Tons of angst ensues. Hope you like it.
"Clare, give me your hand." Eli begged, his voice dripping with a desperation and fear that was unfamiliar to him. She swayed on the ledge of the bridge, her head shaking grimly.
Clare met his eyes briefly, the tears in her own threatening to spill over, to tell all of her secrets, to reveal the unadulterated vulnerability that she so desperately wanted to forget. She stood on the ledge of the bridge, the cold wind whipping strands of damp strawberry hair onto her tired face.
"Clare, this is not the way." Eli yelled, his hands shaking so furiously and his heart beating so intensely that light-headedness endangered to overtake him. "You can't leave me like this. Please?"
She scoffed, bringing one of her hands off from the ledge to brush hair from her mouth. Eli lunged forward and she jerked from him, her feet almost slipping from the narrow edge.
"Clare!" He screamed, climbing over to meet her, his fear of heights fleeing from him as adrenaline begged him to save the woman that he loved.
"Come any closer and I'll jump, Eli." She stated coldly, noticing a crowd of onlookers that had formed on the other side of the bridge. She hadn't meant for the occasion to be a public spectacle. She wanted to be alone, to think alone, and to die alone. Was that really so much to ask?
"Why are you doing this?"
"I don't want to live anymore. Why is that so hard for you to understand?" she seethed, venomous hate dripping from her voice. Her emotions were completely erratic. One moment she was crying, the next she wanted to kill everybody around her.
She guessed that was just another part of being a rape victim.
So much pain was bottled up inside of her. Betrayal. Desolation. Emptiness. She'd tried to go along like everything was fine, like she could be normal again. But after a few weeks of flashbacks, paranoia, fear, constant tears, isolation, anxiety and basically every other negative emotion she could have imagine, Clare knew that it would never go away.
She would spend the rest of her life with the knowledge that her ex-boyfriend, Jake, and his sleazy friend had violated her in the worst way.
She would always remember that they came into her bedroom in the middle of the night, reeking of alcohol and marijuana, laughing drunkenly and manically at her fear.
"Saint Clare, the sister whore."Jake laughed, as he ripped her shirt off. His friend held her mouth, preventing her screams of terror. "You know y-y-you want this, Clare."
She shook her head frantically, tears gushing from her eyes. Jake punched her in the stomach and she recoiled in agony as he stripped off the rest of her clothing.
They took turns with her until the sun came up. They took turns with her long after they'd sobered up. They took turns long after she'd gone numb, her body signaling that the events were simply too traumatic for her to deal with.
Then, they left her there, broken, bleeding and bruised, to mourn the theft of her virtue and innocence.
Suddenly, Eli was standing next to her on the ledge. He held tightly to her shoulder, shaking her gently out of her flashback.
"Tell me what happened to you." Eli pleaded her gently.
"Go back over, Eli. You can't save me now."
"I-I-I love you, Clare. I want to help you. Please…" Hot tears poured down his face, his quivering lips let a sob escape his throat. "How can I change your mind? How can I fix you?"
Clare chuckled cynically at him and stared emotionlessly into his red-rimmed eyes. "You know better than anyone that people can't be fixed."
Eli ignored her stab at him and eased his way into a sitting position. "Just sit with me for a minute, Blue Eyes?"
Clare followed his lead and they sat there, side-by-side, on the edge of the bridge, water rushing hundreds of feet beneath them and an excess of fearful spectators standing on the other side, the safe side.
"Do you remember that time in the hammock, Clare? When we stared up at the stars for hours, just the two of us?"
She nodded slightly. "Yeah, that was before… before everything was broken." Her voice cracked painfully on the last word.
"But it can be fixed. We can get you some help, and you can be happy. We can be happy together, Clare, if you want that." Eli urged her, rubbing circles on her back gently, willing her to turn around with him to safety, to let him save her life.
Clare was amused by the irony peppered into the situation. Eli was trying to help her, like she never tried to do for him. He wanted to save her, while she'd only let him go. They weren't even together, and Eli was doing more to help her than she'd been willing to do when he'd experienced a complete mental breakdown.
"I was raped." She stated simply, staring down at the freezing water beneath her. Her breathing quickened and she clenched her eyes shut painfully. "You tell me how the fuck you are going to fix that?" She screamed, losing all composure.
Eli stared at her with wide eyes, finally realizing why his beautiful Clare, his angel, was so damaged. How could he be so stupid? All of the signs had been there for weeks. He'd noticed how pale and terrible she'd looked lately, how she seemed like the weight of the world was dragging down onto her. It was why he'd followed her home from school every day for the last three weeks. He was worried, and with good reason. He called her at least once a day, texted her most of the time while he was awake. He kept tabs on her at all times, fearful of a breakdown that could ensue. He was the only person in her life who knew her well enough to realize that she wasn't herself.
And of course she was depressed. She was raped. It all made sense to him in that moment.
His heart broke for her.
He grabbed her gently and inched closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. She completely lost it.
"Sh…shhh… It's going to be okay, Clare." Eli patted her softly and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you, Clare. We'll go to the cops-"
"No, we won't. We won't go anywhere. The only place I'm going is down." Clare eased herself back onto her feet. "The police can't know. It'll ruin my mom's life. It'll tear her and Glen apart." Clare ranted, panic dripping from her quiet voice. "I can't. I won't."
Suddenly, it clicked. Her mom? Glen? That could only mean…
"Jake…Jake did this to you." He would kill Jake. His fury was overrun by his concern for Clare, but he knew it would be back.
Clare closed her eyes and swallowed hard. She shook her head in defeat. "I thought he loved me… I was wrong. Nobody loves me, Eli."
"I do, Clare. I do."
"I'm too dirty to love."
"No, Clare, never. You're perfect. You're perfect." Eli assured from the deepest, most sincere part of his being.
"There's nothing left for me."
"Just come with me. Climb back over with me and we'll figure it out. I'll be with you, Clarebear. We will get better, together. I'll never leave. I'll show you what's left for you."
She knew he meant it. He would never leave her. He would be burdened with her forever, because he didn't know how to let go. She couldn't bear the thought.
She pecked him on the cheek sweetly and smiled at him, her eyes welling up again.
"You'll come with me?" He asked, hope peaking up out of the dread he was feeling. "You'll climb over with me?"
She ignored his question and let the tears run down her cheeks, "Thank you." She whispered.
"For what, Clare?"
"There's no one else I would have wanted to spend my last moments with."
"Cl-!"
She jumped.
Well? Comments, questions? Was it terrible? Haha
Lemme know.
Vann