What The? An FMA/Hellsing crossover
Envy awoke in a strange room. It was dark out, and it looked to be far from home. He thought to himself "Damn that Fullmetal bastard. His transmutation must have teleported me here. How the hell am I going to get home?" As he was thinking, a large man came walking down the stairs in his direction. "Who the hell are you?" asked Envy. "My name is Anderson" said the man "And I could be asking th' same question o' you, little missy. Are ye lost? Ye be looking a wee bit out o' place. " Envy was shocked that someone could confuse his adorable self with that of a woman. He replied "First off, I'm a man, so don't call me a woman. Secondly, my name is Envy. Third, yes I am lost so could you tell me the way back to Amestris?" "Oh. So ye be named after one of god's sins then, laddie. Very well" he said, pulling two swords out of his long, gray coat. An evil glint in his eyes shone through his glasses. "Allow me tae send ye' back tae th' devil's bosom, them." "What the hell are you?" asked Envy, terrified. "I be th' head agent o' th' almighty catholic church's eradication squad, Iscariot. We are god's representatives. Earthly agents o' divine punishment. Our mission is tae destroy down tae th' last wee bit th' fools who would oppose our god. Amen!" Anderson said, as he charged at Envy, his swords swinging in all directions. Envy dodged them, or so he thought. The swords had apparently sliced clean through his leg, as when he landed, his lower leg slipped out from underneath him and slid across the floor. His leg regenerated, and he stood to fight again. "Ah. So ye be a regenerator as well, then. This will be fun." Envy was truly terrified at this moment. "You're a god damn psycho!" he screamed. Anderson threw a sword at him, impaling his shoulder. Envy screamed out in pain. "Don't ye be sayin' th' lords name in vain now, laddie, or it'll be yer head next time." Envy pulled the blade out of his shoulder, and shifted his arm into a lead blade. "Now its time to get serious, then. Prepare to die." He charged at Anderson, blade colliding with blade, sparks flying everywhere. "How are ye able tae change yer shape like that?" Anderson asked. "That's none of your damn business." Replied Envy, as he slid behind Anderson, readying himself to administer the killing blow. Just as his blade was about to hit, Anderson elbowed Envy in the stomach, quickly turned around, and sliced Envy in half. Envy felt his lower half separate, as he fell to the ground, regenerative powers not working fast enough. "And now, fer th' killin' blow." Said Anderson, as he flipped his swords around, and plunged them into Envy's head and heart.
Envy screamed as he woke from the nightmare. Lust and Pride came running into his room, obviously pissed. What the hell, Envy!" screamed Lust. "It's 4:00 in the morning! Some of us are still trying to sleep!" "Envy, if you ever wake us in the middle of the night again, I will kill you. Said Pride with a sense of hatred not usually seen in the quiet homunculus. "I'm sorry; I just had a bad dream, that's all. Anderson tried to kill me…Again." Said Envy. "Envy, this is the 4th time this week, stop waking us up." said Lust. "You've got to stop watching Hellsing right before going to bed; it's bad for your brain. Well, I guess since we're up, we might as well ask Father what our missions are for today." "Right" said Envy "I'll just be a minute." They left, leaving Envy alone with his thoughts. He opened his window, feeling the crisp morning air on his face. He looked out onto the streets below, and for a moment, he thought he saw Anderson walking around. He blinked, and it was gone. "Wow. Maybe I should stop watching Hellsing before I go to bed. I'm starting to hallucinate." Said Envy, to no one in particular.