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Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers. There said it leave me alone.
Author's Notes: Please read and enjoy. This in in a G1 setting. (Old school Transformers.)
Warnings/content advice: slight offensive language, awkward situations
Characters: Starscream/Soundwave, Megatron/Shockwave, Thundercracker/Skywarp pairings
Was small short written commission done for a Starscream challenge Princess-of-Queens on deviant art, a long while back. Finally posting it in .
Big thanks to LadyAnatar who is my amazing and awesome beta! :)
On with the story now.
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"Statement: Starscream a coward," Soundwave observed after hearing the seeker's report (read: excuse) of why he had returned late from patrol.
"NO! I just…" Starscream stuttered, not able to look at Soundwave. "It's not easy approaching that mech. Really, what am I supposed to say to him?!" Starscream asked in dismay.
"Answer: the truth," Soundwave replied. Starscream's reaction was instantaneous.
"Are you out of your processor, Soundwave? I'd be scrapped the moment I told him!" Starscream exclaimed. "I need a different way to… to court him!"
"Solution: ask," Soundwave suggested.
"You've got to be kidding. Don't you grounders have any actual rules when it comes to courting?" Starscream asked in a mocking tone.
"Answer: no." This did not calm Starscream in the slightest.
"He is all about logic and does not do things on a whim, Soundwave. Everyone knows that," Starscream reminded, rubbing his nasal ridge to ease his growing frustration. "Courting Thundercracker and Skywarp was easier than this; even that one night stand with those twins Dreadwing and Skyquake was no problem compared to this.
"Query: Starscream not even tried?"
Naturally, the question pricked Starscream's pride and sent him into a small fit. "No, I have not! But I even asked for your… help, and… oh, forget it," Starscream said in disgust as he turned to leave.
Soundwave reached out and placed a servo on the smaller mech's shoulder, preventing him from leaving. "Suggestion: be less femme-like," Soundwave offered.
Starscream stared at the other like he had just grown a second head. "Come again?" the seeker inquired, hoping that he had just misheard.
"Statement: Starscream has many features similar to femmes."
While not certain in the slightest, Starscream thought that Soundwave's words just-barely wavered with the slightest hint of emotion behind them.
"And, pray tell, what in the Pit makes me seem like a femme?" Starscream growled, ignoring the possibly-heard emotion.
"Observation: bright colors," Soundwave started.
"Optimus Prime has the same colors as me, and he is certainly not considered to look like a femme," Starscream retorted in a bored tone. "Therefore, I doubt it's my colors."
"Observation: refined facial features," Soundwave suggested next.
"Really. That noble mech, Mirage, and frontliner Sunstreaker, not to mention his twin brother Sideswipe, have refined facial features. I do as well, of course, but they have nearly the same appeal. Though mine are definitely the best," Starscream rejoined, wondering if Soundwave's scrutinies were actually relevant or not.
"Observation: frame type and wings," Soundwave intoned, and again, Starscream swore that he heard something like emotion in the words.
"I do not have a femme frame! I'm more mech-like than femme, that is easy to see! Also, my wings are beautiful and perfect. You hear me, perfect! Starscream ranted, flaring those wings out in anger.
For a moment, Soundwave stayed quiet, then gave one last point. "Observation: heel thrusters on pedes imply a femme attribute. Seeker and femme pedes: very similar.
The two stared at each other for a short while.
"So if my pedes were flat, I would attract Shockwave," Starscream extrapolated sarcastically. "I highly doubt that is the case. So far," he continued, changing the subject, "you have thrown out suggestions but no solutions, Soundwave. At this rate, maybe I should have just asked Megatron," Starscream despaired, dramatically gazing towards the heavens.
"Statement: asking Megatron a bad idea," Soundwave warned.
"Oh?" Starscream asked, perking in curiosity. "How come?"
"Fact: Megatron in a relationship," Soundwave replied.
Starscream appeared gob smacked at the unexpected answer. "And when exactly was I going to be told this?!" he nearly yelled.
"Possibility: after Shockwave turned you down," Soundwave suggested wryly.
It took a moment for Starscream to connect the metaphorical dots. "Those two are together?" he exclaimed, before demanding, "For how long, and why the frag didn't you tell me when I first started asking you?"
"Fact: yes, Megatron and Shockwave together," Soundwave answered. "Fact: were together when war started. Fact: hate being separated from each other." Then, neatly ignoring the final question, the communications mech pointedly shared some advice. "Fact: Shockwave not compatible to Starscream. Fact: Starscream could do better."
Unsurprisingly, the last comment shocked the seeker. "Oh, really? And are suggesting yourself, Soundwave?" Starscream snarled back, furious at finding out that his interest had a lover already.
After a moment, Soundwave's lack of reply to his snark registered, and he reviewed what had just transpired. It dawned on Starscream that most likely, Soundwave did, in fact, suggest himself. Carefully, Starscream critically examined the larger mech.
From their previous tangent, it was painfully obvious that Soundwave seemed to have a fascination with him. Additionally, Soundwave had warned him many times in the past to not provoke Megatron's wrath. Of course, Starscream had not listened, done so anyways, and got slagged for it, but it was the thought that counts, right?
"Statement: Soundwave must leave; work to finish." The tape-deck turned to leave, but Starscream swore that he heard pain in those words. Not being the sort of mech to let things go easily, he stopped the other from leaving.
"You still have not answered my question, Soundwave; the answer's yes or no," Starscream provoked.
"Answer: irrelevant. Fact: have reports to finish," Soundwave dodged, again trying to leave.
"Oh, I see how it is. In that case, I order you to be off duty and answer my question," Starscream maneuvered smugly.
"Fact: abuse of command," Soundwave countered.
"Well, if you insist on finishing your oh-so-important reports, then you'd best overrule my orders by taking them to Megatron," Starscream advised in a matter-of-fact voice. "Of course, that would lead to the conversation we just had, and most likely, we would both get slagged by our liege," Starscream smirked, sounding even smugger with each word he uttered.
"Starscream: a fragger," Soundwave retorted.
Starscream stared in surprise; he had never heard Soundwave swear before. Then he smiled, realizing that he finally had the tape-deck right where he wanted. "Yes, but I would be willing to be your fragger if you want."
To his surprise, Soundwave abruptly stepped back. "Starscream: too indecisive on wanting a relationship," Soundwave protested warily, causing Starscream to frown.
"So you would not even give me the chance to go on a date with you?" Starscream asked, offended.
"Fact: Soundwave's time limited. Also fact: creations need monitoring."
As Soundwave's reply was not a flat-out rejection, Starscream quickly thought up solutions. "If you don't have any objections, I could ask Thundercracker and Skywarp if they would be willing to mind your creations for you," he suggested. After figuring out Soundwave's interest in him, he had immediately abandoned his plan of pursuing Shockwave in light of a more favorable option. Besides, hitting on Megatron's lover was not a wise course of action at all, and despite rumors to the contrary, the seeker preferred not being turned into scrap, thank you very much.
"Fact: Starscream only interested in Soundwave because Shockwave unavailable," Soundwave accused; he seemed a bit mad about that.
"Well, in my defense, I always thought that you had a thing for Megatron and that Autobot… Blaster was his name?" When Soundwave remained stoically silent, Starscream got the nasty little feeling that he was (inadvertently) irritating the other quite nicely. "Alright, I will take it that the answer to both is 'no' and leave it at that. Anyway, could we at least give it a try? Just one date, and if you do not like it or me, then we'll leave it at that," Starscream offered, hoping that he hadn't totally alienated the other.
Patiently, he waited for a reply from the cassette player, shifting from pede to pede with the building tension between them.
Finally, Soundwave had mercy on him. "Answer: …yes. Rules: do not be late. Time: 1600 hours, tomorrow," Soundwave dictated.
Starscream mentally ex-vented in relief, cheering that Soundwave was willing to go with him. "Oh, I won't, and I'll bring something along too," Starscream agreed with a wink, which caused Soundwave to tilt his helm curiously. "Oh, should I ask my trine to look after your creations?"
Soundwave nodded, and both turned to leave. Before fully departing, Soundwave glanced back, catching a glance of Starscream's swinging hips as he… skipped around the corner.
The comms mech sighed. "Starscream: far too feminine at times to be a mech," he muttered, then headed for his reports.
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Of course, both Starscream and Soundwave were unaware of the small audience they had amassed, hiding in the corners of a nearby hallway.
"Since they didn't scrap each other, you all owe me a case of high-grade," Skywarp boasted with a mad grin, earning glares from the other three with him.
"Just shut up, Warp, and wipe that stupid grin off your face plates. You do realize that we have to take care of Soundwave's creations tomorrow, right?" Thundercracker hissed at his mate.
"Indeed. If you know what's best for both of you, Thundercracker, make sure that both of you keep Soundwave's spawn out of my way," Megatron growled.
"Starscream and Soundwave being together is logical," Shockwave suddenly broke in, causing everyone to stare at him.
"Elaborate on why you say that, Shockwave," Megatron encouraged his own mate. Thundercracker nodded in agreement, wanting to understand the peculiar statement.
"According to the most probable scenarios that I have run, Soundwave will calm Starscream and distract him from plans to overthrow you, my Liege. For that alone, their pairing is logical," the master scientist elucidated.
"Good enough for me. Come on, TC, let's go flying. Oh, you two; don't forget to drop off those cases of high-grade later," Skywarp reminded unhelpfully, before warping away with an unresisting Thundercracker.
"Their pairing, however, is much less logical," Shockwave muttered. Despite not being pleased at losing to Skywarp of all mechs, Megatron could not help grinning at his mate's petulant, all-to-accurate comment.
As he watched Shockwave stroll gracefully down the corridor, the grin took on a significantly different cant. Perhaps, with several of the main troublemakers distracted, now would be an excellent time for Shockwave to give him a personal report on his latest endeavor and hypotheses.
~The End~