Kishimoto Masashi owns Naruto. If you can't stand stories that aren't a hundred percent canon you are not going to enjoy this story. Spelling, bad story telling, grammatical and OOC errors would love to be corrected.

Just Some Girl: Here it Goes

Have you ever been fascinated and disturbed by something at the same time? Sorry, that's a silly question. Living as a ninja consists of nothing but combinations of feelings and ideas. Happy you got the mission done, disgusted by the smell of rotting flesh on your wardrobe.

"Oh Tenten, I'm so sorry! I know you just bought that-"

"It's okay! It's okay, Lee."

We are raised at a young age not to think to much of the dead, and even less of the dying. I wanted to be something Konoha (and hopefully the Great Tsunade) would be proud of, so in my academy days I tried to be as emotionless as possible. Like Neji in a way.

Before I became teammates with him, I thought he was pretty cool. He always listened to the lessons aggressively and got the best of grades talking the least he could. Girls around me would blush and giggle when his eyes would just happen to scan them while searching for something else. And at that time I didn't get it.

I was mad every time I was labeled or grouped up because of my gender.

I thought Neji was cool but I knew next to nothing about him. Why are these girls around me getting these 'crushes' and dreaming of marrying such a boy? Yes he was pretty (prettier than me) and yes he was smart (much smarter than me). But what was his favorite color? His favorite food? What did he fear? Why were these girls dreaming of marring a boy who was most likely, not thinking the same of them?

One day I asked some fellow classmates, thinking I missed something on a day I was sick. But when I did, they all had the strangest looks on their faces, like I was speaking gibberish or something.

My stomache did something unusual that day. I hadn't thrown up since I was a baby, but there I was feeling like I was about to spray these girls with my dad's special curry dish. Being a ninja, it didn't take much to keep the curry down, but the emotions that ran with it was another matter. A matter that to my horror, would continuously be shoved in my face for years to come.

The best way I could explain my matter was if we were all pools, ponds. When an event comes along, and it wasn't even close enough to ripple your pond, you unconsciously ignore it. Why get involved in something that doesn't involve you? I didn't get why my peers where throwing themselves at boys and they didn't understand why I didn't participate. I get it, though I don't know why it happens. It does however, become very unsettling when something is shaking your pond of all of your water and no one else seems to notice. I mean, we are a ninja village, you would think at least the adults knew what was going on.

There was one theme that seemed to jump out on a constant basis. A very annoying one I might add. Everything seems to be categorized by gender. Male... or female.

I realize this sounds stupid, if not completely obvious. But please try to hear me out on this, it's one thing when it gets to condoms and tampons. That's down to our biological level. That's not a mental decision for us. Well, in a way I guess it is. I mentally chose not to have blood on my pants.

But then there are other things. Why do girls get dolls while the boys get action figures? Why are the action figures always cooler? And last longer? Why is it every time I look down the baby isle it's always soft blue for the boy and light pink for the girl? Why is the ugly yellow the ambiguous color?

Personally, I love pink because it calms me. It's not exactly my color, per say, but I find it too beautiful to care about fashion. I hate the fact that when I choose the shirt I want my dad to buy he rolls his eyes, "Pink again? Girl's first choice, I guess." I know he doesn't mean it like that, he's just teasing me. But it hurts me to think that people think I wear the color out of some unknown, feminine instinct. That I only wear it because I am a girl. Cool girls have more exotic flavors, dark colors and purples. Because their personal tastes are different from whoever set the norm as, they are seen as individuals.

What really makes a girl besides the XX chromosomes and a vagina? Anyone who has taken medical studies would know that males are also capable of having breasts like a female. Ones that function and everything. So when games like tag or another competitive game starts, why is it always boys verses girls?

"Hey, can I join your group?"

I wasn't very confident, but I wasn't going to let anyone see my shy side.

"You are a girl aren't you?"

The boy glared at me, as if the word girl was a disease or something.

"What?"

"Go to the girly side, girl!"

What is this, vagina verses penis? I knew it wasn't denied because I was a bad player. I wasn't the best, but I was hardly the worst. I was a girl, so I needed to act like one.

But how does a girl act?

I'm not the only girl who doesn't wear makeup even off duty. And not every vagina gives a girl 'a pain in the ass'. Oh, how I envy those girls whose don't even need pain pills. Hair length also does nothing. Neither does outfits or their colour. A boy doesn't magically turn into a female if he wears pink panties, so how does one act like a girl? Is it supposed to be instinct? If that's the case, am I a failure?

I didn't fit in and I didn't know why.

At first I was glad when I was assigned to Neji and Lee. Maybe the whole gender issue would go away as Lee or Neji didn't seem to care or push any of that stuff. Instead other issues arose, like Neji's egotistical attitude. Why did these girls like him? It seemed that every day, and I mean constantly, I was appalled with what came out of his mouth. Yes, I also thought Lee would never turn out to become a good ninja because of his lack of chakura controlling abilities. But to tell him that he was born a failure and thus would always be one?

It scared me.

Not necessarily for Lee's sake, but selflessly for my own. If I didn't know why I couldn't get along with my own gender did that mean I was to always be an outsider? If I couldn't get the basis of human relationships how was I going to ever have... a relationship? I might've not been interested in anyone right now, but it didn't mean that I didn't want to find somebody eventually.

Is there something wrong with me? I'm not interested in boys like the other girls. The thought of having a boyfriend didn't give me a warm feeling. Maybe it was because I had such a hard time trying to be friends with any one. Maybe, unconsciously, I wasn't going to push the matter until I could at least find someone who was willing to deal with me. Other than my dad. Someone who would enjoy spending time with me, and wouldn't leave me.

Thank God for Gai-sensei.

I will admit he was overwhelming at first. His personality was... wow. And his tight clothes was... wow. But thanks to him, for the first time the pressure was gone. The stress of trying to hold certain ideals melted and my mind settled. He taught me that yes, there are rules to everything, but no one rule can apply to everything. And the best thing, every single one of them can be broken. There is nothing in the books saying that to become a great ninja you needed chakura. It's just that every ninja that's made the books so far has never bothered trying.

Lee had a chance.

And because of that, I felt I had a chance too. Chance at what? I don't know. But the feeling of knowing I had one was a relief.

The Chunnin exams were very awkward for multiple reasons. Don't get me even started with how the whole thing ended. I wasn't awake for most of it, and somehow regretted it the entire time unconsciously. Gai-sensei said it was best for us if we waited a year, and now I wished he said two.

When he first said it, it was irritating. I really thought it was because he thought Lee and I were not ready for such a thing. Neji was sure to tell us exactly that when we watched all of our peers walk through those doors. I didn't feel like arguing against him. I mean, how frustrating it must be to be so smart, and be unable to go forward because you have to wait for your slow teammates? I have to admit however, if he went into another 'why everyone sucks but me' speech one more time I was going to throw a kunai into his jugular. How Lee is able to smile through all of his insults is beyond me.

When Gai-sensei said we were entering the next exam I thought, "Yes! He thinks I've improve enough to go forth in life!" But no, it turned out his eternal rival's team was entering. Lee was excited, because the genius of that academy's graduates was in that team. Yeah, I felt the pressure. But Neji didn't. He scoffed, telling me I was overreacting.

And then he asked me to follow him.

Confused but intrigued, I decided to obey. We climbed a few trees and before I could ask what he was bringing me to, he pointed over to a clearing. There, I saw the Uchiha, the girl Lee had a crush on and that orange dressed kid. My eyes not being as great as Neji's, I wasn't sure what they were doing. Or I should say, what they were suppose to be doing. Right now they were arguing, screaming at each other. Gai-sensei's eternal rival was standing back, reading a book. As if nothing was wrong!

"We are going to cream them." I gasped. I couldn't believe that one-eyed ninja was a teacher.

"Exactly." Neji folded his arms in a way that said, 'told you so'.

Of course, we both ate our words later.

It tasted a lot like blood and dirt.

When I first met them, team seven consisted of: Uchiha Sasuke, quite moody boy. Uzumaki Naruto, really noisy and upbeat. And Haruno Sakura, also a fan of pink. Wow, when I say it that way, they don't sound that different from my team. I wish I could add more to Haruno at that time, but I didn't know much about her. As much as Lee spoke of her it tended on consisting of just, "She's so cute!"

Their overseer was Hatake Kakashi. And their specialty was pure, and utter luck. It's lame, but I can't describe how they accomplish things any other way. It was like looking into an alternate reality mirror. We worked hard and did things by the rules and lost. They did whatever the hell they wanted as were rewarded.

Well, until that day Sasuke decided to leave Konoha, but I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I envied her. She said whatever the hell she wanted. She didn't care that Sasuke didn't like her and she didn't care that Naruto did. He reminded me of the girls that went after Neji. Despite being treated like trash, he followed after her as if he deserved it.

I envied her even as she completely dumped poor Lee. It would be one thing if she wanted to do nothing with him because this was the first time she ever met him and he was just smothering her, but no, she was doing the exact same thing to the Uchiha.

I bet, I just bet that if Lee had Sasuke's looks this situation would be a lot different. No one would've been as hard on Lee at academy if he had thin eyebrows and nicely curved eyes. What ever happened to the teaching of not taking things at face value? Aren't we ninjas? Aren't we?

Listen to me, the hypocrite, when I finally saw the girl of Lee's dreams I finally understood what he was talking about. Her bright green eyes, soft pink hair, and how she dodged Lee's attempts and pouted about it. I thought she was very cute.

Yes, yes, let's get the shock over with. I can't cover it up, not without making this story sound any stupider than it already does. It's the whole reason that sand girl got the best of me anyways. Yeah, that's right, it wasn't because of her excellent skills. It was the attitude. It always seems to be about the attitude. How she strode forward with that smirk on her face, seeming to say, 'Yea, this is me, what are you going to do about it?'

She looked like someone you could have fun conversations with, a sarcastic joker. And unlike me and so many other girls I knew, she had style. It was quirky, but I like quirky. Just before the announcer started us off I felt myself blushing, if a bit lightly.

So I see girls like girls see guys.

Alright, things are starting to make a little more sense.

Okay, no, they really aren't.

You know, when most people get revelations they WIN their battles. But not me, not Tenten. With her wind abilities verses my light weapons I still was still going to lose no matter what. But one thing is for sure, if I didn't have that wonderful spark of surprise she wouldn't have left the arena so smug. If I were capable of reliving the moment, I would've made sure that I at least have cut some of her face muscles. Cut them in a way so she would be left frowning even as she laid me flat.

Ha!

I love weapons. Especially the ones with blades. I basically only bothered to learn other Jutsu (mainly summons) just so I can carry more weapons on my person. The thought of something so thin cutting thick connections of flesh and veins... It was an escape, in a way. Like the way someone's face changed when you stabbed them, I wanted the power to do what I wanted to myself like I did to others.

So why can't I like boys? Lee would make the perfect date. I know he would treat me kindly and fair... And here I am blushing over girls who think nothing of me-

Oh shit.

I am no different from them.

Temari blew me off like how Sasuke would've done to Sakura if he were given the chance. Shit, here I've been wigging out because I thought I couldn't fit in because I was too different. Well, I am different but- dang it! I'm so lost and there is no one I can ask... I mean seriously, who do you ask? My dad? He suffered enough as it was trying to explain what was going to happen to me every month when I reached a certain age.

What do I do? I have no reference or examples to pull from. Nothing positive, anyways.

This is a ninja village. It's better- it's preferred to be bisexual. Jobs can and will be long and brutal. If you do not get occasional comfort, you are going to lose it. Plus, you can take on the more difficult missions that require... one could say, an 'open' mind about. Heterosexuals are given the thumbs up anyways because it assures the village will continue to grow. Asexuals and people like, like me... well, you can't make children out of that, can you? No, no one is going to throw sticks at me and tell me to burn in Hell, but no one is going to go, "You're a lesbian? Cool!"

Wait.

Yes, there are people who will say that. Given that you decide to live your life as a porn star or something. It is a Heterosexual male dominated area.

Goddammit.