After one Tale ends
Or; an unexpected but much desired Continuation of an unexpected and at first not so much desired Adventure
Part I
"Am I dead?" She blinked up at the wizard filling her field of vision.
"No, my dear."
"Good. Good! I would hate being dead and having to wait for the remaking of the world while feeling this awful. I feel like..." She tried to find an appropriate word for the awful lot of pain she was in, but failed miserably. "Like I've been...-"
"Stabbed? Bludgeoned? Pierced by an arrow?" The sudden familiar voice made her heart stop for a moment before it launched into an excited beat.
Tears clouded her eyes but she blinked them away. "Thorin?" She squeaked.
The next moment it was his beloved face hovering above hers as he elbowed an bemused Gandalf out of the way.
"Yes." He answered simply.
"You're here." She was confused. Why was he here? "Are you all right? The others, are they... are they...?"
"I am fine. Some scratches and bruises and cuts. As have most of the others. Nori sports a broken arm, Dori and Dwalin some stabbing wounds and Glóin is worst off with two arrows in his shoulder and leg. No one is in any danger whatsoever. The same, however, cannot be said of you." He sounded awfully angry at that.
She got why, of course. He wanted her out of here, as soon as possible. And why wouldn't he?!"
"I'm sorry. I am very happy to hear everyone's going to be all right. And soon as I am fit enough, I'll leave, Thorin, I will. I am truly sorry, for everything. It won't take long, I swear, until I can get out of your sight." The rush of words left her drained. She so badly wanted to sleep, all of a sudden.
She closed her eyes, only for a brief moment, to gather more courage, more energy because Throin deserved more from her.
"Leave?!" She heard Thorin growl above her. "Why would you- No, wake up. Bilba!"
She was awake! She blinked her eyes open for a moment, to see Thorin's face wrought with anxiety.
"I am awake." She said plainly. "I just want you to know, Thorin-" She spoke slowly as it took so much out of her just to get these words spoken, but she must! -"that I didn't want to betray you. However, I didn't see any other way. I was so scared you would all die, and over some gold, at that! So I took the only thing I knew would make you listen to reason. I didn't want you all to die just when you got your Mountain back! All those Men and Elves seemed so eager to just be done with you!"
"Bilba..." He sounded so far away.
And she was quite tired.
She let her eyes flutter closed again, for just a moment. However, there was more to say to him.
So she opened her eyes again, only he wasn't there. "Thorin? I wasn't done yet."
"I am here." Suddenly he was on the other side of her cot. Had he changed his clothes?
"I am sorry. Thorin. Very sorry. I didn't see any other way, though."
He was looming over her. Something dark and dangerous brooded in his eyes as he surveyed her. She wanted to cower away from him, yet there was nowhere to go in her bed, now was there. What was more: she was no coward.
"I know you didn't see any other way. I am sorry, too, for making you feel like you had no other option." He sounded oddly pained.
"Not your fault," she managed to bring out.
He shook his head gravely. "It was; I was warned and still I fell to the thrall of gold. However, I can promise you that will never happen again."
"That's good. I- we need you as the strong and brave King you really are." Her eyes were so heavy, but she would say all she wanted to say. She closed her eyes for just a breath and forced them open again.
She frowned. Where had that Dwarf gone now?! "I wasn't finished yet!"
She heard his low chuckle, and the sound of his true merriment was such a heartfelt relief, so very welcome after the whole business with the gold-sickness, that she felt her heart jump. Her silly, silly heart.
"I have to say all this, before I lose my nerve. I know that you are angry at me, and rightly so. I betrayed you and the Company. I couldn't bear to see you get hurt, not again, not while I could help it."
"I know, little hobbit."
She snorted. "Isn't that a pleonasm? Redundancy, clearly! Really, Thorin." She frowned, having lost her focus for a moment. She shook her head and forced herself to concentrate. "However, I know you can't trust me now, not anymore, and I am so sorry for that. But I think it's better because..." Bone deep tiredness threatened to swallow her up once more but she fought it. "Because I would do it again. I will do it again, if that helps you in some way, especially if it stops you from getting hurt. What good is gold when you're dead, Thorin? What good is gold to me, anyway? I don't need much, not even a little, I think. I don't need anything as long as I know you're safe and sound. Goodgracious, I would give away your whole Mountain of rocks, and Bag End too, just as easy as this-" She tried to raise her hand and snap her fingers, but the attempt fell embarrassingly flat- "as long as I know you will be all right. Just so you know."
There were a few murmurs and whispers together with a clank and movements around her. She tried lifting her head to see what was going on around her, but her neck refused to cooperate. Then Thorin was there again, filling her vision as he pressed his big, heavy hand on her brow, forcing her to lie still.
"Be still, little burglar."
"I say what I want to say, whether you listen to me or not!"
A surprised chuckle escaped him. "That is not what I meant, you silly goose. Lie still, don't stress your wounds. Sleep, and get well. Then we can talk about betrayals, guilt and gold. About Mountains and Bags and Hearts too big and brave for the body they house in. We will talk then about who deserves what."
Her eyes filled and she couldn't help it. "I am sorry to still bother you. You sent me away, and I will go, I promise. Have Gandalf take me out of your sight. I am so sorry. I know I deserved it."
"Didn't you hear anything I just said? Did you also damage your ears?!" He looked sideways to someone else, who started talking but it sounded like bees buzzing. Or birds twittering; she wasn't sure.
She started crying in earnest, much to her shame. "I am so sorry, Thorin, so sorry." She was; however, she also felt so very guilty: "I would do it again, though, in a heartbeat. Because you're safe now. At least that."
His hand was so very heavy as he pressed her head deeper into her pillow while he leaned over her, his nose almost touching hers. Was he still angry? Angry wasn't the word for it; he had been furious and so very, very frightening in his fury.
"Now you listen to me, burglar,... Bilba. I hear you, but listen to me when I say that I will do everything that is within my power to make sure you will never have the need again to save me from myself. I hope I will never put you in that position again."
"What position?" She asked, confused. "I have to leave here, remember? You said that I-"
He huffed in exasperation. "I know what I said." He said that with such a terrifying snarl that she was properly put in her place. She needed to go, needed to leave as he had commanded. Yet she was so very tired. Maybe just a little nap and then she would find Gandalf and have him help her leave. It was the least she could do for Thorin. He was her King -she had chosen him as a King, that was far more meaningful than being born under a King, wasn't it, and she had made such a mess out of her loyalty. She had so utterly betrayed him... Her mind was going round and round in circles: she took the Arkenstone and betrayed him, and inevitably she hurt him, but given the choice, she would do it again and again and again. So he would get hurt again and again and again. And he would hate her again and again and again.
She needed to leave. She needed to at least obey that command, since she couldn't do much else.
Where was that wizard when you needed him, anyway? Always disappearing at the worst times!
More furious whispers and Thorin sighed. "Yes, yes. I know." She had the feeling he wasn't talking to her. "Bilba... Bilba, stay awake for one moment longer. You don't have to-" He shook his head and said to the side: "She is too riddled with fever. She's not listening to a word of what I am trying to tell her."
He was now cradling her head in both his enormous hands. Really, these dwarves might not be as tall as Men or Elves, but they were still so much bigger than she was! Stronger and wider and braver than any Men or Elf! It felt like his hands swallowed up her face. She pursed her lips, which was just possible betwixt the palms of both hands cradling her cheeks.
"You're hands are just too big, Thorin." She complained, rather put off. Talking was so funny as his hands pressed on the skin and muscles of her face and throat.
At that, he smiled down at her. "I can't help them. Now sleep, little Bilba, and don't worry about leaving. I rescind any and all of my words that I spoke while stricken mad with the gold-sickness."
"Oh. Still, there is... I can't undo what I did."
"Nor can I. However, I hope you will be able to look past that. I know I do. Because if anyone wish to undo what he did..." He didn't finish. He took a deep breath.
"Sleep now, dearest Bilba. Sleep and don't worry for a thing. Give that mind a rest, for once!"
Oh yes, that's true: always he said she was thinking too much. She couldn't help that, now could she? It was not as if she could just stop thinking! Besides, he was such an ungrateful lout; it had been her thinking that got them out of so many tight scrapes!
Now, she was going to tell him what's what... after she closed her eyes for just one moment.
People were not where they supposed to be when she blinked her eyes open again. She huffed in exasperation as Gandalf seemed to pop out of nowhere.
"Where were you when I needed you just a moment ago?" She demanded irritably.
"And what did you need me for, dear Bilba?"
"I..." She trailed off, confused. She shook her head. "That's not important right now! The important thing is that you were not where you were."
"I was not where I was?"
Bilba blinked. Then she frowned. "Don't try to avoid the issue here!"
A smile crinkled his long beard. "I think it's better you get some more sleep."
"Nonsense. Besides, I was having a conversation with Thorin here, he-" It took far too much effort to turn her head to the side. When she finally managed she couldn't help the unbidden tears that sprung into her eyes when Thorin was not where he had just been a moment ago.
"He's gone." She whispered, her heart plummeting through her chest. "He hates me, doesn't he? He should, though, he should."
Gandalf galvanized into action. "Oh no, my dear hobbit, oh no. Now there, stop your crying. Don't you remember what he said? No listen here, your tears are quite unnecessary!"
It must be her tiredness that was playing tricks on her, because the wizard couldn't possibly be uncomfortable with her tears, could he?!
A sliver of sunlight peeked from what was apparently a fabric partition -was she in a tent?- being held to the side. And in strode Thorin, King under the Mountain.
"What are you doing out there when you were just here?!" She blurted out, confused.
Thorin stopped suddenly, staring at her. In the golden light of candles and flames, his face seemed to lose a truly dark and solemn look to be replaced by a fierce light. His eyes flickered like many-faceted gems.
"Bilba." There was so much emotion in her single name that she was struck silent.
"You're awake. Finally."
"Her fever is gone. Though, she is feeling a bit muddled still." The wizard supplied. She could hear the smile in his voice and imagined his eyes twinkling.
"Thank Mahal." Thorin breathed as he hastily moved to her other side.
"Now she just needs sleep, and plenty of it." The wizard petted her head fondly.
"At least we can now move her safely."
"Indeed; this tent is no place for the weak and wounded now winter is settling in."
Bilba had been content to keep silent and let her eyes feast on her King, however as the two started talking about her as if she wasn't there and able to hear them just fine, thank you very much, she decided that enough was enough.
"Excuse me." She tried for a polite tone but was quite sure it sounded quite a bit too harsh for that. "I am sure you wouldn't make any decisions about me without consulting, well, me."
Thorin had the gall to smile. "Now that you are awake, we will strive to do that as much as possible."
Somehow that answer didn't satisfy her much. In several ways!. "As much as possible? Now that I am awake?! You mean to say that you just made decisions about my person without consulting me simply because I was asleep?! The nerve!"
She pursed her lips as another question rose up in her. "Huh... How long have I been asleep anyway?" It hadn't been more than a few short naps, right?
Thorin's face darkened again at that. "You weren't just asleep, Bilba. At times we feared you would die."
Oh.
"We feared for your life. I feared for your life. You stupid, brave little hobbit. How could you possibly think that sacrificing your life for mine, for ours, was a good idea?!" The last part he bellowed in her face.
He had quite the voice. Memories of the terrifying battle started to seep in. She had sneaked into the heaviest fighting and saw Azog and his warg bearing down on Thorin and Fíli and Kíli, who were already straining under the amount of orcs, goblins and wargs intent on their death.
She hadn't hesitated one moment. Fear for them had clogged her throat, making her forget how scared she was.
She had run right into the thick fray. Just when the white warg bore down on them, she popped that ring off her finger, startling the white warg something fierce. She guessed no matter what her diminutive size was, something appearing out of thin air would startle anyone, even big bad wargs.
She had Sting buried in the throat of the beast before she had even registered her own action.
Its rider was flung off in the warg's death throws. When the Pale Orc found his footing again, he had forgotten all about Thorin and those surrounding him.
His eyes were only on her.
What happened next was hazy and unclear. She might have made a stand, but she could remember being flung in the air, her chest hurting something fierce, even beneath the mithril armor.
The Orc's face loomed over her, bearing such a malicious and horrifying smile that she knew right then that she was going to die.
Something had barreled into the Orc right then, with such force that the Orc toppled over, out of her line of sight.
A terrified face filled her vision and then another one. Such frightened looks didn't fit on the young faces of the Princes.
Things got more and more befuddled until she could clearly remember her conversation with Gandalf and Thorin after the battle, as she had been in the same bed, in the same tent as she was now, or so she presumed.
"If I say I am sorry and that I will never do such a thing again, I would be lying." She peered up in the exasperated face of her King. She tried to shrug. "Are we going to have an argument about this too?"
A muffled snort came from the wizard, which made Thorin frown fiercely at the wizard. The wizard's amusement was not helping things at all, Bilba decided; it only served to aggravate Thorin further.
However, if the King under the Mountain focused his ire on Gandalf instead of her, that would not be such a bad thing.
However, it seemed that Thorin didn't let himself be distracted so easily. He turned back to her again, and sighed deeply.
Slowly, ever so gently, he wiped his calloused thumb back and forth over her brown, playing with her curls.
"I think we will have arguments until we both are old and grey, dearest Bilba."
"Old and grey?" Bilba echoed, confused.
Thorin smirked at her, the gesture filled with confidence and assurance. "Of course. If you think I will let you leave my sight ever again, you are sorely mistaken." His confident demeanor slipped a bit then, however. "Though I understand if you do not want to stay with me, after what I've done to you."
Bilba gaped at him. "You want me to stay with you, after what I did?"
"What you did, I should have done. What I did, was the most abhorrent thing I could have done. The only excuse, and it is no excuse at all, is that I was not my right self. I can only promise that I will not lose my mind to the gold sickness ever again. I have a far more precious treasure to look after. My biggest regret is that it took your sacrifice and near death to realize so." The look he gave her was so poignant she was struck silent. And blushed fiercely. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?!
He became more and more anxious as her silence stretched on. Then he opened his mouth in his typical brusque manner and demanded she started talking, right now.
Instead of answering, she burst into tears.
Happy tears they were, but apparently no one could tell as Thorin gathered her up in his arms -which she had no problem with at all- to comfort her, promising all sorts of things. More dwarrows invaded the tent, all talking and exclaiming and pointing fingers. In his chair, only Gandalf seemed to recognize the reason for her tears and started laughing.
To be heard above the ruckus, she put her mouth right next to Thorin's ear. "Even if you send me away again, I will always come back to you... Though next time, I will throw that stupid stone at your head, make no mistake."
Thorin's shoulders started to shake. No tears though, but silent laughter made his body rumble. He pressed a kiss to her brow before carefully settling her back in her bedding again.
Suddenly exhausted, Bilba knew they still had to sit down and talk about her theft of the Arkenstone and his banishing her somewhere in their future. For now, however, it was more than enough to know he wanted her to stay. And she wouldn't want to be anyplace else. Not even, she admitted to herself, at Bag End if it didn't have one Thorin Oakenshield, King under the Mountain, under its roof.