Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do anything for it, but in the end couldn't have it? Well, that's how I feel right now. I wanted something I couldn't have. I've told myself multiply times that I can't have it, but it still hasn't stopped me from wanted it. The desire to want was too much to deal with on a daily occurrence.
What's my desire, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you. I'm in love with my best mate, Sian Powers, and I have been for some time now. The thing is I'm bi, and everyone knows that I am. Everyone found out I was bi when they caught me snogging my now ex-girlfriend, Amber. We only dated for a month. She was so clingy, and I hated that. Dumping her was the best thing I've ever done.
I've dated blokes and have slept with them. Before you think anything bad, no I'm not a slut. I've only slept with one bloke, and that was only because I thought I loved him. I didn't, but I thought I did at the time. Since that night, I realized that I did love somebody. I love the one person I know I could never have.
Sian is also bi. Great news, right? Wrong. She's actually has a girlfriend, Jessica, at the moment. They've been dating for about four months now. They look happy together, but I can't help but think something is wrong with Jessica. I get this vibe that she knows how I feel about Sian, and is only with her to spite me. Stupid bitch. I can't stand her. Sian deserves someone better than Jessica.
Anyways, tonight we're all going out. I originally didn't want to go, but Sian begged me to go. She said she wanted me there, and it wouldn't be fun without me. I sometimes feel like she feels the same way about me that I do for her. Wishful thinking. Sian's drop dead gorgeous. She could have anyone in the world. She wouldn't want me.
Sian's meeting me at my place, and then we're meeting everyone at the club. I really wasn't looking forward to hanging out with everyone. I would much rather stay in and have a girly night in with Sian. That wasn't going to happen though.
I decided I was going to go out in my black skinny jeans, white tank top, and leather jacket. I'd wear my sneakers and call it a day. My phone went off signaling that I got a text message. I checked who it's from, and it was from none other than the girl of my dreams.
From Sian: I'm at your door. Can you open up please, babe? X
From Sophie: On my way down, babe. X
We always call each other babe and added kisses to the end of our texts. Friends do that, right? I went downstairs and open my door. I see the most gorgeous sight in front of me when I do. Sian is standing in my doorway wearing a black strapless dress, and black heels. I had to hold the doorframe because my knees were about to give out. I looked her up and down, and was lost for words.
Sian just laughed at me. She walked past me and took a seat of my sofa. I moved out of my parents' house when I was eighteen. I couldn't take it anymore, so I bought my own flat. I love it. Being eighteen and living on my own. There's nothing better than living on your own. I closed my door and walked to the living room. I saw Sian watching TV.
"Anything good on?" I asked, standing behind her.
"No. Just the same rubbish as always," Sian answered, looking at me.
"We could just pop in a movie like we usually do on Friday nights," I stated, looking at me.
"As much as I'd love to be cuddled up in your arms, we have to meet everyone," Sian stated, looking at me.
"Babe, I really don't want to go," I whined, looking at the floor.
"You're so sexy when you whine," whispered Sian.
"What?" I asked, making sure I heard what she said correctly.
"Umm…nothing. Come on, Soph. Please come. Everyone wants you there," she stated, walking in front of me.
"Not everyone," I whispered. I know she got who I was talking about.
"Forget her. I want you there. I want to show off my girl," stated Sian, looking at me.
"Your girl?" I asked confused.
"I mean best mate," she blushed.
"Sian," I whispered, getting closer to her.
"Yeah," she whispered.
"Let's go," I stated, stepping away from her. I now had no doubts that Sian felt the same way about me that I did for her. Tonight was defiantly going to be an interesting night.
I got my keys and wallet, and turned off my lights. I opened the door for Sian, and let her exit my flat first. I know. True gentlewoman style. I locked up, and walked towards the club with Sian. While walking, Sian took hold of my hand. I felt a million butterflies flying around in my stomach. She has this effect on me every time she touches me. I looked at her and smiled. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, and connected our other hands together. I saw her smile when I did this move.
I couldn't help but smile when I saw her smile. Her smile was to die for. I have it bad for Sian. Nobody has ever made me feel this way except for her. It took me everything I had to not kiss her right now. She was everything I was looking for, but she had Jessica. I hated Jessica for that.
When we arrived at the club, I removed me arm from around Sian. I saw a look of disappointment sweep across her face. I smiled at her, and we entered the club. Sian took hold of my hand as we made our way to the table everyone was at. I saw Jessica looking at us, and man did she not look happy. I couldn't help but smile at that fact. We took our seats. Sian was going to sit next to me, but Jessica pulled her next herself. She wrapped her arm around Sian and kissed her cheek. I couldn't help but feel jealous.
The night went on like this. Jessica flirty with any girl she could in front of Sian. Sian sitting alone at the table. Jessica drinking god knows how many drinks. Then her walking over to Sian, and whispering god knows what in her ear. Sian looked at Jessica in disgust, and walking away. I saw Sian walk away, and I followed her. I wanted to make sure she was okay.
It killed me when Sian was upset. Jessica was hurting Sian a lot tonight, and I wanted to put an end to it. I walked outside of the club to see Sian sitting on the curb. I walked over to her, took my jacket off, and wrapped it around her. I took a seat next to Sian and wrapped my arm around her. She rested her head on my shoulder while I rubbed her arm.
"Hey. You okay?" I asked, still rubbing her arm.
"Yeah. Jessica was just being her stupid self," she answered, looking out at the cars.
"I'm sorry," I stated, looking at her.
"It isn't your fault, Soph," Sian stated, looking at me.
"I know, but you deserve to be treated better than this, Sian. You deserve someone that would do anything for you. Someone that would do whatever it takes to just see you smile because your smile is to die for. Someone that would treasure that they have you, and not someone who doesn't give a shit. Someone that would be proud to show you off to the world. Someone that would die if they lost you," I stated, still looking at her. "Someone like…"
"Someone like you?" Sian asked, smiling at me.
"Yeah," I whispered, smiling. "Sian, I love you."
"I love you, too, Soph," Sian stated, still smiling. "Sophie, I want to be with you."
"I want the same thing, but you have Jessica," I stated, looking to the ground.
"I've never had Jessica. My heart has always been with you," she whispered, looking at me.
"Then, why date that thing in there?" I asked, looking at her.
"Because I was scared you didn't feel the same way, that I wasn't the person that you wanted, that I wasn't good enough for you," she answered, looking at the ground.
"Hey. You are exactly the person I want. Sian, you've been all I've thought about for the last two years. I thought I wasn't good enough for you," I stated, lifting her chin towards me.
"You're perfect," she whispered.
"Sian, can I kiss you?" I whispered, looking at her.
"Of course," she whispered, smiling.
That's all I needed to know before I slowly leaned into her. I saw Sian leaning towards me. I looked from her lips to her eyes and back to her lips. I finally closed the distance, and it felt like a million fireworks were going on in my head. I felt Sian smile into the kiss. Our lip moved in sync. The kiss was full of passion, love and lust. It was the perfect kiss. I felt Sian's tongue begging for entrance, and I accept it. No way would I not allow her tongue entrance. Now, it was my turn to smile into the kiss.
It felt like we were kissing for hours when we finally pulled apart. I gave Sian's lips three small pecks before I finally pulled away.
"Wow!" Sian said, catching her breath.
"Yeah," l laughed.
"That was the best kiss I've ever had," smiled Sian, looking at me.
"Same here," I smiled, kissing her again.
"So, this is where you ran off too," stated Jessica, looking at us.
"Jessica," stated Sian, standing up.
"What?" asked Jessica, looking at Sian.
"Umm," stuttered Sian, looking at the ground.
"What? Cat got your tongue?" asked Jessica, walking closer to Sian. I stood up, and stood next to Sian. I could tell this wasn't going to end well. Jessica had too many drinks, and you could tell she was drunk.
"Jessica, back off," I said, standing in between Sian and Jessica.
"This has nothing to do with you," she stated, looking at me. "It's between me and the slut."
"She's not a slut," I stated, looking at Jessica.
"Hit a nerve there, did I?" asked Jessica, laughing.
"You can say whatever you want about me, but don't you dare speak about Sian that way," I stated, still looking at Jessica.
"God, you two deserve each other. Defending each other like crazy," Jessica stated, looking at me.
"That's what you do when you love somebody," stated Sian, looking at me. I smiled at her.
"That's not what you were saying the other night," laughed Jessica, looking at me.
"I never did anything with you!" yelled Sian, slapping Jessica across the face.
"You bitch!" yelled Jessica, grabbing Sian's arm. "Nobody slaps me!"
"Let me go," cried Sian. I couldn't take it anymore. I removed Jessica's hand from Sian's arm, and gave her a right hook. I stood above her and gave her another one. I only stopped when Sian pulled me off of Jessica. I looked at Sian, and saw she was crying. I pulled her into me for a hug. She cried in my arms. I rubbed her back, and gave her a kiss.
"You okay?" I asked, looking at her.
"Thanks to you," she said, through her tears.
"Come on. Let's go back to mine," I stated, putting my arm around her.
Sian and I walked back to mine. Sian told Jessica it was over between them. When we reached mine, we changed and sat on my bed. Sian cuddled up to me. I held her in my arms tightly. We sat quietly for a few minutes before Sian spoke up.
"Thank you," Sian stated, looking at me.
"It was nothing," I said, looking at her.
"You stood up for me," she smiled, still looking at me.
"I wasn't going to let her get away with what she said," I stated, still looking at her.
"I never did anything with her," stated Sian, sitting up in bed.
"I know," I whispered, rubbing her back.
"I love you, Sophie," stated Sian, looking at me.
"I love you, too, Sian," I stated, looking at her.
"So, are we together?" she asked, biting her lower lip. I loved it when she did that.
"If you want to be," I answered, looking at her.
"Of course I do. Do you?" she asked, nervously.
"What do you think?" I asked, kissing her.
"Umm…yes?" Sian asked, looking at me.
"Of course. It will always be yes," I whispered, smiling at her.
"Same here," she whispered, kissing me.
"Let's get some rest. We've had a long night," I stated, returning the kiss.
"Night, Soph," she whispered, cuddling more into me.
"Night, Sian," I whispered, wrapping my arms tightly around her.
Who knew that this night would turn out this way? The girl I've been madly in love with for years has felt the same way about me. I now have the girl of my dreams, my own place, and a life that was turning out to be better than it was before. Sometimes it good to give into your desires because you never know where it will take you.