Reason by blackdragonflower
Summary: Songfic. Mello's reaction to hearing that Matt has died as he drives with Takada stowed in the back of the truck. His reflections of a friend he'll never see again, but will always remember, even if his time is just around the corner. Spoilers contained inside [vol 12 No pairings intended.
Characters belong to Death Note by Tsugumi Oba and Takeshi Obata
The song 'The Reason' belongs to Hoobastank
A/N: Mello's POV
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I'm not a perfect person,
There's many things I wish I didn't do.
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know...
Matt... I'm sorry. I'm so fuckn sorry that you died because of me. Please forgive me...
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I promise, when this is all over, I'll give you what's proper. I'll give you what you deserve Matt. I'll bust my ass to make your death memorable. I wish you would have just stayed home today, you would have been safe, but I guess it's just to late to think about that now isn't it? The steering wheel is burning my fingers with its frigid bite. My eyes narrow and I stare ahead at the road. I'm breaking Matt, and it's too late to say I'm sorry now, or how much you meant to me as a friend.
Dammit... I must have hurt you so many times when I would just leave. I must have hurt you so bad when I left Wammy's at fifteen, leaving you alone. Dammit, dammit, dammit! Matt... you must have been so hurt being so alone. Oh God... please take care of Matt...
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one that catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear...
I remember, once when I walked by your door I thought I heard you crying and on closer listening you were. Maybe this all could have changed if I'd just opened that damned door and offered you a friend to listen to you, just like you'd done so many times for me. I don't know why you hung out with me Matt, why you did what I always told you to do... You're the best person I could have ever asked for Matt, and now, you've slipped away. I want you back, but that will never happen. My eyebrows furrow in anger. I'm going to destroy Kira for you Matt and for L, I will avenge you once I take care of this woman.
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I pull the trunk into a cathedral and park it. Tightness grips my chest, I can only pressume God is killing me for something wrong, but I know deep down it's Kira's doing. How? Kira's never seen my face... Matt... I'm not going with you to Heaven... I've done too many bad things to go to the same place where you are. I'm sorry I couldn't meet with you in the afterlife. I'm trusting God to take good care of you Mail. I was going to change for you Mail after all this died, but it seems I'll never get the chance. I hope God can forgive me, just like I pray you'll forgive me. I pray you'll forgive me for everything I didn't do for you... I'm sorry. The final breath gasps its way from my lips and my cheek roughly hits the steering wheel.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I use to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you.
It can't be real... this has to be a dream. If it is I never want to wake up. Mail... Your cracking that grin again, that carefree I just beat my videogame grin. I can see your eyes sparkling with a new life underneath your flaming crimson hair. God must have forgiven me Matt... for all the troubles I 've caused, and the sins I've committed. Are you taking me to Heaven Matt? Then there's your hand extended towards mine, like it had always been, and my hand in yours, like it always should be.