This is meant as a prequel to my other fanfiction, Absence and Nothingness. I hope to shed more light on Ashura-ou's thoughts and ambitions, as he is a very misunderstood character. As always, RG Veda and the characters therein are owned by CLAMP.
When I was a young warrior, not long after the death of my father, I sat in my room peering down at the courtyard below. From my open window, the pungent aroma of fresh flowers wafted in, a smell which our great city of Kusumabura was known for. These were idle days, when the world was new and rich with promise. I was thinking dark thoughts then, which were in contrast with my bright surroundings and all these smiling faces, congratulating me that I had finally come to inherit the throne.
I had become the new Ashura-ou, destined to lead these people and maintain the peace between each heavenly city in Tenkai. There was but one that I was subservient to, and that was the god-king. But he was a gracious king, much beloved by all the lesser kings. Music and laughter rang through his expansive halls, and wine flowed like water into the mouths of his generals and courtiers. None throughout Tenkai wanted for anything if he was graced by the god-king. As Ashura-ou, I was one of the closest to the king, for my tribe were the strongest warriors in Tenkai, and I the strongest amongst them. With my Shurato in hand, I was unstoppable.
I do not say this to boast. This great power and battle prowess was in my veins, and the veins of all my people. But we were a calm and happy tribe in warless times. It was by the blood of Ashura warriors that Tenkai was kept safe. Fear was unknown to most because of us, least of all those in the god-king's palace. Even the generals had become content with the endless banquets and revelry, thinking that these days would last for many years to come.
But it was not so.
In truth, many times my heart was sick with envy as I looked upon the common people, including humans. I did not desire the throne as other men desire it, power was something I had, but not something I yearned for. My father had been a great warrior, and had lived many hundreds of years before he too perished. Our lifespan is far greater than that of a human, but it is not indefinite. Before his death, he had pressed Shurato – the holiest sword of the Ashura – into my hand, and told me never to fear, for I was now Ashura-ou, and all would pay homage to me. I would be adored, he said. I would be loved. And I was, by many. But they saw in me a great leader. This was not what I was. I accepted my fate, knowing there was nothing else I could do but oblige. And still, all I could think of were the lowliest among us, and the humans destined to perish after a short life. Were it in my power, I would have traded this mantle of the Ashura for that sweet blessing of early death. Yet I was Ashura-ou, destined to fall in battle.
It was not long after this that I met Taishakuten, the man who would raze Tenkai to the ground. The warrior god of thunder, the harbinger of the dark times to come. And the only man whom had ever seen my heart laid bare. He would come to know me as none other knew me, not even Shashi, my priestess-wife. The same hands that slew the god-king and severed his head were also pressed into my flesh. We were sinners, he and I. And this was a thing I could not tell another soul: I had enjoyed it. Whether it was me or the darkness within me, I cannot say. But his piercing eyes bore into me, exposing my shame, my loneliness. And still he did not mind. He saw the man, not the king that others saw. Taishakuten wanted my filth, and I was more than willing to give it to him.
At that time, however, Taishakuten was but a lowly warrior of the god-king. One of many thousands, in fact. But he had shown great promise in war, and was a marvel in battle. In truth I thought him an upstart, one of many who thirsted for power. He had challenged me to a sparring match in front of the whole court. He is mocking me, I thought. He wants to show them all that he has the ability to challenge me, and by doing so, he challenges the god-king himself.
However, the god-king did not see Taishakuten as a threat. As long as I was alive and the Ashura fought, he could not be touched. I believe he may have even liked Taishakuten, ignorant as he was. I was not so foolish to believe the god-king's hands were clean, but the young warrior's ill intentions were evident. He made no effort to hide them. Some said that on the battlefield he laughed as he cut down his foes. I could see this vision in my mind as our swords clashed, in his cold eyes as they locked onto mine, that infernal smirk igniting the flames of my anger further. After the sparring match had ended, I noticed he had cut into my clothes. This was a feat that no one else could have accomplished. I did not realize it then, but he made an effort not to harm me, when he very well could have. He left his mark on me, which is all that he wanted.
Even then, though, some part of me was enamored with him, as all wise men are invigorated by the actions of the young and brash. And indeed he was younger than I, by a few hundred years, but already he had gained powers which many in my own tribe did not possess. I was startled by his presence, how he had blown into the palace like a storm, a frightful shock of electricity through my veins. It was the first time I truly was afraid for the empire. But all the same, I admired him too. He has taken his destiny into his own hands, I thought. Or was it merely the part he was destined to play?
He made me think on this, and I became uneasy. Curious, I had visited the sightseer, Kuyou. That was when I had learned of the future of my tribe, and of my unborn son who would bear our tribe's name, as I had. She spoke to me of the six stars that would gather to challenge the world as we know it. They would be the schism that splits the heavens. My tribe was destined to fall, and my son would be the only survivor. My heart nearly gave when I learned from Kuyou that he would be the cause of Tenkai's obliteration. The power which I possessed would pass to him, as would this darkness that even then I could barely contain. It would culminate in ultimate destruction. And still, knowing that I would father a son made me giddy with delight, despite these dark tidings. I thought back to my own father, saying I would be loved. I wanted this for him, as well. But more than that, I issued an indirect challenge towards the forces which governed the world. I would not allow this thing to occur.
Kuyou assured me that there was no way I could alter this fate. Even then I had my doubts about this. But my selfishness knew no bounds. I did not care for Tenkai, or the Ashura. The sweet perfume of flowers and the blessings of the god-king did not sway me from my course. That was when I decided to take a wife.
I had chosen the priestess Shashi instead of her sister, for in many ways to me she seemed the mirror of Taishakuten. Power mad, willing to do anything to better her position. The thing which I considered a curse, she yearned for more than anything. Long life, regal splendor. And so I gave them to her. In return, she became pregnant with my son.
At many intervals throughout my time at the palace, Taishakuten made it his business to stop me whenever he had the chance. Often I was followed by my most trusted generals who could not bear Taishakuten, and who encouraged me to avoid him. Because I was sickened by the man – or so I thought at that time – I followed their orders. But one specific occasion I was without them. I told them that I needed some time alone, to ruminate on this or that, the lies we tell when we wish to rid ourselves of responsibility. However, my mind was not idle. It had not been since I had visited Kuyou. Now that Shashi was pregnant, the plan had been set in motion. I knew in my heart she meant to betray me, but I did not care. As long as she gave birth, as long as my son was born, that was all that mattered.
It was with my son's face in my mind's eye that I myself went in search of Taishakuten, who had by that time been appointed as one of the god-king's generals. Naturally this had made the man all the more unbearable. I had thought his attentions towards me were malicious, that he wanted to make certain I knew who the real threat was. With him in my sight, I managed to startle him for once. He greeted me with his usual conceit, but I was determined to know more of his intentions, this god of thunder. He was strong, but also an enigma. Perhaps he could be useful to me, for a time.
I asked Taishakuten if he believed fate could be altered. I waited in anticipation for his response. The look he gave me perplexed me, the wheels turning in his mind as they were in mine, but to what end I could not discern. He responded that he would go to any lengths to get what he desired. A part of me wanted to know what drove this man to do what he did, all his atrocities. But at that time I could only think of myself. I offered him the chance to prove that he could really challenge fate. He asked me to give him what he wanted in exchange for his help. When I asked what it was, prepared to give just about anything, I had not expected his reply.
His entire visage changed at that moment. All of his arrogance melted away. His hard eyes softened as he looked at me, his hand reaching towards me, gently brushing my cheek.
You, he told me.
At once my mind raced in a dozen directions. Of all things that the man could want, this, to me, made the least sense. At first I thought he might have wanted me for my power, to help him rule Tenkai, but the look on his face left no room for doubt. Only my father and mother had looked upon me with those eyes. Not even my wife had shown me this type of affection, as often as we made love. And now, this brazen man was asking me to offer my body to him?
Very well, I said to myself. There are many men in Tenkai with this sort of appetite. He wants a plaything, a diversion. And so I became that diversion in exchange for his aid.
Many times after that I wandered alone. My generals sensed something was amiss, but they could not fathom why I insisted on being by myself so often. Rumors began to spread about Taishakuten and I, for some servants had seen me traveling to his chambers. I let them talk, for they knew not what was to befall them. None of them would ever know that two of the god-king's most trusted generals were already plotting against him.
Initially I was disturbed by Taishakuten's advances. I could not shake that feeling that I had for him initially, that distaste. But the man that greeted me in the god-king's halls during the day was an entirely different man from the one who embraced me in the cool of the night. For all his evil ways, to me, he seemed a lamb at those times. He would offer me sweets, and flowers, as if I were a maiden he intended to marry. He would complement my eyes, and run his fingers through my hair, always with such tenderness. When we made love, he was attentive to my every need. He left no part of me untouched, never unsatisfied. I would not openly admit this to him, but over time I began to soften towards him. I believe he could sense it too, because with each visit the lovemaking became more passionate, the fire generated by him burning me to my core. But always he would embrace me afterwards, and dress me, and we spoke as if we had been confidants for years.
I had told Taishakuten of my plan at once, of the scheme I was hatching which would involve all of Tenkai. As I explained he listened intently, speaking little. I believe he himself may have been frightened of me at that moment. He had not thought I was capable of such things, and now I was putting them into play. I told him my loyalty to the god-king and the Ashura tribe was not absolute. Taishakuten, however, assured me that he would do anything in his power to make my desired future a reality, to keep this dark fruit from ripening.
Of all the men in Tenkai, I discovered, Taishakuten had more loyalty than all the rest. He revealed to me that the first time he saw me was on the battlefield. From the sidelines of the conflict, he had seen my strength and beauty, and he had fallen in love. At that time he had no great thirst for power, only valor which all warriors had. He said that one look into my golden eyes was enough to fill him with intense desire. This desire culminated in him rising through the ranks to become powerful enough and prestigious enough to challenge me to a duel, that day we fought in front of the god-king himself. He told me that all my attention being on him at that moment was his crowning achievement. But he would not stop until I was his, body and soul. Now that he had me, not even the heavens could tear us apart.
While he revealed this to me, my face became flushed, and my heart beat rapidly. Never had anyone told me these things, not in all of my days. No one would dare. But Taishakuten feared nothing, not even embarrassment. He was so sure of himself and his intentions. I simply could not fathom this man, though his sincerity did touch me in ways I had not thought possible.
However, I found I could not look him in the eyes. I knew something he did not. He would not have me for long. I could not say this to him, for even then my heart felt as if it were being torn in two. I knew that, although he was powerful, Taishakuten did not possess the strength to bear this burden alone. I also knew my time was short.
I informed Taishakuten that Shashi was planning to have me eliminated. Already she was making advances on Taishakuten, he told me. She would reveal all the Ashura's secrets in exchange for helping her overthrow me. I told him that this was all part of the plan. He and his army – with Shashi's aid – would attack the Ashura and slaughter them. I knew my son's life was in danger, for she would not keep a child of the Ashura knowing we were a fallen tribe. Still, Kuyou had shown me the young Yasha-ou. I had met him, and I knew that he would be the one to keep my son safe. If I had to sacrifice myself and my tribe to give my son a chance at life and happiness, I was willing to do it.
It was not long after this that Taishakuten slayed the god-king and supplanted him as ruler of Tenkai. Naturally what followed was chaos, Tenkai overrun with men loyal to Taishakuten's cause. Blood flowed into the tiles of the polished hall at the god-king's palace, and fear was once more a constant companion to all. But Taishakuten had to be the embodiment of fear. He had to do everything in his power to keep the stars from coming together.
I would not live to see the results.
When the time came for Taishakuten to wage war against the Ashura, I readied myself for battle. My generals and I faced him as we faced any other foe. My people fought bravely, down to the very last warrior. The blood of my people drowned the flowers, panicked cries replaced merry song. Kusumabura had fallen.
Taishakuten and I had managed to tear ourselves away from the battlefield. I faced him alone in the throne room, the same room where I had been crowned king, where my forefathers had ruled for thousands of years. He had thought I was going to ask him to lead me somewhere safe, but I could not hide the truth from him. I told him with heaviness in my heart that he must kill me. By killing me and consuming my flesh, he would gain my powers. Only then would he truly be untouchable.
I did not allow him the luxury of thinking about this. I attacked him the way he had attacked me in the god-king's hall the day he asked me to spar. He blocked my attacks and fought back as if he were trying to instill sense into me, but I would not be swayed from my course. I threw myself onto his blade. He held me, the panic on his face a sight I will never forget. I told him that at that moment, after all this time, I finally and truly was and forever would be his.
It was then that I died.
For some time it was darkness, but I could feel my soul slowly rise from my mangled corpse. I hovered there, above the carnage. I could hear the screams from the city, smell the fire and burning flesh as if I were standing right in it.
Taishakuten was in shock. He stared at my body for what seemed eternity. Eventually, the weakened god took me in his arms back to what remained of his troops. They cheered and cheered for him, seeing that he had slain the enemy. He told them he would bury me, for even though I was his rival, I had fought bravely and deserved a hero's funeral. He made well on his promise, and he alone oversaw by body. It was then that he did as I instructed him to do. Just as he had done with me so many times in his bedchamber, he caressed each part of me, savoring it as he devoured it, leaving my face for last. He kissed the cold lips one last time.
All through this he had remained calm. It seemed at that moment he had forgotten how to feel. I had thought he would hate me for what I forced him to do, but seeing this display, I knew otherwise. He had accepted his sadness, taken this burden into himself. He would honor my memory, my wish, our promise for the rest of his days.
Though I had lost my corporeal form, I knew I was crying. I could feel the tears on my face, the ache in my heart. For the first time in my life I wished I could hold him, that I could take him back in time to when Kusumabura had been happier for all but me. At that instant, I yearned for the smell of the flowers.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. Frightened, I turned around and came face to face with my departed father, though he was not old as he had been when he died. He was young and beautiful, and he embraced me. He did not judge me, nor pity me. He knew what I had done, but no malice came from him.
My son, he said. It is time. And I knew he meant that my soul could not linger. I looked towards Kusumabura's ruins once again, down at Taishakuten, then back to him.
Yes, I told him. But I promised myself to this man. I will wait on the other side for him, just as you have waited for me.
My father merely nodded his head and disappeared into the ether. As Taishakuten rejoined his army, and roused them with a victory cry, I smiled sadly. He would have a long and difficult journey ahead of him, as would my son, and the other stars who would oppose the new god-king. The curtain had only lifted on this tragic play, in which I was the instigator. I wanted, with all my heart and soul, to believe that each man could take destiny in his own hands, to form his fate himself.
It would be more than 300 years before I could meet Taishakuten again, and tell him that I was right.