6:00 am. Thorin walked through the semi deserted streets wondering why Bilbo did not return home and did not send word for days. Of course, it's not as if things were well between them, after all, they had a fight. Bilbo caused all sorts of problems, however, he was still the center of Thorin's life.
7:00 am. The scenery did not help - all those cars going at high speed created a blurred image in Thorin's vision. He did not understand the rush to get anywhere for he regarded what he wanted as something to be afraid of. He feared Bilbo's return and what he would see in his eyes.
8:00 am. He returned home only to see his boyfriend sound asleep in his bed. Thorin stood there for a moment, trying to decide between waking Bilbo up immediately or to keep watching him. He loved to watch him sleeping at home for it was the only time he could satisfy his selfishness of wanting to be with him, to touch him ... At moments like this, Bilbo was only his.
12:00 pm. Bilbo woke up to the delicious smell coming from the kitchen and quickly got up from the bed in search of the food Thorin prepared.
- Good morning!
Thorin did not understand. Last night Bilbo had told him that their five-month old relationship was suffocating and he needed a break. So not only had he left the apartment but also a deeply confused and hurt boyfriend behind. However, the younger man did not seem to remember any of this.
- So? - Bilbo had positioned himself behind Thorin, hugging him.
It was torture.
- Are you hungry? - It was the only thing he could ask because he was still very confused.
- Very.
Although they ate in silence it was clear what had just settled between them. 'Bilbo could make Thorin forget any hurt. No bad blood stained their relationship for long.
Two years later
8:00 am. He did it again. When Thorin came home after a whole night's work, he found Bilbo sitting on the couch. By the clothes he wore Thorin knew his boyfriend had just returned home after spending the night at another party .
But none of that mattered.
It was not the first nor the second time. Thorin was used to this scenario even though he could not do anything but forgive each missed call or each unmet need. Later in the day, he would hold Bilbo in his arms and all the pain that he caused him would disappear.
Hey, love. - Bilbo rose from the couch from the couch when he noticed Thorin's presence.
"I missed you" were the only words that came out Thorin's mouth. At times like this, seeing Bilbo at home – his home - waiting for him, he felt as if everything else could go to hell. Hope was ever present whenever he saw Bilbo.
- Listen Thorin , I'm sorry, but we can't go on. I'm in love with someone else.
A month later
8:00 am. Bilbo was a whore, Thorin knew that now.
His former boyfriend had cheated on him, lied to him, abused him. He also knew that all those unanswered calls were because Bilbo's phone was always lost in someone's sheets. He knew now that the reason his needs were never met was because Bilbo choose to satisfy anyone but him.
Young, promiscuous Bilbo. So loved. So low.
And yet, in the morning the bell rang only to show a regretful Bilbo at his door. He entered the room as if he owned the place.
- I'm sorry, we should still go on. I'm not in love with that someone else.
The confidence Bilbo showed was over the fact that he, indeed, owned something there. Which was not the place.
Not for the first time Thorin wondered why he could not say no.
Two weeks later
"After all these years we had do I know you now
Have I trusted blindly in your love, too many times"
1:00 am. He should have known something was off. Bilbo had proposed a "night apart"to sort things out – he said. A time to relax.
Sadly for Thorin, Bilbo's idea of relaxing had nothing to do with reading books and enjoying some hot cup of tea. Contrary to one might believe, those curls and the sweet smile on a young man who wore too many sweaters - giving the impression of the ultimate guy next door- hid the real Bilbo.
Thorin could not believe the scene before his eyes.
A group of drunk bikers leaving this pub about to take the road. With his boyfriend. Bilbo had his arms wrapped around the biker's waist, whispering something in the ears of the man, who smiled. They were so close. To see his boyfriend being intimate with someone else was more than Thorin could take.
There was his beloved ready for another ride.
"You have red light burning in your soul, I've seen the glow."
The next day
Of course that was not true because there was Bilbo at his kitchen practicing the hobby he so loved. He stood there for a moment, watching. Opening doors, stirring pots…the younger man's movements were very graceful and precise and when tasting something he made this noise of pure pleasure. Thorin was mesmerized – his slightly red eyes could not help but follow each of Bilbo's movements.
He had come back home trying to convince himself that it wasn't love. "I'm not in love with you," he repeated over and over again. All in vain.
"Forced me to love you"
- What? - asked Bilbo after he realized Thorin was there watching him in silence. If he ever noticed something was off by the look on the older man's eyes, he never said anything.
Fact was Bilbo had messed with his head – so many times – and Thorin did not have the energy to fight it. He did not want to demand answers. He did not want to accuse.
He did not want confrontation.
-Nothing.
The only thing he wanted was Bilbo.