Eugene: *sighs* Wow, it took me nearly a few days to figure what should I write with Switzerland in there! *gloom*
Switzerland: *peers over* What the hell is this? *reveals red and white book*
Eugene: *raises eyebrow* Dude, this isn't the poetry I usually wrote but this is close. In case you're wondering what this is, this is kind of an A-Z/ABC book about.. get this: Switzerland. Yeah, this is for ConfoederatioHelvetica (mind if I call you "CH" for short?). So basically, this is like a typical A-Z book that you would've read when you're little but this is about Switzerland, both based on himself and the land. This is based on a Social Studies project I had to do about Canada. If you want me to type up a copy inspired by the original, please let me know by a review! Either that OR you can request me to do the similar thing with other countries… although I might not do all of them.. Last thing: this is dedicated to all the Swiss people.. and of course, Switzerland. ONWARD WITH THE SWITZERLAND ONE-SHOT! SWITZERLAND A-Z!
ALPS
One of the greatest mountain systems in Europe, it stretches from Austria and Solvenia in the east through Italy, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, and Germany to France in the west. There, you'll see beautiful mountains, pristine valleys, beautiful flora, and interesting fauna. Luckily for Switzerland, the Alps is a great place for tourism, for in the winter, it's popular for going skiing (both Alpine and Nordic), snowboarding, tobogganing, and snowshoeing while in the summer, it's good for hiking, mountain biking, and paragliding while down at the lakes below, you can go sailing, surfing, and/or swimming. I'll have to remind you though; if Switzerland tries to ski there to a World Meeting, please help him get there safely or else he'll fall down.
BULLETS
As you all know, Switzerland is trigger-happy. He carries guns. In fact, every time someone like France tries to get close to Liechtenstein, he would try to shoot them. Bullet are of course, painful and according to Switzerland himself, they talk the loudest and clearest of them all.
CANTONS OF SWITZERLAND
Cantons are member states of a country. Switzerland himself has about 26, all with their own constitution, legislature, government, and courts, as well as a coat of arms and a capital city (like one of America's states or Canada's provinces). The cantons are Zurich, Bern, Lucerne, Uri, Schwyz, Obwalden, Nidwalden, Glarus, Zug, Fribourg, Solothurn, Basel-Stadt, Basel-Landschaft, Appenzell Ausserrhoden, Appenzell Innerrhoden, St. Gallen, Graubünden, Aargau, Thurgau, Ticino, Vaud, Valais, Neuchâtel, Geneva, and Jura. They all have different personalities, but nevertheless, with Switzerland, they're family.
DOOMED IN PROPERTY
Italy, whenever he walks around naked (shirtless in some cases, whatever) at night, he would usually end up at Switzerland's property (in his case, his lawn while in your case, his border). Being disgusted by his form of public nudity, Switzerland would bring out his gun and shoot Italy away. Italy doesn't really get killed though… one word for the ears though: if you're gonna pass by or visit Switzerland at night, make sure you don't look, sound, or even act like Italy and never go around naked. Otherwise, you'll die.
ECONOMY
He has one of the most stable economies in the world. Its policy of long-term monetary security and political stability has made Switzerland a safe haven for investors, creating an economy that is increasingly dependent on a steady tide of foreign investment. With its sectors, Industrial, Agriculture, Trade, Tourism, and Banking, he's among the world's most prosperous countries in terms of private income.
FRENCH, GERMAN, ITALIAN, AND ROMANSH (RUMANTSH)
Those are the 4 languages that Switzerland speaks in. Although he doesn't have an official language (yet..), he speaks German most of the time, while using French second, followed by Italian, and then Romansh. There's one thing to know about his German, however, if you speak to him. Switzerland's way of speaking German is known as Swiss German, which is different from Germany's German. So if you're from Germany's country, then you'll have to change the way you speak. It's the same with France and Italy (along with Romano), since they're in a similar situation with their own languages.
GUNS… THE PAINFULEST OF THEM ALL
Sure, Switzerland's neutral (well, with aggressive neutrality anyway) but he carries a gun with him! That's right, he usually carries a Karabiner Model 1931 (K31) with him, although he does carry more when necessary. He uses it for defence, not war. But annoy him again, you die on the freakin' ground. Or at the very least, shed blood from the torn veins in your body as the bullet plants itself in your flesh as you suffer in pain. "I shoot you, and you die." as Switzerland would say.
HELVETIA
Switzerland… he's probably not the only "personification" of his own country at this case. You see, Helvetia is the female national personification of his country (Switzerland). She is shown with braided hair, flowing gown and carrying a spear with a shield emblazoning the Swiss flag. She also carries a wreath as a symbol of confederation. With other natural personifications, she is the reason why Switzerland's also known as the Swiss Confederation; in Latin, it's Confoederatio Helvetica, hence its abbreviation CH and also meaning Helvetic Confederation.
I MAY BE NEUTRAL BUT MAYBE I JUST HATE YOU
Ok, we all know that's not exactly true about Switzerland, but what he personally thinks about the other countries… well, let's just say his thoughts are self-explanatory once you meet him.
JOKE THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO THE SWISS
You'd ever heard of the Swiss roll joke (there's a few more but this is the most common)? It goes like this, in case of Switzerland and Prussia:
Prussia: Yo Switzy! Kesesese! How do you make a Swiss roll?
Switzerland: …they're not invented by me, but however, I'm wondering… how? Do you know?
Prussia: Hm… maybe I'll just have to push him down a mountain! Kesesese!
Swizerland: *shoots him with gun* You utter prick…
Why is it offensive you ask? Well, you see, a Swiss roll is a type of a sponge cake that has a flat layer and while it's spread with jam or buttercream, it's rolled up into a swirly log and served into circular slices. Though, not invented in Switzerland, it's unknown why it's called a Swiss roll. Also, "Swiss" is what we usually refer to someone who lives in Switzerland, as well as something made in that country. If you try to push a "Swiss" down a mountain (or a hill, whatever) as if you hate him/her, the victim will roll down like a rolling pin in a skating ramp, therefore making a "Swiss roll". So note to self: NEVER tell the Swiss roll joke to Switzerland, one of his cantons, OR to his citizens.
KNIFE WITH MANY FUNCTIONS
The Swiss Army Knife is a brand of a pocket knife or a multi-tool manufactured by Victorinox AG and Wenger SA. It has many functions, such as a blade (one regular size and one small one), can opener, tweezers, toothpick, corkscrew, saw (one regular one and one for wood), bottle opener, slotted/flat-head screwdriver(s), phillips-head screwdriver, nail file, scissors, hook (parcel carrier, tightening aid for shoelaces, etc.), magnifying glass, ballpoint pen, fish scaler, hex wrench w/bits, pliers, and keyring. Recent technological features include USB flash drives, digital clock, digital altimeter, LED light, laser pointer, and MP3 player. It is function, practical, and best of all, essential for survival.
LIECHTENSTEIN, HIS SWEET LITTLE SISTER
Despite Switzerland's temper, overprotection, and trigger-happiness, he is soft and sweet to his little sister, Liechtenstein (fully known as the Principality of Liechtenstein). He cares for her and will do anything to protect her.
MILITARY SERVICE
The Swiss Armed Forces perform the roles of Switzerland's militia and regular army. Under the country's militia system, professional soldiers constitute about 5 percent of military personnel; the rest are male citizen conscripts 19 to 34 (in some cases up to 50) years old. Because of a long history of neutrality, the army does not take part in armed conflicts in other countries, but takes part in peacekeeping missions around the world. Switzerland would sometimes make sure his soldiers are doing their duty… make yourself armed.
NEUTRALITY
Switzerland has a long period of neutrality; it hasn't been in a state of war internationally since 1815. Also, he didn't joined the United Nations until sometime around 2002, which is later than most of the countries. He pursues, however, an active foreign policy and is frequently involved in peace-building processes around the world. Switzerland himself, as well as the cantons, doesn't take sides in a typical war and doesn't care who wins.
OH MY GOSH! SWITZERLAND HAS GREAT FOOD (AND DRINKS)!
Switzerland's cuisine has been influenced by mostly German, French, and Italian cuisine (if you think his food's that great, you'd better give Germany, France, Italy, and Romano credit, too). Switzerland was historically a country of farmers, so traditional Swiss dishes tend to be plain and made from simple ingredients, such as potatoes and cheese. You may know about food such as Swiss cheese (there's several types, actually), Swiss chocolate, and fondue, but he also has national dishes such as Carac, Rösti, Saffron Risotto, Polenta, and more. Switzerland's also known for wine (don't tell France; he'll be jealous~!) and other drinks such as Rivella.
PLEASE PROTECT ME, MY SWISS GUARD
Swiss guards, also known as Schweizergarde, are soldiers from Switzerland who serve as bodyguards, ceremonial guards, and palace guards at foreign European courts since the late 15th century. They have had a high reputation for discipline, as well as loyalty to their employers. Apart from household and guard units, regular Swiss mercenary regiments have served as line troops in various armies; notably those of France, Spain and Naples up to the 19th century. In contemporary usage, the name Swiss Guards generally refers to the Pontifical Swiss Guard of Vatican City. There are various units of Swiss guards and they are noticeable, wearing distinctive yellow, blue, and red uniforms under a plate of armour (although they're also trying to come up with less-traditional versions). Even though Switzerland will absolutely not wear the uniform (the red, yellow, and blue part.. the plate armour's ok though), maybe he'll be your own personal Swiss guard, if you're lucky.
QUAINT CHALETS
A chalet is a house or cottage traditionally made of wood with wide overhanging eaves, in a style originally built in Switzerland. These are common in the Swiss Alps; some as hotels, some as cabins, or others as ski lodges. The steep roofs help to keep the snow slide off quicker.
ROMANSH LANGUAGE; WHAT IS IT?
As I have mentioned earlier, Romansh (also spelled Romansch, Rumants[c]h, or Romanche) is one of Switzerland's official languages. It is one of the Rhaeto-Romance languages, believed to have descended from the Vulgar Latin variety spoken by Roman era occupiers of the region, and, as such, is closely related to French, Occitan and Lombard, as well as other Romance languages to a lesser extent. It is tricky to understand, for most people, but all we could say is that part of the language is based on Latin.
SWISS PENGUIN
….Yes, you heard me right. Switzerland (as well as England probably) is the one who made the adorable clay-animation TV show "Pingu". Pingu is a mischievous penguin who lives in Antarctica on an igloo with his parents and his little sister. He often makes mischief. One reason for Pingu's international success is the mix of Swedish (thank Sweden for that, too) and Swiss human languages. Some dialogue is in a loud honking "penguin language", and was initially retroscripted by Carlo Bonomi (one of Italy's citizens), who created all the sound effects for the series. This feature allows people of different linguistic backgrounds to still be able to follow the story. Oh yeah, and word to the wise: don't dress Switzerland in a penguin suit as "Pingu" or else he'll be provoked, planning to shoot you.
THE SMALL AND WHITE EDELWEISS
Edelweiss (Leontopodium alpinum) is Switzerland's national flower. Its name comes from German edel, meaning "noble", and weiß (also spelled weiss) "white", thus signifying "noble whiteness. The flowers and the leaves are covered with white hairs, making it look wholly. It is not toxic and it has been used traditionally in folk medicine as a remedy against abdominal and respiratory diseases. Looking like fluffy stars, the Edelweiss may make you think like Switzerland is noble underneath his trigger-happy interior.
UNIVERSAL KNOWLEDGE
To Switzerland, education is considered important. The students there have a literacy rate of 100% and some of the smartest scientists are from there (in fact, they're smart enough to receive the Nobel Prize for it). Also, being neutral, the Swiss would probably achieve more than others. Ask him if you need proof…
VARIOUS FORMS OF NEUTRALITY?
Switzerland, of course, is known for being neutral. A few others were, too… in some situations. But what's the difference between him and them? He has aggressive neutrality (he'll shoot anyone who dares to offend it), they don't. Why? According to him, they got no guns to defend themselves with! Result? They got overrun, end of story.
WATCH INDUSTRY
Switzerland is also known for his Swiss watches. Mass production of watch parts came to Switzerland in 1845 before any of the other countries got theirs, so naturally, he gained an enormous advantage over other watch-making areas. Switzerland was the first to manufacture the first quartz watch in the 1960s (even though Japan has been making cheaper ones about 10 years later). He also developed liquid crystal displays (LCDs), electro chromatic displays, combined analog and digital displays, and optic sensors; all for the Swiss watches. Few are even about 0,98 mm thick and one responds to human voices! They're all elaborate, perfect for you to find them before you see what time is it.
X-CELLING (EXCELLING) WITH RICHES AND ARROGANCE?
One of Switzerland's problems is that other people, especially Americans, came up with these stereotypes about his citizens. One of them was that the Swiss are all rich, arrogant, conservative, unfussy, prudent, and industrious. This may be due to the strong economy, high-class banking, their invention, organization, and the landlocked geography, which makes the entire land looking isolated, crammed between other countries. But the thing is, not all of the Swiss are rich and they're certainly not arrogant. Just ask Switzerland… but if you follow those stereotyped about his citizens, you will die. -.-
YODELING
Yodeling, of course, is saying words or certain sounds out loud on a high mountain, waiting for it to be echoed back at you. But unfortunately, there's another Swiss stereotype behind it. -.- You see, most Americans (geez, thanks America…) also think that Switzerland's citizens wear embroidered suspenders and vests with white shirts, dark shorts, and flowered or feathered hats as they yodel away. Although the clothes are technically are Switzerland's (as well as most of the cantons's) traditional clothing, other than that, not all of them yodel often in real life. Another thing is that one time, Japan was watching Switzerland shoot with his gun when all of a sudden, he imagined them wearing traditional Swiss clothes (Japan wearing the men's while Switzerland was wearing the women's), singing, yodeling, and dancing together. Then it got awkward…. just don't mention this to both of them; it'll either end up badly or they'll get embarrassed…
ZWINGLI, LEADER OF THE REFORMATION IN SWITZERLAND
The Protestant Reformation was a 16th-century split within Western Christianity initiated by Martin Luther, John Calvin and other early Protestants. The efforts of the self-described "reformers", who objected to ("protested") the doctrines, rituals and ecclesiastical structure of the Roman Catholic Church, led to the creation of new national Protestant churches. Some of the Europeans had their own Reformations in their own countries about having their own Protestant churches. One of them was Switzerland. The reforms there were lead by Huldrych Zwingli. He believed that in order to build a new society, an old one must be destroyed. Known for his bad reputation, he destroyed the Catholic rites in Switzerland in favour of the Protestant services by 1531. The rural cantons were not used to the new changes and had Zwingli arrested. At that point, a war between the cantons and the city Zurich (the one who encouraged him to replace Catholic churches). During that war, Zwingli died. However, he's not all that bad as he was a humanist and a scholar with many devoted friends and disciples as well as a supporter of music (also made his own songs). Oh yeah, since Switzerland's real (human) name is Vash (Basch) Zwingli, his last name is possibly the same as this "Third Man of the Reformation".