Author's Note: Welcome readers! It has taken me quite some time to get this first chapter written and I could have made it even longer, but this break seemed reasonable. And in truth I have been missing the FF community! I actually wrestled for a while with the title and settled on this somewhat blasé one in the end, but just in case you're curious, 'Awakenings' is plural for a reason...(evil giggle). If you've been following my series, you'll note the addition of journal entries in this installment. These entries will always be in italics with the Warden's signature at the end, to distinguish them from dreams or memories.

As always, I would love some feedback. What works, what doesn't, are there holes in the story, what do you like/hate, did I miss any typos, et cetera. Constructive criticism is always welcome! Cheers, Biff.

27 Kingsway, 9:30

We leave for Soldier's Peak tomorrow. Avernus sent a letter asking me to come, but it arrived just before our wedding and in the excitement around the wedding and then our honeymoon, I did not read it until after Alistair's coronation. The crate that came with his letter? Jars of raspberry jam, of all things, from Levi. This is the recipe that Warden Commander Gaspar Asturian was rumored to have made for the elven princess with whom he was infatuated. Something sweet to keep our marriage sweet, the note read, and the jam is fantastic. Levi's wife found the recipe in the kitchens and has apparently been selling it with great success. Another idea for generating income at Vigil's Keep, perhaps.

Avernus believes he is at the end of his life and wishes to hand over his research. I hope to find out what affect the taint will have on the babe I carry, something I have been trying not to think about, and what the potion I drank will do to me in the long run. However, my ultimate hope is that he has found a way to minimize the bad side effects of the joining, perhaps even a way to minimize deaths during the ceremony. Dare I hope that one's Calling might be postponed or better, never come? I imagine the potion gives warriors and mages skills similar to the ones I now have, but the notes I took with me so long ago were badly damaged and have continued to deteriorate.

A missive has come from Weisshaupt at last. First Warden Ronan has confirmed me as Warden Commander and asked me to arrange a visit from him as soon as I am settled in Amaranthine. I am also to report to him regularly. That is easy enough, but the visit has me nervous. All these months, it's just been Alistair and I and our friends, and now everything has changed. The First Warden will no doubt have questions for me, the first of our order to kill an archdemon and live.

~KA

8 Harvestmere, 9:30

Soldier's Peak loomed against dark clouds, an intimidating and towering keep of blue-grey stone, its foundations carved out of the mountain on which it was perched. Low lying clouds clung to its upper reaches, a heavy mist swirled about the keep's grounds, and snow had started to fall. It was the picture of abject gloominess, made even more so by the fact that a large funeral pyre was slowly burning out in the courtyard. Dark smoke swirled upward in a fat column until it was pulled away on the cold breeze blowing in from the west.

Warden Commander Kallian Arainai stood on the bridge that spanned the gap between the keep and the Mage's Tower, her cloak pulled tightly around her upper body while the lower reaches of it flapped wildly in the wind. Kallian stared down at the pyre, trying to sort herself out. She felt unreasonably angry about the things she had been able to control but didn't, such as reading Avernus' the letter when it arrived, and the things she truly hadn't been able to control, like the weather, which had slowed them down.

It had been a hard journey, taking ten days when they had thought they could make it in seven, rains turning the roads into muddy trenches most of the way. They had started out with two wagons and four oxen, four of Alistair's soldiers, Petra and horses for everyone. The plan had been to stop at Vigil's Keep to drop off their wagons, which were loaded with personal effects, wedding gifts, and a host of other supplies they would need, but they had to abandon that notion. The road had been flooded and it seemed easier to simply continue on to the city of Amaranthine itself. She made the decision to keep going reluctantly; feeling the pull of other Grey Wardens in the area was a new and rather exciting sensation and she could hardly wait to meet them. Continue they did, however, leaving two guards behind with the wagons at an inn on the outskirts of town with a stable large enough to house their animals and wagons. She had carried on to Soldier's Peak with the remaining soldiers, Petra, Zevran and Lucius.

The closer they got, the more she began to feel it, a vague sense of impending loss unlike any she had ever felt before. Kallian realized what it was; she was sensing the ancient Warden mage, Avernus, and he was dying. She wasn't feeling it as she would the loss of a close personal friend or family member; she had barely known the man and had been sickened by his research when she first met him. Losing a Warden Brother was different; it was as though she could feel his life force ebbing away and the connection between them made her feel it deeply. She had pressed them on and reached out to Avernus, trying to will him to understand that she was almost there, and she knew, somehow, that he was waiting. By the time they had finally made it to Soldier's Peak, she had had about half an hour to talk with Avernus before he died.

When she asked about her child, Avernus had told her where to find historical documents on the very matter of Wardens having children. Zevran had found it and they had read over it later. While it was impossible for two Wardens to have a child, children had been born to couples with one Warden parent. In all the cases investigated, it was reported that the children were born without the taint. Not all survived birth, but the mortality rate was no higher than that of normal children. The reasons were typical as well; stillbirth, infant illness, accidental death. Trying to ignore the general risks of pregnancy, Kallian took comfort in this news.

Avernus' last coherent comment to her before he died was promising, if vague. "The potion will give you more time." He had then sputtered a few more words, taken one last wheezy breath and passed away. The sense of loss she'd been feeling intensified and she wept for him. She was eventually able to shake the sadness and made arrangements for a pyre, but she had neglected herself in the process and was tired and hungry as a result.

Zevran Arainai watched his wife from the doorway to the keep, standing in the shadows, waiting. He tried to ignore the twisting in his gut caused by seeing her standing so close to the edge of the bridge. Levi and his brothers had built a sturdy railing along both sides, but the wind could be quite treacherous up this high and she looked as though she might blow away at any moment. Finally, she pulled herself out of her reverie and turned toward him. He could see now that she was clutching a large tome to her chest. Avernus' research, no doubt.

Seeing him, she smiled and hurried along the bridge, leaning into the wind. As she approached him, he pushed the door open and ushered her in, bolting the door behind them. He pulled her into an embrace and rubbed his hands up and down her back to warm her.

"Are you all right, amata?" They had both been up most of the night discussing her conversation with Avernus and he was tired, but she looked positively peaked.

"I will be. I just wish I could have talked to him more. This," she looked down at the book she carried "is written in Tevinter."

He took the book from her hands and opened it, scanning the first few pages. He noticed the worried look on her face. "What is it?"

She sighed. "It's his research, and being written in Tevinter, it only makes sense to have a mage look at it. But Avernus was a blood mage. This is all blood magic. I can't ask Petra to look at it and I certainly can't go to the Circle for help. I think I'd give anything to run into an apostate or, Maker help me, a maleficar, right now." She rubbed her forehead, looking back to the door. "Maybe we should search his lab, see if there's anything else to be found."

Zevran considered her pale complexion and made a decision, shaking his head sharply. "No, we will not do this now. You are exhausted and have not eaten for quite some time. You must eat, have your tea and rest for a bit. Later, we will search his lab and quarters to see if there is anything to find, yes?"

Kallian smiled, knowing better than to argue with him. Once Zevran had made up his mind about something, especially where her health was concerned, he was resolved. Nodding, she let him lead her down to the kitchen. The room smelled of fresh bread and cinnamon. Levi's wife, Moira, was baking and smiled warmly at them as they entered. Petra reached for the tea she'd made for Kallian and poured a cup for the Warden, nodding to the table where a pot of porridge sat with a basket of fresh bread and a jar of jam. Zevran pointed to a bench and began to dish out breakfast for them both. Once he had placed food in front of her, he leaned back, folded his arms over his chest and arched an eyebrow at her.

"Si, mio signore e padrone," she murmured with a smirk as she sipped her tea.

Zevran smiled back at her and winked. Running a hand over her head, he sat and began to eat his breakfast.

xXx

10 Harvestmere, 9:30

Kallian packed the last of Avernus' books into a crate on the floor and knocked the lid into place. They had found numerous historical texts, two centuries worth of Avernus' notes, all written in Tevinter, and a rather large stash of potions. He had a sizeable collection of stamina, mana, and health draughts, and numerous poisons. They had also found a crate of phials filled with a thick, shimmering, red-black substance that looked familiar to Kallian. The crate was dated three months earlier with a notation that the box contained 100 phials for 100 Joining ceremonies, to be mixed as per the instructions inside. The instructions were written in Tevinter. She was frustrated, but she knew there was no point in dwelling on the matter. Sooner or later, she would find a way to translate Avernus' notes and then she could begin recruiting new Wardens.

She stood and stretched her back, rolled her shoulders and tipped her head from side to side to work the kinks out of her neck. Turning slowly, she surveyed the lab. It had long since been cleared of the remains of the Wardens Avernus had experimented upon so very long ago, all the hanging cages he had were gone, and the room looked harmless compared to the first time she'd seen it. Satisfied that everything was in order, she picked up the crate she'd packed and headed down to the great hall where they were gathering the things they would take with them. They would be leaving the following morning. With no further reason to stay, Kallian was anxious to return to Amaranthine to settle into her roles there. Satinalia was just over three weeks away and she hoped that celebrating the occasion with the locals might start things off on the right foot.

xXx

14 Harvestmere, 9:30

The rains had abated considerably, making the journey from Soldier's Peak less difficult. The party was able to find small inns along the way and when they couldn't, an abandoned barn or house sufficed. They had stopped for the night at a small guest house along the north coast, within two days of the city of Amaranthine. After a delicious meal and a long chat by the fire, they turned in for the night.

In the wee hours of the morning, as dawn's first light began to penetrate the night skies, Zevran awoke to Kallian's screams. One of her arms slammed into his chest, momentarily knocking the wind out of him, and as he tried to catch his breath, he heard someone pound on the door to their room. He struggled to untangle himself from their bed sheets as Kallian's screams and thrashing intensified, and in a flash of light the door flew open. Petra rushed in, dressed only in a night shift, followed closely behind by Stephan and Aiden, Alistair's soldiers. Shaking sparks from her fingers, Petra fired a small, harmless bolt at Kallian's foot, shocking the young woman awake. Kallian scrambled backwards, trying to escape whatever demons had plagued her dreams, her eyes searching the room as she sobbed into the fistful of bed sheets she clutched to her mouth. Zevran had fallen out of bed, almost landing on Lucius, and was standing slowly, hands out in front of him, while the others stared at Kallian. Lucius growled, his massive head swinging back and forth as he surveyed the room. Seeing nothing, he sat and whined.

"Kalli?" Zevran asked slowly. "Are you awake?"

She nodded, whimpering as she continued to search the room, her body shaking. Aiden held out his lantern to light the corners of the room, trying to find what it was she was seeking. This room was identical to the one he shared with Stephan and what he had seen of Petra's room; there was nothing to be seen beyond its meager furnishings and the clothing, armor and supplies scattered about the room.

"You were dreaming." Zevran maintained a soft tone, crawling back onto the bed. "What did you dream?"

Kallian was breathing heavily, the wild look in her eye slowly giving way to fear, and her hands drifted to her belly, clutching at her night shift. Zevran shot a look at Petra, fearful something was wrong with their child. The mage slowly reached out for Kallian's leg and held her foot for a moment, her hand glowing with magic. After a moment she shrugged.

"The child is fine," she declared. "I can sense nothing physically wrong with her. Kallian, what is it?"

"Darkspawn…something terrible…" Kallian launched herself off the bed and began rushing about the room looking for her clothes. Oblivious to the presence of the two soldiers, she pulled off her shift and began to pull on her small clothes and the padded cotton leggings and tunic she wore under her armor.

A chill ran through Zevran as he pulled on his own clothing. Something he could not comprehend was happening, but it felt all too familiar and it did not bode well. "Kalli, what are you doing? It is still dark out."

She kept gathering her armor and weapons, as though she hadn't heard him.

Zevran reached out and grabbed her elbows, giving her arms a gentle tug in an effort to focus her attention on him. "Kallian! Please, stop and breathe, mia cara. Tell us what it is that has you so distressed."

"We need to leave, to get to Vigil's Keep as soon as possible. Something…"

Kallian paused and took a few deep breaths, slowly becoming more aware of her surroundings. She blushed upon seeing the two soldiers standing in the doorway of their room, realizing they had seen her naked, but it hardly mattered. She dropped her things onto their bed.

"I dreamt of darkspawn and it felt…I felt as though a part of me was being ripped out, Zev." Moisture was building in her eyes and a touch of hysteria crept into her voice. "It's the Orlesian Wardens, they are in danger, that must be it. It's…it's like what I felt in the tunnels of Soldier's Peak, but I feel fear and…I-I cannot explain it, but I cannot stay here, we must go. Please."

The others looked at each other, to Zevran and back to Kallian. Petra nodded and went to her room.

Stephan bowed slightly. "As you wish, Commander. We will be ready shortly." He and Aiden disappeared down the hallway.

"Zev, I'm…scared. This…" she was tapping a finger on her chest "this isn't right. Maker's breath, maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all, this commander business. I am totally panicking right now, the others must think I'm crazy…Some commander I am." She finished with a nervous giggle and bit her lip.

Zevran went to Kallian and pulled her into an embrace, breathing shushing sounds by her ear. He held her until he could feel her relaxing and pulled away to look her in the eye.

"This is new, as it was when you were first recruited. Look how that turned out, rather well, yes?" He smiled and brushed her cheeks dry. "You are not, however, the young and inexperienced girl you were then. Whatever this is, you will face it and you will figure out a way to deal with it, hmm?"

She nodded slowly, releasing her lip. "You're right. Thank you, Zev." Throwing her arms around him for another hug, she whispered "What would I ever do without you?"

He chuckled. "Well, let us hope you never have to find out, hmm? Come, let us pack and be on our way. We are lucky this place was empty. I'll settle our bill on the way out and hope the man doesn't charge us extra for waking him up this early."

xXx

17 Harvestmere, 9:30

We have arrived in Amaranthine and been reunited with the rest of our party. A great unease and much grief weighs heavily upon me and I have no idea what exactly we will find at Vigil's Keep, but I know the Orlesians are gone. The pull I could feel as we passed by late last month has weakened daily. I am devastated.

A young recruit named Mhairi apparently arrived here four days ago and has been waiting for our return. She is to accompany us to Vigil's Keep, but reports that nothing was amiss when she left. All the same, until we know what the situation is, we will leave the bulk of our things here with either Stephan or Aiden and send for it later.

We had to fight off small pockets of darkspawn more frequently as we neared the city, and have heard rumours that stray bands of them are terrorizing the countryside. I am not sure what to make of this but I am too exhausted to think on it and Zevran has once again ordered me to drink my tea and get to bed.

~KA

18 Harvestmere, 9:30

Kallian raised her hand and the rest of their party stopped. Zevran pulled his horse close to hers, noting her eyes were wet. He could see the keep in the distance, roughly another half hour away, perhaps.

"What is it, mia cara?"

She wiped her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. "The Wardens are gone. I have been trying to…" Kallian swallowed hard and shook her head. "I can only sense darkspawn."

Taking a spyglass from a pouch attached to her saddle, she pulled it open and used it to look at Vigil's Keep. She used the opportunity to bring her emotions back under control. The keep, she noted, was nestled into the side of a mountain. While this made entering the keep from the front the only way in, that was also very likely the only way out unless the keep had tunnels leading elsewhere. She hoped this increased their odds of finding survivors.

"Hmm. I think the front gates are open, but it's difficult to tell from this distance. However, I can tell you not one chimney is smoking. Odd that it is late afternoon on a chill Harvestmere day and not a single fire is lit. "

Zevran nodded. "Indeed, one would expect the kitchen fires to be burning all day long with a dozen Grey Wardens in residence."

"I should have come here first," Kallian mumbled, collapsing the looking glass and putting it away.

Zevran sighed. "You cannot save the world, tesora."

"Ugh, I know. I just…" she shook her head and waved a hand at nothing in particular. "Damnit, I was really hoping this would be an adventure without darkspawn. Okay, so we do what we always do."

Kallian slid off her horse and looked at her travelling companions.

"I think we have a problem. Vigil's Keep looks a bit too quiet at the moment and I…well, I have reason to believe that the Orlesian Wardens have met with foul play.

I think it would be wise of us to prepare in that barn I can see down the road. We will leave our horses there, gather what we need to investigate the situation at the keep and then go the rest of the way on foot." She turned to the three soldiers.

"Gentlemen, I know you fought alongside King Alistair and I during the siege on Denerim, but this bears repeating. Be careful not to get any darkspawn blood in your mouth or eyes. If you are tainted…" she pursed her lips and shook her head.

"Aye, Commander," Stephan replied. The others nodded their understanding.

"Lucius, protect Petra."

The hound woofed and stood at attention beside Petra's horse.

"Good boy. Okay, let's get moving. We only have a couple of hours' worth of light at best."

Kallian mounted her horse and set off at a gallop, pushing her fear back to focus on her duty.

xXx

Even though Kallian knew the situation was bad, she had allowed herself to hope that it wasn't, that she was wrong. Her hope diminished the closer they got to the keep and the sensation of nearby darkspawn made her skin crawl. They followed the road to the main gates, passing through a barricade of pole trees that had been sharpened into spikes and driven into the ground at an angle. Kallian made note of everything along the way; a windmill and watchtower on the left, then a few houses with chicken coops and gardens, another house on the right with fields of barley and hops.

The keep's curtain wall housed the main gate and angled off to either side before the ground eventually rose sharply upwards. Any attempt to swarm the keep from the other side of the mountain would end badly for the invaders, unless they were excellent mountain climbers. With several wall towers visible, she thought it seemed highly unlikely the keep could be taken by surprise. She couldn't understand how the Wardens had been overcome by darkspawn. As the group of them pondered this mystery, a soldier came running out the front gate, yelling for help, a small group of darkspawn on his heels.

They dispatched with the darkspawn quickly and after Petra and Kallian examined the man to ensure he hadn't been tainted, they asked the soldier a few questions and then let him go. He mentioned that a mage had been behind him, unsure if the man was a Warden, and Kallian's mood had lifted, if only a bit. From that point on, everything seemed all too familiar to her and it was as though she were back on the road, fighting the Blight.

Upon entering the first bailey, which contained several houses, they came across small groups of darkspawn fighting with soldiers, four in total. After helping kill the enemy, Kallian sent the soldiers to defend the main gates before leading her group forward. A flight of wooden stairs led up to the inner gates, which opened into a second bailey. Mhairi explained that this area contained homes for many of the keep's staff, entrances to its basements and dungeons, an outdoor smithy and other merchant stalls. As they explored the area, they were attacked by more darkspawn and saved another soldier. They took a few minutes to help him with the four injured comrades he had been protecting, supplying bandages and potions, and then rushed to the aid of a merchant who was fighting darkspawn with nothing more than his fists. He agreed to seek refuge with the others and Kallian finally found herself staring up a flight of stairs at a portcullis. Kallian made eye contact with each member of her group, nodded sharply and climbed up into the keep.

xXx

More darkspawn. I hate the bloody darkspawn, Kallian complained to herself. She was exhausted and becoming more and more irritable with every step. When they found they couldn't reach the lever that would open the inner portcullis, she had screamed with rage. Her mood quickly turned, however, when they found a door they could open and rushed in to discover a tall blond man dressed in Tevinter robes, surrounded by bodies, setting fire to a hurlock. The beast fell to the floor.

Kallian skidded to a halt and stared. "Anders?"

The man whipped around, shaking flames from his fingers. "I didn't do it!"

He shot a quick glance back over his shoulder to make sure the beast was down and turned back to face Kallian. "Hey! I know you. You're looking much better now than you did the last time I saw you, I'll give you that."

"This is Anders?" Zevran asked, stepping forward.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Anders, this is my husband, Zevran. Zev, this is Anders."

Anders smiled broadly. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Congratulations, too. Marriage, a baby on the way…"

Zevran stepped forward, his arm extended. Gripping Anders' arm, he leaned in and spoke softly. "I must thank you, Anders, for what you did to assist my wife during the battle. She could have died that night and I owe you debt of gratitude for all that you did to save her life."

"Um, Anders?" Kallian's voice cut into the silence that followed as the two men moved apart.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Why are there dead Templars in my keep?" My keep, she thought to herself, wondering when she had started to think of it that way. This is my bloody house and it's crawling with darkspawn filth. She rolled her shoulders.

"Oh, um…Don't get me wrong, I'm not sorry they're dead – Biff there made the funniest gurgling noise when he went down – but I didn't…the darkspawn…Oh, what difference does it make?" Anders shrugged. "They found me in the Bannorn and were taking me to Aeonar."

Mhairi gasped. "You're an apostate?"

Anders smiled, taking a moment to appreciate how the young woman's armor clung to her figure. "You weren't here when we arrived. I'm sure I'd remember…"

"Anders," Kallian cut in. "I could really use your help here."

The mage turned his attention back to Kallian. "Of course. I'll help you now, and you can...ah...decide what to do with me later."

"It's a deal." She knew exactly what she'd do with him when this was over; conscript him and hope he wouldn't take off on her.

"Everyone, this is Anders. Anders, you know Petra, this is Mhairi, Lucius, Stephan, Marcus and Thomas." She waited for everyone to greet their new team member.

"Right, there are more of these darkspawn bastards inside and I want them out of my keep."

xXx

Kallian's ears were ringing and she lay on her back, staring at the sky above, trying to remember what had happened. A full moon and more stars than she could have imagined existed shone down on her. Where am I? She took a deep breath and it came back to her. They had finally reached the lever that opened the inner portcullis and no sooner had they done so, a group of darkspawn rushed out and a dwarf appeared on the opposite side of the yard, taunting them. And then there had been an explosion unlike any she'd ever felt before and the force of it had thrown her back. Okay, okay. I can feel my fingers and toes. My head…

"Tesora?" Zevran's face appeared above her. "Are you all right?"

She reached for his hand and let him help her stand, touching the back of her head. "Umm…I cracked my head, my ears are ringing, but I think I'm okay. What in Thedas was that?" She thought she might be shouting.

Zevran shrugged. "Nothing I have ever seen." He was shouting, too.

Stephan stood, jamming a finger in one ear and wiggling it furiously as if that would help. "I think we're okay."

The others were standing and checking themselves. Petra came to Kallian's side and began to examine her. Lucius had his head low to the ground, rubbing his ear with one of his feet.

"Anders," Petra called out. "Kallian, you should sit down. You've got a fractured skull. Nothing too serious, but we should heal it now. Anders is better with bones than I am."

"Our child…" Kallian started.

Petra smile and nodded. "Fine." She leaned forward and lowered her voice so only Kallian and Zevran could hear her. "The spirit is fading, getting weaker by the day, but it is still with you."

This was a relief to them both, but only served to remind them that Kallian had to be more careful now than ever before. Thomas brought a barrel over and Kallian sat down.

"Ouch, I think I cracked my ass, too."

Anders appeared at her side. "Perhaps we'll let Petra look at that, hmm? I wouldn't want your husband to get the wrong idea about me. Petra, if you could manage any pain she might have? Zevran, please hold your wife steady."

"Please, my friends call me Zev." Zevran stood behind Kallian, his hands on her shoulders.

"Why thank you, Zev, that's kind of you." Anders put his hand at the back of Kallian's head.

After a moment of tingling, she felt the familiar and uncomfortable feeling of bone knitting itself back together. Skull fractures weren't as painful to heal as actual broken bones, but such an injury always made her feel quite ill. Her head and rear end stopped aching, but the urge to vomit overcame her and she bent over, barely missing Anders' boots.

"Oh, well… okay, that sometimes happens and you are pregnant. Taking anything for the sickness?"

Another wave of magic flooded her body and she felt better. "Nothing I can take right now, but I think I'll be fine."

She stood and tested her balance, listened to the noises coming from the keep, and let herself feel the taint of the darkspawn around them. Feeling rejuvenated, she nodded and led her team further into the keep.