Kid was never truly sure of anything. He was unsure about his identity, unsure about transitioning, unsure about dating, and unsure about moving in together. He was unsure how to decorate the house or which flatware set to buy. He couldn't decide on the color of the curtains or which frames to buy for the photos.
And now, he was unsure about the pregnancy test he held in his hand.
He'd come out to his father when he was only 13. He was unsure then too of how his father would react. Of course, his father's laid back and lighthearted approach to everything was nothing short of perfectly accepting. Immediately after, Kid began his life as a boy for the first true moment. He transitioned with the help and support of his friends, and especially of his later boyfriend Black Star.
They had dated for several years, over half a decade. A few years into which, they decided to try a polyamorous relationship with a mutual love interest, Kilik. Kid could only describe their relationship as chaotic bliss.
The two boys made him happy, happier than he'd ever been.
It was Black Star's idea to get the matching set of rings for the three of them when Kid's favorite set gifted to him by his father finally broke. It was a pleasant surprise. Kid was still unsure about them, wondering whether or not those rings were truly meant to be a symbol of marriage between them all. But the sweet kisses the two boys left on his ring reassured him that what they represented was a true bond.
Kid was unsure of everything, except for the fact that he loved Black Star and Kilik with his whole heart.
But now, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, wearing one of Kilik's loose t-shirts and a pair of Black Star's boxers and clutching a pregnancy test, Kid was unsure of every one of those moments.
Waiting for the result was making his heart race. Just one more minute.
He heard a knock.
"You okay in there, Kiddo?" Black Star called through the door.
His voice shook ever so slightly when he replied, "Yeah… I'll be out in a bit."
Silence. He'd left the door and had probably made his way to the kitchen. Kid was never awake before the boys and he was sure it worried them.
It wouldn't be long now. Kid closed his eyes tight. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the result anymore. He could feel his hand shaking.
He opened his eyes slowly.
Positive.
Kid didn't bother dressing before he went to the kitchen. He knew both of his boys would be there. He still had the positive test in his hand.
Black Star opened his mouth to make a joke as usual when he saw Kid standing there in his shirt, falling off one shoulder, but stopped when he saw Kid's shoulders slumped and his sad, almost scared expression. He couldn't even speak, but he didn't have to.
"Hey now, what's got you so torn up?" Kilik asked in his gentle voice. Kilik was always better at using words to calm Kid down.
Black Star was much better at physical communication and got up to delicately wrap his arms around Kid and hold him to his chest. It was slightly awkward since Kid was a little taller than him but neither of them cared.
Kid found both of them calming and let out a shaky breath. He could feel Black Star's tension as he nuzzled his face into Black Star's chest.
"I'm pregnant," he mumbled.
He could hear Kilik drop the fork he had been holding, and he heard Black Star's breath hitch and felt his heart skip a beat.
Whether they were horrified or worried, he couldn't tell.
"A-are you sure?" Kilik asked from the table.
Black Star held him back at arm's length so he could really look at Kid. He couldn't believe it when he saw the seriousness in his boyfriend's face.
Kid held up the positive test.
Black Star had to sit down.
Kilik came forward to see and guided Kid to a chair at the table. He dragged his chair closer and held both of Kid's hands in his.
"How are you feeling right now?"
He always knew how to approach a delicate situation with Kid. He always asked how Kid was feeling before deciding what to say, always so he knew what Kid really needed.
"Scared."
"You know we'll support you, Kid. No matter what you decide. You know that, right?"
Black Star grunted his agreement, not sure what to say in a moment like this.
"And if you want this, we'll both be happy, but we're not going to force you through something that you don't want to do."
He ran his thumbs over Kid's knuckles soothingly. Kid was feeling much calmer by this point.
"I think… I think I just need a little more time to decide. I don't know how to feel about something like this, honestly."
Black Star finally spoke up, with words that settled sweetly in Kid's heart, "We'll be there with you no matter what you decide."
It took time, nearly two weeks for Kid to decide to go to the clinic. He'd spent most of that time violently sick and confined to the bathroom or laying pitifully on the large l-couch while either Black Star or Kilik brought him water or sat with him and rubbed his back in soft circles.
And now, he was standing at the clinic with his boys each holding one of his hands. His face turned down in a grimace. Black Star squeezed his hand.
"You can do this," Kilik encouraged him.
Together, they stepped inside. The boys were asked to stay in the waiting room, leaving Black Star increasingly agitated and fidgety. Kid was led by a nurse to an examination room. God, how he wished his boys could have come with him.
He sat on the exam table and waited. His knuckles turning white with the force of his tight fists. He felt the knot in his throat and fought back tears.
When the doctor arrived, a sweet older woman, he couldn't even speak to greet her. She was understanding and gently patted his shoulder.
"Now, I hate to do this because I know it must be hard for you, but because of certain laws and policy, I have to show you an ultrasound before you can officially decide whether or not to go through with this," she explained.
He nodded.
She instructed him to lie back, placing a pillow under his head and asked him to hold his shirt up. She had warmed the gel beforehand so it wasn't too unpleasant when she spread it over his abdomen.
"This may be a little uncomfortable but I'll do my best to make this as easy as possible."
She took the ultrasound tool and pressed it firmly to his belly and moved it around until she had a good view.
"Well, you're almost ten weeks."
He had kept his eyes firmly glued to the opposite wall until she said this. And when he turned around to look and saw the tiny thing on the monitor. It looked like a little bean, yet it made his heart stop for a moment and sink.
He choked on a sob and covered his his eyes with both hands. When he saw it, he thought of it growing inside him. He thought of bringing it home, raising it with his boys and showing it the love they all could give it.
And when he thought of taking all that away from it, he felt his heart breaking.
He loved kids too much to do that. And he knew his boys did too.
And more than that, he knew that they would support him through the whole thing and be there for their baby when it came into the world.
"I can't do it," he sobbed. "I can't kill it."
The tech smiled and said, "Well then, I'll give you a card to a good doctor."
Kid was silent save for a few sniffles during the entire ride home. Black Star drove while Kilik held him in the back seat, smoothing back his hair and giving him soft kisses on the top of his head and forehead. He didn't say anything until they got home.
"I want to keep it."
Kilik smiled softly and Black Star pumped his fist before dissolving into a snotty, crying mess.
And that was how their family started.