This is a little Christmas ficlet that came to mind as I was *smirk* chatting with Subaru-kun tonight... ^_^ Anyway, Subaru and Seishirou were being kawaii, as always, and...well...
*Snickering* I still have this horrible image of Seishirou-san in leather, mesh, and bitch boots, though. ^_~ (But I personally think Subaru would look better, ne?) Merry X-Mas! And hentai New Year!
fun with disclaimers: Not much, CLAMP owns the boys. ^_^ I own this nifty picture of Seishirou all dressed up, though...in my head. damn, I wish I could draw worth a damn...
warnings: Nothing more than slight yaoi, actually. Sorry, Subaru-kun, no lemon. _ I couldn't do it...too tired...and I wanted to get it out TODAY. But there's the hint that SOMETHING went on.. *snickers* Um, this is kinda cute and sappy...not too bad, though. ^_^
Enjoy! and C & C, onegai?!?!?! Shinigami grant me grace, may I present...
~~~~~~~~~~
The Sweetest Gift
By Miriya Valentine
dragon_nataku@yahoo.com
~~~~~~~~~~
//It doesn't feel like Christmas.// Subaru stared gloomily out across the city, leaning against the railing of the small balcony of his apartment. Night had fallen, leaving Tokyo bathed in neon--the brilliant glow of infinite lights reached up, even this far. This was Christmas Eve, the night of the Christ-child of Western religion's birth...a time of hope, of peace...
The wind picked up a little, swirling lazy drifts of snow around the Sumeragi's boots, gently reminding him of the bitter cold he willingly stood in. His trench coat provided no warmth from the snowstorm, and he shivered as he retreated back towards the relative warmth of his dimly-lit apartment.
Suddenly, the young onmyouji stopped--the sound of a lone flute echoed across the empty darkness, a pure tune of sadness and hope...Subaru tuned his head, looking for it's source, finding none. Closing his eyes, the Sumeragi stayed completely still, simply listening to the haunting melody as it stretched out, embracing him, it seemed.
The roof--that was the source of the music, he realized, lifting his head to look up towards the top of his apartment building. There were only three floors between his level and the roof, and he was surprised that he could hear the sorrowfully sweet music at all. //I wonder who is out at such a late hour...out here in the cold?// Curiously, Subaru crept through his apartment, ghosting down the hallway to the stairwell. Climbing the last 3 flights of stairs, Subaru finally came to the outer exit to the roof. The music was louder, that same melody coming through the door to meet the onmyouji.
There was a great rush of icy air as Subaru opened the heavy door, warmth instantly stolen from the inside of the building, sacrificed to sate the Sumeragi's curiosity. Silently, he stepped through the doorway, checking his pocket to make sure he had a spare key, before closing the door behind himself. The sound was even louder, lulling him towards its source, drawing him forward...
Subaru spotted a lone figure, sitting on the edge of the building, back turned to him. Silent, save for the light crunching sound of footfall on snow, he walked toward the stranger, entranced by the haunting melody...the music stopped as Subaru came closer, the figure turned, lowering the wooden flute from all-too familiar lips...
The young onmyouji was stunned into silence as Seishirou smiled at him, lowering the delicate instrument to his lap. "Good evening, Subaru-kun," the assassin spoke, voice carrying over the wind, his lips curving into a friendly smile looking upon his prey. When Subaru did not speak, Seishirou turned his gaze back out towards the cityscape, simply observing. "Tokyo is still beautiful, is it not?"
A few more moments of silence, Subaru gazed on the city in contemplation. He should have expected Seishirou, he knew, the Sakurazukamori had quite the affinity for the dramatic...
"It's cold out, Seishirou-san...you shouldn't be here," Subaru spoke softly, emerald eyes resting on the familiar form of his companion. No accusation, no pleading, just that simple statement.
Seishirou studied Subaru a moment, automatically analyzing apart every syllable, every tone and inflection the onmyouji used, discerning what he could from such a phrase. Subaru was such a mystery...
"Please, come inside."
Seishirou could sense nothing from his prey. So he stood, brushing the light dusting of snow from his dark trench coat, placing the delicate flute into his coat pocket. "As you wish, Subaru-kun," he smiled again, following as Subaru turned and emotionlessly returned to the door, holding it open until both had passed through.
Quietly, without so much as a sideways glance, the twosome descended the three flights of stairs to Subaru's floor, one man lost in thought and memory, the other in amused contemplation of his morose companion. //Subaru-kun,// Seishirou chided mentally, //this is the holidays...you shouldn't be so gloomy. It's downright depressing.//
At his door, Subaru stopped, finally turning to Seishirou. "Why...did you come here?" He waited patiently as the Sakurazukamori sought an acceptable answer.
"I wanted to see you," Seishirou stated quietly, no sign of maliciousness or cruelty in his tone. //Why? Perhaps I am feeling covetous, this night...perhaps... Truly, I do not know.//
Subaru merely 'hmmmed' as he opened the door, holding it for Seishirou as he entered. The entry was dark, as was the rest of the apartment, the only light coming from strategically placed lights that were turned down as low as they could while still allowing unimpaired vision. Seishirou found it just as gloomy and morose as his companion's mood, and shook his head silently in disapproval. //Once, you were bright...before I broke you.// This thought came without guilt, there was not even the slightest bit of remorse in the assassin's mind. Bad things happened to everyone. That time was nothing more.
The Sumeragi strode purposely to the kitchen, retrieving a mug from the kitchen and filling it with tea he'd made earlier. Fortunately, the water was still warm enough, and he gave the hot drink to Seishirou, remembering the fact that this particular flavor was a favorite of the assassin's. Seishirou gratefully accepted the mug, still trying to read the expressionless mask that was Subaru, curious as to the young onmyouji's motives. He watched as Subaru poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid, eyes following as the young man retreated back to the corner of the kitchenette, as if trying to hide from his hunter in the shadow. For a moment, neither spoke, and silence ruled, unchallenged.
Subaru was the first to speak. "I did not know you played, Seishirou-san," he murmured quietly, eyes cast downwards toward his steaming cup of tea.
That made the Sakurazukamori smile. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Subaru-kun...you should know at least that much by now." Hopefully, that would provoke some sort of emotional flare in the Sumeragi. Seishirou could only hope, watching for it...and he was indeed disappointed, as there was none. The Sumeragi head nearly nodded, taking another sip of his tea.
"It was beautiful, Seishirou-san."
"I like beautiful things." How many times had he said that in his life? But it was true, so very true... "It is an old western carol I learned some time ago...I'm glad you like it." And indeed he was--it brought him a certain kind of pleasure to know the Sumeragi enjoyed the music.
"But why is it so sad?" He could not help but wonder as he replayed the haunting melody in his head. Indeed, half the beauty of the song was its wistful, graceful sadness, as if it were almost a tune of mourning. Subaru was not too familiar with the religious aspects of the holiday, either, he only knew it had something to do with the birth of a savior...the son of a long-sought after God. He almost wondered how Kamui would compare to this Jesus.
Seishirou smiled, much more knowledgeable about such things. "Because it *is* sad, Subaru-kun...for this child, too, had no control over who he was or what his destiny would be...because he gave his life to save a world who didn't want him. Because he was born to die, and no one cared to help him."
"Oh." Subaru looked down, as if he was a part of that long-past tragedy, fleeting guilt passing across endless emerald.
"But that is not the reason for their holiday," Seishirou spoke softly. "This time is to celebrate the gift their Jesus-child gave, thus the giving of gifts to others. It is a way for them to remember that they have some hope, I think." There was quiet amusement in his tone, and Subaru looked up to see it in his living eye.
Subaru was quiet for a moment, reflecting upon this new information, understanding the wistful tune a bit more. A little guiltily, he looked, a slight smile crossing his expressive face. "I didn't get anything for you, Seishirou-san."
Seishirou grinned in return. "I'd imagine that I'd be a hard person to buy for," he smirked, sliding his cup across the counter to Subaru, who'd retreated slightly from the shadow.
"What do you want?" Subaru asked inquisitively, tilting his head to the side, "I mean, if you could have anything at all, Seishirou-san, what would it be?" Awaiting the answer, the Sumeragi moved closer to Seishirou, watching him in silence.
Seishirou smiled, thinking for real about the question. He was almost tempted to laugh and go on about some sweater he'd seen at a department store, but the inquisitive look in Subaru's eyes (not to mention his proximity) stopped the man from it. In fact, the completely open gaze...with a pang of perhaps regret, Seishirou was reminded of their first meeting, beneath the Sakura-Barrow. When there was no sadness in those beautiful green eyes... Seishirou rose from his seat, hovering above Subaru like a bird of prey, but with no such intention in his mind.
Acting purely on instinct, Seishirou drew the onmyouji loosely into his embrace, one hand sliding around his waist while the other rose to brush dark hair from that angel face-- "I wonder, sometimes, what it would be like to go back to the beginning."
Trust Seishirou to avoid a direct answer. Subaru stood unresistingly in the arms of the Sakurazukamori, sensing there was no danger in this movement, knowing exactly what the man was speaking of, Long he'd wished for it, dreamed for it...if only...
"And what would you want, Subaru-kun?"
//Neesan back...my innocence, my trust...// With a quiet cry, the Sumeragi embraced Seishirou fiercely. "Pretend...that you mean it..."
Seishirou rested his head on the onmyouji's, nodding slightly against silk-soft hair as he closed his eyes. //Don't you know, Subaru-kun? If I could love anybody...it would be you.//
"That's all?" Seishirou whispered softly, stroking the back of Subaru's head, taking in the sensation of the young man pressed against himself.
Subaru nodded, barely, listening to the steady beat of the Sakurazukamori's heart. "It would be enough, Seishirou-san..."
"Just for this night?"
Subaru nodded against Seishirou's chest. "We are who we are, Seishirou-san."
Seishirou brought Subaru's face up to his, gazing intently into deep emerald, face darkened by the room's shadow. Pressing his forehead against Subaru's, he allowed himself to close his eyes. "I understand." And he kissed the young onmyouji, sweetly, tenderly, even. For this night, he would make Subaru believe...and perhaps he'd deceive himself...if only for this one night.
Only tonight.
From somewhere in the living room, a clock chimed softly, signaling the passing into Christmas day. "Merry Christmas, Seishirou-san," the young onmyouji breathed between kisses.
The eye that looked back to him was almost foreign, the expressive, dancing, honeyed gaze that was tucked safely in the back of Subaru's mind surfacing again. A gaze that radiated trust, and affection, and even greater, eyes reflecting love...
That carefully-constructed mask set aside...only tonight.
With tears of gratitude that were quickly kissed away, the young onmyouji accepted this greatest of gifts, delving deep into the dream of what could have been...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When he awoke, he knew Seishirou would be gone. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes, as if that simple movement was what held him together, for when he opened them, Seishirou would truly be gone and he would be alone once again.
Perhaps it was just a dream?
The sunlight was warm on his face, shining through the half-open window...reluctantly, emerald broke through dark lashes, focusing on the room he lay in.
Empty room, cold, empty room...
A slight smile crossed Subaru's face as he sat up, fingers reaching out to pick up the delicate wooden flute that lay on the bedstand. No note accompanied it, Subaru knew Seishirou trusted him enough to realize what he wanted to say...they'd always been close, that way, though more often than not, Seishirou's meanings were clouded by deceit and manipulation...holding the instrument gently, Subaru nodded once and closed his eyes.
//We are who we are, Seishirou-san...//
//But what could have been...//
~owari~
*grin* so, there's a bit of a christmas ficlet...dun mind me, I'm a fruit. ^_^ I hope you liked it, though, I figured I could give the dynamic duo a bit of a break from the angst and killing, you know...
Seishirou: ^_^ thank you.
Angel Miri: there would have been nookie, but Sephrenia ran off chasing Kyeron again...That's why it's all sap. Talen took over.
Talen: ^_________^ It was fun!
Me: grr...damn sap muse...Ah, the song Seishirou was playing was none other than Coventry Carol...why? Um...cos we played it for our christmas concert for one (and I DO play the flute, along with guitar...I play flute at the concerts, though...) and I was listening to Loreena Mckennit's version of it on sacred Napster.
I think that's about everything, thanks for reading!! And if you would, C and C, onegai!?!?!?!
~Miriya, Seishirou, and the musies~
*Snickering* I still have this horrible image of Seishirou-san in leather, mesh, and bitch boots, though. ^_~ (But I personally think Subaru would look better, ne?) Merry X-Mas! And hentai New Year!
fun with disclaimers: Not much, CLAMP owns the boys. ^_^ I own this nifty picture of Seishirou all dressed up, though...in my head. damn, I wish I could draw worth a damn...
warnings: Nothing more than slight yaoi, actually. Sorry, Subaru-kun, no lemon. _ I couldn't do it...too tired...and I wanted to get it out TODAY. But there's the hint that SOMETHING went on.. *snickers* Um, this is kinda cute and sappy...not too bad, though. ^_^
Enjoy! and C & C, onegai?!?!?! Shinigami grant me grace, may I present...
~~~~~~~~~~
The Sweetest Gift
By Miriya Valentine
dragon_nataku@yahoo.com
~~~~~~~~~~
//It doesn't feel like Christmas.// Subaru stared gloomily out across the city, leaning against the railing of the small balcony of his apartment. Night had fallen, leaving Tokyo bathed in neon--the brilliant glow of infinite lights reached up, even this far. This was Christmas Eve, the night of the Christ-child of Western religion's birth...a time of hope, of peace...
The wind picked up a little, swirling lazy drifts of snow around the Sumeragi's boots, gently reminding him of the bitter cold he willingly stood in. His trench coat provided no warmth from the snowstorm, and he shivered as he retreated back towards the relative warmth of his dimly-lit apartment.
Suddenly, the young onmyouji stopped--the sound of a lone flute echoed across the empty darkness, a pure tune of sadness and hope...Subaru tuned his head, looking for it's source, finding none. Closing his eyes, the Sumeragi stayed completely still, simply listening to the haunting melody as it stretched out, embracing him, it seemed.
The roof--that was the source of the music, he realized, lifting his head to look up towards the top of his apartment building. There were only three floors between his level and the roof, and he was surprised that he could hear the sorrowfully sweet music at all. //I wonder who is out at such a late hour...out here in the cold?// Curiously, Subaru crept through his apartment, ghosting down the hallway to the stairwell. Climbing the last 3 flights of stairs, Subaru finally came to the outer exit to the roof. The music was louder, that same melody coming through the door to meet the onmyouji.
There was a great rush of icy air as Subaru opened the heavy door, warmth instantly stolen from the inside of the building, sacrificed to sate the Sumeragi's curiosity. Silently, he stepped through the doorway, checking his pocket to make sure he had a spare key, before closing the door behind himself. The sound was even louder, lulling him towards its source, drawing him forward...
Subaru spotted a lone figure, sitting on the edge of the building, back turned to him. Silent, save for the light crunching sound of footfall on snow, he walked toward the stranger, entranced by the haunting melody...the music stopped as Subaru came closer, the figure turned, lowering the wooden flute from all-too familiar lips...
The young onmyouji was stunned into silence as Seishirou smiled at him, lowering the delicate instrument to his lap. "Good evening, Subaru-kun," the assassin spoke, voice carrying over the wind, his lips curving into a friendly smile looking upon his prey. When Subaru did not speak, Seishirou turned his gaze back out towards the cityscape, simply observing. "Tokyo is still beautiful, is it not?"
A few more moments of silence, Subaru gazed on the city in contemplation. He should have expected Seishirou, he knew, the Sakurazukamori had quite the affinity for the dramatic...
"It's cold out, Seishirou-san...you shouldn't be here," Subaru spoke softly, emerald eyes resting on the familiar form of his companion. No accusation, no pleading, just that simple statement.
Seishirou studied Subaru a moment, automatically analyzing apart every syllable, every tone and inflection the onmyouji used, discerning what he could from such a phrase. Subaru was such a mystery...
"Please, come inside."
Seishirou could sense nothing from his prey. So he stood, brushing the light dusting of snow from his dark trench coat, placing the delicate flute into his coat pocket. "As you wish, Subaru-kun," he smiled again, following as Subaru turned and emotionlessly returned to the door, holding it open until both had passed through.
Quietly, without so much as a sideways glance, the twosome descended the three flights of stairs to Subaru's floor, one man lost in thought and memory, the other in amused contemplation of his morose companion. //Subaru-kun,// Seishirou chided mentally, //this is the holidays...you shouldn't be so gloomy. It's downright depressing.//
At his door, Subaru stopped, finally turning to Seishirou. "Why...did you come here?" He waited patiently as the Sakurazukamori sought an acceptable answer.
"I wanted to see you," Seishirou stated quietly, no sign of maliciousness or cruelty in his tone. //Why? Perhaps I am feeling covetous, this night...perhaps... Truly, I do not know.//
Subaru merely 'hmmmed' as he opened the door, holding it for Seishirou as he entered. The entry was dark, as was the rest of the apartment, the only light coming from strategically placed lights that were turned down as low as they could while still allowing unimpaired vision. Seishirou found it just as gloomy and morose as his companion's mood, and shook his head silently in disapproval. //Once, you were bright...before I broke you.// This thought came without guilt, there was not even the slightest bit of remorse in the assassin's mind. Bad things happened to everyone. That time was nothing more.
The Sumeragi strode purposely to the kitchen, retrieving a mug from the kitchen and filling it with tea he'd made earlier. Fortunately, the water was still warm enough, and he gave the hot drink to Seishirou, remembering the fact that this particular flavor was a favorite of the assassin's. Seishirou gratefully accepted the mug, still trying to read the expressionless mask that was Subaru, curious as to the young onmyouji's motives. He watched as Subaru poured himself a cup of the steaming liquid, eyes following as the young man retreated back to the corner of the kitchenette, as if trying to hide from his hunter in the shadow. For a moment, neither spoke, and silence ruled, unchallenged.
Subaru was the first to speak. "I did not know you played, Seishirou-san," he murmured quietly, eyes cast downwards toward his steaming cup of tea.
That made the Sakurazukamori smile. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Subaru-kun...you should know at least that much by now." Hopefully, that would provoke some sort of emotional flare in the Sumeragi. Seishirou could only hope, watching for it...and he was indeed disappointed, as there was none. The Sumeragi head nearly nodded, taking another sip of his tea.
"It was beautiful, Seishirou-san."
"I like beautiful things." How many times had he said that in his life? But it was true, so very true... "It is an old western carol I learned some time ago...I'm glad you like it." And indeed he was--it brought him a certain kind of pleasure to know the Sumeragi enjoyed the music.
"But why is it so sad?" He could not help but wonder as he replayed the haunting melody in his head. Indeed, half the beauty of the song was its wistful, graceful sadness, as if it were almost a tune of mourning. Subaru was not too familiar with the religious aspects of the holiday, either, he only knew it had something to do with the birth of a savior...the son of a long-sought after God. He almost wondered how Kamui would compare to this Jesus.
Seishirou smiled, much more knowledgeable about such things. "Because it *is* sad, Subaru-kun...for this child, too, had no control over who he was or what his destiny would be...because he gave his life to save a world who didn't want him. Because he was born to die, and no one cared to help him."
"Oh." Subaru looked down, as if he was a part of that long-past tragedy, fleeting guilt passing across endless emerald.
"But that is not the reason for their holiday," Seishirou spoke softly. "This time is to celebrate the gift their Jesus-child gave, thus the giving of gifts to others. It is a way for them to remember that they have some hope, I think." There was quiet amusement in his tone, and Subaru looked up to see it in his living eye.
Subaru was quiet for a moment, reflecting upon this new information, understanding the wistful tune a bit more. A little guiltily, he looked, a slight smile crossing his expressive face. "I didn't get anything for you, Seishirou-san."
Seishirou grinned in return. "I'd imagine that I'd be a hard person to buy for," he smirked, sliding his cup across the counter to Subaru, who'd retreated slightly from the shadow.
"What do you want?" Subaru asked inquisitively, tilting his head to the side, "I mean, if you could have anything at all, Seishirou-san, what would it be?" Awaiting the answer, the Sumeragi moved closer to Seishirou, watching him in silence.
Seishirou smiled, thinking for real about the question. He was almost tempted to laugh and go on about some sweater he'd seen at a department store, but the inquisitive look in Subaru's eyes (not to mention his proximity) stopped the man from it. In fact, the completely open gaze...with a pang of perhaps regret, Seishirou was reminded of their first meeting, beneath the Sakura-Barrow. When there was no sadness in those beautiful green eyes... Seishirou rose from his seat, hovering above Subaru like a bird of prey, but with no such intention in his mind.
Acting purely on instinct, Seishirou drew the onmyouji loosely into his embrace, one hand sliding around his waist while the other rose to brush dark hair from that angel face-- "I wonder, sometimes, what it would be like to go back to the beginning."
Trust Seishirou to avoid a direct answer. Subaru stood unresistingly in the arms of the Sakurazukamori, sensing there was no danger in this movement, knowing exactly what the man was speaking of, Long he'd wished for it, dreamed for it...if only...
"And what would you want, Subaru-kun?"
//Neesan back...my innocence, my trust...// With a quiet cry, the Sumeragi embraced Seishirou fiercely. "Pretend...that you mean it..."
Seishirou rested his head on the onmyouji's, nodding slightly against silk-soft hair as he closed his eyes. //Don't you know, Subaru-kun? If I could love anybody...it would be you.//
"That's all?" Seishirou whispered softly, stroking the back of Subaru's head, taking in the sensation of the young man pressed against himself.
Subaru nodded, barely, listening to the steady beat of the Sakurazukamori's heart. "It would be enough, Seishirou-san..."
"Just for this night?"
Subaru nodded against Seishirou's chest. "We are who we are, Seishirou-san."
Seishirou brought Subaru's face up to his, gazing intently into deep emerald, face darkened by the room's shadow. Pressing his forehead against Subaru's, he allowed himself to close his eyes. "I understand." And he kissed the young onmyouji, sweetly, tenderly, even. For this night, he would make Subaru believe...and perhaps he'd deceive himself...if only for this one night.
Only tonight.
From somewhere in the living room, a clock chimed softly, signaling the passing into Christmas day. "Merry Christmas, Seishirou-san," the young onmyouji breathed between kisses.
The eye that looked back to him was almost foreign, the expressive, dancing, honeyed gaze that was tucked safely in the back of Subaru's mind surfacing again. A gaze that radiated trust, and affection, and even greater, eyes reflecting love...
That carefully-constructed mask set aside...only tonight.
With tears of gratitude that were quickly kissed away, the young onmyouji accepted this greatest of gifts, delving deep into the dream of what could have been...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When he awoke, he knew Seishirou would be gone. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes, as if that simple movement was what held him together, for when he opened them, Seishirou would truly be gone and he would be alone once again.
Perhaps it was just a dream?
The sunlight was warm on his face, shining through the half-open window...reluctantly, emerald broke through dark lashes, focusing on the room he lay in.
Empty room, cold, empty room...
A slight smile crossed Subaru's face as he sat up, fingers reaching out to pick up the delicate wooden flute that lay on the bedstand. No note accompanied it, Subaru knew Seishirou trusted him enough to realize what he wanted to say...they'd always been close, that way, though more often than not, Seishirou's meanings were clouded by deceit and manipulation...holding the instrument gently, Subaru nodded once and closed his eyes.
//We are who we are, Seishirou-san...//
//But what could have been...//
~owari~
*grin* so, there's a bit of a christmas ficlet...dun mind me, I'm a fruit. ^_^ I hope you liked it, though, I figured I could give the dynamic duo a bit of a break from the angst and killing, you know...
Seishirou: ^_^ thank you.
Angel Miri: there would have been nookie, but Sephrenia ran off chasing Kyeron again...That's why it's all sap. Talen took over.
Talen: ^_________^ It was fun!
Me: grr...damn sap muse...Ah, the song Seishirou was playing was none other than Coventry Carol...why? Um...cos we played it for our christmas concert for one (and I DO play the flute, along with guitar...I play flute at the concerts, though...) and I was listening to Loreena Mckennit's version of it on sacred Napster.
I think that's about everything, thanks for reading!! And if you would, C and C, onegai!?!?!?!
~Miriya, Seishirou, and the musies~