I wrote part of this business back in December when I was busy playing briefly!crossdressing Hizumi over on LiveJournal. Somehow it helps me brainstorm when I can write things from another character's perpective looking on the outside. Hence also, some excessive externalized Hizumi-focus.
This scene certainly never happened, but...I had fun making it seem like it might have happened, somewhere in the canon two weeks Hizumi's actually around. In the absolute tail-end of April I went back, looked at the fragment, and managed to pull it to a coherent conclusion. (Many thanks to MOG, and Mocchan for RP-ing with me regardless, though. They're one fine Hiyono and one adorable Ayumu respectively. Anyone would be lucky to work with either of them.)
Story-content is probably just friendly, as categorized, but... It has implied Ayumu-Madoka oneside'd, and the possibility of Hizumi-Ayumu oneside'd if you're the sort who wants to look for the latter. I think I kept things fairly canon...and managed to avoid any particular spoilers, because Ayumu still doesn't know, himself. All in all, a fairly safe fic. (Even for those of you who only watched the anime and only vaguely know there's a green-haired kid named "Hizumi" who's part of the manga, though you might be a little weirded out by the Madoka business. Anime!Madoka is a dreadful shrew, but both Anime and Manga Madoka remain perfectly faithful to Kiyotaka. Fear not. Ayumu definitely has a crush on her, though. Unfortunately, that bit where Ayumu claims over and over that Hiyono isn't his type as other characters routinely encourage him to date or thank her or such, is canon.)
Rated T for fairly harmless crossdressing, and a little bit of school-debate discussion content. Also, jokes about America, but keep in mind I live in America, myself, therefore I can make American!jokes with impunity.
Comments appreciated. This is the first time I've posted a Spiral fic on fanfictionDOTnet. Mostly I just keep it up on my creative journal "brain_diarrhea" on livejournal. Anyone who's after more pairing-oriented business or more random endeavors should probably head off there. (A few of the posts will be pretty HTML-broken. Fair warning. HTML isn't my friend. I still have to get around to cleaning. I'm not terribly organized, but I fic like a bloodless tearless demon regardless.)
Random friending and anonymous comments are just fine thereabouts.
Over here more of the same is fine, too, of course.
-Skunky
-o-O-o- Crossing -o-O-o-
In America, Hizumi would have been...describable.
He would be the kind of guy who sat there and grinned about everything. That sort could be short or tall or anything in between, with hair any color, cut a certain ordinary enough way, with just flawless enough skin, just perfect--or slightly imperfect--enough of a smile, and enough of an open, friendly attitude, to be popular.
Just popular enough to be half-resented by a few more seriously popularity bent individuals; Just "real" feeling enough to mix well with just about anything or anyone despite the few resentments...the kind of guy who could make anything look effortless and careless, for whom the word "tousled" was invented, and used not just to describe hair or clothes, but to describe his entirety: somehow absent and transient and current all at once...
He would be the kind of guy who never succumbed to an unjust fate, or died too early--he was the kind who burned out young and "pretty" if he had to die young at all. People would gather around and sigh, and say what a shame it was. He would be gone in a flash, laughing to the end, and never ever dying slowly. It was too shocking to think people like that might not last forever, stretching from a perfect high school into a perfect life with perfect carelessness and luck.
It was too frightful to think someone that easily magnetic could be such a liar to keep up the charade of carelessness if he actually were dying slowly.
Life had no place for that with the kind of guy who could hold himself well in anything...
To a point at least.
He wasn't holding himself quite right. It had been what gave him away before Ayumu even noticed his distinctive mint-colored hair which...might not have helped him today, since Hizumi appeared to have taken some time to style it carefully, adding two heart-capped hairpins on one side, in an otherwise perfect semblance of neatness or cuteness.
It was something about the jut of a too-bony male hip. Something of the shape of the torso, or the broadness of the shoulder which raised a little alarm in Ayumu's mind for a moment even before he recognized him--for the moment still frowning, still unable to put his finger on his instinct...
Hizumi revolved on his heel, and grinned at him, swishing the skirt. "Well? does it suit me?"
Ayumu stared, the question just forming in his head prematurely answered. Just Hizumi, it answered. Then it shuddered once. Yeah, just Hizumi. How...weird. Ayumu held back the urge to wince, then asked carefully, "Is this for some school thing?"
"It's for something." Hizumi replied, with a mischievous grin.
Ayumu made a show of looking him over in disapproval. "...Why are you the only one crossdressing?"
"You should tell me it looks amazing." Hizumi laughed, not answering anything, not offering anything.
"It's not quite right, actually, but I don't think you can help it. It's a shape thing, and a mannerism thing. If you tried to fix it, you'd just look like a garish homosexual."
Hizumi's grin instantly dropped. He pursed his lips, and Ayumu noticed he'd used some sort of coloration there, because his lips weren't usually that pink. Not a lipstick...maybe a gloss of some kind... "You calling me fat?"
"No. I'm calling you too skinny. You need some padding before you can really pass for a girl. But that's not the point. Why are you doing this?"
"Thought it'd be fun." the other said dismissively, adding unnecessary detail, "It's kind of chilly though--my legs are really cold in this skirt."
"Then you shouldn't have done this in the middle of winter for no reason."
"Oh, it's for a reason. I told you." Hizumi didn't elaborate, though, swishing his uniform skirt critically. "It felt weird to shave, though."
Ayumu's brows shifted quickly, furrowing and unfurrowing. "...You didn't have to go that far. Nobody asked you to."
"Yeah I did. My legs looked weird otherwise. Plus it's cuter this way."
No self-respecting American boy would use the word "cuter" around anyone but girls, and that while describing puppies. But Hizumi didn't seem to notice--he was twirling on his heel again, seemingly admiring the way the skirt fluttered, and grinning like an idiot.
Ayumu forced his eyes upwards, reminding himself those were another boys' legs, and noting that Hizumi was slightly knock-kneed and decidedly skinny, to say the least that he could see the blue veins in the backs of his colorless knees. "...Anyone else joining you in this?"
"The braided-haired girl was supposed to, but she probably won't do it in the end." Hizumi stretched, and again, was a bit too catlike, a bit too male and leisurely in it to pass for a girl...a bit too free in his gestures, in his spread apart legs... "She'll take pictures, though, I bet." He added casually, uncaring, "She won't be able to resist."
Ayumu tried to reconcile the idea of Hiyono in the boy's uniform in his head. As though she could get any less my type...
He didn't like schoolgirls. He never did. He couldn't in a way, because his first love had seemed mature. Because she'd held herself differently...because he'd spent his life watching his brother and envying those older, stronger, longer limbs--the body of a man while he was forever just the awkward little boy with the cracking voice and the clumsy, too-large hands and feet...
He had no time for schoolgirls. It just made him gloomy to see them all around him--one more inadequacy.
Ayumu studied Hizumi again, trying to decipher him.
Hizumi smiled back, as though daring him to try to decipher him, daring him to even think he was anything more than a careless youth.
"...You probably deserve whatever happens to you for letting her get one over on you like that."
"She's not getting anything over on me--blackmail means you have information nobody wants you to have." Hizumi turned to him, and grinned again. "I'm not an idiot. I'm not doing this because I'm under her thumb."
Ayumu had to remind himself he wasn't looking at a girl despite it all. It was an odd feeling. He didn't know many girls his height. The thought was especially uncomfortable. "No." He agreed, "Just a moron. You're still just giving her fodder-"
"I am not, and that's just If she spreads it around. People know me and will either assume I was forced into it by her--which will just make me more popular--or I'll tell them I did it for a bet, which will make them laugh."
"What's the bet?"
Hizumi raised his eyebrows. "What bet?"
Ayumu frowned. Ah. Right. There was no bet.
Hizumi gave him a wide smile. He almost seemed to be nodding. Like he was reading his mind.
"So...you just wanted to dress in the girls' uniform for no reason?" Ayumu ventured, feeling a headache starting at the base of his skull.
"No. There's a reason. I already told you. Twice." Hizumi replied, making a face. "Go ahead and try to figure it out. I thought you would."
"I'd rather not." Ayumu grumbled, turning. He didn't like schoolgirls. He couldn't. The uniforms spoke to him of a million inadequacies. It spoke to him of giving up entirely, of never even so much as having a chance for Madoka--not that he could ever make a move on her.
To even consider someone his age? A schoolgirl...?
No. It would be the last twist of the knife. It would be total and absolute surrender. Somehow he couldn't. He just couldn't. No matter how hard he tried to overcome the inhibition, it held him strongly, stubbornly.
And...Hizumi's yellow eyes were gleaming in wicked knowing. He probably had guessed it, somehow. He probably knew. He might even just be mocking him, deliberately off-balancing him.
"...If you're trying to attract more women to me, you're wasting your time. I'm not interested in them."
"Ah." Hizumi studied him critically. "Maybe I should have brought you a skirt, too."
Ayumu's face heated immediately, scowling, eyes narrow. "Like Hell..."
"Relax." Hizumi grinned, twirling, the smile fading down into a secretive knowing-ness. "There's nothing wrong with that kind of thing. In some ways, it's safer, even."
Ayumu's frown deepened. "...What are you saying?" He ventured, suspicious.
"What? It's true, isn't it? You don't strike me as small-minded. You might be even better than me at some stuff. I watched you debate after I pulled you onto my team. The incest discussion in class? You're perfectly right. As long as the pair only have one child, maximum, the genetic risks are low, barring cases of rape. It was elegant assuming you don't argue just off of groundless taboos. You think about things, and never step in blindly."
"What's that have to do with anything?" Ayumu asked, frowning deeply.
"It means, you should be supporting me." Hizumi sighed, waving as though it was all obvious.
Supporting...him? He could take that as the garish call to the story of the creator again, deny his role, deny that he'd do anything other than save the blade children...but...Hizumi was watching him a little too closely for that, a little too interestedly.
There was another layer to it. He meant something else.
Ayumu thought quickly, peered at him. "...You're gay?"
"Bi, actually. Not what I meant, though." Hizumi replied with a smile. He said it like it meant nothing. Like it was a request for food, or an answer to a homework question. He turned his head, tilting it, grinning a little too sardonically for a schoolgirl, but there was a sort of triumph in his eyes evne as he pretended there wasn't, feigning exasperation. "...What? What? Something on my face?" He rubbed his eyes then sighed, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly. "What? Are you seriously caught up on that? Is it that I don't look it?"
Ayumu frowned more deeply. "...No." He admitted.
"Most of us don't, you know." There was a hint of teasing, or smugness in Hizumi's voice. It irked him.
"I figured that. It wouldn't make sense if you all did act the way people think you do. You're just people with a different orientation is all. There should be lots of people with the inclination who aren't involved with the subculture." He paused. "...Off that subject, where did you get the uniform?"
"Oh." The other made a derisive noise. "Don't worry. It's from the braided-haired girl. I don't normally dress in drag. This is my first time." he preened. "Did it turn out?"
Ayumu studied him a little more, trying to choose his words carefully. "...I wouldn't choose such a public place for that kind of thing, myself. Also, the skirt's too short."
"Yeah, but this was perfect for what I had in mind." He studied Ayumu in turn. "You're really calm again." He said with a note of surprise.
"I didn't see it coming, but it doesn't matter to me what you like to do." He shrugged. Right. It wasn't his business, and it didn't affect him what Hizumi's orientation was. That was Hizumi's business. He really didn't see the big deal. Pity? Another test?
"Doesn't it?" Hizumi grinned like a shark. "Doesn't it matter? You've heard the story, right?"
Left with that, Ayumu had to think quickly. "Which one? The Creator?"
Hizumi smiled, revolving around him unsettlingly. "The creator. God and the Devil...Adam and Eve..."
Ayumu nodded vaguely. He couldn't let Hizumi unnerve him. He was looking for an opening. Exactly why he couldn't be sure of yet. Scratch that, it was Hizumi--he would always be searching for an opening. This was no different. He'd be patient with him. That was the best long-term strategy...
Ah.
"Was this all to tell me that you were bi?"
"Not quite that simple." Hizumi said with a little laugh.
"Well I don't think you went all this way to make some comment that's supposed to be irreverent, because I don't really care much about that."
"Nah. I wouldn't do that." Hizumi said with a face. "I'm an atheist, but I still wouldn't do that." He sighed, shook his head. "Why are you always so boring?"
Ayumu quickly composed his face, but Hizumi must have read something there regardless because his eyes widened and he amended quickly, "I meant that you act like you're boring. Sorry. You're actually a good guy, though. A really good guy. Why do you try to hide it?"
"I'm just living in my brother's shadow. I'm not anything." Ayumu said dismissively, unnerved by Hizumi's sudden peering sincerity, and how quickly he read him. Hizumi really was dangerous.
"That's not true at all." Hizumi replied with a shake of his head. "Think about it: How many people would actually be willing to give up and die for a bunch of people who were good people? Not many, right?"
"...Right." Ayumu answered grudgingly.
"Well it's certainly a much smaller percentage even of that, that would be willing to die for a bunch of bad people. Murderers especially. I know I couldn't." Hizumi paused, studying him with surprising intelligence. "But you would. You were ready to even when I drew the knife up to your throat, and you didn't struggle even a little bit, or turn to get away. You accepted it."
Ayumu paused. "...If you make a Jesus reference, I'll cut your dessert ration in half."
Hizumi made a face, sputtering only a little, and persisting on unusually seriously. "Well it's worth it, then. You have to admit it fits. And you're certainly not bearing my children for me." He added.
Despite the flippancy of the statement, it still made Ayumu go red. "Aa. Definitely not." He agreed, turning his head.
No chance in Hell. Hiyono Yuizaki was about as much not his type as could be. He didn't know what further category Hizumi fell into--possibly "men" in general. It wasn't like that sort of thing was possible, not that it had stopped fate from having a really poor and awkward choice of analogies to base off of. It figured he was the one who had to be 'Eve' in the metaphors. Hizumi was too cool and charming to be stuck with such a role. Naturally it fell to him. He was used to that. Years of living in his brother's shadow had made him enough of a sighing, accepting pessimist.
...He'd certainly have more reason to try to fight fate if it turned out his metaphorical role involved bearing another man children, though.
Even he wasn't that unlucky.
Hizumi smiled at him. With his arms hooked behind his back, and his shoulders pulled back, he...looked a little less like a man, perhaps, after all. He did look a little like a girl after all that--too-skinny, and gangly, with big square hands and feet, and the curve of an adam's apple, but his eyes were large enough, his cheeks round, and his demeanor cheerful...maybe just a little, after he tried that hard... Maybe if you just saw him from the shoulders up, he might be a girl. With squinting yellow eyes, and a too-wide grin, and a blotch of patchy freckles just under each eye, and over the nose...
...Hizumi probably would have laughed if he'd found out he was some unseen force's metaphorical 'Eve'. He'd think it was a great joke, Ayumu noted gloomily.
Maybe he could save the blade children, and fulfill Kiyotaka's legacy, but Ayumu still knew there wasn't much chance for him to be a thriving, spotlight stealing grandstander the way Hizumi was. It was almost somethign to admire--the way Hizumi could walk into any room, learn everyone's name within the first thirty seconds, and take charge, effortlessly. It...reminded him of nobody so much as his brother, Kiyotaka. Only...for whatever reason, Hizumi had come clear accross the world to meet him, and seek him out, and run to the effort of getting him to join him. And...that...well...it was nice in a way.
It was temptingly easy to let Hizumi take control and manipulate him by offering his attention, and his lavishing. But Ayumu resisted for the sake of the blade children. He had a duty to fulfill, whether he wanted it or not. Far from discouraging Hizumi...he'd if anything, clung even closer, watching him, testing him, approving of him in a way Kiyotaka never had.
Yes...Hizumi was dangerous. He always would be. It was just the way he was. Charisma was dangerous by its very nature.
"It would be one crazy household if you dressed like that, anyway. A bunch of confused children..." Ayumu muttered, waving away the odd thought. Did it matter what Hizumi tried for? As long as he wasn't killing anyone or taking over the world, what did it matter what his hobbies were? He was an American, anyway, and Ayumu already knew that no matter what Hizumi said, as long as he didn't do anything, he wouldn't be forced into trying to kill him.
"Nah. They'd understand. Your genes and mine? We'd have some devastatingly smart confused children." Hizumi replied with a flippant laugh. Somehow it made Ayumu smile--the absurdity of it all. He almost laughed, himself. Hizumi had a certain...brightness about him that made him think it might actually even be okay to laugh, or to smile, that maybe things could go well--a strange thing to feel from your rival. He had a pure joy to the sound of it, like Ayumu's comment had really and truly surprised and delighted him, though Ayumu doubted it actually had...
He really did hope things turned out well, he realized suddenly.
Hizumi was odd, but he was...really a good friend. He understood things, and was to the point. He could start a plan, and Ayumu could follow his thinking and finish it without either of them having to speak a word to the other. Hizumi could do the same for him, and he did, with that same smile. He had a smile for those around him, of course, but he had a special sort of smile for when someone followed exactly what he was thinking, and supported him, built for him. It was laced with a hint of excitement, and eagerness...
It was nice to have someone at your level, tempting to rely on Hizumi. He slid into your life easily, and effortlessly...
And Hizumi seemed to genuinely like him, in a way nobody else ever had. He seemed to value him. Maybe it wasn't having children to re-populate the earth, or even a sort of love, but it was...comfortable, somehow. Even knowing him for only about a week, he was already his best friend, and probably the best friend he ever could have.
Of course that was dangerous, too.
Hizumi's laugh faltered partway, and he looked at the ground suddenly. "I bet you'd be great at it...anyway..." He murmured. There was a look of abrupt and absolute sadness on his face. It made no sense at all, to Ayumu. Was he grieving over something?
...Oh God, did he like him?
A gut reaction of revulsion fought with Ayumu's inner urge for logic and level-headedness. Really, who knew what Hizumi was thinking. It could have been anything.
Never mind that. It wasn't for him to judge or even guess in this case.
Ayumu forced himself to not think about it.
"...Don't take it so seriously." Ayumu chided, swatting at his forehead, unnerved by the sudden shift of his emotions nonetheless. Really, that would be the last thing he needed. Hizumi and he were friends. It would leave a really bad taste in his mouth if fate let the self-proclaimed bisexual Hizumi like him. Was that even possible? It was certainly cruel...
Ugh. It'd be worse than Hiyono. And certainly an even further cry from what he really wanted...
Not that he'd been dumped by Madoka...or ever really had a chance to begin with.
"Ouch!" Hizumi whined, acting like he was dying of the blow the way he normally did. Really there was so little force behind it...he was so melodramatic.
But he was a distraction...that part at least was nice. Hizumi made it hard to think about his brother or his sister-in-law, or the blade children, or really anything other than what Hizumi was busy being stupidly enthusiastic over at the moment. Maybe he did it deliberately even, on some level.
"You know there's no way that could ever happen, anyway. Besides, I'm too young to be thinking about having children."
"Aah, but the braided-haired girl really seems to like you." Hizumi chided with a smile. "Or Kirie-chan. She likes you too."
Ayumu felt his neck heat. "Absolutely not." he muttered. "And Hell no."
"I'd have to come by and baby-sit your children and teach them all to be evil and devilish." Hizumi laughed, twirling again, teasing him.
"Stop that."
"Not on your life!" Hizumi laughed. "I'll go tell the braided-haired girl all about your undying affections for Kirie-chan!"
"Don't you tell her anything!" Ayumu shouted, giving chase as the laughing Hizumi broke into a dash, skirt flying behind him as he darted through the little pockets of students still leaving the school. Hizumi just kept laughing, sing-songing something in English that seemed to involve the names "Ayumu" and "Kirie-chan".
Ayumu's limited grasp of the language allowed him to grasp the concept of letters spelling out "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" and he went red, feeling his ears burning.
"I'm going to kill you!" He shouted after him, racing past a knot of very alarmed looking underclassmen.
"Haah! You said you wouldn't! All the watchers would just be right if you do!" Hizumi called over his shoulder breathlessly, grinning.
"I'm ordering take-out curry for dinner instead, then."
"Aah! You fiend!" Hizumi shouted, wheeling around, and swinging his bookbag at Ayumu as he passed. Ayumu just dodged as Hizumi shouted, "You have no heart at all!" still swinging wildly.
A concerned-looking teacher began to make his way to the door, but Hizumi was running again with a little laugh, and Ayumu ran after him to avoid being framed for something else because he had a 'shifty look' or such. "You're just a delinquent." He chided the scampering Hizumi.
Hizumi sprang back, laughing, catching Ayumu in the gut with an arm, accidentally winding him. While Ayumu was choking for air, Hizumi just wrapped his arms around his middle, giggling. "I'm still glad we're friends, though, whatever I am..." He sighed, nose buried in Ayumu's collarbone, hairpins hard against the underside of his chin. Just as abruptly, he let go of the distressed Ayumu as though he'd done nothing at all, flashing a quicksilver smile.
"Last one to the newspaper room cleans up dinner!" And he was off like a shot with a peal of laughter while Ayumu was still only just starting to breathe again, slumped against a locker.
Hizumi was...odd, Ayumu affirmed to himself bewilderedly.
But two years later, he would have to admit, even so, he wasn't someone you forgot. Ever.
-o-O-o-