"I'm sick and tired of these blasted dwarves." Gandalf muttered as he sipped his latte.

"I feel you bro." Dumbledore graciously accepted his long black from the waitress, along with his cupcake. "I mean, we don't get dwarves at Hogwarts, but there are plenty of small, irritating first-years that are getting on my nerves."

"Tell me about it!" Gandalf exclaimed. "These dwarves have no manners. They really are a merry bunch, but they are all so stubborn."

"You think that's bad!" Dumbledore cried, accidentally knocking over the pot plant behind him. All of the simple minded cafe-goers turned around and stared. Dumbledore apologised before continuing. "There are hundreds of Hogwarts students. You've only got to deal with 13 tiny little dwarves!"

"Are you saying you can do my job better than me?" Gandalf got that glint in his eye. That I-bet-you-can't glint.

"Maybe I am." Dumbledore grinned with his signature of-course-I-am-fool grin.

"Let's swap then. I do your job. You do mine. Whoever lasts longest wins." Gandalf leant back in his chair.

"Deal. What are the stakes?" Dumbledore swigged his coffee.

"Whoever loses dies their beard pink."

"DEAL!"

"We start tomorrow then"

The two wizards shook on it, then proceeded to discuss more important matters.

"So, how has that knitting been going Albus?"

"Albus! Wake up! Albus!" McGonagall's cries awoke Gandalf from his slumber. It was day 1 of what would soon be known as the great Swaparoo.

"What- what is it?"

"Peeves is wrecking my office. He is pouring spoilt milk all over my toucans!"

Gandalf nodded slowly. He was absolutely confused.

"Well, um, tell this Peevy guy to stop."

"Oh Albus, don't be daft. We've tried asking him to stop. He doesn't listen."

"Then why are you coming to me for?"

"Well, we though maybe you could talk some sense into him." McGonagall raised her eyebrows.

"Well, well- you see, I-" Gandalf stopped. He couldn't dye his beard pink! He needed to persevere. "Show me to him."

Dumbledore could not, for the life of him, understand the hairy little man in front of him.

"Pardon? Could you repeat that one more time, please?"

"For the love of Durin, can you not listen, Gandalf? Our passage through the mountains has been cut off by Orcs. We must turn another way. It'll be harder, but it's what needs to be done."

"But I still don't understand. Why can't we just go up and ask the orcs to move?"

"Are you not right in the head, Gandalf? These Orcs have sworn to wipe out the line of Durin!" Thorin was enraged.

"What's that?"

"'Tis me! 'Tis me and my nephews!" Thorin motioned to Fili and Kili.

"Why would those Orc-things want to wipe out such charismatic dwarves?"

"Because, you numbskull, I chopped off his hand!"

"Now why on earth did you do that?"

"Because he killed my grandfather and drove my father to insanity!"

"Why can't you godforsaken dwarves just be friends! You are such disagreeable folk!"

"Are you implying we are disagreeable?" Thorin roared as he whipped his sword from his sheath, threatening the elderly wizard.

Then he snapped. Dumbledore snapped.

"Protego!" An invisible barrier leapt up between the men. Thorin looked dumbstruck.

"Gandalf... what on earth did-" Thorin started to say, but then he stopped with Dumbledore's menacing glance.

"You are a man of many surprises, Gandalf the Grey."