"Well, I mean, t-technically you'll be co-best-man with Papyru—"

"Not another word, darling! I've already begun organizing your shower and your bachelorlette party, and I'm narrowing down what dress I'm going to wear for the big day. Maid. Of. Honor."

"…okay."

Alphys thought back to what Undyne said to her before she made this phone call: "Just don't let him make it all about him, okay? 'cause if he does, I'm gonna have to beat him up." Was she already failing at that? She wanted to say not really. After all, it wasn't like he'd hijacked anything really important like—

"I've already picked out your dress, by the way. Speaking of, do you have time for a fitting tomorrow?"

—dammit.

"Wh-what?! M-Mettaton, you can't just—"

"Now before you say anything else, get on UnderNet and check out the link I just sent you. I found this human tailor who does all this fancy custom cosplay work. Unbelievable quality, and very accurate from what I can gather, though of course you'd have a better eye for that sort of thing than I would."

"…oh my god, she did all of these? Th-this is amazing!"

"Good! So I've been talking to her about that one weird episode of Mew Mew with all the alternate timelines—you know the one—particularly that bit where, in one of the timelines, it was her wedding day and she was getting—"

"She was getting married to Ariel! That's the best part! Oh my god I love that episode, but I mean what AriMew shipper doesn't? And we've all been saying for years that AriMew would totally be canon if only Mew Mew wasn't straight, but like how straight can she be if there's a timeline where—wait a second!"

"Breathe, Alphy."

"You've! Been! Talking! About that episode?"

"I'll admit I wasn't paying close attention for most of our marathon, but I'd never forget a dress that gorgeous. Much better than the one she wound up marrying what's-his-face in."

"Right?! Oh my god, are you s-serious right now?! Th-this human is going to m-m-m-make me Mew Mew's dress fr-from, from—"

"Yes, honey."

"…"

"Alphys? Are you still there?"

"…I'm still looking at her website. Um, her prices a-are—"

"Oh don't even look at the numbers, dear; I already paid her."

"What?! I-I can't let you do that!"

He chuckled.

"I'd love to watch you try and stop me, darling."

"Mettaton, I'm serious!"

"Well, seriously it's not too late for me to get a refund if you really don't want the dress…"

"Th-then, then I don't!"

"Shut up, I can tell when you're about to cry."

"Y-you shut up!"

"Come on, Alphy. Think of the—god, I can't believe you're making me say this—think of the 'AriMew' 'feels.' I mean, that's even your 'OTP,' right?"

"Y-you, you remembered that?"

"God, stop sniffling, you're going to get me started. Of course I remembered. I wouldn't have picked this out for you if I thought it was anything less than your dream come true."

"Mettaton… …it is, but… th-the money…"

"Hush, you know I'm good for it. Look: Thanks to you, I look like my wildest dream come true every day. I can never really return the favor, but, will you please let me do the next best thing?"

"…"

"Stop crying and answer me, Alphy."

"You st-st-stop crying! …and yes."

"Yes! … We're going to be such messes come the actual wedding, aren't we?"

"I will, b-b-but you have to hold it together!"

"Impossible! As your best friend it's practically my duty to be overcome by the rapture of it all: The beauty! The backstory! The romance! Ah, the ratings…"

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes!"

Alphys was happy, maybe the second happiest she'd ever been, after Undyne asking to marry her in the first place. That was good. It would make the next four hours or so more tolerable.

Because if she was going to keep Undyne from beating him up, she would to have to spend a lot of time telling Mettaton he couldn't put their wedding on his show.