Disclaimer: I obviously do not and will probably never own Kyou Kara Maou or any of its characters, although I'd love to.
AN: I wanted to experiment a little with a more serious approach to Yuuri's acceptance of his feelings for Wolfram and maybe even go further than that. This will probably have a very different tone than any of my other stories so far, but with recent events I felt necessary to approach this subject from a different angle. I won't give much of a summary plot-wise, but I hope you adventure into this with me, and like the results. This will be a very short chapter, the rest will be at least three of four times this length.
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Prologue.
Both boys sat in silence, the air in the room felt heavy and foul. The atmosphere had changed drastically around them, when a turn of conversation had opened a door, that until then, had remained closely guarded. The depth of the feelings that had been stored and pushed away seemed to drawn them, although for different reasons.
"He just doesn't understand, you know?" Shibuya said with a heavy voice, filled with so much sadness it made Ken's heart sink.
"But I also don't really know if I want him to understand, I don't know if I can be that selfish" he said and covered his eyes with his left hand, while the right clutched the fabric of his pants, around the knee. He was trying to remain grounded, and probably even talking about this had required most of his determination.
Ken was seated on the chair by Shibuya's desk, at his earthen home, and Shibuya was on his bed. They had to get back to Shin Makoku, and were supposed to do so about two hours ago, but the conversation hadn't permitted it. It hadn't started like this, but there's a limited amount of time you can run away from something.
"I think I get what you mean, actually making him understand would be a cruelty." Ken said, turning around to face the door. Understanding homophobia, making only the word travel to a world where it had never existed, seemed like such a cruel thing to do, to so many people who dreamed all of their lives with a place where that word meant nothing, destroying that beautiful aspect of the other world by introducing such a term… and Shibuya was already doing it, he had been doing it for years, even if unintentionally.
"But soon even that won't matter. You are losing him Shibuya, you need to make a choice" Ken hated to push his friend even more, if someone understood what Shibuya was going through, it was him, for more than one reason.
Being raised in Japan meant little to no acceptance towards homosexuals, it was a subject people there would usually just try to avoid, or hide. In general, japanese people were very private about their personal life, especially as they got older. You could call it don't ask don't tell maybe… not illegal, but frowned upon, a lot. It was not uncommon, even to that day, for openly homosexual people to be disowned or have a lot more trouble trying to find a job or even rent an apartment. People just weren't open about it, for custom's sake, for fear of rejection, of discrimination, of violent retaliations.
It was unnatural, disgusting, unfruitful. They were thought by many to be of loose morals, ridden with diseases and addictions. People who were not an asset to society, people to be ashamed of, people to keep away from...
That was the mindset Shibuya was trying to fight right now, within himself, and it was slowly killing him, a kind of hardship Wolfram von Bielefeld, who had lived his life entirely in Shin Makoku, would never understand.
"I don't want that, I really don't want to lose him… I just…" Shibuya covered his entire face then, with both his hands and groaned, angry maybe with himself, maybe with the world, maybe with all of it. "I just don't know what to do… I don't know how to make things better…"
It broke Ken's heart to see his friend like this, someone with such a beautiful soul and such a kind heart, reduced to tears of self hatred because of such a nonsensical belief, because of such a stupid way of thinking. It had been this kind of unmeasurable hate in people's hearts, for those who are different than them, that had created the Sousho in the first place. Hatred was an immensely harmful thing, he knew it too well, and even Shibuya, who shone brightly as the sun, wasn't impervious to it.
"Why did I have to be like this Murata?" Shibuya asked, a small crack on his voice made Ken realize his friend was almost at his limit, the limit of his sanity, but also of acceptance, he was like that, whether he liked it or not, now at least he had admitted that.
"There's nothing wrong with love Shibuya" Ken said in a serious tone, he meant every word, not in the greeting card cliché manner that some people said it, he really believed it, he had learned it through many lives, in which he remembered his soul had loved in just as many different ways.
"There's nothing wrong with you either" Ken added and turned to his friend with a small smile. He waited until his friend finally uncovered his eyes, showing some unshed tears still fighting to pass the barrier of his eyelashes.
"Some part of me thinks that too, or at least it wants to" Shibuya finally answered.
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Please do leave a review, since this is an experiment, I would really appreciate your feedback.