He runs around the arena weaponless but he's running from his camp nonetheless-behind the rock with the mud covering his body-his leg is still aching but he ignores it. There's another scream, it's Katniss. He knows that particular shriek. She's in danger and he can't find her. For a moment it stops and he thinks maybe she got away but a canon goes off, his heart skips a few beats. He can't lose her.
He runs before a hovercraft collects the body, he runs to where the scream originates and hopes it's not Katniss. (He wishes and prays and begs it's not Katniss.) He runs, tripping over roots and branches and vines but he needs to get there before the hovercraft. When he's certain he's there he finds her, lying helpless on the ground with a knife stuck to her chest with plenty of other wounds. It's not Katniss, it's an entirely different girl. She's helpless and dead. He tells himself but he can't lie-he's not much of a liar. He runs to wrap his arms around her but he's too late, the claw takes her away from the arena. Away from him forever.
It's starling how the dream seems so real and he finds himself on his feet scuffling clumsily to Katniss' compartment with hopes his dream wasn't real. (It wasn't, it wasn't.) He pushes the door open and he closes his eyes for a second-as if he expects an empty room-and opens his eyes again to find her. She's alive. She's alive and she's there. He slides in next to her on the bed and wraps his arms around because he's afraid that she'll disappear. He's afraid that one night the Capitol will take her before he has the chance to fight and protect her. He goes out and learns that he will never understand her. (Maybe Haymitch and Katniss were right, they weren't underestimating him, they were saving him from all this confusion bubbling inside him.)
But he loves her no matter how difficult it is for her to understand it. He loves her, he always has and maybe even always will. He doesn't care if his heart breaks every minute, Peeta learns how to ignore the feeling crumpling inside him. He decides that maybe he should've swallowed the berries in the arena instead. Spare him the pain of living like this but Katniss somehow needs him (and he needs her).
He's about to fall asleep a few hours later when she starts screaming, her chest rising up and down as her breathing quickens. Peeta pulls her up and kisses her awake. He smiles as she wraps her arms around his neck (because it is real, she's real). "It's okay, Katniss. It was a nightmare. I'm here. I'm here." he says even though it won't mean much to her.
But she's still screaming with tears flowing down her eyes as she sits up. She's crying tonight and it doesn't happen often. Infact, it never happens. Whatever her nightmare was it must've been pretty bad. He wraps his arms around her and takes her hand, gently rubbing her palms. "Katniss. It's okay, it's okay." he whispers. "Please Katniss, don't cry. Tell me what happened? I'm here, don't worry."
She buries her face into a pillow but grips his hand firmly. It takes her about an hour but Peeta waits until she's okay.
"Tell about what happened." he whispers when they lie down, facing each other. He readies himself, her nightmares have always been the worst recaps of the Games.
"It was awful Peeta. We went back home and everyone-"
"Was gone." he doesn't need her to finish. He knows as well, he knows the fear of coming home and finding nothing.
She gives him a slow nod and stares at him with her sad eyes. "Snow took them all."
"I can only imagine it." he says. "A lifetime with just Haymitch." This manages to out a little laugh from her. "Wouldn't be so bad, I guess." he smiles as she takes his hand and intertwines it with hers. He brightens a bit at her touch.
"You'll have to give him baths more often." she teases and he scrunches up his face as if he were disgusted (but really giving Haymitch a bath was way better than being in the Games).
"Ugh. No." Peeta shakes his head. "Who says you can't?"
"You know how I feel towards nakedness." she snaps and he remembers that day in the arena where he had to strip off his undershorts so she can wash it in the stream. He feels his cheeks burn and wonders if she can see how they're red.
"That's not exactly fair on your part." he frowns.
She raised her eyebrow at him. "And what is my part?"
"My other half, I guess." he shrugs, this makes her bite her lip and squeeze his hand tighter. "What's wrong?"
"It's just that," she pauses, her face falls. It's different, it's not a joke anymore whatever she has to say it's entirely real and not a nightmare. "if were the starcrossed lovers of District Twelve, Haymitch and I realized-"
"Realized what?" he knows it bad. He knows what he's going to hear will break not just his heart but himself as well.
"We'll have to get married." The way she says it makes him feel like it's the worst possible thing to happen. As if a lifetime with him would break her. He's torn apart (if he wasn't before then it really is now). He wants to cry and yell and punch something and someone and run away just so he won't feel the pain but it's there. And after the words slipped out of her it was worse than losing her because losing her meant only he would have to suffer but it felt as if she'd suffer as if marrying him would be the worst possible thing on Earth. The pain will never leave him. It's the type of pain maybe he won't even be able to ignore.
"Peeta." she whispers. He doesn't say anything. It's not bearable, he'd rather have his flesh ripped off him then hear those words again but it's too late. "It won't be too bad..." the way she says it tears him up even more. (He imagines Cato pushing him to the ground with his knife in hand.)
"We'll live together and maybe it won't be what we expected but our families are safe..." she tells him. (Cato's pushing the knife into his flesh slowly and he watches the blood gush out.) "We'll be safe." (The knife is pulled out but Cato doesn't leave, he's kicking Peeta as he writhes in pain and then laughs at him for being pathetic. I guess she doesn't love you, Lover Boy. If she did, she would've stayed and saved you. You're pathetic, trying to save that girl. We thought you'd be good bait, you know? Turns out she doesn't even care about you. Cato cackles and then spits at him.)
He's frozen. It's like a nightmare come to life. He's not losing her in his dreams, he's losing her in real life. "I love you, Katniss." he manages to mumble as the pulls the door open. "I hope you know that." And he leaves.
He makes his way to an empty compartment and sits in a corner. He's a stupid boy and maybe Cato was right. She didn't love him. She loved Gale, someone who could hunt with her and protect her. He could never protect her. He is pathetic. It's not too long before he dozes off.
He's awoken by someone tapping him lightly. It's Katniss.
"I'm sorry." she whispers softly and he hates her. He hates how he loves her, how he doesn't stand a chance, how she's out of his league, how she found him, how she's saying sorry and how it doesn't take it much from her for him to forgive her. He hates himself and her and Gale.
"Okay." he nods as she sits down next to him and rests her head on his shoulder. He doesn't say a word and she doesn't either. He realizes how this is the best it could get, an eternity with Katniss with her head on his shoulder, his hand clasping hers tightly and he realizes that it's probably going to be okay. It should be okay.
But why doesn't it feel okay? His heart drops onto the floor from his chest, he feels heavy. Like a million sacks of flour have fallen onto him. He wants love, he wants real love. Not pretend love he and Katniss going round trying to show everyone. He wants love that they don't have to prove to anyone else.
But The Games won't let him have that, The Games won't let him go on without having to see her everyday and having his heart torn.
"Peeta." Katniss whispers his name as she dozes off and he hopes that maybe someday she'll know what she does to him.
A/N: Sorry for any typos or errors this isn't really proofread sorry! Sort of rushed it. Reviews would be nice, yes?