All rights are with the creators of TVD.
Just my own created characters belong to me.
This is my first written fan-fiction. Unfortunately I'm not an english native-speaker. So please be kind.
The light within
Beep beep beep…she felt like being in something like a blurry.
Beep beep beep.. It was a not ending meddling of past and presence.
Beep beep beep wasn't it her own past and presence? Was it?
Beep beep beep Her eyelids went heavy and all she needed was to close her eyes.
Beep beep beep she was suddenly lying in a hospital bed,
watching a face which smiles cruelly,
so familiar to her as it could be,
hearing a voice which said 'game on',
feeling a pillow over her mouth,
fighting for air,
fighting for her life,
knowing the only thing she would expect is death,
struggling under the power of someone clearly stronger than she was.
There was nothing more than the plain black that was the end of her short life of just 17 years…
She heard the annoying sound again…beep beep beep. Beeeeeeeeep
Her eyelids fluttered waiting to open up again….beeeeeeeeep…she recognized the sound. That sounds like a flatline-beep.
She felt a soft substance under her check.
She abruptly woke up and saw herself sitting on a stool and half lying on a bed with her upper body right next to a 14 year old girl, fighting for her life.
'This is not a dream Caroline this is reality' she heard herself mumbeling. So do something….beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb.
Get a grip and start acting like somebody who deserved sitting here and being on watch for a little patient. Don't act on incidents that happened almost 17 years ago.
'shit , how could I just fell asleep….now' Caroline thought.
'CPR fast' Caroline was yelling at the people outside the room.
They were reacting like a team. Like people she's been working with for years. Like people she can trust.
Like people she can rely on to save lives. Human lives…..
At this moment in this cold, sterile but somehow bright place she has to take responsibility for life-saving procedures.
The rush started, nurses and two other doctors were crashing in this little room around this little girl named Lara.
Using the CPR 'clear' Caroline was yelling again.
How could this happen now?
She was usually a very calm person in situations like this whenever and wherever anybody start to show any symptoms of panic she wasn't, well...until now.
Something was different today. She couldn't concentrate like she should, like she always does.
She felt panic rising deep inside of her. Panic just like having a pillow pressed on her face….
Again 'clear'.
'Still nothing'. Again and again and again until she felt Dr. Stern's hand on her shoulder.
'no she is dead, there is nothing we could do for her anymore…. please call time of death.'
Tears were standing in Caroline's eyes. She seemed deaf to everything and anyone in this room except this little girl. A girl she liked too much for just letting her go.
A girl she has known now for 2 years. A little person she had seen several times here in the 'General Hospital'. Lara was her first successful surgery as a residency back then. Caroline's first successful solo neurosurgery to be exact. Clipping an aneurysm was an exciting, exhilarating as it could be since she held a scalpel for the first time almost 8 years ago.
Just Dr. Alisa Stern as a pediatric surgeon was with her once and through the surgery all through last night.
There was no choice for her at this moment though. Caroline was surrounded by humans and she had known all along she had to play the human rules to live her dream as becoming a doctor for humans. Feeding Lara her own blood so she could survive was not an option by this 'human-rules'.
Stupid rules, she thought desperate but acknowledged the sense behind them.
Caroline had no choice in becoming what she is today. A monster, who had killed people, who fed blood of people, who her own father never really accepted for what she become until he died. She didn't want anybody to share her destiny, she accepted her father's choice not becoming a vampire or letting the transitioning uncompleted and she accepted the rules in this hospital too.
No saving humans with her blood.
She felt broken. She certainly has made her experiences with death over the years, once in her hometown Mystic Falls and since she started her carrier as a surgeon. But now everything seemed different and such a waste of time.
Time? Yeah right….time. She watched on the clock hanging outside.
Her voice sounded like she felt …broken: 'time of death 13:29'
She felt numb. Yes exactly…what a waste of time. Standing in an OR doing this dangerous operation for more than 12 hours, trying to beat death and lose was a frustrating feeling. Why was she so attached? She had known all along surgeries could have a fatal outcome.
Lara Anderson came for different reasons to this hospital. 12 month ago she had a lung surgery because of a bronchial carcinoma. A fateful fellow-up examination from Dr. Caroline Forbes a couple of weeks ago was kind of a shock to this little girl and of course for her mother Hanna Anderson as well.
Discovering nothing on the x-ray was relievable. Caroline was happy first about this outcome had a very bad feeling about it though. She instructed a very expensive MRT although it was just a weird feeling she was relying on.
She felt a little scared after she discovered the localization of the malignant tumor. Surgery into the limbic system is one of the most dangerous surgeries. The size of this tumor was barely noticeable but she could see it.
Dr. Louis - chief of surgery – has given her permission for this surgery, but had his doubts about the outcome.
The first time he saw her was 8 years ago. She came fresh from Stanford school of medical CA with outstanding grades. Her energy was warming up the entire room, it was contagious. Her will for helping people was palpable.
Her will to learn and jump into the contest with every other intern was something he would never forget. Making mistakes was not an option. Perfection was her credo and anybody from nurse to attendance could see and feel this right from the start.
After her successful exam as a surgeon 15 month ago he was afraid of losing her into a neurosurgeon-fellowship he knew she was applying to.
But thanks to Dr. Alexander Portland – one of the most famous neurosurgeon in Europe he didn't. She stayed, because Dr. Portland stayed here.
But he was right having doubts about giving Caroline the permission for this surgery. Lara survived the surgery itself but ….. yes…but. What now?
Caroline fought long and hard. But she knew one thing for sure. She had to talk to Mrs. Anderson. The blond doctor knew there was no way out of this.
The ability to tell a mother her own daughter is dead is something most doctors she knew want to avoid. They have to do this because it's necessary. The question is how? She was trained to do this….she was a social person….but she felt like being choked again.
Caroline went out of the patient room and felt dead like she was 17 years ago. Her breath came heavy out of her dead lungs.
How much she realized what she was. She felt like a failure. She failed this little family. She failed herself and her trust in her abilities as a doctor.
Caroline searched for Mrs. Anderson and found a brunette woman in the waiting area and approached her very carefully.
She looked scared and upset. 'That's exactly like I feel and I'm responsible for this' Caroline thought.
Moving her head into a shaking was all the mother of her now dead patient needed.
'I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs. Anderson. But…..' Caroline couldn't finish her sentence. There are no buts.
'If there is anything I can do for you please tell me'.
'Lara is dead?' her voice broke into a barely audible whisper 'may I see her now? ' Mrs. Anderson asked while turning to the aisle Caroline came from rushing to the room her daughters died in.
Sorrow and pain started too built up inside the blond woman. Standing in the middle of a waiting area in a hospital after trying so hard to help a girl to survive was more she can cope with now. Arranging a very debatable surgery she probably never should have done wasn't helping to calm down.
Self-doubts like she had as a human all this years ago starting to erupt. They came alive like they were buried deep inside of her under the surface of her soul.
What was she thinking? Studying human medicine and performing surgeries on humans as a vampire? Was she nuts?
Suddenly she felt her inner monster came outside of the very Dr. Caroline Forbes. A monster who she successfully suppressed for more than 15 years came out to play.
'no' she thought 'you can't let that happened. If you let go now you have to face the consequences'
Veins around her eyes became visible and so her teeth got outside of her gums.
'no' she heard a voice insight her head 'don't let go, you'll burn, you're pain will be unbearable. Don't you dare and give in your desires'
She flashed outside the hospital in her full vampire-form when she heard her phone vibrating in her pocket.
She felt the pain the voice was talking about. The noise of her phone-melody let her come back to reality.
She felt her vampire-face disappear, took the phone outside and saw a name she haven't seen or heard for a few years now.
Without thinking she pressed the green button and heard a familiar voice talking to her.