who am i
disclaimer: i hate myself and also kaito
Kaito has a problem.
His problem takes form in a certain blond haired, blue eyed, sharp tongued boy named Len Kagamine. If asked, Len would probably claim that Kaito is the problem, the catalyst for every single thing that goes wrong in his life. Not that Kaito would ever ask. This is a secret he can never share with that boy, under any circumstances whatsoever.
They sit in Gakupo's bedroom, which is better described as his parents' crummy basement. The floor is littered with empty plastic cups and the table is crowded with a mixture of half full liters of soda and dry bottles of liquor. On the couch, which is bright purple and smells like cat pee, Rin is completely passed out and cuddled by a defensive looking Luka, which is a cross between adorable and borderline terrifying. Miku went into the bathroom an hour ago and is yet to return, possibly having drowned in the toilet water. Gumi lounges in the corner, shitfaced and philosophically muttering about how Oreimo is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Meiko rests flat on the table, surrounded by the bottles, her arms crossed over her chest like the dead. The few coherent people left are Gakupo, who has the most ridiculous alcohol tolerance ever, Len, who dislikes drinking and rarely does so, and Kaito, who is a DD for Meiko and Gumi.
They sit together around the table of bottles and Meiko. Kaito watches Len's eyes open and close drowsily, his head resting on his folded arms. Gakupo takes another swig of sake, still seemingly unaffected. He's looking at Len too. Suddenly, he asks, "Kagamine, are you a lightweight?"
Len's eyes snap open dangerously, coolly gazing up at Gakupo and somehow making the room drop about 10 degrees. In a calm voice, he replies, "I'm not even drinking."
Gakupo nods immediately. "Obviously, I'm asking because you're not drinking. Is that the reason?"
Len's scowl deepens. Gakupo is entering some hazardous territory, and Kaito isn't exactly sure he's ready to stick his neck out for the guy. Those who enter conversation about Len's size are rarely left unscathed. "Have you ever considered that I just might not enjoy drinking?"
Gakupo rolls his eyes dramatically. "No one truly enjoys drinking, Kagamine. But people do it anyway. Do you think that anyone here likes the taste of alcohol? It's for the good times that come with it."
"Not everyone has the inhuman tolerance that you have, Kamui. And not everybody passes out or babbles about the apocalypse when they're hammered. It's not fun for everyone."
A wide and shiteating grin spreads over Gakupo's features. "It's a gift that only the worthy are bestowed, kid. But I understand that the life of a lightweight is rough. And I think you'd be overall happier with yourself if you came to terms with your identity as one."
"I'm not a lightweight," Len insists. "And I will kick your ass if this conversation continues."
Gakupo snickers, without a sense of self preservation, "If you even weigh enough."
"I don't have to weigh enough to shove my foot up your ass-"
He rises from the table and makes for Gakupo with his fists ready, but Kaito is conditioned enough to move before he can get very far. He hooks his arms underneath Len's to hold him back, but overestimates the boy's weight and ends up lifting him up into the air. Every movement in Len's body freezes in that moment, his legs dangling and feet several inches from the ground. The three of them are left in a stunned silence for a moment. Then Gakupo bursts into hysteric laughter and rolls on the ground with his hands clutching his stomach. Through bouts of his cackling, he half shouts, "Y-You can just- can just lift him up like that, oh my god."
When he finally seems to regain his senses, Len begins to thrash about in Kaito's arms. "Let me the fuck go, I'm going to kill him, and then I'm going to kill you too, I can't fucking believe-"
Kaito shakes his head, trying desperately to repress his smile. "Not until you calm down, Len-chan."
He plans to do exactly as he has said until he suddenly feels a heel grinding into his stomach, causing him to topple and release Len in the process. When he sits back up, holding his abdomen gingerly, he looks back up to find Len glaring down at him. "What did I tell you? I can still beat the living shit out of you even if you weigh more than me."
"You took him by surprise though," Gakupo points out, having regained his breath and senses. "You're gonna have to do better than that."
Len shoots him a smoldering glare and mutters, "Try me."
As if actually considering this, Gakupo rubs his chin. "I declare an arm wrestling match between you two. That's fair."
"You don't declare an arm wrestling match between two other people, dumbass-"
"Unless you're not strong enough."
In a last ditch effort to save his pride, Len shoots back a short, "fine," despite the obvious gap in strength between the two of them. Kaito senses danger in this proposition. Taking him up on the challenge and winning rewards him with an even angrier Kagamine, but refusing will probably make Len even angrier. He considers agreeing and letting Len win, but Kaito's got his own pride to worry about.
"If you insist," Kaito finally responds nonchalantly, arranging his elbow on the table.
Len follows suit, his boyish features scrunched in stubborn determination. At Gakupo's command, he takes Len's hand into his own. He is immediately shocked by the size of it. His own hand almost completely envelopes Len's. He can feel the boniness of it, how fragile it seems in his own. As soon as Len agreed to this challenge, he lost.
Gakupo counts down and the match begins. Len comes at him with what must be his full strength. Kaito only needs half of his own to keep their hands level. While he doesn't plan to lose, he doesn't immediately pin Len's hand either. He has at least some sense of self-preservation. Immediately beating Len would surely earn him the focus of the smaller boy's ire. So he intends to drag the encounter out, even giving Len a false upper hand for a while, until he finally increases his strength to beat him. That way Len feels like he had a fair fight and isn't pissy with him the rest of the night all while Kaito can maintain his own pride. A win-win.
As the match continues, he does his best to look a little strained. He looks down at their enjoined hands, watching as Len tries in vain to gain the upper hand. His knuckles are white from their grip and he thinly masks the exertion on his face. His arm is beginning to tremble. Kaito bites his lip as his mind begins to wander. Involuntarily, he imagines his larger hand pressing Len's into white sheets, the boy's arm trembling from a different form of exhaustion. This image is joined by fabricated sounds of labored breathing and a helpless voice crying out from past late night dreams and before Kaito knows it his hand is going vertical and is slammed against the sticky wood of the table.
He's frozen in shock as Len and Gakupo whoop and holler wildly, Gakupo claiming it as the upset of the year and clapping Len on the shoulder, which the boy lurches from but still grins in satisfaction at his feat. Kaito can hardly choke out a request for a rematch before Len shoves him good naturedly and says, "Suck this dick, Shion!"
Len and Gakupo bask in revelry for about an hour as Kaito mourns his loss. How could he be such an idiot? Of all things, he had to get caught up in Len's tinyass hands and start fantasizing. He's usually able to control these things. Is he really so far gone that he can't control his perverted dreaming in the middle of an arm wrestling match? He gazes back up at Len and Gakupo in the midst of their celebration. Len wears a pure and unrestrained look of joy and pride in himself.
Kaito finds himself tearing his eyes down and away with a soft fluttering of his heart. Of course the dent in his pride is bearable if he can get a smile like that.
It's not like he wasn't aware of his problem until then. He knew his preferences for size for as long as he could remember. Even when he was fooling himself into believing he was straight, when a male friend would thrust a dirty magazine into his face and ask which was his favorite, without much thought he would find and identify petite one and negate the conversation. Even after he came to terms with his sexuality the trend persisted, with him only dating those shorter than him with a significant height difference. And he had known the moment he'd met Len that he could be a very big problem.
He remembers those first few seconds of taking his features in. He remembers how he liked how long the boy's light lashes were, how one of his bangs curled by his eye, his elegant posture, and the icy look in his blue eyes that said you could look but never touch. But mostly, he'd been taking in his size. The boy had to be at least a foot shorter than him on a good day. He looked like he was barely even 100 pounds soaking wet. His wrists and arms were so thin that Kaito was sure he could easily wrap his entire hand around them (he was later proven right). Even if his stubborn pride made him seem bigger than he was, his true size was something that nagged at him in the back of his mind ever since that day.
He thinks about this as he stares at Len's back as he is lead out to the parking lot outside Len's apartment complex. How would it feel if he reached forward and wrapped himself around the boy's shoulders? He'd probably be able to envelope him. Or what if he just up and carried him back to his own apartment and finally laid bare these frustrations to him once and for all? He imagines, but doesn't act. He never acts.
Len leads him to a beautiful new motorcycle. Of course this is Len, whom never had and never will have a decent sense of style, so the paint job and shape of the vehicle is obnoxious and fairly ostentatious, but it's still quite impressive. The two of them stop and bask in the beauty of the vehicle for a moment. Len looks up at him with an excited look that makes Kaito's heart skip a beat. "So? What do you think?"
Kaito drags his eyes from Len to look at the vehicle once more. It is nice, as far as Kaito can tell, but he doesn't know anything about cars or vehicles. It may be a complete piece of junk and he would have no idea. But by the look of complete adoration Len is giving it, junk or not, he's loves it and he's quite proud of it. So he tells the truth. "It's awesome. I love it."
He can practically feel the satisfaction radiating from Len when Kaito says this. "C'mon," he says and approaches the motorcycle, swinging his leg over the side.
Kaito gives him a look of confusion. Len furrows his brows and gives another one of those heart stopping smiles of his. "What, did you think I took you out here just to look? We're taking this baby for a spin."
This is way too much for Kaito's heart. He watches as Len settles on the motorcycle. He notices how Len hardly fills the seat, leaving plenty of room for him to hop on. When he takes the helmet tucked under his arm and pulls it over his head, it slides on easily, and Kaito bets that if he tapped it, it could probably swivel around the boy's head. It like watching a little boy climb onto his dad's motorcycle just for kicks. He can't repress the laugh that escapes him.
Through the helmet, Len asks, "What is it?"
Another laugh escapes Kaito. "It's just… You look so small. You don't look like the motorcycle type."
He can hear the exasperated sigh muffled in Len's helmet. He shoots back, "And you don't look like the type that's about to get his ass run over, but here we are."
One minute and an ass kicking later, he's on the bike, seated behind Len with a helmet on his own head now too. The motorcycle roars to life and Len looks back at him through his helmet. "Well? You better hold on."
Kaito feels like an complete idiot at the realization that he never even thought about having to do this. His heart hammers against his chest as he gradually reaches forward and wraps his arms around Len's waist. Once Len's sure Kaito has a good hold, he backs up and takes off. He winds them through the streets of their city before speeding up on the highway. Kaito has to tighten his grip around the boy's waist just to feel like he's not going to fall off and die.
Just as he'd imagined, Len's waist is a slim, tiny thing. For a moment he worries that Len's weight isn't enough to keep him tethered to the bike, but the warm and comfortable sensation he gets from embracing the boy from behind like this eases his worries. Once he gets used to the sensation of both the bike and the close contact, he finds that he wouldn't mind doing this more often.
He can feel the steady rise and fall of Len's breathing when Kaito's pressed to his back like this. Kaito thinks he can feel Len's heartbeat, too, slow and calm. He's sure Len can feel his too, in contrast, beating hard and fast against the boy's back. Why can't they always be like this? Kaito's larger body fits perfectly around Len's smaller one. He tightens his embrace. This is his only chance to be with him like this. He has to cherish it, to burn it into his memories because it will seldom come again.
As much as he has envisioned and fantasized about acting on his desires, Kaito has never once actually fooled himself into thinking they could ever come true. Eventually coming clean and confessing his love to Len after years of pining? Sure, it could happen. Len accepting his feelings and reciprocating them? A bit of a stretch. Telling him that his size gives Kaito a hard on? Unthinkable.
So even after he checks the first two of those off the list and spends months fooling around with the man he's loved in secret for years, he still can't even consider telling Len. After finally getting to a place he'd longed for years upon years, he wouldn't dare tell the boy about this strange kink of his. None of the possible outcomes look bright to Kaito. He knows mentioning that one of the things he likes so intensely about Len is his size would probably either piss him off or weird him out. He's worked so hard to get to this point and God forbid he ruin it by sharing this perverted little obsession of his. But it proves to be harder to keep this secret than he imagined.
Though he's had a long day at the studio and is completely exhausted, Kaito's mood automatically lifts when he enters his apartment and finds a much smaller pair of sneakers placed to his own on the doorstep. After finally giving Len a key to his apartment a month ago, it's become one of his favorite sights. He's hit with the distinct smell of cabbage when he walks by the kitchen - Len must have made himself at home and snagged a pack of his favorite egg rolls and nuked them in the microwave. He enters his bedroom and finds the blonde haired figure lounged on his bed, his nose in a book. He doesn't seem to notice Kaito entering the room, so his face remains focused and serene. Kaito's heart tugs and he silently creeps across the room to the bedside before he finally affectionately says, "Len-chaaaaaaan."
Len's reaction is immediate. He sees Kaito's mischievous looking approach and looks panicked as he drops his book. "Oh no you don't, don't you dare-"
Kaito scoops the boy into his arms with little effort and rolls onto the bed. He hugs Len close as he rolls over on the bed, Len thrashing about and cussing him out with much enthusiasm. He continues to struggle until Kaito settles down beside him, arms still entrapping him. His string of insults is cut as Kaito wriggles his fingers to entwine with Len's. The boy sighs and resigns himself to his lover's antics, squeezing his hand back. Len's book lays discarded at the end of the bed.
Muttering muffled in Len's hair, Kaito asks, "Not even a 'Welcome home,dear?'"
Digging his nails into Kaito's hand, Len responds, "You're pushing it."
Kaito tuts softly. "You come into my house, eat my food, lay on my bed, won't even greet me, and now attempt to injure me-"
"Welcome home, shitty."
Kaito hugs Len even tighter and closes his eyes. It's times like this that make all those years of seemingly unrequited longing worth it. He had no idea, all those years ago, sitting around in Gakupo's repulsive basement, that this was even a possibility for him.
After a while, Len mutters, barely auditable, "I wish I were bigger."
Kaito gives him a bewildered look. To have him admit this fact to any other human being is unheard of. He's honored to have gained the trust to be one that the boy shares this with. This is next level trust. Carefully, he asks, "Why is that?"
Len raises their entwined hands, his own hardly visible inside Kaito's grasp. "This. And that. How you're able to just pick me up and spin me around all the time without any problem."
Does that bother him? Feeling a little guilty, he offers, "I can stop if you want."
As if taken aback, Len looks back at him with wide eyes. "What? No, no, it's not like… I don't hate it. I don't really mind when you do it that much. It's just… I wish I could do it for you too. I can't do that kind of stuff because of… my size."
Like a dog hearing the word "walk," Kaito's body begins to react to this conversation topic. Kaito quickly struggles to quash rising thoughts. The sincere vulnerability in Len's eyes is so rare and he refuses to let his dumb kink get in the way of Len sharing his insecurities with him for what must be the first time in the blonde's life.
Honestly, he replies, "I don't really mind it. I just like picking you up sometimes, it's not like I'm asking for anything in return. I just like doing it."
Len looks slightly comforted by this, but not completely. There's still insecurity hanging there. It forces his next words about Kaito's mouth.
"I don't really mind your size either. In fact, I kind of… like... It."
The moment this leaves his mouth, he regrets it. He watches in horror as a series of looks span out on Len's face. Surprise, confusion, suspicion. When Kaito looks away, another look of surprise because Len realizes he's dead serious. "You… Like it?"
Kaito shoves his face into his hands and rolls onto his back no longer able to look at Len. His face is extremely red, he knows. "No- Yes, yes, okay? I don't even know, it's just this thing that I've always had, alright? It's weird and creepy and probably pisses you the hell off but I can't help it and I was trying to keep it from you as long as I could but-"
"Hold on. Slow down. Are you telling me that you like me," Len pauses, as if the words were very difficult for him to say, "because I'm short?"
This conversation is going south at an alarming rate. "No. No. It's just a thing I like about you. A small percentage. Look, I'm sorry I went there, I shouldn't have said anything. Let's just forget about this, please."
They both lay there in awkward silence for far too long. Kaito's about to excuse himself to go to the bathroom so he can stay there and rot for the rest of his life when he feels his hands being pulled away from his face, large blue eyes coming into his vision. To Kaito's surprise, there is no anger in Len's face. Instead, he raises an eyebrow and smiles at him. "Kai, I knew you were a little weird but this is some next level shit."
Kaito huffs and turns onto his other side, his back facing Len. "You're so mean, Len-chan."
"Oh come on. You have a broad selection of kinks to choose from and you choose size?"
"I can't help it okay? I've just always had this thing. It's not like I went into a wardrobe and picked it out?"
"Honestly, I thought you would be the cross dressing type."
"Len-chan, please shut the fuck up."
Kaito can hear the boy laughing behind him, but Len doesn't say anything more. Kaito sighs into his pillow as the boy's laughter eventually dies down. There's a silence in which Kaito continues to debate bolting into the bathroom and locking the door for all eternity. These thoughts cease however when he suddenly feels little hands touching his shoulders and breath against the shell of his ear. He practically shudders when he hears Len whispering against his ear. "Does my size really turn you on that much?"
Kaito yelps when he suddenly feels warm lips pressing against his neck in small kisses. "W-What are you doing, Len-chan?"
Kaito feels his shoulder being tugged to the side and finds himself laying on his back, nose to nose with said blond boy on top of him. Breathless, he takes in the sight of Len straddling him, his little hands pressing his weight onto Kaito's shoulders. He wears that classically stubborn yet determined look, his eyes notably darker than before. The pink that dusts the boy's cheeks betrays his air of confidence. "You better enjoy this, because I'm only doing it once," he mumbles.
The blond leaves his vision and travels downward. Kaito leans up and props himself up on his elbows watching and Len descends to sit in between the taller boy's legs. "What do you mean by that?"
He's answered by the unzipping of his pants and the unceremonious tug of both his pants and boxers down to his mid thighs. The room's cool air hits his half hard erection and almost makes him shiver. Before he can ask Len any more questions, Len's head ducks down to take Kaito's head into his mouth.
The sound that Kaito makes is like that of a naive virgin. This is the last thing that he would have expected from Len after their unpleasant conversation. Len has only given him head maybe once or twice in their months of fooling around. Kaito is well aware that Len finds it gross and largely unsanitary, hardly even letting Kaito blow him himself. Whatever brought this kind of behavior on, Kaito knows that he'd best just sit back and take it, because, like Len said, it probably won't happen again.
So he watches from his elbows as Len licks thin strips up and down his hardening cock, carving the image into his mind. Once again Len covers the head with his mouth and gradually makes his way down. Len is looking back at him with those giant blue eyes and Kaito suddenly finds it kind of hard to breathe. The blond boy raises his head and removes his mouth from Kaito's cock with a lewd 'pop' and feigns an innocent look. "Hey, Kai, do you like this kind of thing?"
Len doesn't break eye contact as he licks from Kaito's base to the head, cocking his head to the side in question. If he wasn't before, Kaito is definitely fully aroused now. He had no idea that Len was capable of acting in this way. It's shocking and even a little unsettling, but arousing nonetheless.
Kaito can tell when Len has taken all he can of him in his mouth by the way Len quickly jerks back. For a moment Kaito sees Len's familiar look of disgust before he quickly masks it with a look of innocent confusion. "Looks like that's all I can take," Len observes aloud. "I guess my mouth isn't big enough."
Jesus, where did he learn to talk like this? Kaito wonders. Instead of trying to take him in all the way, Len focuses on the head and begins to fondle his balls with his hand. Kaito resists the urge to thrust into the blond's mouth when Len tongues his slit. Kaito fists his hands into the sheets and lets loose a low groan. "Len-chan, that feels- that's amazing, shit, I think…"
Len used his hands to stroke his dick now, using his thumb to smear the precum over the head. "Hey, Kai, are you getting close?"
Kaito fails to respond as Len slides his tongue across the slit of Kaito's cock. Kaito feels himself rapidly getting closer to the edge. He knows that Len would be absolutely horrified if he all the sudden let loose in his mouth without a word of caution, so he begins to say, "Len-chan, get away, I'm going to-"
But his words are lost in Len's concentration. Len goes on to try to take Kaito's length all the way again, and the sight alone is just too much for Kaito to handle.
Before he can utter a further warning, Kaito feels himself letting go into Len's mouth. Len breaks character and jerks back, his disgust clear on his face. Shit, Kaito thinks, you ruined it.
Without a thought, Kaito slips off his shirt and offers it to Len to clean himself with. Len seems to seriously consider taking him up on the offer, but shocks Kaito by closing his eyes and swallowing the liquid. He watches in a mixture of horror and awe as Len cringes with distaste yet continues to lick up the remaining white liquid on his chin. After about a minute of dumbstruck observation, Kaito finally gathers his senses. He grabs Len's cheek harshly and begins to towel off what little remains with his shirt. "Len-chan, don't do things like that," Kaito scolds over Len's protestations.
Once Kaito finishes and releases him, Len sits back and pouts. "And why shouldn't I?"
Incredulously, Kaito responds, "Because it's unsanitary. You've said so yourself."
Len flushes, breaking eye contact and looking deliberately to the side. "Doesn't mean I don't want to," he mumbles, almost too soft for Kaito to catch.
Kaito furrows his brows. He reaches out and grabs Len's cheek once again, slightly more gentle this time. He tugs so that the blond looks at him face to face, met with a frustrated icy blue glare. He releases the boy's cheek and moves his hand down toward Len's neck and settles his fingers into golden blond hair. Kaito looks at Len with seriousness. "No you don't."
The look in Len's eyes tells Kaito that he's correct in his diagnosis. When he replies, his voice is even quieter than before. "I don't, but I thought… You'd want me to."
Kaito's eyes widen. Is that really what had been going through Len's head? Of course Kaito knew deep down that he probably wanted to see Len swallow it, but not if Len didn't want to himself. That look of disgust had terrified him. He'd never meant to make Len do something he didn't want.
"Len-chan. Listen. I never want to do something that makes you uncomfortable. I never want you to feel obligated to step out of your comfort zone to make me feel good. I only want to do what you want to do."
Somehow this made Len flush harder. Though he doesn't move his head to the side this time, Len's gaze flicks downward. Kaito follows his gaze to Len's own arousal, beginning to push against the gray fabric of his sweatpants. Even though he's hardly been touched, he's already like this. Kaito can already feel his own groin heating up again.
He takes pleasure in the quiet surprised gasp that escapes the blond when Kaito touches his hipbone, sliding his hand down the other boy's thigh slowly and deliberately. He moves closer to Len's face and plants a single kiss on his cheek. In the smaller boy's ear, he asks softly, "So, what is it that you want to do?"
Just as he asks this, he presses the heel of his hand against Len's arousal, eliciting another soft gasp of surprise. Len's flush deepens even further as Kaito continues to fondle him through his sweatpants, all while trailing kisses from his cheek to his jaw and down his neck. Kaito listens closely as Len struggles to speak in a normal tone. "I want- Shit, oh my God, I want you… I want you to be… Inside… Inside of me."
Kaito freezes. Len looks up at him with a face like he thinks he's said something wrong. Kaito's body then moves on instinct and pins the blond to the bed, finally wrapping his hands fully around the boy's wrists like he'd always wanted to and pressing them into the mattress. He covers Len's dazed mouth with his own, swallowing up his noise of surprise. Despite his initial shock, Len returns the kisses enthusiastically, moving his mouth against Kaito's with fervor. Kaito feels almost overwhelmed with Len's scent around him, a combination of laundry detergent and vanilla. The moment he releases Len's wrists to roam over Len's body, Len throws his arms around Kaito's neck and pulls him as close as he can. As he tangles his slender fingers into Kaito's dark hair, Len tugs at Kaito's bottom lip in between his teeth. Kaito feels himself groan, then impulsively pressing his hand against Len's erection once again.
Len has never been one to toss his head and moan, so Kaito has found himself attuned to every hitched breath and every small reaction to one of his touches. It's safe to say that Len is probably the most controlled lover Kaito has ever taken to bed. Every encounter is a challenge to get him to make some noise; a challenge Kaito is willing to take every time.
Amidst their kissing, Len's hands find Kaito's shoulders and hold on. Kaito's lips follow when Len breaks away to catch his breath, his cheeks and tips of his ears a lovely pink. His fierce blue eyes are darker now and Kaito can see intention waiting in them. "Hurry up and get on with it," Len whispers.
Kaito gives him one last kiss before pulling away, scooting back and hooking his fingers under the waistline of Len's boxers. With one tug he pulls down both Len's boxers and sweatpants down to his midthigh. Len's erection is now in the open, making his arousal plain to see. Len catches Kaito looking and draws up his knee to nudge his jaw to the side. "You have more important things to be doing," Len says.
Kaito grins and begins to tug at the sweatpants and boxers again, eventually pulling them all the way off. He lounges back on his heels and takes in the sight of pale and slender thighs. He takes a small breath and runs his hands along them, savoring each moment before pulling away to roll over and reach for the nightstand. He pulls open the top drawer and pulls out a bottle. He returns to his place between Len's legs and feels the said boy's eyes on him while he pours out lube into his hand. He's generous as usual while coating his fingers with the stuff. When he looks up he sees that Len has drawn up his arms and folded them over his eyes, facing up toward the ceiling and keeping still. Kaito can't help but continue to smile at him and leans over to plant a kiss on Len's knee.
He takes one more moment to graze over those beautiful thighs before turning his attentions downwards. His thumb finds Len's entrance. He watches as Len immediately takes a deep breath in. Kaito puts slightly more pressure and begins to massage around the hole, sometimes allowing the tip of his thumb peek in. He continues to watch what he can see of Len's expressions as he replaces his thumb with his index finger. He takes his time sliding the digit in, listening to the restrained whine that rises from the boy in front of him.
The inside is tight and hot as always. Kaito gently presses onward, careful not to move too suddenly. He can see Len biting hard on his bottom lip. After a few moments of maneuvering, Kaito decides to curl his finger just a bit towards a familiar spot. He hears Len gasp and feels the boy's hips jut forward on instinct. Jackpot. He curls his finger more and continues to press against that area, drawing more hisses from Len. After a bit of this, he retracts his index and adds his middle digit before re-entering. It seems to take almost all Len's self control to not squirm underneath Kaito's steady hand now on his hipbone. He keeps his eyes covered and grinds his teeth together. His voice leaks out lowly in response to the pain and brief flashes of pleasure as Kaito begins stretching him out with two fingers. Before he can stop himself, Len hisses softly, "It hurts."
Kaito's movements inside of the boy immediately cease. He looks up and prepares to retract his fingers on command, but Len remains in his position, still refusing to return his gaze. Knowing Len won't elaborate unless prodded, Kaito asks, "Do you want to stop? We can-"
"No," Len responds urgently. He seems like he wants to continue but the words catch in his throat.
Kaito exhales softly and keeps his fingers still inside of Len. With his other hand, he strokes circles around Len's hipbone comfortingly. "What's wrong?"
Len opens his mouth to speak but can't seem to find the words. Kaito can see the boy's face heating up once again. His breathing is still uneven, his chest heaving up and down, trapped in his own clothes. He has all of Kaito's attention when he finally speaks. "Your fingers… They're… They're too big… Y-Your fingers are so big it hurts…"
It's a miracle that Kaito doesn't just come in his pants right then and there. There's a moment of complete stunned silence. From then on, Kaito moves on instinct. As Len struggles to regulate his breathing, Kaito retracts his fingers and practically rips off his shirt. His slick fingers fumble as he rushes to finally remove his pants and then his underwear. He reaches over again to that bottle and liberally slathers his erect penis with lube. "Kaito," Len's voice calls for him.
Kaito takes both Len's wrists in hand and pulls his arms from his face, revealing red cheeks and damp blue eyes staring back up at him. He presses Len's wrists atop each other and deep into the sheets. It only takes one hand to cover them both. Len's whispered words from before mix in with his present calling of Kaito's name, whom finally has lost all restraint and smashes their mouths together. Kaito feels every hair on his body stand on end as he drags his tongue across Len's. With his free hand, he shakingly guides his cock towards Len's entrance. He's so far gone he forgets to warn Len before entering.
Len cries out into Kaito's mouth, but makes no objection. To make up for the sudden intrusion, Kaito takes his time pushing all the way in. His first thrusts are slow and careful. After finally entering, he seems to regain at least some sanity. He moves cautiously not only for Len's sake but also his own. He's not sure he's ever been this hard in his life. If he were to move faster at this point he's not sure how long he would last. Below him, Len struggles to keep his voice in check. The challenge presents itself on a silver platter.
Slipping kisses from Len's mouth to jaw to neck, Kaito uses the distraction to grab the hem of the boy's shirt and tug it upward. He can see goosebumps arising on Len's skin from the sudden exposure to cold air. After sucking a bruise onto Len's collarbone, Kaito kisses his exposed chest, dragging his warm lips across pale skin. He allows his thrusts to pick up in pace. The moment Kaito places his lips on Len's nipple, Len shudders and hisses Kaito's name. In response, Kaito circles the nipple with his tongue. With his free hand, he fondles the other nipple in his fingers.
"Kaito," Len breathes as Kaito begins to suck on it.
Len opens his mouth to speak again and Kaito uses the opportunity to aim for his sweet spot with his thrusts. After a few tries, he finally hits it directly. Without any buffer, Len lets out a loud moan that Kaito is probably going to remember for the rest of his life. Kaito smugly grins up at Len. Len looks down to meet his gaze, his cheeks an inferno. "Suck a dick, Shion," he says.
"At this angle? That sounds har-"
Len shoves his foot against Kaito's abdomen and pushes him back to sit on his haunches. Spreading his legs further, Len looks up at Kaito with new determination. "Shut up and fuck me."
Kaito doesn't have to be told twice.
Kaito releases Len's wrists and instead grabs him by the hips. He tries to not think about how wide his hands spread across Len's thin waist. No, enjoy this while you can. Take all of it in.
He pushes into Len with renewed vigor, remembering the place from before and giving it special attention. He lifts Len's hips from the bed for a better angle, Len's weight like nothing in his hands. He expects some form of protest, but none come. It's as if some kind of invisible floodgate has been broken. Moans and whines pour out of Len's open mouth with little restraint at this point. This only motivates Kaito more, picking up the pace as he hurtles closer to the edge. He can tell Len won't last much longer either.
"Len-chan… I'm, fuck, I'm getting close… I love you- Love you so much…"
"I- I, shit, Kaito, it's too much, I'm coming, Kaito, you're- too… big-"
Len comes before he can finish speaking. Kaito follows in suit immediately, pulling out at the last second and releasing onto the sheets. He practically collapses onto Len's body. Len groans and rolls him off so that they lie next to each other in the aftermath, both trying to catch their breath. "That was…"
Kaito can't even muster up a word strong enough to describe how he felt. All those years of ducking his head and pushing those thoughts to the back of his head had come together at once. The satisfaction is indescribable. He's exhausted, now; it's all he can do to keep his eyes open. He feels himself wavering on the brink of sleep until Len pokes him in the side. "Turn over onto your side," he hears Len say.
Kaito does so without objection, blinking in drowsy curiosity as he feels Len's chest press up on his back. Len's arms wind around Kaito's waist and Kaito can feel Len's cheek pressed against the back of his shoulder. Kaito becomes dimly aware that he's been made into a little spoon. As if Len reads his mind, Kaito hears and feels him mumble, "S'My end of the deal."
Kaito can't help the light laughter that escapes him. He laughs at this tiny man that he's hopelessly, endlessly, helplessly in love with. He settles into Len's arms and makes himself comfortable. He begins to surrender himself to sleep but not before he makes sure to say, "You know, I've always wanted a jetpack."
The cuddling was nice while it lasted.
i've been writing and rewriting this fic for literally three months and i need to get it out of my sight so here you go. once again i have projected my feelings abt kagamine len thru someone that wants to get in his pants. please. someone. take him from me. he deserves a better life than this.
it would b nice to receive reviews and maybe even requests but remember that i am v slow and also bad at writing consistently so please b patient w me. (also sequel to generosity is in the works for anyone who wants to kno)
bye see you in hell my dudes