The whir of the fan usually went unnoticed but today it was all he could hear. He sat on his rugged brown couch, staring at the fan, angry at how loud it was. Holding a glass of scotch in his hand, he grimaced and then sighed. The white noise was the only distraction he had from the pain he was feeling inside, and he loathed himself for being so pathetic. Rubbing his hands on his pants, he stood up, feeling a sense of purpose for a few moments, and in defeat, sat back down. Rubbing his neck, he felt the restlessness he had gotten to know so well beginning to taunt him again. He didn't know how to feel. He tried to keep himself numb most of the time, the scotch helped with that. At the same time, he knew that while he was sitting here grieving over a lost 'forever', she was getting ready to marry another man. A man her parents could approve of, a man she must, in some sense- love, and had never tested her love as much as Ezra knew he had. He shook his head at the thought. Ezra knew that he had done some wrong all those years ago- but he thought they had overcome that. He thought, and had been promised a forever; a forever to coming home at night to a tiny brunette who read until the late hours of the morning, who helped him through his toughest times and made his best days that much better. But she had ended it; even after getting through the horrible years where she had been tortured by a force Ezra didn't have the power to stop. She had ended it, because upon moving to a new city and meeting new people, she had decided she needed someone who didn't remind her of those terrible years, which Ezra knew he had only added to, and not in the way he had ever intended. So here he was, nearly two years after the split, a year after he had heard about her engagement to another man, sitting in his small apartment that had begun to feel too big, alone.
It didn't help that the man she was to marry was a terrible human being. Ironically, Ezra knew his family from his privileged youth, a family with more money than they knew what to do with, with social events being the very center of their life, and a very demanding lifestyle. Ezra knew, because he had escaped it, and he could not believe that who he had thought to be his soul mate had run into his old life with open arms. Ezra couldn't imagine her happy in such a life, with a man who's biggest goal was making his next big deal or playing golf with some important rich guy. He couldn't imagine her being happy as a trophy wife, lugged around to this event and that one, introduced to people who thought they mattered, thought they were happy, whom Ezra knew truly weren't. Ezra knew a new place could have changed her, but she knew the guy for months before he proposed. How could she forget a love like his so quickly, Ezra often wondered? More so, how could she so quickly move on? Ezra often felt immense sadness over the thought, but also understood and pitied himself for not doing the same.
He had actually had a few good months, where the sting of the breakup and her absence didn't make him sick. He had even gone out on a date with a women passing through town. But just like his new relationship, his comfort in life began to fizz out, until his disillusioned content was shattered with one piece of mail. His name in cursive on the envelope should have been his first clue. There had been a sticky-note attached to the invitation, with a personalized note from her mother, telling him that she would really like it for him to come. The invitation itself had induced days of drinking and grumbling, which Ezra regretted.
Now, looking to his left, the invitation sat on the bedside table, with rings stained on it left from the condensation of his liquor. Reaching over to pick it up, Ezra stared down at the blurred words.
Mr. Benjamin & Mrs. Violette Springsfield
Together with
Mr. Byron & Mrs. Ella Montgomery
Request with pleasure your company in joining them to
celebrate the marriage of their children
Jonathon and Aria
The rest outlined details as to where the wedding was taking place, which just so happened to be on Spencer's property, an old friend of Aria's, just across town. Although Ezra's initial reaction had been defeat and depression, he now sought a solution. He knew he had wreaked havoc on her life, and if he did go to Aria's wedding (the thought of her name often shot pain through his chest) he would just be continuing that pattern. He had been shocked at Ella's personal note attached to the invitation, and thought it was almost cruel. He had once been a friend of the family, and even after coming out to her parents about their relationship, had been able to patch things up with Ella and move to an almost comfortable place with Bryon, so maybe it shouldn't have shocked him. But Aria must have agreed to the invitation being sent his way, and he still couldn't believe she had the audacity to. He had never RSVP'd, assuming that sent enough of a message. But if he were to show up, he would shock Aria and her family, and probably just hurt her and ruin her day. He didn't want to do that. He had come to terms that he was still in love with her long ago. His plan, if he did decide to go did not include sitting down on the bride's side, and gushing with an older relative of hers about the ceremony, or sitting down to a dinner where he was subjected to Aria's first dance with another man. His plan would just remind Aria and her family how wrong Ezra was for her, how wrong and outlandish their relationship was. If that had been what had driven Aria to breakup with him, he didn't want to prove her right. But if he didn't go, he would regret it, and she would be married to someone who wasn't him, which stung more than the thought of more disapproval. Ezra downed the rest of his scotch and stood up impulsively. He placed his glass down on the table and went to his closet, knowing now what his choice needed to be.
He could risk humiliation and disapproval if there was even a small chance of Aria coming to some sort of realization. She was not the kind of girl who should marry the wrong man. She should marry the man that loved her, that needed to know if even a small part of her still wanted to love him and be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. Ezra looked hurriedly down at his watch and then back to his closet, where he pulled out a suit fit for ruining a wedding, fit for his dramatic fantasy that he couldn't believe he was committing to. If he changed and washed his face, and attempted to make himself look like a man who hadn't been sitting around the last few days in his own filth, he could get there just before it started.