Chell wasn't surprised easily.

When GLaDOS sent her to that room where she would supposedly meet her parents, she wasn't the least shocked when it turned out to be a hoax. Or whenever that bumbling, British moron became power mad and tried to kill her, she saw it coming, mostly. And when he actually apologized for it later on, it's not like she dropped to her knees in astonishment. Well, maybe she's not being completely honest on that one…

But to come home from a long day at work, and feeling a bit irritated as well, she couldn't say that she assumed she was going to find her room mate curled up on the floor, writhing in obvious pain, and clutching his stomach, while an empty box of chocolate lay stranded beside him.

It was, to say the least, unexpected.

"Ooohh, God, it's destroying my innards…" he was moaning as Chell entered the kitchen. Upon hearing her approach, he glanced up through squinting eyes. "Chell? Is that you? Oh, thank God you're here! Listen, there's something wrong with me, in case you haven't figured that out, but I need you to – ARGH, That wasn't a good idea!"

He had attempted to sit up, but evidently the pain was too much for him, and he collapsed back onto the floor, hunched over at an awkward position. His blue eyes darted around the room feverishly, as if terrified to move again.

"Help…me…" He whimpered, looking close to tears.

For the sake of his frightened state, Chell resisted the impulse to roll her eyes. She briskly walked over to kneel beside him, picking up the chocolate box. She pointed towards the empty box, then at Wheatley, giving him her best disapproved stare.

Wheatley gulped audibly. "Wha-what? The box…? Yeah, I ate the contents…of course, I never will be again, seeing as what it's done to me, but I honestly didn't know! I-I thought it was food, see, and-and I was sort of hungry, so I ate it…though obviously it is definitely not food, found out about that the hard way, apparently it's some sort of…. toxic material…that does not agree with the stomach what so ever, let me tell you, but…er…" He cleared his throat, his voice suddenly dropped to a lower, more serious tone. "L-listen love…don't want to alarm you, as I've enjoyed the time we've spent together….but…but I think I might be…y'know…dying….and I suppose I ought to share my last words with you, but, um- hey, waitwaitwait, where are you going, come back!"

Chell, trying hard to stifle her laughter, had suddenly stood up, and was now walking away. Wheatley tried to get up frantically, but then stopped, wincing in pain, and crashed to the floor once more.

"Ow! Oh, bugger, that hurts - Okay, that's fine! You just go about your business and enjoy the rest of your life while mine draws to an end! Perfectly acceptable behavior from someone who I thought was my friend! Honestly, lady, I'm really hurting here, so I'd prefer if you'd come back and at least share a smidgen of sympathy!"

He waited for a few moments…

"Please?"

Chell suddenly entered again, looking half amused and half exasperated.

"Oh!" Wheatley perked up, "you came back! Huh, well, didn't expect that, seeing as you hardly ever listen to me, but – oh, what's that you've got there?"

Chell stooped down beside him again, a small container filled with white, powdery-looking tablets in her hand. She popped the lid open, and shook out two of them. She offered it to Wheatley, who examined it with a mixture of caution and curiosity.

"Er, yes that's very nice, and…oh, I see they're called 'Tums', yes, very advance-sounding, erm, I assume this is going to help me?"

Nodding, Chell placed them in his hand, then got up to throw the box away. Wheatley, still crouched over on the floor, rubbed the two round tablets between his fingers, sniffed them, then shrugged, figuring he could mostly trust Chell, and tossed them into his mouth. His nose instantly scrunched up, and his mouth curled displeasingly as he chewed.

"Eugh…these taste a bit like those heart-shaped candies I had…didn't like those very much."

Chell furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"What? I found them in that basket that was delivered…"

Now slightly intrigued, Chell quickly walked back to the front door. And sure enough, sitting besides the door was a ridiculously pink basket, filled with candies and treats. Or, what would be candies and treats if it hadn't been opened and torn through like some eager toddler was on a sugar rampage. She picked it up, examining the tag that was attached.

To: Chell

From: Brad

With love. Enjoy. ;)

Wheatley had eaten her gift.

She sighed, silently. Oh well. He was still learning how to be a human, and what they considered to be rude, so she couldn't really blame him. If he'd known it was her gift, he probably would have left it alone. Besides, she didn't even like Brad.

When she re-entered the kitchen, she saw Wheatley had managed to get into a chair. He was partially slumped over, making him appear as if he had just come back from a pub, terribly drunk, but at least he managed. He glimpsed in her direction, fixing his glasses that had run askew, and cleared his throat quietly.

"So, um…I take it that I won't die…?"

Trying to hide her smirk, Chell nodded. Wheatley sighed in absolute relief.

"Oh, man alive, I was really terrified for a second there. Is it normal for humans to react like that to those sweet, melt-y things? Because I've seen you eat them before, and you don't, although you might appear to gain a few pounds, which is nothing to be ashamed of, I mean, typical human behavior, right? But, uh, anyways, wh-why did…that happen just now?"

Chell took a seat next to him, leaning forward on the table, and resting her head in one hand.

"Stomach ache."

Wheatley drove a hand into his pocket. "Hold on, I've got it, I've got it…" He fished out a cell phone that Chell had grudgingly bought him for emergencies, but seeing as he wasn't going to be able to get to the computer anytime soon, he'd have to deal with using the internet on the mobile device. Chell sat back and watched his eyes dart across the screen. A few minutes later, he looked up again.

"That's why? Really…?"

Chell gave a short nod.

"…Really? I mean…really? Okay, so, just making sure I have this straight here…so, if a human has two or three treats, they're fine, but if they have a whole bunch, like I just did, then their stomach basically starts to implode on itself?"

Chell gave a one-shoulder shrug. "Basically."

Wheatley's confused frown deepened. "I can never get over how weird the human body is…"

Chell smiled. It wasn't a, you're-such-a-brilliant-friend smile, it was more of a, it's-amazing-how-you're-a-grown-man-but-you-act-like-a-child-sometimes kind of smile.

If the statement wasn't so true, Wheatley might have been offended.

A/N:

Yeah, yeah, I know I wasted your time. Quite, you. It's just that it's been a ridiculously long time since I last wrote, and I had this random idea pop into my head. I really, really wanted to add onto this one-shot to make it at least remotely entertaining, but, the problem with writers block for me; I have a large amount of good ideas, but I just have trouble morphing the words out to actually have a story.

It's very frustrating.

I figure that, once summer starts, I'll be able to write more. For now, this piece of junk will have to do. I'll be surprised if this gets any reviews.

Anyways, this was sort of a *late* Valentines Day story. I really wanted to do a Portal fic. Hopefully, I mostly got Wheatley, and an /almost/ mute Chell right to character. Hopefully...I might write more Portal stories in the future. If I can break through this writer's block, of course. -_-