
^O^
He lay her down gently on his bed. She immediately turned away wrapped her arms around herself and curled up into a small ball. Her puffy red eyes were closed. Tear tracks glistened on her cheeks.
Kakashi forced himself to tear his eyes away from the sight and went into the bathroom. He turned on the water and waited for the bath to fill up. When it was filled, he touched to see if it was warm.
He got up and looked at Sakura through the bathroom door. Curled up into a little ball. Wearing nothing but a ratty old sweater and old shorts for protection. Where was the strong willed, feisty kunoichi?
He walked over to his bed and gently leaned over. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Sakura, sit up."
She went still. They both were quiet for some time. Kakashi repeated his order. Woodenly, Sakura uncurled and sat up. She looked down, unable to meet his eyes, her bloodied hands folded in her lap.
He looked at her. She looked so small, so lost.
"Sakura. I want you to take a nice, warm bath and change. Then I'm going to patch you up." And ask you what's wrong with you, he silently added to himself.
She didn't move. He looked at her. A tear trickled down on her cheek and landed on her bloodied knuckle. She winced.
"Haruno Sakura, if you don't move right now, I will throw you in that tub and give you a bath myself."
The sentence seemed to have the intended effect. Sakura got up as if shocked and stumbled. Kakashi, who was still kneeling at the floor, grabbed her arm, steadying her.
She mumbled something and Kakashi let go of her hand. "Hurry back. Make sure to wash behind your ears."
Sakura reached for the doorknob and nodded. Tears were falling fast. His kindness was too much for her and she slammed the door shut behind her.
"Ten minutes," he called out. "Or I'll break the door down."
He sat down heavily on his bed and sighed. He hung his head down and saw blood. He followed the trail from his bed to the door. Her small, cute feet were covered in blood. He pushed his hands in his hair and sighed.
What was wrong with her? He had never seen Sakura let herself go that badly. She had always been the stable one of the team. The peace maker, the normal one…the one who everyone thought didn't need to be taken care of.
Wrong. How wrong they were. Sakura needed more care than anyone else. The girl was on the road to self-destruction. If Kakashi didn't stop her, she would reach the end of the road, disappear and be forgotten.
He clenched his fists and nearly ripped his hair out. No. He would not let that happen.
He had noticed something off about Sakura ever since Sasuke had returned to the village. Kakashi had attributed that to Sakura's feelings for the Uchiha. That she was uncertain how to treat the man who had betrayed the village.
But as time passed, people had forgiven Sasuke. He and Naruto had become best friends again, like before. True, it hadn't been easy with Sai thrown in the mix, but it had been done. It seemed that as the boys got closer, she became distant.
She was reserved, quiet. She didn't shout encouragement to Naruto or Sasuke or Sai. She refused to spar with any of them and only agreed when Kakashi ordered her to. She didn't hang out with Team Seven anymore. He thought that she was jealous of Sasuke getting all the attention and feeling neglected. He thought that she would come to her senses and get over it. But his suspicions rose when Tsunade had told him that Sakura had been acting funny with her as well.
"Its like she's not even there Kakashi. All she does is sit there and nod her head like a zombie. She won't talk and she's lost weight. She won't talk to me. Hell, all she does is take her orders and runs away before I can start a confrontation."
Kakashi realized that he worried more about Sakura than the average teacher. His concern and feelings for the girl weren't exactly what a teacher would feel for his charge. He felt overprotective of her more than anyone. Her sharp wit, her intelligence, her pink hair, her strength. Often when she would laugh, he would be mesmerized by the beauty of the sound. The way she would look at Sasuke, back when she had a crush on him. Her jade green eyes looking upon him with gentleness and admiration, her lips curved into a smile.
At times, Kakashi had even gotten jealous of the Uchiha.
Knock.
Kakashi looked up. "Yes?"
"Sensei…there aren't any clothes…" came a faint voice from the other side of the door.
He went into his closet and fished out a white shirt and shorts. He knocked on the door and it opened just a crack.
"Here," he held them out. After what seemed like a few minutes, her arm appeared and he froze.
Big red ugly random slashes marred her pale slender wrist. Some looked old and some looked fresh. Her nails were bitten and broken.
Sakura was waiting for Kakashi to hand over the clothes. She was wearing only a towel. She hoped Kakashi wouldn't start questioning her about the cuts. Not now. She knew it was futile to hide them.
A hand clamped down on her wrist and she cried out as she was pulled forward. She clutched the towel tighter around herself and forced herself not to wrench her hand away from Kakashi's grip.
Kakashi examined the cuts, forcing himself to act rationally and not start yelling at Sakura. He had no idea his student had let herself go that badly. Her beautiful, soft skin marred by such ugly…Why did she do this to herself?
Sakura looked at the man, waiting for him to say something. Instead, Kakashi held out the clothes. Sakura looked at him and then at the clothes. Slowly, she took them from him and went back inside.
Kakashi slowly walked over to the drawer and took out a first aid kit. The door opened and Sakura appeared wearing his clothes. The white shirt was too baggy and hung on her skinny form. Her hair framed her face, giving it a vulnerable look. She was looking down, rubbing the back of her neck, uncertain. She looked so small, so frail… Kakashi's chest got tight.
"Sit."
Sakura moved over to the bed and sat down. She folded her hands in her lap and cringed at the sight of her hands. Bloodied, bruised and skinned raw. Her hands still hurt, but she didn't say anything.
Kakashi came over with the kit and knelt in front of her. He took out some bandages and gently took her hand. He tended to her injuries in silence. He was efficient. Careful. Gentle.
Kakashi took her foot in his hand and told her to move back. She obeyed. When he touched the cut on her foot with his fingertips, she hissed.
"Sorry," he said quietly. She said nothing, but just watched him work. When he was done, he put away the kit and asked. "Hungry?"
"What?" she asked startled that he had asked her something so casual.
"Hungry?" he repeated.
"Uh, no, I mean…" she trailed off when her stomach grumbled loudly in protest. She winced in embarrassment as Kakashi chuckled. He walked over to the kitchen and took out two cups of instant ramen.
Sakura watched as he moved around. He moved so smoothly, so gracefully. He was humming.
Why wasn't he mad at her? Why wasn't he screaming at her? She looked down at her bandaged hands and feet.
"Kakashi sensei?"
Kakashi, who was stirring ramen in the cups, answered. "Hm?"
"Why aren't you mad at me?"
Kakashi stopped stirring. He sighed and turned around. "What do you want me to say Sakura?"
"I want to…know if you're mad…"
"Of course, I am mad." He walked over to her, picked up a chair, turned it around and straddled it. It was taking him a lot of effort to stay in control.
She looked up at him. "You don't look it…" Sakura knew that was a dumb thing to say. Kakashi had never been an easy person to read.
"Well, would you rather have me shouting and yelling at you, asking why are you mutilating yourself?"
She winced.
"Bottling everything inside, distancing yourself from people who care for you?" His voice was soft. Dangerously soft.
"Telling yourself that you are a useless person and then slowly reducing yourself to a mess?"
She looked down, ashamed.
"That's not the way to do it Sakura. It is true, that the life of a Shinobi isn't easy. It was never was and I doubt if it ever will be. But Sakura…I don't think that is why you're acting like this. Is it?"
Sakura looked at her nails. She picked at them. There wasn't much to pick anyway.
"Well…it's…complicated."
"Nothing is simple, is it?"
She took a deep breath. "Its…it's like people don't see me anymore. I mean, people pay more attention to Sasuke and Naruto because they're guys and they're much stronger than I am. People even like Sai more than me. It's not an issue of not getting attention; it's just that every time I think I'm getting better, the guys do something that shows that I'm still weak. I've tried to move forward but I keep going back. I keep getting knocked back over and over again. I trained under Lord Hokage and I'm still not getting any better. It's not her fault, she works really hard and all but it's me. I don't work hard enough, because if I did I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't bitch at the guys. And…and…" she paused for breath. Then, realizing that she was rambling utter nonsense, she clammed up.
Kakashi looked at his student, not believing what he was hearing. Sakura was insecure? She felt as if she was accomplishing nothing? Kakashi wasn't sure he would've believed it if he hadn't been hearing it from her own mouth.
"And?" he prompted.
"And…I don't think I can take this anymore. It's too much…I feel so alone…" She traced the bandages. Her eyes were starting to sting and there was a lump in her throat. She noticed the bruise on her knee. Kakashi had put a bandage on that too.
They both were quiet for a while. "Oh Sakura…" Kakashi's voice sounded heavy. Tired.
Tears started to stream down her cheeks. Hot and fast.
She felt a pair of arms envelop her into a hug. She continued to cry. Harsh, heavy sobs. Cried her heart out in the arms of this man.
Kakashi held her, close to his chest. He didn't say a word, just held her, rubbing her back soothingly. Vowing never to leave her alone again.
"Sakura, look at me," he said. "Please."
Sakura sniffed and slowly looked up at him, jade green eyes shining with tears. He looked deep into her eyes and made sure she got the message.
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.
^O^
It is done! I'm really sorry for crappy quality…I hope you like it ;A; Kaline Reine!
Reviews are welcome. And I don't blame you if you want to flame me.