A Strange Day at Hogwart's

Written by ToastyTheBagel

(who, it should be noted, is quite embarrassed by this mess.)

Chapter 1

Harry Potter woke up one morning to something quite odd. His room was filled with steam, like it was a Peruvian jungle or something. Does Peru even have jungles, Harry wondered? If so, are they very steamy? Peru certainly has small bears wearing coats and eating marmalade, but steamy jungles are another matter all together. Regardless, it was quite steamy in his room. He called out to Ron, to see if Ron knew the source of the steam.

"Why yes, Harry," Ron replied, walking in from a door that wasn't there when they went to bed the night before. "I know exactly where the steam is coming from."

"Hang on," Harry said, "What's with that door? This certainly is odd. Did you learn a steam-and-doors spell yesterday or something?"

"Mate," Ron said, figuring he needed to say the word mate at least once every other sentence, "my father came here last night and installed a muggle shower in a new room. I've come to realize the students and professors here at Hogwarts almost never clean themselves. When's the last time you remember it being mentioned? I figured I could fix that."

"Um, okay?" Harry said hesitantly. "You mean like how sitcom characters never go to the bathroom?"

"Hey," Ron said, "I'm not a muggle! I don't know about sitcoms or TV... or even Reebok sneakers and US Presidents who smoke weed. You should really remember that kind of thing."

"Oh right, yeah. Sorry, Ron." As Ron approached Harry closer, Harry could see Ron in a towel, glistening and wet. Ron had apparently been using this mysterious shower.

"Oh, Harry, mate," Ron said, making sure to meet his Minimum Required Usage Of Mate Quota, "How about you get some of this sweet ass?" Ron dropped his towel and wiggled his ass at Harry.

"What?" Harry exclaimed, very surprised at what just happened, "What do you mean, have some of that sweet ass? Put your towel back on."

"You know," Ron said, "You take your dick and shove it in my butthole. Sweet, sweet ass! You know you want to, mate." Ron smiled, exceptionally happy he was now exceeding his .5 quota on the word mate.

"This doesn't make any sense," Harry said, "This our 6th year together in Hogwarts and you've never wanted to do this before. We've always liked girls! How are you going to marry Hermione at the end of book 7 if you go around getting guys to stick their thingies in your you-know-what?"

"Stop channeling trolls from Dubai, mate. What's this about Book 7? We aren't in a book. Are you sure you're doing all right, Harry?" Ron asked.

Harry decided he needed to get out. He got dressed as fast as he could and hurried out, looking for someone to tell about this most unusual behavior from Ron. Perhaps someone had cast a spell on Ron of some type? He ran into Snape in the hall. Literally. Harry was so deep in thought, he knocked directly into Snape.

"Out of my way, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape shouted coldly, "I heard Ron's offering free ass! I have to go tap some of that sweet ass!"

"What?" Harry exclaimed, "YOU TOO? What's gotten into everyone around here?" Harry was very confused. How can someone shout coldly? That seems hard to do. Snape pushed past him and continued towards Ron's room.

Harry knew something odd was happening about Hogwarts. It was up to him to figure it out and fix it. This was gonna be weird, Harry was sure.