1****
It was really strange. One second he was driving on the I95 just south of Greenwich, and the next he was sitting in the dark. Something warm was trailing over his eye, but he couldn't force the darkness to go away-to see what was on him.
Tony's stomach hurt. And there was this strange pressure in his chest, like his heart was trying to break through his body and present itself to the darkness around him. Where was he?
There was noise all around him. Sounds, like metal crunching against metal, and a person screaming. A man, Tony tells himself. That was a man calling out for help. Then there's another screeching noise, like rubber being dragged along three lanes of asphalt. Another crunch.
What's going on, Tony tries to ask, but his lips won't move. He can't manage the strength to move anything, let alone speak.
There's crying. Someone's crying. And something smells burnt. Like fire, but without the smoke-just the smell. A warm breeze carries the taste of singed paint and warped hot metal. He wishes he could open his eyes.
It was supposed to be a simple, normal day, he reminds himself. Tony drove Angela into work, and did some stuff around Brooklyn with Mrs. Rossini. When lunch time came upon them, he got back on the interstate and headed home.
One hour driving time, he thought. One hour, and he'd be home in time to do the laundry, dust, and organize dinner before Jonathon and Sam got home. Then he'd help them with any homework they'd have, prepare dinner, and call around to let the members of the PTA know about the emergency meeting called for later that night.
I wonder how late I'm running, he asked himself. He hated falling off schedule.
"We'll get you out as soon as we can," a voice called from the passenger door. "The paramedics are on their way."
Paramedics? What happened, Tony wondered.
"You're gonna be alright," the voice said. He was too calm, Tony thought. He wasn't very reassuring.
The crying got louder. This time, it sounded more like a baby, or a child. The cries were getting more guttural, and pained.
What's happening, Tony once again asked himself, before the blackness consumed him entirely. 2****
There were hands on his shoulders, which quickly moved to his neck. "His pulse is thready," the voice announced.
"How's that headwound look?" Another voice asked.
"Deep."
**Thanks. Couldn't you say superficial? Couldn't you say minor?**
"There are lacerations on his arms too-I think the glass has embedded itself in there pretty well."
**Yeah, I'm feeling great, thanks.**
A woman's voice suddenly joined the group. "Can we get him out of there- the fire department is worried that red car could blow. We shouldn't take the chance of being here when it does."
The first voice hesitated. "Let's get a gurney, and a neck brace-the fewer chances we take the better it could be for this guy."
**Did it ever occur to you that I might be able to hear you? Couldn't you be singing some happy song about puppies and goldfish?**
There was no conversation for several more minutes. It felt like a life time as Tony ran through all the things he wanted to do when he got home.
**I should have made a list. By the time I wake up, I'm gonna forget what I wanted to make for dinner tonight, and then I'm going to be short the time to make it.**
Suddenly, there were several hands on his body. Two wrapped around his neck and fastened something, while another pair undid his seatbelt.
"On the count of three," the second voice said.
And his body was hoisted out of the car and on to a bed of some sort.
It wasn't until he was moved that Tony was consumed with pain. The sharp daggers of agony shot through his torso, and he could feel the pressure building in chest. It became harder to breath, and he couldn't keep a thought clear in his head.
"He's slipping in to cardiac arrest," the female paramedic said, her voice laden with concern. Her hands automatically found their way to Tony's wrist, trying to count his pulse. "Someone, bag 'em," she announced as she placed a cold stethoscope against his chest. "We've got some serious internal damage."
3****
"I can't believe it," Mona said, pacing the waiting room. She had been the one to get the phone call about Tony's accident.
The nurse hadn't said much, except that he was in critical condition and that it would be best for someone to go in, so they could sign papers and make sure the doctors had all of the necessary information.
The clock read just after 1:30 when the phone rang. Sam and Jonathon were still in school. Had Mona not been playing hooky from work so she could change her clothes and pick up some necessities for her date that afternoon, nobody would have picked up the messages until almost four. And then it would have been one of the kids.
Mona hadn't managed the courage to call Angela until she got to the hospital and checked up on Tony again.
He had been taken into surgery because blood was filling his chest cavity. There had been some broken ribs, from when his steering column relocated itself against his body. Tony's face was going to require probably twenty five stitches from where the glass had shattered and embedded itself, and his arms and chest were going to require infinitely more. A shard of glass had lodged itself in his shoulder, and the doctors weren't sure if he'd have any mobility left in that arm, should the glass have severed the muscles in his shoulder blade.
When Mona stumbled to the phone, still in awe of what the doctor had told her, she slowly dialed the number to the Bower Agency, sure if this would be the most difficult phone call of her life.
"Bower Agency," the temp said cheerfully.
"This is Mona Robinson, Angela's mother; I need to speak to her."
"She's in a meeting with a client. May I have her call you back?"
"This is an emergency," Mona said as calmly as she could, biting back the tears that threatened to fall.
The line went silent for a moment, and then there was a click.
"Mother, what's wrong?" She could hear the fear in Angela's voice. She wasn't used to her daughter sounding so frazzled.
"Are you sitting down?"
"Yeah," Angela said, bracing herself for the worst.
"Tony's been in an accident-you need to get to the hospital as soon as you can."
4****
The drive to the hospital was nerve wrecking for Angela. Mona hadn't told her any details, other than Tony was in the hospital and that she had to get there.
A part of Angela was hoping that her mom was her typical exaggerated self, and that whatever she thought was such an emergency was really just a broken leg, or something simple like that.
Her heart was telling her that she was setting herself up for disappointment.
Nothing can happen to him-he's got to be alright. He can't.Don't think like that Angela, he isn't going to die.
She fiddled with radio stations, and didn't think twice when the highway detoured her.
Must have been a bad accident. It's a bad day for them I guess.
As she drove down the winding suburban roads to the hospital, she couldn't help recounting all the times she and Tony had made the drive. All the times she and Tony had gone to the city for dinner, or for shopping.
Six years with him, and they had become best friends. Angela relied on him, not only to keep her house clean and laundry done-that long ago had become a given-but to keep her and Jonathon sane. Tony kept them grounded, and made sure that they were people who could enjoy all aspects of their lives, and not just academic success or business successes.
Everything has to be fine, because I still haven't. Angela fiddled with the radio dial, wishing she was in her car instead of Mandy, the temp's. The Jag had preset radio stations, and this thing was preset to pop stations. If she heard another New Kids On The Block song, she'd. I can't believe how scared I am.
She finally settled on the easy listening station, allowing herself to sing along a few bars of a Billy Joel song.
As she pulled into the parking lot and took her ticket to set on the dashboard, Angela froze.
Could she handle seeing Tony in a hospital bed? What would happen if the accident was really bad? How would she tell the children?
Fighting back her tears, Angela once again accelerated and pulled into the nearest parking spot. Everything's going to be okay. He has to be. I can't live without him.
5****
It wasn't difficult to find Mona, which scared Angela. She would normally be at the nurses' station, evaluating the doctors working, but today she was sitting in one of the rigid red chairs laid out in a massive waiting room.
"Mother?" Angela asked, fazed by Mona's expression.
"Angela," she said, as she rushed over and wrapped her arms around her daughter.
"Where is he? What happened? Is he going to be okay?" Her words came out jumbled, too quickly spoken.
Leading her daughter to a chair, Mona began to explain. "There was a big accident on I95 just south of Greenwich. The car in front of Tony swerved out of his lane for some reason, and Tony hit him. The car behind Tony slammed into the van, and then a car that was probably trying to avoid the debris from the first three cars swerved and veered into Tony's side of the van."
"Oh my God. Where is he? Is he alright?" Angela had turned the most ghostly shade of white, barely able to comprehend what she was being told.
"He's in surgery. He's got three broken ribs, at least one of which punctured a lung. The doctor says there's some internal bleeding, which is filling his chest. His face and chest are pretty banged up from the glass shattering and flying into his skin. And I heard one nurse say that there was a giant shard of glass embedded in his shoulder." Mona couldn't look at Angela anymore, afraid that she might see her daughter crumbling.
"Is he going to be okay? He has to be," Angela said, almost pleadingly. "He has to be okay, dear God. This can't be happening to us."
"I hope so honey. I really hope so." Mona pulled Angela in for a hug, scared what might happen to them all if Tony didn't pull through-what would happen to the unconventional family they had built in the past six years?
"I want to see him," Angela said in a moment of decisiveness.
"You can't, he's in surgery still."
"How bad is everyone else? Did anyone else get hurt?"
"The car that hit the side of the van.two people were in the front seat. They both died. The baby in the back survived, somehow, but I'm not sure how. She was going home from the hospital. Only two days old and she lost her parents.The car in front, the guy driving.he's fine, from what I heard earlier. The police officer said that he was pretty upset." She monitored Angela's expression, wondering if she should say anything to Angela about the three other people that died.
6****
Angela began to pace back and forth, trying to work up the courage to ask about the remaining car of people.
"The last car?" She barely managed the words.
"None of them were wearing seatbelts." Mona didn't need to say any more, certain that Angela knew they too had died.
"I." She couldn't say anything more. Throwing her hand over her mouth, she bolted from the room, in search of the nearest bathroom. With no time to spare, Angela found the nearest garbage bin and proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach.
When a hand touched her back, Angela jumped, not realizing whose hand it was.
"It's me." Mona said soothingly. "You okay?"
Wiping her hand across her mouth, and then using the other to dry the tears forming at her eyes, Angela couldn't contain her anger.
"You just told me that five of the eight people in the accident are dead. Already. Tony's laying in a bed, in an operating room, his chest." She gasped, wondering if the words would come when she tried to speak again. "His chest being held open while they try to save his life and the five people who were there as well are already dead! How can I be anything less than terrified? I have to tell his daughter that her father may never come back. Jonathon thinks of him like a father! I.I never told him how much he means to me!" Collapsing in a heap on the floor, Angela couldn't contain it anymore. "I've.had feelings for him for six years and I've never said a word to him-not one word to let him know that he keeps me going in the really hard times. He's in there.and I may never be able to tell him?"
Mona crouched down beside her, stroking her hair. "He knows that you love him. He knows that he's your best friend. And he's going to pull through this because he's stubborn. Tony Micelli doesn't give up on anything that easily, let alone life. Seriously, don't give up on him-we can't. We owe him that."
Wiping her eyes again, Angela forced a smile. "He'd be making bad jokes and finding something to use for a puppet by now, wouldn't he?"
"Probably," Mona giggled. It was forced but at least it was an attempt.
"Someone should be at home for the kids when they finish school for the day."
"I'll go, if you'll be okay. Unless you'd like to?"
"No, I think I'll stay here with Tony," Angela said quietly.
7****
Around four o'clock, a doctor came into the waiting room. "The family of Mr. Micelli?"
Angela stood, anxious to hear whatever news he might have for her.
"Angela Bower." She extended her hand.
"Dr. Rod Grainger, I've been Tony's ER physician since the medics brought him in. He's out of surgery now, and they're just now moving him into the ICU. Did Mona tell you about his injuries already?"
"Uh, yeah, she told me everything she knew. Doctor?"
"Yes?" The slender man, his hair slightly graying to make him even more distinguished looking, stepped closer to her, sad to be delivering the news.
"Is he out of danger now? Is he going to be alright?" She bit her bottom lip, certain that whatever news he gave, she'd have to make some changes to her life.
"The surgery went well. The bleeding actually came from a rupture in his mitral valve-one of the 'pumps' of his heart. It was injured when something impaled it. We repaired that, and also set his chest to hopefully expedite the healing process. He's very lucky. A few inches in another direction and he would have been in a lot worse shape." He tried to sound reassuring, but something wasn't right, Angela could tell.
"What else is wrong?"
"He experienced trauma to his head as well, and we're concerned that he's not regained consciousness at all since the accident. From the facial lacerations, it's obvious that the lack of an airbag in his car meant his head hit the steering wheel. They've taken him for a CT scan, an MRI, and another round of x-rays, so we'll know more when those are back in the next few minutes." Dr Grainger appraised the women, wishing that he had better news for her. She seemed twenty variations on distraught. "If you'd like to see your husband, I can sneak you in for a few minutes. Then we'll need to borrow him again."
She couldn't bear to correct Dr. Grainger for fear that they wouldn't let her in to see him. Not seeing him wasn't an option-she needed to see Tony, and see for herself that he was still alive. Angela wanted to touch him, and hear his voice, but for now she'd settle for being able to hold his hand, and tell him that she loved him.
"I'd like that," she said softly, and followed the doctor down the corridor. "My mother is bringing the children in this evening-will they be able to see Tony?"
"As long as he continues to hold stable, or improve, yes. But I have to forewarn you, he really does look like he's been in a car accident-he might be more upsetting to the children if they do see him."
8***
The room smelled like cleaners and disinfectants, which only further churned Angela's stomach. There were beds lining the two walls, making a see of crisp white linen strewn over legs.
A few patients were in varying degrees of traction, and to see the limbs being supported in mid-air by a medieval looking contraptions only further jolted Angela. She hadn't spent much time in hospitals through the years- almost none at all. Did it ever get easier?
Being led to the far end of the room, Angela tried not to look at the faces of the other patients, afraid of what she'd see. She looked up once and saw an older woman lying in bed, looking perfectly normal. Maybe that's worse than being bruised and battered?
I can't do this-I can't see him looking like.anything but him. I can't stand that idea. But I can't stand not seeing him either. Oh, God, someone up there give me strength to do this.
Doctor Grainger finally stopped, and then pointed towards Tony. She never would have been able to identify him.
His face was a shade of red and blue, bruising probably from when his head jolted forward. There were cuts and smaller bruises as well, making him look totally different than the man she'd spent the past six years with. His torso was wrapped in gauze like bandages and his shoulder in a sling of sorts, holding his arm in an unnatural position across his lower abdomen.
He.looks like he's.Okay, pull it together Angela, you can't lose it yet- he needs you to be strong and to keep everyone together through all of this. I miss him already though. And he's right here.
"Tony, I'm here. I came to visit as soon as they'd let me see you," she tried to keep her voice as level and relaxed as possible.
**Angela! Oh, I'm so glad you're here!**
"I wish you were awake, so I could talk to you, and hear your voice." Entwining her fingers in his, Angela fought back her tears. "I miss your voice already, and I just heard it this morning."
**Eh oh, oh eh, I'm here. I'm just.I can't open my eyes, but I promise, we'll get to talk again. I wish I had of said a lot of stuff sooner.**
"Just rest and get better. The kids will be in to visit tonight, as will Mother. And I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Angela pressed a soft kiss against his hand and silently prayed that everything would work out for them-it had to.
9***
The doctors had asked Angela to leave again, so they could run a few more tests, and were those to go well, Tony would be moved to a private room.
Angela took slight comfort in that they were moving him to somewhere more private-and somewhere she could spend more time with him-but at the same time, she couldn't help but wonder if the transfer to the new room was as much them giving up on him getting better as it was because he wasn't getting any worse.
Pacing back and forth in front of the vending machines in the waiting room, Angela contemplated the changes that were coming in her life, and how she would be able to deal with them.
I don't want to think about Tony dying-that's the last thing I want to think about. But I have to consider everything. What will I do if he doesn't.make it? What will happen to Sam? I'd like her to stay with us. She's family, as much as Tony is. Sam's a daughter to me, and Jonathon loves her. I'd have to talk to her though. I'd want her to make the decision. Maybe she'd want to go back to Brooklyn and be with Mrs. Rossini? God, I don't want to lose her too. Someone has to call Mrs. Rossini too. I don't know what to say to her now.Tony's in the hospital. He might be dying, and I think he'd like it if you came to see him? I don't know anymore. I just don't know. I guess I'll just make the call and say whatever I feel is right. I want to wait until Sam gets here. I want to talk to her first-see what she wants. Then we can all make the decisions together.
Angela sat down in one of the red chairs, wishing they were more comfortable. Her body ached with tension and stress. It was all becoming too much for her.
I'll take some time off work. To help him get better. I'll stay home with him. He doesn't like strangers in our home. I can work from home if I need to. I don't care about work.what the hell am I talking about? I'd trade everything I have for him just to get better.
Heaving a deep sigh, Angela couldn't stand the idea of what she might have to do. At some point, she might have to arrange a funeral for the man she loved, and she might have to give up two of the most important people in her life.
He's not going to die. He's not allowed to leave me now-or ever. He can't.
Startled by arms wrapping around her, she tried to break out of her reverie and regain composure. "You're back. Did you bring the kids?"
"Sam won't come-but Jonathon is downstairs. He wanted to pick up a card for Tony from the gift shop." Mona tried to hide her disappointment. Sam had been horrified, and then refused to leave her room. The door was baracaded, and she was not going to visit her father.
10****
"Sam won't come?"
"She said that if Tony was going to die, she didn't want to see him." Mona tried to say it as quietly as possible, fearing that by giving it voice it would make it truer than it had to be.
"He's not dead yet! God, this must be killing her too." Angela stood up and began to pace again, wishing that she could go to sleep for awhile, and just rest.
It wouldn't be any use anyway. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wouldn't be able to do anything right now.
"They're moving him to a private room, if everything goes well right now- he's in for some more tests. Tony still hasn't woken up."
"He will, honey. He has to," Mona said, meeting her daughter in the middle of the room. "Do you want to go home.?"
"No!" Angela interrupted. "I want to stay here, with Tony."
"Let me finish. Do you want to go home and change into something more comfortable, maybe pack a little bag for Tony, and talk to Sam?" Mona was hoping that by getting out of the hospital for awhile and maybe talking to Sam, things would work out for the better.
"Yeah, maybe I should," Angela agreed. "I'm going to put together some essentials for Tony, because when he wakes up, he's going to want a toothbrush, and his brush and everything. And some clean clothes, so we can take him home."
"Exactly," Mona said, hoping her daughter was right.
"Mother?" Angela called back, as she neared the doorway.
"Yes?"
"If anything changes, you'll call me at the house, right? I mean.I won't be long, but if anything should happen in the next hour or two, you'll call me?"
"Of course."
"Do you want me to bring anything back?"
"Sam?" Mona asked hopefully.
"I'll do my best."
11****
The car ride back in to Fairfield was very stressful for Angela. She had to fight the urge to stop at every gas station and convenience store along the way just to call the hospital and check in.
Finally, when she got back to the house, she was terrified of going into the living room and not being able to smell Tony's cologne, or to see him dusting. She'd been home when Tony wasn't many times in the past, but there was some comfort in the knowledge that no matter where he was, he'd be returning to the house that night.
Walking through the door of the house, Angela couldn't stand the idea of the conversation she'd have to have with Sam. She didn't want to tell her that she had to go to the hospital-it wasn't her job to tell Sam what to do- but at the same time, she couldn't stand the idea of Sam not seeing her father.
Angela kicked off her shoes and tossed her coat on the coat rack, wishing she hadn't left the hospital. It would have made her feel better to still be within a minute or two of Tony, but she didn't have a choice. She had to try and talk to Sam.
Climbing the stairs, she stopped on the landing and wondered how many times she had been corralled down towards the breakfast table, and towards Tony's fresh breakfasts. It was something that she already missed, and it hadn't even been a day. And she never ate breakfast.
I'll change that, when he comes home. I'll sit and have breakfast with the family everyday. We need all the time together we can get.
With every step closer to Sam's room, Angela's heart grew heavier and heavier. She wished she could walk in and tell her that everything would be fine-that Tony would be coming home soon, and they'd all be together again. But even Angela knew that things would never be the same, no matter what happened.
Standing outside Sam's bedroom, Angela bit back the bile that was once again forming in her mouth. Her only hope was that things would go better when she went in the room than she had been anticipating, because she was positive she couldn't handle a confrontation with her.
"Sam, sweetheart.It's me. Can I come in?"
The door flung open quickly, as if Sam had leapt off her bed and into the doorway, and arms quickly wrapped around Angela.
"I don't want him to die," Sam sobbed. "I need him too much!"
Angela held the shivering form tighter and pressed a kiss to her hair. "I don't want him to either, honey. I need him too."
12****
"Is he still.?"
"He's out of the operating room now-he's being put in a private room."
"That's good, right? I mean, everything's okay now?" Sam couldn't move away from Angela. She needed the warmth of her body and the words she could share to make the totally unbearable that much easier.
"Sort of. He's doing better than he was. But he's still not better. He hasn't woken up yet." Angela hated saying anything about Tony because it seemed like things would never get any better if she did.
"Angela?"
"Yes honey?"
"What happens if dad dies?" Sam's tears began to flow freely again, and instead of trying to hold back, she let go of it all.
"He's not going to die sweetheart."
"He could. What happens then?" She didn't mean to sound so cold, but it was one of her biggest fears. If Tony died, not only would she be without her best friend-because he truly was her best friend-but she would also be an orphan.
"Well, then.We'll need to change some things around, but we'll do what we need to."
"What happens to *ME*?"
"If you'd like, I'm sure you could live with Mrs. Rossini, if you're not comfortable staying here." Angela pulled away from Sam, long enough to pull her chin up so she could see her eyes more clearly. "I love you and your father, Sam, and I would hate to see you leave unless you wanted to. And if you decided that you didn't want to stay with me, then just remember you'd always have a place where ever I am, and if you ever needed anything, I'd never be more than a phone call away. Okay?"
"I could stay here with you?"
"Of course you could! Sam, don't ever doubt that I love you as much as I love Jonathon. You're the baby girl I never had." Wiping Sam's tears away with her fingers, Angela wished she could turn back time and take the train in to work that day. Anything to not be put in this position.
"Do you want to help me pack a bag for your dad before I go back to the hospital?"
"Sure, and Angela? Can I come with you?"
13***
"Hey Tony. It's me, Mona."
**Hey Mona.I wish I could open my eyes. I'd love to see you right now.**
"Tony, I'm here too," Jonathon announced. He was scared. He'd never seen Tony look so weak before, and not only did Tony look weak, but he looked almost dead.
**Buddy! Aw, guys, I miss you! Where's Sam? Where's Angela?**
"You have quite a nice room here. Very comfy, if I do say so myself. They look different when you're not lying in the bed. With a doctor, none the less."
**Only you Mone, only you.**
"Angela will be back soon. She went home to get some things for you. She didn't want you to have bad breath when you got up and about. She's even going to brave your underwear drawer I think, and I have a feeling that means your underwear will show up here in tiny triangles." Mona kind of laughed while she smoothed out the blanket over him.
**Ten bucks says she rolls them.**
"She's going to bring Sam, if she can. Sam's not taking this very well. She's scared, of course. I think she's worried about everything right now. Angela's going to try and talk to her."
**My baby. I wish I could wake up and call her and say, 'don't worry.' I wish I could wake up. I wish things were back to the way they were.**
"Angela's trying her best to keep it together. You know our Angela-she never wants anyone to see her sweat over anything. She's not changed much, I swear. She did this in elementary school. Grammar school was hell."
"Grandma.do you think Tony can hear us?"
"I hope so. I hope he can hear us because then he'll know how much we love him and miss him. And how much we need him to keep fighting to get better."
"I miss you Tony," Jonathon said before he sat down in the chair beside the bed.
**Buddy, I'll be back up and going in no time. I promise. It doesn't even hurt that much right now.**
"I miss you too," Sam said, walking through the door. "You've got to come back to me now, 'cause I know I can't get through high school without you."
14****
Mona took Jonathon and Sam home just after nine. It had been a long day, and since there was still no sign of Tony waking up, there was no sense in the entire family having to crash on the floor of the hospital.
Angela decided to stay at the hospital. She had a change of clothes, her toothbrush, and she was sure Tony wouldn't mind if she borrowed his brush. Sleeping in the chair seemed like a good enough option, and it meant that she could be there if anything happened. She didn't want him to wake up and be alone. Angela never wanted Tony to be alone again.
"So, it's you and me kid. Ya know, I checked your chart-I know, I wasn't supposed to, but I had to-the nurse wrote in that you're cute. Well, that's not exactly what she said, but that's what she meant, I'm sure. But I have dibs, right?" She took his hand, and squeezed it. "Ya know, it's so cliché. Everyone says that you don't know what you have until you almost lose it. Or until it's gone.And you spend everyday saying 'I know what I have.I love my family. They know I love them.' And then something like this happens and you realize it's true. It's taken all of this for me to build up any courage to tell you that I love you. And now you can't even hear me."
**I can hear you. God, I've wanted to hear that from you for the longest time, and now that you've said it, I may never be able to tell you how I feel!**
"I want you to rest. And I want you to sleep as long as you need, as long as you realize that I'm going to be right here for as long as it takes for you to get better, and I'm going to do everything I can to make everything right. I promise."
**I know you will. God, I'm so lucky too have you.**
"Sam and I had a talk today. She was scared. We had never seriously considered the possibility of something happening to one of us, and we never made plans in case it did. I think that scared her-because she didn't know where her place would be in my life if you weren't around. I think she understands now that no matter what happens, I always want her to be in my life, and I always want to be in hers-she's like a daughter to me, Tony, and I don't want to lose her. If anything does happen.I want you to know that I would like to take care of Sam."
**I'd like nothing more. If I can't be there for my little girl, I can't think of any one I'd rather see raise her.**
"I should probably stop bothering you now, and let you rest, but I'll be right here if you need anything-anything at all. Just wake up and tell me, and it's yours. I promise." Angela released Tony's hand and settled into the chair beside his bed. "Sweet dreams, Tony."
**Sweet dreams Angela.**
15****
As morning broke, sunlight streamed through the curtains of the hospital room.
Angela hadn't slept very well, but at least she got a bit of rest, and she couldn't help but feel better knowing that he had made it through the night.
Stumbling to the ensuite washroom, Angela looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was bigger than normal, and she looked warn out. She was worn out.
Pull it together Angela. When Tony wakes up, do you want to look like this? Do you want this face to be the one he sees, because you might scare him back into unconsciousness.
Groping through her purse, she managed to find a few basic make up necessities, as well as some cover-up. Carefully applying the make up, she listened carefully for any changes in the sounds of the machines, or for any evidence that Tony might be awake.
Pulling on the clean pair of jeans she had brought, and one of Tony's Brooklyn sweaters, Angela pulled her hair back off her face and into an elastic. She needed to be comfortable, if that was even possible, and she needed to feel closer to him.
Hearing the door open, Angela quickly gathered her stuff and placed it frantically in the bag. If the doctor was there, she wanted to speak to him.
"Dr. Grainger," Angela asked, as she tossed her bag on the chair.
"No, I'm Nancy, one of the nurses here," the stout brunette extended her hand to Angela. "Just checkin' up on your husband."
"How's he doing?"
"He's stabilized from last night. But he's still not woken up?" Nancy pulled a stream of paper off of the heart monitor and folded it neatly onto the chart in her hands.
"Not that I know of-he's not been awake since I woke up." Angela crossed the room, to be closer to Tony and to get a better idea of what the nurse was doing.
"He's a fighter, I know it," Nancy said. "You see a lot of patients come and go in twenty-seven years, and you start to get a vibe on 'em, ya know? It's like, you always hope that each one will make it, but in your heart of hearts you know that they just aren't ready to fight that battle.It's not easy," she finished.
"Nancy? Did the others get brought here? The others from the accident I mean? Do you know how they're doing?"
"There were only the three of them that survived," she said solemnly. "The one guy's gone home already."
"And the baby? She's okay?"
"As good as she can be-she just lost the only two people she had in the world. Her parents have both died, and she has been put in to social services by her grandparents. I wish they'd let us keep her here instead of sending her out tomorrow," Nancy closed the chart as she stuffed the pen in her hip pocket, obviously a habit formed many years ago.
"Can I see her?"
"I'm not supposed to.Yeah," Nancy said, only a hint of hesitation remaining in her voice. "She could use a friend."
16***
"I feel so horrible for her," Nancy said as she approached a tiny plexi- glass bassinette. "She's been wonderful considering the circumstances, and not even a hint of colic."
Angela was taken by the little girl with the dark tuft of hair on top of her hair. Her eyes were huge and captivating. "She's beautiful."
"I know. I'd adopt her myself but they're not going to give her to me."
"I'm sure you'd be a wonderful mother," Angela said with conviction.
"I'm a fifty four year old full time nurse, divorced with four children of my own-they won't give her to me."
"What's her name," Angela asked, extending her finger to the baby, and smiling when she grasped on to it.
"She's not been named yet-she's still baby girl Allen." Nancy picked up the baby and cradled her in her arms. "I like to call her Allison-she just seems like an Allison to me."
"She does, doesn't she?" Angela gently ran her hand over the baby's face, reveling in how miraculous the little life was. "May I hold her?"
Nodding, Nancy gingerly passed the baby into Angela's waiting arms. "There you go, baby girl, go to Mrs. Micelli."
"Nancy.Tony and I.aren't married. I'm not his wife." Angela tried to gauge the nurse's response.
"Really? I thought you guys were. I'm sorry-you just seemed so.loving with him, and so concerned. I guess I shouldn't have assumed." Nancy's eyes never wavered from the little pink bundle in front of her.
"We have a very strange relationship, and once he gets better.I've been scared to lose him, but I'm starting to realize that there's never any telling when that might happen. Life's too short to wait around." Gently rocking the baby, Angela pressed a soft kiss to Allison's forehead. "You, my little princess, are going to grow up to be a wonderful, beautiful person."
"Mrs. Micelli?" A voice called from the doorway. "Your husband is awake and asking for you."
**
Angela practically sprinted back to the room, stopping only once she was outside his door. She didn't want to look frazzled when he saw her again.
Swinging the door open, she tried to mask her fear. "Good morning, sleepy head." She spoke softly as she neared the bed.
"Hey," his voice was hoarse. "How ya doin'?"
"They took out the tube?"
"I.Couldn't talk with it in," he explained.
"Maybe you should be resting?"
"I should be, I'm tired," he confessed.
"Are you in much pain?"
"Yeah, but I'm happy 'bout other things, so that helps." Tony closed his eyes, wondering when their hands had come to rest entwined together.
"I'll be here when you wake up," Angela whispered, pressing a kiss against his temple, and sitting beside him on the bed.
17*****
"He woke up," Angela whispered to Nancy. "And he was talking." Angela was absolutely glowing. Now that he was awake, she couldn't imagine what it was like to think he might not have made it.
The stout brunette smiled. "I knew he would. You guys need each other too much."
"We do," Angela agreed. "I have a favour to ask, and I'll understand if you have to say no."
"Well if you don't ask, you'll never know," Nancy flashed perfectly white teeth at Angela.
"Can.Can Allison be brought here so I can spend some time with her?"
"Technically she's not a patient.And I know you're not going anywhere. Alright, as long as you feed her and put her down for a nap this afternoon."
Angela smiled, happy to comply to Nancy's requests.
***
"Who's got the cutest little button nose in the entire world?" Angela asked, pressing her finger against the baby's nose.
"Aw, thank you," Tony said, unable to see where Angela was.
"You're welcome," Angela said, as she got to her feet and brought the baby in to Tony's line of sight. "You can't tell me that this little one doesn't have a close second though."
The look-one of complete shock and confusion-was priceless. "How long was I under for?"
"No, no," Angela laughed. "This is Allison, she.uh.needed a fried, so we were just playing before lunch."
"She's cute. Where'd ya find her?"
"The hospital gift shop." It took all of Angela's willpower not to laugh.
"So who does this little bundle of pink perfection belong to?"
"No one," Angela said sadly. "Look, you're still tired, so why don't you rest and we'll talk later. Allison here needs to eat and then take a nap too."
Tony just nodded and watched Angela as she settled into the chair, baby positioned against her body and bottle in hand.
"I love you," he said softly, before he closed his eyes.
18***
"Dad!" Sam squealed as she raced into the room. Once she heard that he had woken up, there was no keeping her away from the hospital-all of the fear and anxiety she had about losing her father dissipated into thin air.
"Hey, honey!" Tony was beaming from ear to ear. He never expected to see his little girl again.
"Mother? Why don't we give Tony and Sam some time alone, and we'll take Allison back to the nursery." Gesturing towards the door, she was surprised at how easily Mona followed her lead.
"Who's the kid?" Mona asked, trying to sound harsh, but in the end sounding much too adoring for her own liking.
"This is Allison-the baby from the accident. We've been spending some time together." Angela tipped Allison up on an angle, to give Mona a better view. "Allison, meet my mother, Mona Robinson."
"Where are her guardians?"
"Doesn't have any-she's being picked up tomorrow by the department of child and family services," Angela sighed.
"Poor kid," Mona said, watching her daughter with the little pink bundle.
"I.uh.I want to adopt her."
"How does Tony feel about this?"
"He doesn't know-I'm scared to tell him. What if he thinks I'm too old to be a mother again?"
"You're being silly," Mona said in her typical blunt way. "He'll probably want to help, I'm sure, and you're not that old." Mona winked at Angela, giving her a mischievous grin. "What's your real worry?"
"I love Tony and I want to be with him. What if he feels pressure to stay with us? He'll resent us and I couldn't stand to see that happen."
"Bring this little princess back to the room with you and I'll take Sam to the commissary. Tell him how you feel. About him AND Allison." Mona turned on her heel and headed back to the room.
**
Mona managed to get Sam out effortlessly, leaving Angela, Allison and Tony alone.
"Decided to keep her," Tony asked, grinning.
"Pardon?"
"You were taking her back to the nursery, but she's still here," Tony observed.
"Uh.Yeah. Couldn't bear to part with her," Angela confessed.
"She's really great, isn't she?"
"Tony, I can't think of a way to say this other than to just say it so.please?" When he didn't say anything, she continued. "I love you-and not just because you're my best friend. I love everything about you-the pink roses you buy for the house, to the blue jeans you wear, and this past twenty four hours have been hell. I don't want to lose you. I needed to tell you that."
"Ang," Tony began, only to be interrupted.
"Wait, there's more." Angela gathered all of her remaining courage and began again. "I want to adopt Allison and raise her as if she were my own. And if you're up to it, I'd like you to help me."
"You.are the most amazing, phenomenal woman I've ever met. I mean it. When I told you that I love you-I've loved you for as long as I've known you. Adopting Allison would be a." Tony paused, hoping to make his feelings as clear as possible, "wonderful opportunity. Under one condition though."
"What's your condition?"
"We raise her as ours. I want Allison to be something we can share for the rest of our lives." Tony smiled as he saw Angela's eyes light up.
"It's not too much of a commitment for you?"
"Is it too much for you?"
"It's not that, but what happens if you meet a woman." Angela couldn't say the rest of what she was thinking.
"There is no other woman for me-you're it. Angela, I've dreamed about being with you, and I've wanted this forever, so forgive me if I want to jump in feet first."
"Do you really mean that?" Angela looked at him hopefully, wishing he wasn't in a hospital bed so she could feel his arms around her and feel as safe as she knew he could make her feel.
"I wouldn't ever lie to you, Angela. I wish you knew that."
"I do. I'm just.scared. Have you ever thought about everything we have working against us? There are so many things that just seem to say 'it's not going to work,' and I'm scared of losing you. I mean, more scared than I ever dreamed possible."
"Give me a good reason why we won't work."
"I don't know anything about sports," Angela blurted.
"Firstly, that's not true-you play a mean game of golf. Secondly, yeah, so?" Tony looked at her, wondering if all of her fears were this ill- founded.
"Well, you're passionate about sports, and I can't really share that with you."
"You wouldn't go to games?" Tony asked.
"I would.but."
"No buts, you're willing to go to games, to spend time with me, and I'm willing to teach you if you want to know about them. A hobby is not going to keep us apart." Tony looked at Angela, obviously trying to figure a way to tell her that he was willing to overcome whatever obstacles they faced. "I was scared too-scared that you wouldn't love me back, and scared that you would realize how much extra stress is involved in dating your housekeeper. Do you think I've not spent nights laying in bed, wishing I was with you, but convinced it could never happen because I work for you? Why would you want to be with me, when all it can possibly bring you is more stress? People talking about us.the kids.God knows how they'll feel. Living under a microscope." Tony sighed. "I've thought about all of this, and more, but I don't care about any of that anymore. If you're willing to try this, then so am I, because I do love you, and it hurts to not be with you."
"Oh, Tony," Angela said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I really want us to work."
"Then let's try," he said as he reached his hand out to hers. "Let's do this."
Taking his hand in hers, Angela grinned. "We are going to need to tell the family."
"I already talked to Sam," Tony admitted.
"You did?"
"Yeah, I told her that I was going to talk to you about it today-that I wanted to be in a relationship with you, and if she had any objections, she should tell me now." Tony watched as Angela absorbed what he was saying. "Did she? Have any objections, I mean."
"She told me to go for you-that she couldn't think of any one she'd rather see me with, and how happy she was that we'd be a family. Officially." Tony smiled, knowing that his daughter was right-this was the first step in making them a real family.
"Wow," Angela said. "We've got some amazing kids, don't we?"
"Undeniably. We lucked out across the board." Tony lifted his hand to Allison's head, and let his hand run over the down-like hair he found there.
"I should figure out how we're going to get this little one into our home," Angela decided. "I don't want to risk losing her to anyone else."
"You go do that, and we'll talk later, okay?"
"Sounds good. Take care. I'll be back tonight, and we'll talk some more."
"Yeah, sounds good. By the way, that sweater looks great on you," Tony grinned. "I love you."
"I love you too," Angela said, lifting Allison and leaving the room.
19*****
"I hear you want to adopt her," Nancy said from behind Angela, who had been staring through the glass of the nursery.
"Wow, news travels fast. Yeah, I put in the request today, and so far, I managed to get an okay to be her foster mom. It'd be easier if I were married, but I'm working on that too," Angela smiled.
"She's a lucky little girl," Nancy sighed.
"Nah, we're the lucky ones. I've got this really amazing feeling about her." Angela turned to face Nancy more head on. "I was wondering, do you think Tony will be up to taking care of a baby? I mean, I'll stay home for a few months, until she gets settled, and until she's old enough to come to work with me, or Tony's better, but do you think he'll be able to cope with everything. There's a long recovery ahead, and I'm just a bit scared that it might be too much."
Nancy started walking, knowing that Angela would follow her. "He loves you, very much, any of us can tell. You love him, VERY much, we can all tell. You love Allison, having only known her for what comes down to a few hours-your capacity for love is infinite, and I have no doubt that you two will be able to make it work for our little baby girl."
Angela looked around, realizing that Nancy had led her back to Tony's room. "He'll want to know that the ball is rolling, and he'll want to spend some time with you, I'm sure."
Angela nodded and then entered the room. "I'm back," she announced.
"How'd it go?"
"Well. I called in a few favours and DCFS is going to let us foster Allison, until we can be cleared as adoptive parents." Angela smiled.
"Great. And anything else happen today?" Tony watched as she settled into the chair beside him.
"Not really. I went home long enough to bring back some more things for you to do-I brought in a book that was on your nightstand, a few more clothes, and some aftershave, and your shaving kit. I didn't know what you'd want, so I just brought a bit of everything."
"Thank you," Tony said. "By the way, I talked to the doctor and he said that I might be able to go home soon. I'll need to get a.a home nurse or someone to come in-I guess he doesn't want me lifting too many couches in the next few weeks."
"Yeah, I thought about that," Angela began, wary of how Tony would take it, "and I thought that since Allison would need someone around for a while, I'd stay home with both of you-until you were up on your feet and we were all settled." She tried to gauge his reaction to her idea-she knew very well that Tony took things extremely well sometimes, and other times he could be extremely macho.
"I'd like that," he said genuinely. "It will give us some time together, and work on us. And it will give us some time with Allison. But is this too much for you to deal with?"
Angela had many strengths, and they both knew that all too well, but Tony was very concerned that she would be biting off more than she could chew. A new born and a stubborn, injured Italian?
"I think we should at least try it," Angela said decisively, "and if I can't do it, we'll work from there."
"Great plan," Tony agreed. "Now, you are not spending another night in that chair.
"I wouldn't feel right going home. Besides, I get to pick up Allison early in the morning," Angela grinned. "First thing's first-some major house reorganizing, and then some shopping. She'll need tones of stuff."
"You bought a car seat today?"
"I had to be able to drive her home," Angela smiled. "And it was SO cute."
"Since you're staying here tonight," Tony shuffled over in the bed and patted the spot beside him, "why don't you stay in here with me. Just to keep me company, and so you can be more comfortable."
"I don't know," Angela said in concern. What happens if I roll over on to a wire or something?"
"We're fine, and you don't have to worry about me making a move on you, because the arm I have right here," Tony said, moving his left arm a bit, "is my only useful arm right now.and I'd rather have this holding on to you than doing anything kinky.for now," he amended.
Angela laughed at the expression on his face. "We'll try it," she conceded defeat. But if it's not working, you can have your bed back."
Climbing onto the bed and below the white linen hospital sheet, Angela tried not to shift too close to Tony. "These beds were definitely made for one," she joked, as she settled in.
"I bet Mona would say something different," Tony laughed, taking Angela's hand in his and resting it on his stomach. "Goodnight, Ang. I love you."
"Good night, Tony. I love you too."
20*****
Allison was released a little after eight in the morning, giving Angela a chance to take her to Tony's room and say good bye before he ate his breakfast.
The baby was perfectly content just to be held, and Angela was more than happy to hold her. Already the two had formed a wonderful bond, and Tony realized as he watched Angela with Allison that his family-the family he had been trying to build since before he met Marie-was finally complete.
"You drive safely," he told Angela seriously, "and call me when you get home. I want to know how well this munchkin travels, because soon enough we're going to have to take her around and show her off." Tony smiled, and watched as Angela loaded up a small shoulder bag with essentials-a few diapers, a bottle, and a container of formula that Nancy had given her, as well as a tiny stuffed pink bunny that the nurses had bought for Allison.
"We will. Love you," she said softly as she left, wishing he was going home with them.
"Love you too."
@@@@@
Walking through the doors of the house, Angela looked around. Everything seemed the same as she left it, with the exception of a banner over the couch that said in big purple letters 'welcome home Allison'.
"See? Your big brother Jonathon, your big sister Samantha and your Grandma Mona did that. Wasn't it sweet?" Angela continued to talk to the baby. "It says 'welcome home Allison,' and that's where you are now. You're home. And soon Tony will be home, and we'll all be together."
"Angela!" Sam ran down the stairs, followed quickly by Jonathon and Mona. "We didn't think you'd be back so early! Oh, look at her-she's so beautiful!"
"Well, they released her a little earlier than planned, and I wanted to get her back here just to enjoy some quiet for the day. We'll head back to the hospital tonight."
"Actually, Tony called while you were on your way home, I guess, and said he'd be released tomorrow. I guess they can't do much more for him in the hospital than he can do in physiotherapy for her shoulder. And everything else seems to be stabilized." Mona walked up to Angela and looked over her shoulder. "That is one beautiful little girl," she said, as she smiled.
"Would you like to hold her?" Angela turned and gently handed Allison's sleeping form over to Mona. "She's quite the angel."
"We.uh.have something to show you," Sam said quietly, not wanting to wake the baby.
"You do?"
"Yeah, follow me."
The family followed Sam up the stairs, and towards the bedrooms. "Dad called last night, before you got back to the hospital, I guess."
"He did?" Angela was confused as to what was happening.
"Yeah, he wanted us to do a few things," Jonathon added, grining widely.
"Oh yeah?" Angela asked.
Sam opened the door to Tony's room and smiled. The walls are still a little wet-not enough time for them to dry completely. She'll have to sleep somewhere else for tonight."
Tony's room had been turned in to a nursery of pinks and yellows, with Winnie the Pooh Characters adorning walls. In the far corner of the room, there was a beautiful white crib, lined with the most perfect white baby blanket that Angela had ever seen.
On the other wall, there was a large changing table, and a tall stand beside it, both decorated with ever so tiny pink and purple flowers.
"We didn't have much time, so Bloomingdales was our one stop shop," Mona confessed, "but Tony really wanted this to be done before you got home, and since he couldn't do it."
Angela felt the tears forming at her eyes. "This is amazing," she said, trying to hold back from crying.
"We moved all of Tony's stuff to the basement," Jonathon said, "like he asked, and we set up a cot in your office for now. Since he won't be able to go up and down the stairs for awhile."
"And after tonight, little miss here has a place to sleep, in perfect timing because with Tony home tomorrow." Mona winked at her daughter, making Angela blush a shade of deep crimson.
"Mother!" Angela said, aghast.
"So who's up for some 'welcome home' cake?" Sam asked, as she marched back towards the living room, knowing everyone else would follow behind her.
21***
"It's really amazing," Angela said, as she watched Allison sleep on the couch beside her.
"Do you like it? I mean, I asked Mona to pick something she thought we'd both like." Tony had been anxiously awaiting her phone call, having had the nurse move the phone closer so he could answer it without having the catheter become dislodged or something else be hindered.
"I love it. I feel bad that you don't have a room though," Angela said, broaching a topic that had been floating in her mind all day.
"Well, for now I can't do stairs, so sleeping in the office will be fine. There's a bathroom on the first floor, and if you don't mind that I can't help you with Allison for a bit."
"Not at all. But when you get better," Angela said quietly, slightly embarrassed by the conversation.
She wanted a relationship with Tony-a real relationship that included doing things that people do when they're dating. Fooling around and making out on a sofa were high on her list of things to do, but she wasn't sure if their relationship was quite ready to make it to the 'shared room' stage.
They'd yet to share a passionate, sober kiss.
"The basement is set up, with my furniture and my bed. There's a bathroom at the top of the stairs, and no one but me ever goes down there, so I figured it would be a more than suitable bedroom. If that's okay with you," he asked.
"Oh," Angela said, finally understanding why his stuff had been moved downstairs. He hadn't intended to move into her room. Not yet at least. "Yeah, that's a good plan. Definitely gives you more space too, which you deserve."
"Angela?" Tony felt overly cautious saying the next part, wishing she knew that it was a given for him. "I have no doubt that we will.that we will continue this relationship for the rest of our lives. I can't imagine my life without you in it. At the same time, I don't want to rush things."
Angela released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Of course," she agreed. "I should let you get some rest-you'll be home soon," Angela smiled, "and then we'll talk through the rest of this stuff."
"Most definitely," Tony agreed. "Goodnight Angela."
"Night Tony," Angela said as she hung up the phone.
22****
"Don't get too used to this, kiddo," Angela said as she lay down on the bed next to Allison. "Starting tomorrow, you're sleeping in your room. Not that I won't come over if you get scared, and when you get older, if you get scared you can come over here, any time. Just, sleeping in here everynight. That's not going to work so well, I don't think." Angela tucked the baby's blanket over her tiny round form, and played with her fingers. "Tomorrow Tony's coming home, and when he gets here, he and I are going to date each other. It's really complicated, and I don't expect you to understand, because I don't. But the point is, some nights, Tony and I are going to want some time just to be together, okay?"
Allison didn't move, content in her position in the bed. It was obvious the baby was nearing sleep again, as her lids closed more tightly.
"Hey Angela," a quiet voice from the doorway called in.
"Sam? Honey? Come on in."
"Hey," Sam said, appearing beside the bed. "I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you and Dad, and how excited I am to have Allison here now." Sam smiled, and then turned to leave.
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Wanna stay and talk a while?" Angela looked up at the girl, hopeful that she'd accept the invitation.
"You sure? You've been really busy lately. You must be really tired."
"Not too tired to spend some time with you," Angela said quickly. "Never too tired to spend time with you."
Sam looked reluctant, but when Angela patted the spot beside her on the bed, she decided to stay.
Angela couldn't help smiling. Despite everything, she was still concerned about how the family would deal with all of these major changes. This was just one step closer to everything working out, she told her self.
"You did a wonderful job on the nursery," Angela began.
"Well Mona and Jonathon worked really hard too. And it was fun. I just wish you and dad could have been here to help."
"So do I, sweetheart." Angela reached down for one of Sam's hands. "Are you alright with everything happening right now? Would you like to talk about it? Or if you're not comfortable talking to me, would you like to talk to someone professional?"
"Why wouldn't I be able to talk to you?"
"Well.honey.if you were upset with me or your father it might be hard to talk to me about it. And I'd understand if it were."
"Angela.I am so happy that you and Dad are finally getting together. You've been a mother to me since we moved in here, and this just makes things seem official. And Allison. She's really cute, and I can see how much you love her."
"But you know that your father and I don't love you or Jonathon any less, right? Because that is impossible. We love you both with all our hearts and I would never want you to think that anything could stand in the way of that." Angela interrupted Sam, scared that the girl had the wrong idea.
"I know. Angela, we're a family, and I guess this just all seems like.it's the way it's supposed to be. Having another baby and you guys hooking up is what was supposed to happen." Sam smiled, noticing how moved Angela was. It was true. She couldn't imagine any one of them without the other.
"So when your father comes home, and we start seeing each other."
"I'll babysit," Sam volunteered. "Or, I'll help you pick out clothes to go out in."
Angela hugged Sam, happy that things were actually working out the way she had hoped.
23***
The days passed quickly, with the family all trying to organize things for Tony's home coming.
The doctor had made it explicitly clear that Tony was to do no lifting, or strenuous activity, in addition to not climbing stairs or doing anything that required a broad range of movement.
Mona, of course, made her jokes soon after hearing the doctor's instructions, amused by the way he had phrased his words.
Angela went to pick Tony up from the hospital alone. It was the first time since she had brought Allison home that she had not been with her, but Angela decided that trying to manage an infant and Tony would be a bit too much.
"I never thought I'd see this house again," Tony said excitedly. "It's beautiful."
Angela put the car in park and turned off the ignition. "It's nice to have you home again. It's not the same without you." Opening her door, Angela was surprised when Tony's hand grabbed hers.
"Ang, before we go in, I just want to do this." Pulling her hand to his lips, Tony pressed a soft kiss to it. "I really appreciate everything you've done."
Angela blushed and smiled. "Any time, just don't do it again," she teased.
**
"Wow, the house looks good," Tony smiles. "Dare I ask how you guys managed to keep this place together?"
"Angela kicked into domestic mode," Mona teased. "And it didn't hurt that Sam followed behind her adding the finishing touches."
"Mother! It wasn't that bad," Angela laughed, as she helped Tony settle on the couch.
"Oh yes it was," Jonathon argued. "Remember when you lost Allison underneath the baby clothes you washed?"
"I didn't lose her," Angela argued, offended.
"You just buried her, huh Ang?" Tony smiled.
Angela blushed. "Well, she's still so little. But Sam found her, so things turned out alright."
She had been very distracted the past few days. Angela had forgotten how difficult it was to take care of a baby, and add to that her concerns of Tony's well being.
"Mom was freaking out," Jonathon said, laughing.
"Hey, hey hey.everyone, has anyone thought of how much Angela's had going on? She's been taking care of a baby, trying to take care of a house, and you guys, and me.Maybe you should go a little easier on the teasing?" Tony could tell that Angela was feeling the stress already, and that it wasn't going to get easier any time soon.
"Come on Tony, she should be used to it by now," Mona grinned. "After all, I've been doing it all her life."
"Mona!" Tony said in frustration.
"Look, it's alright. I should, uh, go get Allison. She's probably awake by now," Angela said as she got up off the couch and headed up the stairs. "We'll order in tonight-make it easy, and Jonathon's been begging for pizza all week." As she disappeared around the corner, Angela fought back the tears building in her eyes.
She had been trying so hard, but despite her best efforts, she felt like she was running in circles.
24*****
"Hey little one," Angela said as she picked up Allison out of her crib. The baby was wide awake and staring happily at the mobile spinning above her. "How did you sleep? Did you have good dreams of lovely animals and bedtime stories?"
When the baby just gurgled, Angela laughed. "I feel like that too. Sometimes I wonder, ya know that? I think, wow, I'm not in my twenties anymore and here I am with a new baby and a new man in my life. Not that Tony's new. I've told you that story already, I'm sure. But at this stage in the game, it does feel harder than it did back then."
Angela cradled the baby carefully against her as she settled into the rocking chair. "I'm not young anymore, and I've come to terms with the fact I'm useless around the house. I've even decided that I'm not meant to cook. That was a hard decision to come to," Angela smiled.
"But we're thankful for it," Tony said from the doorway.
"What are you doing up here? You're not supposed to be going up and down the stairs!" Angela looked at him, alarmed by the chances he was willing to take.
"I wanted to see the nursery," he lied.
"You can't go against doctor's orders. I don't even want to imagine having you back in the hospital, okay?" She was about to cry again, and she knew it. She didn't want Tony to see her looking so pathetic and needy.
"Eh oh, oh eh! I'm not going anywhere, and you need to remember that." Tony walked closer to Angela and with his good hand, he rubbed her shoulder.
"I know, I guess I just worry."
"You're doing a great job so far," Tony said, "of taking care of everything. I know it's not easy to do everything yourself."
"I'm doing a terrible job," Angela moaned. "I lost the baby! What kind of parent does that?"
"Every parent. When Marie and I first moved into our own apartment, after Sam was born, Sam didn't have a bed of her own, so she slept in the dresser. You know, in a drawer. One night, she woke up crying and I actually closed the drawer, to look in the other ones for her." Tony laughed. "Marie thought I was going crazy."
"At least you knew she was in a drawer.I had no clue where Allison was." Looking down at the baby, Angela caressed her cheek.
"So, it happened, and in the future, you'll be more aware of where she is," Tony said non-chalantly. "If the idea of there being an us is stressing you out, we can put everything on hold until I'm 100% again. That way it's less for you to think about."
"No, it's not that, Tony. It's me. I guess I feel like I'm too old for all of this. Ya know?" Angela watched the baby kick her feet and smile.
"Angela!? How can you say that? We are both still young-we have more than fifty years left in us! We're not too old for any of this." Tony leaned against the wall, cringing when he put too much pressure on his shoulder.
"Are you okay?" Angela asked, leaping to her feet.
"I'm fine. Really. I just forget that there's a three inch gash in there." Tony forced a smile. "Everything is going to be great," he said, watching her with the baby.
"You sure?" Angela adjusted Allison in her arms, and looked up to him.
"Yep. I know that things are going to be wonderful. Everything will work out, and we'll all live happily ever after." "And if it's not perfect?" Angela waited for his answer, hoping he had some way of reassuring her.
"I'll fix it. In a New York minute," he said comfortingly.
"We don't deserve you," she said, through tears. Standing, she met Tony at the spot against the wall and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.
"I love you," he said softly against her lips.
"I love you too."
**The End**
It was really strange. One second he was driving on the I95 just south of Greenwich, and the next he was sitting in the dark. Something warm was trailing over his eye, but he couldn't force the darkness to go away-to see what was on him.
Tony's stomach hurt. And there was this strange pressure in his chest, like his heart was trying to break through his body and present itself to the darkness around him. Where was he?
There was noise all around him. Sounds, like metal crunching against metal, and a person screaming. A man, Tony tells himself. That was a man calling out for help. Then there's another screeching noise, like rubber being dragged along three lanes of asphalt. Another crunch.
What's going on, Tony tries to ask, but his lips won't move. He can't manage the strength to move anything, let alone speak.
There's crying. Someone's crying. And something smells burnt. Like fire, but without the smoke-just the smell. A warm breeze carries the taste of singed paint and warped hot metal. He wishes he could open his eyes.
It was supposed to be a simple, normal day, he reminds himself. Tony drove Angela into work, and did some stuff around Brooklyn with Mrs. Rossini. When lunch time came upon them, he got back on the interstate and headed home.
One hour driving time, he thought. One hour, and he'd be home in time to do the laundry, dust, and organize dinner before Jonathon and Sam got home. Then he'd help them with any homework they'd have, prepare dinner, and call around to let the members of the PTA know about the emergency meeting called for later that night.
I wonder how late I'm running, he asked himself. He hated falling off schedule.
"We'll get you out as soon as we can," a voice called from the passenger door. "The paramedics are on their way."
Paramedics? What happened, Tony wondered.
"You're gonna be alright," the voice said. He was too calm, Tony thought. He wasn't very reassuring.
The crying got louder. This time, it sounded more like a baby, or a child. The cries were getting more guttural, and pained.
What's happening, Tony once again asked himself, before the blackness consumed him entirely. 2****
There were hands on his shoulders, which quickly moved to his neck. "His pulse is thready," the voice announced.
"How's that headwound look?" Another voice asked.
"Deep."
**Thanks. Couldn't you say superficial? Couldn't you say minor?**
"There are lacerations on his arms too-I think the glass has embedded itself in there pretty well."
**Yeah, I'm feeling great, thanks.**
A woman's voice suddenly joined the group. "Can we get him out of there- the fire department is worried that red car could blow. We shouldn't take the chance of being here when it does."
The first voice hesitated. "Let's get a gurney, and a neck brace-the fewer chances we take the better it could be for this guy."
**Did it ever occur to you that I might be able to hear you? Couldn't you be singing some happy song about puppies and goldfish?**
There was no conversation for several more minutes. It felt like a life time as Tony ran through all the things he wanted to do when he got home.
**I should have made a list. By the time I wake up, I'm gonna forget what I wanted to make for dinner tonight, and then I'm going to be short the time to make it.**
Suddenly, there were several hands on his body. Two wrapped around his neck and fastened something, while another pair undid his seatbelt.
"On the count of three," the second voice said.
And his body was hoisted out of the car and on to a bed of some sort.
It wasn't until he was moved that Tony was consumed with pain. The sharp daggers of agony shot through his torso, and he could feel the pressure building in chest. It became harder to breath, and he couldn't keep a thought clear in his head.
"He's slipping in to cardiac arrest," the female paramedic said, her voice laden with concern. Her hands automatically found their way to Tony's wrist, trying to count his pulse. "Someone, bag 'em," she announced as she placed a cold stethoscope against his chest. "We've got some serious internal damage."
3****
"I can't believe it," Mona said, pacing the waiting room. She had been the one to get the phone call about Tony's accident.
The nurse hadn't said much, except that he was in critical condition and that it would be best for someone to go in, so they could sign papers and make sure the doctors had all of the necessary information.
The clock read just after 1:30 when the phone rang. Sam and Jonathon were still in school. Had Mona not been playing hooky from work so she could change her clothes and pick up some necessities for her date that afternoon, nobody would have picked up the messages until almost four. And then it would have been one of the kids.
Mona hadn't managed the courage to call Angela until she got to the hospital and checked up on Tony again.
He had been taken into surgery because blood was filling his chest cavity. There had been some broken ribs, from when his steering column relocated itself against his body. Tony's face was going to require probably twenty five stitches from where the glass had shattered and embedded itself, and his arms and chest were going to require infinitely more. A shard of glass had lodged itself in his shoulder, and the doctors weren't sure if he'd have any mobility left in that arm, should the glass have severed the muscles in his shoulder blade.
When Mona stumbled to the phone, still in awe of what the doctor had told her, she slowly dialed the number to the Bower Agency, sure if this would be the most difficult phone call of her life.
"Bower Agency," the temp said cheerfully.
"This is Mona Robinson, Angela's mother; I need to speak to her."
"She's in a meeting with a client. May I have her call you back?"
"This is an emergency," Mona said as calmly as she could, biting back the tears that threatened to fall.
The line went silent for a moment, and then there was a click.
"Mother, what's wrong?" She could hear the fear in Angela's voice. She wasn't used to her daughter sounding so frazzled.
"Are you sitting down?"
"Yeah," Angela said, bracing herself for the worst.
"Tony's been in an accident-you need to get to the hospital as soon as you can."
4****
The drive to the hospital was nerve wrecking for Angela. Mona hadn't told her any details, other than Tony was in the hospital and that she had to get there.
A part of Angela was hoping that her mom was her typical exaggerated self, and that whatever she thought was such an emergency was really just a broken leg, or something simple like that.
Her heart was telling her that she was setting herself up for disappointment.
Nothing can happen to him-he's got to be alright. He can't.Don't think like that Angela, he isn't going to die.
She fiddled with radio stations, and didn't think twice when the highway detoured her.
Must have been a bad accident. It's a bad day for them I guess.
As she drove down the winding suburban roads to the hospital, she couldn't help recounting all the times she and Tony had made the drive. All the times she and Tony had gone to the city for dinner, or for shopping.
Six years with him, and they had become best friends. Angela relied on him, not only to keep her house clean and laundry done-that long ago had become a given-but to keep her and Jonathon sane. Tony kept them grounded, and made sure that they were people who could enjoy all aspects of their lives, and not just academic success or business successes.
Everything has to be fine, because I still haven't. Angela fiddled with the radio dial, wishing she was in her car instead of Mandy, the temp's. The Jag had preset radio stations, and this thing was preset to pop stations. If she heard another New Kids On The Block song, she'd. I can't believe how scared I am.
She finally settled on the easy listening station, allowing herself to sing along a few bars of a Billy Joel song.
As she pulled into the parking lot and took her ticket to set on the dashboard, Angela froze.
Could she handle seeing Tony in a hospital bed? What would happen if the accident was really bad? How would she tell the children?
Fighting back her tears, Angela once again accelerated and pulled into the nearest parking spot. Everything's going to be okay. He has to be. I can't live without him.
5****
It wasn't difficult to find Mona, which scared Angela. She would normally be at the nurses' station, evaluating the doctors working, but today she was sitting in one of the rigid red chairs laid out in a massive waiting room.
"Mother?" Angela asked, fazed by Mona's expression.
"Angela," she said, as she rushed over and wrapped her arms around her daughter.
"Where is he? What happened? Is he going to be okay?" Her words came out jumbled, too quickly spoken.
Leading her daughter to a chair, Mona began to explain. "There was a big accident on I95 just south of Greenwich. The car in front of Tony swerved out of his lane for some reason, and Tony hit him. The car behind Tony slammed into the van, and then a car that was probably trying to avoid the debris from the first three cars swerved and veered into Tony's side of the van."
"Oh my God. Where is he? Is he alright?" Angela had turned the most ghostly shade of white, barely able to comprehend what she was being told.
"He's in surgery. He's got three broken ribs, at least one of which punctured a lung. The doctor says there's some internal bleeding, which is filling his chest. His face and chest are pretty banged up from the glass shattering and flying into his skin. And I heard one nurse say that there was a giant shard of glass embedded in his shoulder." Mona couldn't look at Angela anymore, afraid that she might see her daughter crumbling.
"Is he going to be okay? He has to be," Angela said, almost pleadingly. "He has to be okay, dear God. This can't be happening to us."
"I hope so honey. I really hope so." Mona pulled Angela in for a hug, scared what might happen to them all if Tony didn't pull through-what would happen to the unconventional family they had built in the past six years?
"I want to see him," Angela said in a moment of decisiveness.
"You can't, he's in surgery still."
"How bad is everyone else? Did anyone else get hurt?"
"The car that hit the side of the van.two people were in the front seat. They both died. The baby in the back survived, somehow, but I'm not sure how. She was going home from the hospital. Only two days old and she lost her parents.The car in front, the guy driving.he's fine, from what I heard earlier. The police officer said that he was pretty upset." She monitored Angela's expression, wondering if she should say anything to Angela about the three other people that died.
6****
Angela began to pace back and forth, trying to work up the courage to ask about the remaining car of people.
"The last car?" She barely managed the words.
"None of them were wearing seatbelts." Mona didn't need to say any more, certain that Angela knew they too had died.
"I." She couldn't say anything more. Throwing her hand over her mouth, she bolted from the room, in search of the nearest bathroom. With no time to spare, Angela found the nearest garbage bin and proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach.
When a hand touched her back, Angela jumped, not realizing whose hand it was.
"It's me." Mona said soothingly. "You okay?"
Wiping her hand across her mouth, and then using the other to dry the tears forming at her eyes, Angela couldn't contain her anger.
"You just told me that five of the eight people in the accident are dead. Already. Tony's laying in a bed, in an operating room, his chest." She gasped, wondering if the words would come when she tried to speak again. "His chest being held open while they try to save his life and the five people who were there as well are already dead! How can I be anything less than terrified? I have to tell his daughter that her father may never come back. Jonathon thinks of him like a father! I.I never told him how much he means to me!" Collapsing in a heap on the floor, Angela couldn't contain it anymore. "I've.had feelings for him for six years and I've never said a word to him-not one word to let him know that he keeps me going in the really hard times. He's in there.and I may never be able to tell him?"
Mona crouched down beside her, stroking her hair. "He knows that you love him. He knows that he's your best friend. And he's going to pull through this because he's stubborn. Tony Micelli doesn't give up on anything that easily, let alone life. Seriously, don't give up on him-we can't. We owe him that."
Wiping her eyes again, Angela forced a smile. "He'd be making bad jokes and finding something to use for a puppet by now, wouldn't he?"
"Probably," Mona giggled. It was forced but at least it was an attempt.
"Someone should be at home for the kids when they finish school for the day."
"I'll go, if you'll be okay. Unless you'd like to?"
"No, I think I'll stay here with Tony," Angela said quietly.
7****
Around four o'clock, a doctor came into the waiting room. "The family of Mr. Micelli?"
Angela stood, anxious to hear whatever news he might have for her.
"Angela Bower." She extended her hand.
"Dr. Rod Grainger, I've been Tony's ER physician since the medics brought him in. He's out of surgery now, and they're just now moving him into the ICU. Did Mona tell you about his injuries already?"
"Uh, yeah, she told me everything she knew. Doctor?"
"Yes?" The slender man, his hair slightly graying to make him even more distinguished looking, stepped closer to her, sad to be delivering the news.
"Is he out of danger now? Is he going to be alright?" She bit her bottom lip, certain that whatever news he gave, she'd have to make some changes to her life.
"The surgery went well. The bleeding actually came from a rupture in his mitral valve-one of the 'pumps' of his heart. It was injured when something impaled it. We repaired that, and also set his chest to hopefully expedite the healing process. He's very lucky. A few inches in another direction and he would have been in a lot worse shape." He tried to sound reassuring, but something wasn't right, Angela could tell.
"What else is wrong?"
"He experienced trauma to his head as well, and we're concerned that he's not regained consciousness at all since the accident. From the facial lacerations, it's obvious that the lack of an airbag in his car meant his head hit the steering wheel. They've taken him for a CT scan, an MRI, and another round of x-rays, so we'll know more when those are back in the next few minutes." Dr Grainger appraised the women, wishing that he had better news for her. She seemed twenty variations on distraught. "If you'd like to see your husband, I can sneak you in for a few minutes. Then we'll need to borrow him again."
She couldn't bear to correct Dr. Grainger for fear that they wouldn't let her in to see him. Not seeing him wasn't an option-she needed to see Tony, and see for herself that he was still alive. Angela wanted to touch him, and hear his voice, but for now she'd settle for being able to hold his hand, and tell him that she loved him.
"I'd like that," she said softly, and followed the doctor down the corridor. "My mother is bringing the children in this evening-will they be able to see Tony?"
"As long as he continues to hold stable, or improve, yes. But I have to forewarn you, he really does look like he's been in a car accident-he might be more upsetting to the children if they do see him."
8***
The room smelled like cleaners and disinfectants, which only further churned Angela's stomach. There were beds lining the two walls, making a see of crisp white linen strewn over legs.
A few patients were in varying degrees of traction, and to see the limbs being supported in mid-air by a medieval looking contraptions only further jolted Angela. She hadn't spent much time in hospitals through the years- almost none at all. Did it ever get easier?
Being led to the far end of the room, Angela tried not to look at the faces of the other patients, afraid of what she'd see. She looked up once and saw an older woman lying in bed, looking perfectly normal. Maybe that's worse than being bruised and battered?
I can't do this-I can't see him looking like.anything but him. I can't stand that idea. But I can't stand not seeing him either. Oh, God, someone up there give me strength to do this.
Doctor Grainger finally stopped, and then pointed towards Tony. She never would have been able to identify him.
His face was a shade of red and blue, bruising probably from when his head jolted forward. There were cuts and smaller bruises as well, making him look totally different than the man she'd spent the past six years with. His torso was wrapped in gauze like bandages and his shoulder in a sling of sorts, holding his arm in an unnatural position across his lower abdomen.
He.looks like he's.Okay, pull it together Angela, you can't lose it yet- he needs you to be strong and to keep everyone together through all of this. I miss him already though. And he's right here.
"Tony, I'm here. I came to visit as soon as they'd let me see you," she tried to keep her voice as level and relaxed as possible.
**Angela! Oh, I'm so glad you're here!**
"I wish you were awake, so I could talk to you, and hear your voice." Entwining her fingers in his, Angela fought back her tears. "I miss your voice already, and I just heard it this morning."
**Eh oh, oh eh, I'm here. I'm just.I can't open my eyes, but I promise, we'll get to talk again. I wish I had of said a lot of stuff sooner.**
"Just rest and get better. The kids will be in to visit tonight, as will Mother. And I'm not going anywhere, I promise." Angela pressed a soft kiss against his hand and silently prayed that everything would work out for them-it had to.
9***
The doctors had asked Angela to leave again, so they could run a few more tests, and were those to go well, Tony would be moved to a private room.
Angela took slight comfort in that they were moving him to somewhere more private-and somewhere she could spend more time with him-but at the same time, she couldn't help but wonder if the transfer to the new room was as much them giving up on him getting better as it was because he wasn't getting any worse.
Pacing back and forth in front of the vending machines in the waiting room, Angela contemplated the changes that were coming in her life, and how she would be able to deal with them.
I don't want to think about Tony dying-that's the last thing I want to think about. But I have to consider everything. What will I do if he doesn't.make it? What will happen to Sam? I'd like her to stay with us. She's family, as much as Tony is. Sam's a daughter to me, and Jonathon loves her. I'd have to talk to her though. I'd want her to make the decision. Maybe she'd want to go back to Brooklyn and be with Mrs. Rossini? God, I don't want to lose her too. Someone has to call Mrs. Rossini too. I don't know what to say to her now.Tony's in the hospital. He might be dying, and I think he'd like it if you came to see him? I don't know anymore. I just don't know. I guess I'll just make the call and say whatever I feel is right. I want to wait until Sam gets here. I want to talk to her first-see what she wants. Then we can all make the decisions together.
Angela sat down in one of the red chairs, wishing they were more comfortable. Her body ached with tension and stress. It was all becoming too much for her.
I'll take some time off work. To help him get better. I'll stay home with him. He doesn't like strangers in our home. I can work from home if I need to. I don't care about work.what the hell am I talking about? I'd trade everything I have for him just to get better.
Heaving a deep sigh, Angela couldn't stand the idea of what she might have to do. At some point, she might have to arrange a funeral for the man she loved, and she might have to give up two of the most important people in her life.
He's not going to die. He's not allowed to leave me now-or ever. He can't.
Startled by arms wrapping around her, she tried to break out of her reverie and regain composure. "You're back. Did you bring the kids?"
"Sam won't come-but Jonathon is downstairs. He wanted to pick up a card for Tony from the gift shop." Mona tried to hide her disappointment. Sam had been horrified, and then refused to leave her room. The door was baracaded, and she was not going to visit her father.
10****
"Sam won't come?"
"She said that if Tony was going to die, she didn't want to see him." Mona tried to say it as quietly as possible, fearing that by giving it voice it would make it truer than it had to be.
"He's not dead yet! God, this must be killing her too." Angela stood up and began to pace again, wishing that she could go to sleep for awhile, and just rest.
It wouldn't be any use anyway. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wouldn't be able to do anything right now.
"They're moving him to a private room, if everything goes well right now- he's in for some more tests. Tony still hasn't woken up."
"He will, honey. He has to," Mona said, meeting her daughter in the middle of the room. "Do you want to go home.?"
"No!" Angela interrupted. "I want to stay here, with Tony."
"Let me finish. Do you want to go home and change into something more comfortable, maybe pack a little bag for Tony, and talk to Sam?" Mona was hoping that by getting out of the hospital for awhile and maybe talking to Sam, things would work out for the better.
"Yeah, maybe I should," Angela agreed. "I'm going to put together some essentials for Tony, because when he wakes up, he's going to want a toothbrush, and his brush and everything. And some clean clothes, so we can take him home."
"Exactly," Mona said, hoping her daughter was right.
"Mother?" Angela called back, as she neared the doorway.
"Yes?"
"If anything changes, you'll call me at the house, right? I mean.I won't be long, but if anything should happen in the next hour or two, you'll call me?"
"Of course."
"Do you want me to bring anything back?"
"Sam?" Mona asked hopefully.
"I'll do my best."
11****
The car ride back in to Fairfield was very stressful for Angela. She had to fight the urge to stop at every gas station and convenience store along the way just to call the hospital and check in.
Finally, when she got back to the house, she was terrified of going into the living room and not being able to smell Tony's cologne, or to see him dusting. She'd been home when Tony wasn't many times in the past, but there was some comfort in the knowledge that no matter where he was, he'd be returning to the house that night.
Walking through the door of the house, Angela couldn't stand the idea of the conversation she'd have to have with Sam. She didn't want to tell her that she had to go to the hospital-it wasn't her job to tell Sam what to do- but at the same time, she couldn't stand the idea of Sam not seeing her father.
Angela kicked off her shoes and tossed her coat on the coat rack, wishing she hadn't left the hospital. It would have made her feel better to still be within a minute or two of Tony, but she didn't have a choice. She had to try and talk to Sam.
Climbing the stairs, she stopped on the landing and wondered how many times she had been corralled down towards the breakfast table, and towards Tony's fresh breakfasts. It was something that she already missed, and it hadn't even been a day. And she never ate breakfast.
I'll change that, when he comes home. I'll sit and have breakfast with the family everyday. We need all the time together we can get.
With every step closer to Sam's room, Angela's heart grew heavier and heavier. She wished she could walk in and tell her that everything would be fine-that Tony would be coming home soon, and they'd all be together again. But even Angela knew that things would never be the same, no matter what happened.
Standing outside Sam's bedroom, Angela bit back the bile that was once again forming in her mouth. Her only hope was that things would go better when she went in the room than she had been anticipating, because she was positive she couldn't handle a confrontation with her.
"Sam, sweetheart.It's me. Can I come in?"
The door flung open quickly, as if Sam had leapt off her bed and into the doorway, and arms quickly wrapped around Angela.
"I don't want him to die," Sam sobbed. "I need him too much!"
Angela held the shivering form tighter and pressed a kiss to her hair. "I don't want him to either, honey. I need him too."
12****
"Is he still.?"
"He's out of the operating room now-he's being put in a private room."
"That's good, right? I mean, everything's okay now?" Sam couldn't move away from Angela. She needed the warmth of her body and the words she could share to make the totally unbearable that much easier.
"Sort of. He's doing better than he was. But he's still not better. He hasn't woken up yet." Angela hated saying anything about Tony because it seemed like things would never get any better if she did.
"Angela?"
"Yes honey?"
"What happens if dad dies?" Sam's tears began to flow freely again, and instead of trying to hold back, she let go of it all.
"He's not going to die sweetheart."
"He could. What happens then?" She didn't mean to sound so cold, but it was one of her biggest fears. If Tony died, not only would she be without her best friend-because he truly was her best friend-but she would also be an orphan.
"Well, then.We'll need to change some things around, but we'll do what we need to."
"What happens to *ME*?"
"If you'd like, I'm sure you could live with Mrs. Rossini, if you're not comfortable staying here." Angela pulled away from Sam, long enough to pull her chin up so she could see her eyes more clearly. "I love you and your father, Sam, and I would hate to see you leave unless you wanted to. And if you decided that you didn't want to stay with me, then just remember you'd always have a place where ever I am, and if you ever needed anything, I'd never be more than a phone call away. Okay?"
"I could stay here with you?"
"Of course you could! Sam, don't ever doubt that I love you as much as I love Jonathon. You're the baby girl I never had." Wiping Sam's tears away with her fingers, Angela wished she could turn back time and take the train in to work that day. Anything to not be put in this position.
"Do you want to help me pack a bag for your dad before I go back to the hospital?"
"Sure, and Angela? Can I come with you?"
13***
"Hey Tony. It's me, Mona."
**Hey Mona.I wish I could open my eyes. I'd love to see you right now.**
"Tony, I'm here too," Jonathon announced. He was scared. He'd never seen Tony look so weak before, and not only did Tony look weak, but he looked almost dead.
**Buddy! Aw, guys, I miss you! Where's Sam? Where's Angela?**
"You have quite a nice room here. Very comfy, if I do say so myself. They look different when you're not lying in the bed. With a doctor, none the less."
**Only you Mone, only you.**
"Angela will be back soon. She went home to get some things for you. She didn't want you to have bad breath when you got up and about. She's even going to brave your underwear drawer I think, and I have a feeling that means your underwear will show up here in tiny triangles." Mona kind of laughed while she smoothed out the blanket over him.
**Ten bucks says she rolls them.**
"She's going to bring Sam, if she can. Sam's not taking this very well. She's scared, of course. I think she's worried about everything right now. Angela's going to try and talk to her."
**My baby. I wish I could wake up and call her and say, 'don't worry.' I wish I could wake up. I wish things were back to the way they were.**
"Angela's trying her best to keep it together. You know our Angela-she never wants anyone to see her sweat over anything. She's not changed much, I swear. She did this in elementary school. Grammar school was hell."
"Grandma.do you think Tony can hear us?"
"I hope so. I hope he can hear us because then he'll know how much we love him and miss him. And how much we need him to keep fighting to get better."
"I miss you Tony," Jonathon said before he sat down in the chair beside the bed.
**Buddy, I'll be back up and going in no time. I promise. It doesn't even hurt that much right now.**
"I miss you too," Sam said, walking through the door. "You've got to come back to me now, 'cause I know I can't get through high school without you."
14****
Mona took Jonathon and Sam home just after nine. It had been a long day, and since there was still no sign of Tony waking up, there was no sense in the entire family having to crash on the floor of the hospital.
Angela decided to stay at the hospital. She had a change of clothes, her toothbrush, and she was sure Tony wouldn't mind if she borrowed his brush. Sleeping in the chair seemed like a good enough option, and it meant that she could be there if anything happened. She didn't want him to wake up and be alone. Angela never wanted Tony to be alone again.
"So, it's you and me kid. Ya know, I checked your chart-I know, I wasn't supposed to, but I had to-the nurse wrote in that you're cute. Well, that's not exactly what she said, but that's what she meant, I'm sure. But I have dibs, right?" She took his hand, and squeezed it. "Ya know, it's so cliché. Everyone says that you don't know what you have until you almost lose it. Or until it's gone.And you spend everyday saying 'I know what I have.I love my family. They know I love them.' And then something like this happens and you realize it's true. It's taken all of this for me to build up any courage to tell you that I love you. And now you can't even hear me."
**I can hear you. God, I've wanted to hear that from you for the longest time, and now that you've said it, I may never be able to tell you how I feel!**
"I want you to rest. And I want you to sleep as long as you need, as long as you realize that I'm going to be right here for as long as it takes for you to get better, and I'm going to do everything I can to make everything right. I promise."
**I know you will. God, I'm so lucky too have you.**
"Sam and I had a talk today. She was scared. We had never seriously considered the possibility of something happening to one of us, and we never made plans in case it did. I think that scared her-because she didn't know where her place would be in my life if you weren't around. I think she understands now that no matter what happens, I always want her to be in my life, and I always want to be in hers-she's like a daughter to me, Tony, and I don't want to lose her. If anything does happen.I want you to know that I would like to take care of Sam."
**I'd like nothing more. If I can't be there for my little girl, I can't think of any one I'd rather see raise her.**
"I should probably stop bothering you now, and let you rest, but I'll be right here if you need anything-anything at all. Just wake up and tell me, and it's yours. I promise." Angela released Tony's hand and settled into the chair beside his bed. "Sweet dreams, Tony."
**Sweet dreams Angela.**
15****
As morning broke, sunlight streamed through the curtains of the hospital room.
Angela hadn't slept very well, but at least she got a bit of rest, and she couldn't help but feel better knowing that he had made it through the night.
Stumbling to the ensuite washroom, Angela looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was bigger than normal, and she looked warn out. She was worn out.
Pull it together Angela. When Tony wakes up, do you want to look like this? Do you want this face to be the one he sees, because you might scare him back into unconsciousness.
Groping through her purse, she managed to find a few basic make up necessities, as well as some cover-up. Carefully applying the make up, she listened carefully for any changes in the sounds of the machines, or for any evidence that Tony might be awake.
Pulling on the clean pair of jeans she had brought, and one of Tony's Brooklyn sweaters, Angela pulled her hair back off her face and into an elastic. She needed to be comfortable, if that was even possible, and she needed to feel closer to him.
Hearing the door open, Angela quickly gathered her stuff and placed it frantically in the bag. If the doctor was there, she wanted to speak to him.
"Dr. Grainger," Angela asked, as she tossed her bag on the chair.
"No, I'm Nancy, one of the nurses here," the stout brunette extended her hand to Angela. "Just checkin' up on your husband."
"How's he doing?"
"He's stabilized from last night. But he's still not woken up?" Nancy pulled a stream of paper off of the heart monitor and folded it neatly onto the chart in her hands.
"Not that I know of-he's not been awake since I woke up." Angela crossed the room, to be closer to Tony and to get a better idea of what the nurse was doing.
"He's a fighter, I know it," Nancy said. "You see a lot of patients come and go in twenty-seven years, and you start to get a vibe on 'em, ya know? It's like, you always hope that each one will make it, but in your heart of hearts you know that they just aren't ready to fight that battle.It's not easy," she finished.
"Nancy? Did the others get brought here? The others from the accident I mean? Do you know how they're doing?"
"There were only the three of them that survived," she said solemnly. "The one guy's gone home already."
"And the baby? She's okay?"
"As good as she can be-she just lost the only two people she had in the world. Her parents have both died, and she has been put in to social services by her grandparents. I wish they'd let us keep her here instead of sending her out tomorrow," Nancy closed the chart as she stuffed the pen in her hip pocket, obviously a habit formed many years ago.
"Can I see her?"
"I'm not supposed to.Yeah," Nancy said, only a hint of hesitation remaining in her voice. "She could use a friend."
16***
"I feel so horrible for her," Nancy said as she approached a tiny plexi- glass bassinette. "She's been wonderful considering the circumstances, and not even a hint of colic."
Angela was taken by the little girl with the dark tuft of hair on top of her hair. Her eyes were huge and captivating. "She's beautiful."
"I know. I'd adopt her myself but they're not going to give her to me."
"I'm sure you'd be a wonderful mother," Angela said with conviction.
"I'm a fifty four year old full time nurse, divorced with four children of my own-they won't give her to me."
"What's her name," Angela asked, extending her finger to the baby, and smiling when she grasped on to it.
"She's not been named yet-she's still baby girl Allen." Nancy picked up the baby and cradled her in her arms. "I like to call her Allison-she just seems like an Allison to me."
"She does, doesn't she?" Angela gently ran her hand over the baby's face, reveling in how miraculous the little life was. "May I hold her?"
Nodding, Nancy gingerly passed the baby into Angela's waiting arms. "There you go, baby girl, go to Mrs. Micelli."
"Nancy.Tony and I.aren't married. I'm not his wife." Angela tried to gauge the nurse's response.
"Really? I thought you guys were. I'm sorry-you just seemed so.loving with him, and so concerned. I guess I shouldn't have assumed." Nancy's eyes never wavered from the little pink bundle in front of her.
"We have a very strange relationship, and once he gets better.I've been scared to lose him, but I'm starting to realize that there's never any telling when that might happen. Life's too short to wait around." Gently rocking the baby, Angela pressed a soft kiss to Allison's forehead. "You, my little princess, are going to grow up to be a wonderful, beautiful person."
"Mrs. Micelli?" A voice called from the doorway. "Your husband is awake and asking for you."
**
Angela practically sprinted back to the room, stopping only once she was outside his door. She didn't want to look frazzled when he saw her again.
Swinging the door open, she tried to mask her fear. "Good morning, sleepy head." She spoke softly as she neared the bed.
"Hey," his voice was hoarse. "How ya doin'?"
"They took out the tube?"
"I.Couldn't talk with it in," he explained.
"Maybe you should be resting?"
"I should be, I'm tired," he confessed.
"Are you in much pain?"
"Yeah, but I'm happy 'bout other things, so that helps." Tony closed his eyes, wondering when their hands had come to rest entwined together.
"I'll be here when you wake up," Angela whispered, pressing a kiss against his temple, and sitting beside him on the bed.
17*****
"He woke up," Angela whispered to Nancy. "And he was talking." Angela was absolutely glowing. Now that he was awake, she couldn't imagine what it was like to think he might not have made it.
The stout brunette smiled. "I knew he would. You guys need each other too much."
"We do," Angela agreed. "I have a favour to ask, and I'll understand if you have to say no."
"Well if you don't ask, you'll never know," Nancy flashed perfectly white teeth at Angela.
"Can.Can Allison be brought here so I can spend some time with her?"
"Technically she's not a patient.And I know you're not going anywhere. Alright, as long as you feed her and put her down for a nap this afternoon."
Angela smiled, happy to comply to Nancy's requests.
***
"Who's got the cutest little button nose in the entire world?" Angela asked, pressing her finger against the baby's nose.
"Aw, thank you," Tony said, unable to see where Angela was.
"You're welcome," Angela said, as she got to her feet and brought the baby in to Tony's line of sight. "You can't tell me that this little one doesn't have a close second though."
The look-one of complete shock and confusion-was priceless. "How long was I under for?"
"No, no," Angela laughed. "This is Allison, she.uh.needed a fried, so we were just playing before lunch."
"She's cute. Where'd ya find her?"
"The hospital gift shop." It took all of Angela's willpower not to laugh.
"So who does this little bundle of pink perfection belong to?"
"No one," Angela said sadly. "Look, you're still tired, so why don't you rest and we'll talk later. Allison here needs to eat and then take a nap too."
Tony just nodded and watched Angela as she settled into the chair, baby positioned against her body and bottle in hand.
"I love you," he said softly, before he closed his eyes.
18***
"Dad!" Sam squealed as she raced into the room. Once she heard that he had woken up, there was no keeping her away from the hospital-all of the fear and anxiety she had about losing her father dissipated into thin air.
"Hey, honey!" Tony was beaming from ear to ear. He never expected to see his little girl again.
"Mother? Why don't we give Tony and Sam some time alone, and we'll take Allison back to the nursery." Gesturing towards the door, she was surprised at how easily Mona followed her lead.
"Who's the kid?" Mona asked, trying to sound harsh, but in the end sounding much too adoring for her own liking.
"This is Allison-the baby from the accident. We've been spending some time together." Angela tipped Allison up on an angle, to give Mona a better view. "Allison, meet my mother, Mona Robinson."
"Where are her guardians?"
"Doesn't have any-she's being picked up tomorrow by the department of child and family services," Angela sighed.
"Poor kid," Mona said, watching her daughter with the little pink bundle.
"I.uh.I want to adopt her."
"How does Tony feel about this?"
"He doesn't know-I'm scared to tell him. What if he thinks I'm too old to be a mother again?"
"You're being silly," Mona said in her typical blunt way. "He'll probably want to help, I'm sure, and you're not that old." Mona winked at Angela, giving her a mischievous grin. "What's your real worry?"
"I love Tony and I want to be with him. What if he feels pressure to stay with us? He'll resent us and I couldn't stand to see that happen."
"Bring this little princess back to the room with you and I'll take Sam to the commissary. Tell him how you feel. About him AND Allison." Mona turned on her heel and headed back to the room.
**
Mona managed to get Sam out effortlessly, leaving Angela, Allison and Tony alone.
"Decided to keep her," Tony asked, grinning.
"Pardon?"
"You were taking her back to the nursery, but she's still here," Tony observed.
"Uh.Yeah. Couldn't bear to part with her," Angela confessed.
"She's really great, isn't she?"
"Tony, I can't think of a way to say this other than to just say it so.please?" When he didn't say anything, she continued. "I love you-and not just because you're my best friend. I love everything about you-the pink roses you buy for the house, to the blue jeans you wear, and this past twenty four hours have been hell. I don't want to lose you. I needed to tell you that."
"Ang," Tony began, only to be interrupted.
"Wait, there's more." Angela gathered all of her remaining courage and began again. "I want to adopt Allison and raise her as if she were my own. And if you're up to it, I'd like you to help me."
"You.are the most amazing, phenomenal woman I've ever met. I mean it. When I told you that I love you-I've loved you for as long as I've known you. Adopting Allison would be a." Tony paused, hoping to make his feelings as clear as possible, "wonderful opportunity. Under one condition though."
"What's your condition?"
"We raise her as ours. I want Allison to be something we can share for the rest of our lives." Tony smiled as he saw Angela's eyes light up.
"It's not too much of a commitment for you?"
"Is it too much for you?"
"It's not that, but what happens if you meet a woman." Angela couldn't say the rest of what she was thinking.
"There is no other woman for me-you're it. Angela, I've dreamed about being with you, and I've wanted this forever, so forgive me if I want to jump in feet first."
"Do you really mean that?" Angela looked at him hopefully, wishing he wasn't in a hospital bed so she could feel his arms around her and feel as safe as she knew he could make her feel.
"I wouldn't ever lie to you, Angela. I wish you knew that."
"I do. I'm just.scared. Have you ever thought about everything we have working against us? There are so many things that just seem to say 'it's not going to work,' and I'm scared of losing you. I mean, more scared than I ever dreamed possible."
"Give me a good reason why we won't work."
"I don't know anything about sports," Angela blurted.
"Firstly, that's not true-you play a mean game of golf. Secondly, yeah, so?" Tony looked at her, wondering if all of her fears were this ill- founded.
"Well, you're passionate about sports, and I can't really share that with you."
"You wouldn't go to games?" Tony asked.
"I would.but."
"No buts, you're willing to go to games, to spend time with me, and I'm willing to teach you if you want to know about them. A hobby is not going to keep us apart." Tony looked at Angela, obviously trying to figure a way to tell her that he was willing to overcome whatever obstacles they faced. "I was scared too-scared that you wouldn't love me back, and scared that you would realize how much extra stress is involved in dating your housekeeper. Do you think I've not spent nights laying in bed, wishing I was with you, but convinced it could never happen because I work for you? Why would you want to be with me, when all it can possibly bring you is more stress? People talking about us.the kids.God knows how they'll feel. Living under a microscope." Tony sighed. "I've thought about all of this, and more, but I don't care about any of that anymore. If you're willing to try this, then so am I, because I do love you, and it hurts to not be with you."
"Oh, Tony," Angela said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I really want us to work."
"Then let's try," he said as he reached his hand out to hers. "Let's do this."
Taking his hand in hers, Angela grinned. "We are going to need to tell the family."
"I already talked to Sam," Tony admitted.
"You did?"
"Yeah, I told her that I was going to talk to you about it today-that I wanted to be in a relationship with you, and if she had any objections, she should tell me now." Tony watched as Angela absorbed what he was saying. "Did she? Have any objections, I mean."
"She told me to go for you-that she couldn't think of any one she'd rather see me with, and how happy she was that we'd be a family. Officially." Tony smiled, knowing that his daughter was right-this was the first step in making them a real family.
"Wow," Angela said. "We've got some amazing kids, don't we?"
"Undeniably. We lucked out across the board." Tony lifted his hand to Allison's head, and let his hand run over the down-like hair he found there.
"I should figure out how we're going to get this little one into our home," Angela decided. "I don't want to risk losing her to anyone else."
"You go do that, and we'll talk later, okay?"
"Sounds good. Take care. I'll be back tonight, and we'll talk some more."
"Yeah, sounds good. By the way, that sweater looks great on you," Tony grinned. "I love you."
"I love you too," Angela said, lifting Allison and leaving the room.
19*****
"I hear you want to adopt her," Nancy said from behind Angela, who had been staring through the glass of the nursery.
"Wow, news travels fast. Yeah, I put in the request today, and so far, I managed to get an okay to be her foster mom. It'd be easier if I were married, but I'm working on that too," Angela smiled.
"She's a lucky little girl," Nancy sighed.
"Nah, we're the lucky ones. I've got this really amazing feeling about her." Angela turned to face Nancy more head on. "I was wondering, do you think Tony will be up to taking care of a baby? I mean, I'll stay home for a few months, until she gets settled, and until she's old enough to come to work with me, or Tony's better, but do you think he'll be able to cope with everything. There's a long recovery ahead, and I'm just a bit scared that it might be too much."
Nancy started walking, knowing that Angela would follow her. "He loves you, very much, any of us can tell. You love him, VERY much, we can all tell. You love Allison, having only known her for what comes down to a few hours-your capacity for love is infinite, and I have no doubt that you two will be able to make it work for our little baby girl."
Angela looked around, realizing that Nancy had led her back to Tony's room. "He'll want to know that the ball is rolling, and he'll want to spend some time with you, I'm sure."
Angela nodded and then entered the room. "I'm back," she announced.
"How'd it go?"
"Well. I called in a few favours and DCFS is going to let us foster Allison, until we can be cleared as adoptive parents." Angela smiled.
"Great. And anything else happen today?" Tony watched as she settled into the chair beside him.
"Not really. I went home long enough to bring back some more things for you to do-I brought in a book that was on your nightstand, a few more clothes, and some aftershave, and your shaving kit. I didn't know what you'd want, so I just brought a bit of everything."
"Thank you," Tony said. "By the way, I talked to the doctor and he said that I might be able to go home soon. I'll need to get a.a home nurse or someone to come in-I guess he doesn't want me lifting too many couches in the next few weeks."
"Yeah, I thought about that," Angela began, wary of how Tony would take it, "and I thought that since Allison would need someone around for a while, I'd stay home with both of you-until you were up on your feet and we were all settled." She tried to gauge his reaction to her idea-she knew very well that Tony took things extremely well sometimes, and other times he could be extremely macho.
"I'd like that," he said genuinely. "It will give us some time together, and work on us. And it will give us some time with Allison. But is this too much for you to deal with?"
Angela had many strengths, and they both knew that all too well, but Tony was very concerned that she would be biting off more than she could chew. A new born and a stubborn, injured Italian?
"I think we should at least try it," Angela said decisively, "and if I can't do it, we'll work from there."
"Great plan," Tony agreed. "Now, you are not spending another night in that chair.
"I wouldn't feel right going home. Besides, I get to pick up Allison early in the morning," Angela grinned. "First thing's first-some major house reorganizing, and then some shopping. She'll need tones of stuff."
"You bought a car seat today?"
"I had to be able to drive her home," Angela smiled. "And it was SO cute."
"Since you're staying here tonight," Tony shuffled over in the bed and patted the spot beside him, "why don't you stay in here with me. Just to keep me company, and so you can be more comfortable."
"I don't know," Angela said in concern. What happens if I roll over on to a wire or something?"
"We're fine, and you don't have to worry about me making a move on you, because the arm I have right here," Tony said, moving his left arm a bit, "is my only useful arm right now.and I'd rather have this holding on to you than doing anything kinky.for now," he amended.
Angela laughed at the expression on his face. "We'll try it," she conceded defeat. But if it's not working, you can have your bed back."
Climbing onto the bed and below the white linen hospital sheet, Angela tried not to shift too close to Tony. "These beds were definitely made for one," she joked, as she settled in.
"I bet Mona would say something different," Tony laughed, taking Angela's hand in his and resting it on his stomach. "Goodnight, Ang. I love you."
"Good night, Tony. I love you too."
20*****
Allison was released a little after eight in the morning, giving Angela a chance to take her to Tony's room and say good bye before he ate his breakfast.
The baby was perfectly content just to be held, and Angela was more than happy to hold her. Already the two had formed a wonderful bond, and Tony realized as he watched Angela with Allison that his family-the family he had been trying to build since before he met Marie-was finally complete.
"You drive safely," he told Angela seriously, "and call me when you get home. I want to know how well this munchkin travels, because soon enough we're going to have to take her around and show her off." Tony smiled, and watched as Angela loaded up a small shoulder bag with essentials-a few diapers, a bottle, and a container of formula that Nancy had given her, as well as a tiny stuffed pink bunny that the nurses had bought for Allison.
"We will. Love you," she said softly as she left, wishing he was going home with them.
"Love you too."
@@@@@
Walking through the doors of the house, Angela looked around. Everything seemed the same as she left it, with the exception of a banner over the couch that said in big purple letters 'welcome home Allison'.
"See? Your big brother Jonathon, your big sister Samantha and your Grandma Mona did that. Wasn't it sweet?" Angela continued to talk to the baby. "It says 'welcome home Allison,' and that's where you are now. You're home. And soon Tony will be home, and we'll all be together."
"Angela!" Sam ran down the stairs, followed quickly by Jonathon and Mona. "We didn't think you'd be back so early! Oh, look at her-she's so beautiful!"
"Well, they released her a little earlier than planned, and I wanted to get her back here just to enjoy some quiet for the day. We'll head back to the hospital tonight."
"Actually, Tony called while you were on your way home, I guess, and said he'd be released tomorrow. I guess they can't do much more for him in the hospital than he can do in physiotherapy for her shoulder. And everything else seems to be stabilized." Mona walked up to Angela and looked over her shoulder. "That is one beautiful little girl," she said, as she smiled.
"Would you like to hold her?" Angela turned and gently handed Allison's sleeping form over to Mona. "She's quite the angel."
"We.uh.have something to show you," Sam said quietly, not wanting to wake the baby.
"You do?"
"Yeah, follow me."
The family followed Sam up the stairs, and towards the bedrooms. "Dad called last night, before you got back to the hospital, I guess."
"He did?" Angela was confused as to what was happening.
"Yeah, he wanted us to do a few things," Jonathon added, grining widely.
"Oh yeah?" Angela asked.
Sam opened the door to Tony's room and smiled. The walls are still a little wet-not enough time for them to dry completely. She'll have to sleep somewhere else for tonight."
Tony's room had been turned in to a nursery of pinks and yellows, with Winnie the Pooh Characters adorning walls. In the far corner of the room, there was a beautiful white crib, lined with the most perfect white baby blanket that Angela had ever seen.
On the other wall, there was a large changing table, and a tall stand beside it, both decorated with ever so tiny pink and purple flowers.
"We didn't have much time, so Bloomingdales was our one stop shop," Mona confessed, "but Tony really wanted this to be done before you got home, and since he couldn't do it."
Angela felt the tears forming at her eyes. "This is amazing," she said, trying to hold back from crying.
"We moved all of Tony's stuff to the basement," Jonathon said, "like he asked, and we set up a cot in your office for now. Since he won't be able to go up and down the stairs for awhile."
"And after tonight, little miss here has a place to sleep, in perfect timing because with Tony home tomorrow." Mona winked at her daughter, making Angela blush a shade of deep crimson.
"Mother!" Angela said, aghast.
"So who's up for some 'welcome home' cake?" Sam asked, as she marched back towards the living room, knowing everyone else would follow behind her.
21***
"It's really amazing," Angela said, as she watched Allison sleep on the couch beside her.
"Do you like it? I mean, I asked Mona to pick something she thought we'd both like." Tony had been anxiously awaiting her phone call, having had the nurse move the phone closer so he could answer it without having the catheter become dislodged or something else be hindered.
"I love it. I feel bad that you don't have a room though," Angela said, broaching a topic that had been floating in her mind all day.
"Well, for now I can't do stairs, so sleeping in the office will be fine. There's a bathroom on the first floor, and if you don't mind that I can't help you with Allison for a bit."
"Not at all. But when you get better," Angela said quietly, slightly embarrassed by the conversation.
She wanted a relationship with Tony-a real relationship that included doing things that people do when they're dating. Fooling around and making out on a sofa were high on her list of things to do, but she wasn't sure if their relationship was quite ready to make it to the 'shared room' stage.
They'd yet to share a passionate, sober kiss.
"The basement is set up, with my furniture and my bed. There's a bathroom at the top of the stairs, and no one but me ever goes down there, so I figured it would be a more than suitable bedroom. If that's okay with you," he asked.
"Oh," Angela said, finally understanding why his stuff had been moved downstairs. He hadn't intended to move into her room. Not yet at least. "Yeah, that's a good plan. Definitely gives you more space too, which you deserve."
"Angela?" Tony felt overly cautious saying the next part, wishing she knew that it was a given for him. "I have no doubt that we will.that we will continue this relationship for the rest of our lives. I can't imagine my life without you in it. At the same time, I don't want to rush things."
Angela released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Of course," she agreed. "I should let you get some rest-you'll be home soon," Angela smiled, "and then we'll talk through the rest of this stuff."
"Most definitely," Tony agreed. "Goodnight Angela."
"Night Tony," Angela said as she hung up the phone.
22****
"Don't get too used to this, kiddo," Angela said as she lay down on the bed next to Allison. "Starting tomorrow, you're sleeping in your room. Not that I won't come over if you get scared, and when you get older, if you get scared you can come over here, any time. Just, sleeping in here everynight. That's not going to work so well, I don't think." Angela tucked the baby's blanket over her tiny round form, and played with her fingers. "Tomorrow Tony's coming home, and when he gets here, he and I are going to date each other. It's really complicated, and I don't expect you to understand, because I don't. But the point is, some nights, Tony and I are going to want some time just to be together, okay?"
Allison didn't move, content in her position in the bed. It was obvious the baby was nearing sleep again, as her lids closed more tightly.
"Hey Angela," a quiet voice from the doorway called in.
"Sam? Honey? Come on in."
"Hey," Sam said, appearing beside the bed. "I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you and Dad, and how excited I am to have Allison here now." Sam smiled, and then turned to leave.
"Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"Wanna stay and talk a while?" Angela looked up at the girl, hopeful that she'd accept the invitation.
"You sure? You've been really busy lately. You must be really tired."
"Not too tired to spend some time with you," Angela said quickly. "Never too tired to spend time with you."
Sam looked reluctant, but when Angela patted the spot beside her on the bed, she decided to stay.
Angela couldn't help smiling. Despite everything, she was still concerned about how the family would deal with all of these major changes. This was just one step closer to everything working out, she told her self.
"You did a wonderful job on the nursery," Angela began.
"Well Mona and Jonathon worked really hard too. And it was fun. I just wish you and dad could have been here to help."
"So do I, sweetheart." Angela reached down for one of Sam's hands. "Are you alright with everything happening right now? Would you like to talk about it? Or if you're not comfortable talking to me, would you like to talk to someone professional?"
"Why wouldn't I be able to talk to you?"
"Well.honey.if you were upset with me or your father it might be hard to talk to me about it. And I'd understand if it were."
"Angela.I am so happy that you and Dad are finally getting together. You've been a mother to me since we moved in here, and this just makes things seem official. And Allison. She's really cute, and I can see how much you love her."
"But you know that your father and I don't love you or Jonathon any less, right? Because that is impossible. We love you both with all our hearts and I would never want you to think that anything could stand in the way of that." Angela interrupted Sam, scared that the girl had the wrong idea.
"I know. Angela, we're a family, and I guess this just all seems like.it's the way it's supposed to be. Having another baby and you guys hooking up is what was supposed to happen." Sam smiled, noticing how moved Angela was. It was true. She couldn't imagine any one of them without the other.
"So when your father comes home, and we start seeing each other."
"I'll babysit," Sam volunteered. "Or, I'll help you pick out clothes to go out in."
Angela hugged Sam, happy that things were actually working out the way she had hoped.
23***
The days passed quickly, with the family all trying to organize things for Tony's home coming.
The doctor had made it explicitly clear that Tony was to do no lifting, or strenuous activity, in addition to not climbing stairs or doing anything that required a broad range of movement.
Mona, of course, made her jokes soon after hearing the doctor's instructions, amused by the way he had phrased his words.
Angela went to pick Tony up from the hospital alone. It was the first time since she had brought Allison home that she had not been with her, but Angela decided that trying to manage an infant and Tony would be a bit too much.
"I never thought I'd see this house again," Tony said excitedly. "It's beautiful."
Angela put the car in park and turned off the ignition. "It's nice to have you home again. It's not the same without you." Opening her door, Angela was surprised when Tony's hand grabbed hers.
"Ang, before we go in, I just want to do this." Pulling her hand to his lips, Tony pressed a soft kiss to it. "I really appreciate everything you've done."
Angela blushed and smiled. "Any time, just don't do it again," she teased.
**
"Wow, the house looks good," Tony smiles. "Dare I ask how you guys managed to keep this place together?"
"Angela kicked into domestic mode," Mona teased. "And it didn't hurt that Sam followed behind her adding the finishing touches."
"Mother! It wasn't that bad," Angela laughed, as she helped Tony settle on the couch.
"Oh yes it was," Jonathon argued. "Remember when you lost Allison underneath the baby clothes you washed?"
"I didn't lose her," Angela argued, offended.
"You just buried her, huh Ang?" Tony smiled.
Angela blushed. "Well, she's still so little. But Sam found her, so things turned out alright."
She had been very distracted the past few days. Angela had forgotten how difficult it was to take care of a baby, and add to that her concerns of Tony's well being.
"Mom was freaking out," Jonathon said, laughing.
"Hey, hey hey.everyone, has anyone thought of how much Angela's had going on? She's been taking care of a baby, trying to take care of a house, and you guys, and me.Maybe you should go a little easier on the teasing?" Tony could tell that Angela was feeling the stress already, and that it wasn't going to get easier any time soon.
"Come on Tony, she should be used to it by now," Mona grinned. "After all, I've been doing it all her life."
"Mona!" Tony said in frustration.
"Look, it's alright. I should, uh, go get Allison. She's probably awake by now," Angela said as she got up off the couch and headed up the stairs. "We'll order in tonight-make it easy, and Jonathon's been begging for pizza all week." As she disappeared around the corner, Angela fought back the tears building in her eyes.
She had been trying so hard, but despite her best efforts, she felt like she was running in circles.
24*****
"Hey little one," Angela said as she picked up Allison out of her crib. The baby was wide awake and staring happily at the mobile spinning above her. "How did you sleep? Did you have good dreams of lovely animals and bedtime stories?"
When the baby just gurgled, Angela laughed. "I feel like that too. Sometimes I wonder, ya know that? I think, wow, I'm not in my twenties anymore and here I am with a new baby and a new man in my life. Not that Tony's new. I've told you that story already, I'm sure. But at this stage in the game, it does feel harder than it did back then."
Angela cradled the baby carefully against her as she settled into the rocking chair. "I'm not young anymore, and I've come to terms with the fact I'm useless around the house. I've even decided that I'm not meant to cook. That was a hard decision to come to," Angela smiled.
"But we're thankful for it," Tony said from the doorway.
"What are you doing up here? You're not supposed to be going up and down the stairs!" Angela looked at him, alarmed by the chances he was willing to take.
"I wanted to see the nursery," he lied.
"You can't go against doctor's orders. I don't even want to imagine having you back in the hospital, okay?" She was about to cry again, and she knew it. She didn't want Tony to see her looking so pathetic and needy.
"Eh oh, oh eh! I'm not going anywhere, and you need to remember that." Tony walked closer to Angela and with his good hand, he rubbed her shoulder.
"I know, I guess I just worry."
"You're doing a great job so far," Tony said, "of taking care of everything. I know it's not easy to do everything yourself."
"I'm doing a terrible job," Angela moaned. "I lost the baby! What kind of parent does that?"
"Every parent. When Marie and I first moved into our own apartment, after Sam was born, Sam didn't have a bed of her own, so she slept in the dresser. You know, in a drawer. One night, she woke up crying and I actually closed the drawer, to look in the other ones for her." Tony laughed. "Marie thought I was going crazy."
"At least you knew she was in a drawer.I had no clue where Allison was." Looking down at the baby, Angela caressed her cheek.
"So, it happened, and in the future, you'll be more aware of where she is," Tony said non-chalantly. "If the idea of there being an us is stressing you out, we can put everything on hold until I'm 100% again. That way it's less for you to think about."
"No, it's not that, Tony. It's me. I guess I feel like I'm too old for all of this. Ya know?" Angela watched the baby kick her feet and smile.
"Angela!? How can you say that? We are both still young-we have more than fifty years left in us! We're not too old for any of this." Tony leaned against the wall, cringing when he put too much pressure on his shoulder.
"Are you okay?" Angela asked, leaping to her feet.
"I'm fine. Really. I just forget that there's a three inch gash in there." Tony forced a smile. "Everything is going to be great," he said, watching her with the baby.
"You sure?" Angela adjusted Allison in her arms, and looked up to him.
"Yep. I know that things are going to be wonderful. Everything will work out, and we'll all live happily ever after." "And if it's not perfect?" Angela waited for his answer, hoping he had some way of reassuring her.
"I'll fix it. In a New York minute," he said comfortingly.
"We don't deserve you," she said, through tears. Standing, she met Tony at the spot against the wall and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.
"I love you," he said softly against her lips.
"I love you too."
**The End**