This is an edited chat I had with my friends on an AIM chat room…it was so
funny I had to put it here. It's a spoof on a Star Wars fanfic I'm writing.
JediGeneral is Obi-Wan (post-AotC), OutcastMaster is my created character,
Arra, a Jedi Outcast who's technically in love with him (and he with her),
and GreyApprentice is…her apprentice. And THhotshot…he's still the trigger-
happy hotshot computer-pilot jock he is in real life. Enjoy.
GreyApprentice: Can I talk to Obi-Wan for a sec? I know he's there.
OutcastMaster: Why? Are you getting ideas...?
GreyApprentice: I need to tell him something about my master (hint, hint)...
OutcastMaster: Fine.
JediGeneral: What is it you wished to speak with me about?
GreyApprentice: He he! I wanted to tell you to go slower with my master
JediGeneral: Excuse me?
GreyApprentice: than you went with that handmaiden
JediGeneral: I did not!
GreyApprentice: or those handmaidens
JediGeneral: They're all rumors!
GreyApprentice: I'm sure.
JediGeneral: Anakin must have spread them to spite me.
THhotshot: Bad images.
GreyApprentice: And he took holos, too.
JediGeneral: I should have seen he was evil.
GreyApprentice: I've got them right here.
JediGeneral: WHAT!!???
THhotshot: Take images.
THhotshot: Ooooooh…
GreyApprentice: Sorry, I don't have a scanner...
JediGeneral: Hey, you can do anything with a good holo-alterer these days!
JediGeneral: That kid is giving me a bad name!
GreyApprentice: I'm sure, and you gave it to yourself.
GreyApprentice: And I see that those m/m fics are also justified.
JediGeneral: Your overconfidence is your weakness
THhotshot: Your chronic drug addiction is yours.
JediGeneral: Are you accusing me of being a spice addict?
THhotshot: Yes. I am. Glitbiter!
GreyApprentice: He's a bi.
THhotshot: A bi?
GreyApprentice: Or maybe...
THhotshot: Oh, gay.
GreyApprentice: No, bi.
JediGeneral: Stop it! Kids these days.
THhotshot: Bi?
GreyApprentice: He's gotta have Mara.
JediGeneral: I do not!
THhotshot: Mara?
GreyApprentice: Ha.
JediGeneral: Wait...
GreyApprentice: So it's true. Were you not careful?
JediGeneral: Shut up.
GreyApprentice: Or did you just not care?
JediGeneral: I don't do inappropriate things with MY DAUGHTER!
GreyApprentice: was it a one-time thing, or…
JediGeneral: Shut up or I'll go Dark Side on you.
GreyApprentice: And I might tell my master about your little escapades…
OutcastMaster: What have you two been talking about?
JediGeneral: Nasty rumors.
GreyApprentice: Oh, nothing...O:-)
OutcastMaster: Wait…what escapades?
GreyApprentice: Well...
JediGeneral: Your apprentice has a sick mind.
OutcastMaster: I noticed.
GreyApprentice: No, I have proof!
JediGeneral: Proof? They're faked holos!
GreyApprentice: Those holos are not FAKE
OutcastMaster: Sol-Karan... what have I told you? Stop poking around in people's love lives...
JediGeneral: My point exactly.
GreyApprentice: What, Master? O:-)
GreyApprentice: I'm not poking, just transferring data.
OutcastMaster: What data?
JediGeneral: I think I'm going to lose control...
GreyApprentice: Well, it seems Obi-Wan here has been...
JediGeneral: No! I have not!
GreyApprentice: Need I tell, or will you?
JediGeneral: I have no idea what you're talking about!
GreyApprentice: What about those questionable tissues? *ducks*
JediGeneral: Tissues? Why you little...
GreyApprentice: :-D
OutcastMaster: This is priceless.
JediGeneral: Women. Can't understand them.
GreyApprentice: Obi-Wan?
JediGeneral: What?
GreyApprentice: Just be more careful in the future.
JediGeneral: I am not--
GreyApprentice: Or you will see copies of those holos in my master's hands. O:-)
OutcastMaster: Amen. I don't want them.
JediGeneral: But--I never---
GreyApprentice: But you might want to know what he's been up to...
JediGeneral: I haven't!
OutcastMaster: Oh, Force.
GreyApprentice: Really?
JediGeneral: No.
GreyApprentice: I can prove otherwise.
JediGeneral: Absolutely not.
GreyApprentice: Yes.
JediGeneral: She never learns!
OutcastMaster: Believe me, I know.
GreyApprentice: You and her = Mara, after all.
OutcastMaster: What... who's Mara?
GreyApprentice: You don't get out much, do you?
OutcastMaster: Well…
GreyApprentice: Told ya.
OutcastMaster: The only child I had was named Jade.
GreyApprentice: I'm sure...
JediGeneral: Child? What child!? Oh, no...
GreyApprentice: Talk to Obi-Wan. He's got quite a brood...
JediGeneral: I do not!
GreyApprentice: That you know of.
JediGeneral: I...well, I certainly wouldn't tell you! If I...never mind.
GreyApprentice: What?
OutcastMaster: Absolutely priceless.
JediGeneral: Women.
GreyApprentice: Want to find out how to get back at Anakin?
JediGeneral: I would like to...
JediGeneral: I heard some stories about him and a certain former queen...
GreyApprentice: Well, I've got those holos, but it'll cost ya. It'll be worth it, though.
JediGeneral: *sigh* How much?
GreyApprentice: Well, how much do you want them?
JediGeneral: Uh...a lot.
GreyApprentice: Well, they're in my room…
GreyApprentice: ;-) O:-) :-D
JediGeneral: How many holos do you have?
GreyApprentice: quite a few, trust me
JediGeneral: *groans* How much? And don't say...well…
GreyApprentice: I guess you cannot take a not-so subtle hint.
JediGeneral: What not-so subtle hint?
GreyApprentice: Read up aways right before the smileys.
JediGeneral: Oh. No.
GreyApprentice: :-*
JediGeneral: I...uh…
OutcastMaster: Sol...stop trying to steal him from me.
GreyApprentice: what, Master? O:-)
JediGeneral: Force...
GreyApprentice: I'm not stealing anything...
JediGeneral: Help. 2000 credits? Please? Per holo? Just stop...
GreyApprentice: I've got Tycho, and Anakin, and that furry-footed hobbit from that Earth holodrama. Oops, did I say that out loud?
GreyApprentice: :-!yes, per holo
JediGeneral: *whew.
GreyApprentice: Oh, so you really are the player...
JediGeneral: WHAT!!??
GreyApprentice: You gave a pleasurable sigh. I can tell.
JediGeneral: No! I was relieved!
GreyApprentice: Sure. And why would you be?
JediGeneral: Because you didn't…never mind.
GreyApprentice: Yes, I did. See, you can't take a hint unless you were...
JediGeneral: NO! Shavit.
GreyApprentice: Hmm, frisky, this one...
JediGeneral: Someone help me...
GreyApprentice: I'd be glad to...
JediGeneral: No!
GreyApprentice: Of course not. O:-)
JediGeneral: She…she was trying to...
OutcastMaster: Yes?
GreyApprentice: Tell him where the good bars are, Master.
JediGeneral: Uh.... I'll pass on that…
OutcastMaster: Sol, you know you're not supposed to filch my entertainment.
JediGeneral: I am going to live as a hermit from now on. Far away from females of any species…
GreyApprentice: Tell that to your daughter.
JediGeneral: What was that supposed to mean?
GreyApprentice: Well, you and my master, well...I have the Sight.
OutcastMaster: That wasn't nice.
GreyApprentice: What, Master? O:-) Notice I capitalized the M. You are a proper noun.
OutcastMaster: Yay.
GreyApprentice: Now that you have been flattered, I have some business to discuss with a certain Jedi Knight.
JediGeneral: I don't like the sound of that.
GreyApprentice: I'm surprised.
JediGeneral: This is embarrassing.
GreyApprentice: Why should it be?
JediGeneral: Help.
GreyApprentice: Just a few paces. ;-)
JediGeneral: Force. Are you really going to take up on that deal? *shudders*
GreyApprentice: I'll hold up my end....
JediGeneral: Nooooooooooo..........
GreyApprentice: Yes, pretty boy.
JediGeneral: Nnnnnnnoooooooooo.........Please…credits only.....
OutcastMaster: This is actually amusing.
GreyApprentice: But you already trained the boy! By the way, just how much of that did you teach him?
JediGeneral: She's TORTURING me!
GreyApprentice: I would never dream of it!
OutcastMaster: I taught him enough, my apprentice.
GreyApprentice: No editing, please!
OutcastMaster: You know I can't do that.
GreyApprentice: What? You and Anakin? Really?
JediGeneral: What? Don't say that--
OutcastMaster: She's kidding.
GreyApprentice: I didn't. No, I'm not.
OutcastMaster: Quiet, Sol.
GreyApprentice: I'm not speaking, Master. O:-) BTW, how long were you and Ani together?
JediGeneral: Me or her?
GreyApprentice: Her. Or were you...
OutcastMaster: For about a week. He was an idiot.
GreyApprentice: My, you move fast... to teach him all that. Well, Obi-Wan, you've proved to be a very good teacher.
JediGeneral: Me? But I-- No! Not Anakin!
GreyApprentice: Really...
JediGeneral: First she says I'm cheating on you, then she says I'm gay!
GreyApprentice: I did not say you were gay!
JediGeneral: You implied it!
GreyApprentice: And you've not cheated on her...yet.
JediGeneral: Thank you. Wait…"yet"?
GreyApprentice: Notice the "yet". Jedi are so cute when they squirm.
JediGeneral: Arrrgg.
GreyApprentice: Oh, so adorable.
JediGeneral: I am not going to put up with this humiliation.
GreyApprentice: Would you rather I post those holos in some rather obvious places?
JediGeneral: NO!
GreyApprentice: Well, then, deal.
JediGeneral: No.......
GreyApprentice: Or, I might...
JediGeneral: Ack.....
GreyApprentice: Well, they are very good holos of you...
OutcastMaster: They're cute, aren't they?
GreyApprentice: …and those other people.
JediGeneral: *chokes* Other people?!
GreyApprentice: Well, yes, in some.
JediGeneral: I never--
GreyApprentice: Oh, really.
JediGeneral: Arra! What did you do to this girl?!
GreyApprentice: I have them out now. I really didn't see you as a cross- species kind of guy, though.
JediGeneral: Stop…stop...
GreyApprentice: Oh, Mara!
JediGeneral: AAAAAHHHH!
GreyApprentice: Oh! You've got an idea of what this next holo is, then.
JediGeneral: Help me. Please.
GreyApprentice: No help is to be had. Unless...
JediGeneral: Not you...
GreyApprentice: O:-)
JediGeneral: Please…
GreyApprentice: Oh, now you say yes.
JediGeneral: Yoda could not have predicted this for my future...She's trying to utterly embarrass me!
JediOutcast234: Very misty future you have, mmm, yes....
JediGeneral: not to mention...um…
GreyApprentice: yes, the um is crucial.
JediGeneral: Not again...
OutcastMaster: This is getting interesting.
GreyApprentice: And again and again…
JediGeneral: Get her to cancel that deal! I don't want the holos that much!
OutcastMaster: Hey, you made it, you have to take up on it.
JediGeneral: Not you, too...
GreyApprentice: :-) Thank you, master
JediGeneral: Gah...if I have to...
OutcastMaster: You do. *wicked grin*
GreyApprentice: This is looking up...
JediGeneral: No...*bangs head on console*
JediGeneral: Fine...fine...*drops head into hands*
GreyApprentice: ;-)
JediGeneral: Saturday night...SATURDAY NIGHT!
GreyApprentice: I love this. So, you want some dirty dancing, do you?
JediGeneral: THIS IS CRAZY! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
GreyApprentice: Can I talk to Obi-Wan for a sec? I know he's there.
OutcastMaster: Why? Are you getting ideas...?
GreyApprentice: I need to tell him something about my master (hint, hint)...
OutcastMaster: Fine.
JediGeneral: What is it you wished to speak with me about?
GreyApprentice: He he! I wanted to tell you to go slower with my master
JediGeneral: Excuse me?
GreyApprentice: than you went with that handmaiden
JediGeneral: I did not!
GreyApprentice: or those handmaidens
JediGeneral: They're all rumors!
GreyApprentice: I'm sure.
JediGeneral: Anakin must have spread them to spite me.
THhotshot: Bad images.
GreyApprentice: And he took holos, too.
JediGeneral: I should have seen he was evil.
GreyApprentice: I've got them right here.
JediGeneral: WHAT!!???
THhotshot: Take images.
THhotshot: Ooooooh…
GreyApprentice: Sorry, I don't have a scanner...
JediGeneral: Hey, you can do anything with a good holo-alterer these days!
JediGeneral: That kid is giving me a bad name!
GreyApprentice: I'm sure, and you gave it to yourself.
GreyApprentice: And I see that those m/m fics are also justified.
JediGeneral: Your overconfidence is your weakness
THhotshot: Your chronic drug addiction is yours.
JediGeneral: Are you accusing me of being a spice addict?
THhotshot: Yes. I am. Glitbiter!
GreyApprentice: He's a bi.
THhotshot: A bi?
GreyApprentice: Or maybe...
THhotshot: Oh, gay.
GreyApprentice: No, bi.
JediGeneral: Stop it! Kids these days.
THhotshot: Bi?
GreyApprentice: He's gotta have Mara.
JediGeneral: I do not!
THhotshot: Mara?
GreyApprentice: Ha.
JediGeneral: Wait...
GreyApprentice: So it's true. Were you not careful?
JediGeneral: Shut up.
GreyApprentice: Or did you just not care?
JediGeneral: I don't do inappropriate things with MY DAUGHTER!
GreyApprentice: was it a one-time thing, or…
JediGeneral: Shut up or I'll go Dark Side on you.
GreyApprentice: And I might tell my master about your little escapades…
OutcastMaster: What have you two been talking about?
JediGeneral: Nasty rumors.
GreyApprentice: Oh, nothing...O:-)
OutcastMaster: Wait…what escapades?
GreyApprentice: Well...
JediGeneral: Your apprentice has a sick mind.
OutcastMaster: I noticed.
GreyApprentice: No, I have proof!
JediGeneral: Proof? They're faked holos!
GreyApprentice: Those holos are not FAKE
OutcastMaster: Sol-Karan... what have I told you? Stop poking around in people's love lives...
JediGeneral: My point exactly.
GreyApprentice: What, Master? O:-)
GreyApprentice: I'm not poking, just transferring data.
OutcastMaster: What data?
JediGeneral: I think I'm going to lose control...
GreyApprentice: Well, it seems Obi-Wan here has been...
JediGeneral: No! I have not!
GreyApprentice: Need I tell, or will you?
JediGeneral: I have no idea what you're talking about!
GreyApprentice: What about those questionable tissues? *ducks*
JediGeneral: Tissues? Why you little...
GreyApprentice: :-D
OutcastMaster: This is priceless.
JediGeneral: Women. Can't understand them.
GreyApprentice: Obi-Wan?
JediGeneral: What?
GreyApprentice: Just be more careful in the future.
JediGeneral: I am not--
GreyApprentice: Or you will see copies of those holos in my master's hands. O:-)
OutcastMaster: Amen. I don't want them.
JediGeneral: But--I never---
GreyApprentice: But you might want to know what he's been up to...
JediGeneral: I haven't!
OutcastMaster: Oh, Force.
GreyApprentice: Really?
JediGeneral: No.
GreyApprentice: I can prove otherwise.
JediGeneral: Absolutely not.
GreyApprentice: Yes.
JediGeneral: She never learns!
OutcastMaster: Believe me, I know.
GreyApprentice: You and her = Mara, after all.
OutcastMaster: What... who's Mara?
GreyApprentice: You don't get out much, do you?
OutcastMaster: Well…
GreyApprentice: Told ya.
OutcastMaster: The only child I had was named Jade.
GreyApprentice: I'm sure...
JediGeneral: Child? What child!? Oh, no...
GreyApprentice: Talk to Obi-Wan. He's got quite a brood...
JediGeneral: I do not!
GreyApprentice: That you know of.
JediGeneral: I...well, I certainly wouldn't tell you! If I...never mind.
GreyApprentice: What?
OutcastMaster: Absolutely priceless.
JediGeneral: Women.
GreyApprentice: Want to find out how to get back at Anakin?
JediGeneral: I would like to...
JediGeneral: I heard some stories about him and a certain former queen...
GreyApprentice: Well, I've got those holos, but it'll cost ya. It'll be worth it, though.
JediGeneral: *sigh* How much?
GreyApprentice: Well, how much do you want them?
JediGeneral: Uh...a lot.
GreyApprentice: Well, they're in my room…
GreyApprentice: ;-) O:-) :-D
JediGeneral: How many holos do you have?
GreyApprentice: quite a few, trust me
JediGeneral: *groans* How much? And don't say...well…
GreyApprentice: I guess you cannot take a not-so subtle hint.
JediGeneral: What not-so subtle hint?
GreyApprentice: Read up aways right before the smileys.
JediGeneral: Oh. No.
GreyApprentice: :-*
JediGeneral: I...uh…
OutcastMaster: Sol...stop trying to steal him from me.
GreyApprentice: what, Master? O:-)
JediGeneral: Force...
GreyApprentice: I'm not stealing anything...
JediGeneral: Help. 2000 credits? Please? Per holo? Just stop...
GreyApprentice: I've got Tycho, and Anakin, and that furry-footed hobbit from that Earth holodrama. Oops, did I say that out loud?
GreyApprentice: :-!yes, per holo
JediGeneral: *whew.
GreyApprentice: Oh, so you really are the player...
JediGeneral: WHAT!!??
GreyApprentice: You gave a pleasurable sigh. I can tell.
JediGeneral: No! I was relieved!
GreyApprentice: Sure. And why would you be?
JediGeneral: Because you didn't…never mind.
GreyApprentice: Yes, I did. See, you can't take a hint unless you were...
JediGeneral: NO! Shavit.
GreyApprentice: Hmm, frisky, this one...
JediGeneral: Someone help me...
GreyApprentice: I'd be glad to...
JediGeneral: No!
GreyApprentice: Of course not. O:-)
JediGeneral: She…she was trying to...
OutcastMaster: Yes?
GreyApprentice: Tell him where the good bars are, Master.
JediGeneral: Uh.... I'll pass on that…
OutcastMaster: Sol, you know you're not supposed to filch my entertainment.
JediGeneral: I am going to live as a hermit from now on. Far away from females of any species…
GreyApprentice: Tell that to your daughter.
JediGeneral: What was that supposed to mean?
GreyApprentice: Well, you and my master, well...I have the Sight.
OutcastMaster: That wasn't nice.
GreyApprentice: What, Master? O:-) Notice I capitalized the M. You are a proper noun.
OutcastMaster: Yay.
GreyApprentice: Now that you have been flattered, I have some business to discuss with a certain Jedi Knight.
JediGeneral: I don't like the sound of that.
GreyApprentice: I'm surprised.
JediGeneral: This is embarrassing.
GreyApprentice: Why should it be?
JediGeneral: Help.
GreyApprentice: Just a few paces. ;-)
JediGeneral: Force. Are you really going to take up on that deal? *shudders*
GreyApprentice: I'll hold up my end....
JediGeneral: Nooooooooooo..........
GreyApprentice: Yes, pretty boy.
JediGeneral: Nnnnnnnoooooooooo.........Please…credits only.....
OutcastMaster: This is actually amusing.
GreyApprentice: But you already trained the boy! By the way, just how much of that did you teach him?
JediGeneral: She's TORTURING me!
GreyApprentice: I would never dream of it!
OutcastMaster: I taught him enough, my apprentice.
GreyApprentice: No editing, please!
OutcastMaster: You know I can't do that.
GreyApprentice: What? You and Anakin? Really?
JediGeneral: What? Don't say that--
OutcastMaster: She's kidding.
GreyApprentice: I didn't. No, I'm not.
OutcastMaster: Quiet, Sol.
GreyApprentice: I'm not speaking, Master. O:-) BTW, how long were you and Ani together?
JediGeneral: Me or her?
GreyApprentice: Her. Or were you...
OutcastMaster: For about a week. He was an idiot.
GreyApprentice: My, you move fast... to teach him all that. Well, Obi-Wan, you've proved to be a very good teacher.
JediGeneral: Me? But I-- No! Not Anakin!
GreyApprentice: Really...
JediGeneral: First she says I'm cheating on you, then she says I'm gay!
GreyApprentice: I did not say you were gay!
JediGeneral: You implied it!
GreyApprentice: And you've not cheated on her...yet.
JediGeneral: Thank you. Wait…"yet"?
GreyApprentice: Notice the "yet". Jedi are so cute when they squirm.
JediGeneral: Arrrgg.
GreyApprentice: Oh, so adorable.
JediGeneral: I am not going to put up with this humiliation.
GreyApprentice: Would you rather I post those holos in some rather obvious places?
JediGeneral: NO!
GreyApprentice: Well, then, deal.
JediGeneral: No.......
GreyApprentice: Or, I might...
JediGeneral: Ack.....
GreyApprentice: Well, they are very good holos of you...
OutcastMaster: They're cute, aren't they?
GreyApprentice: …and those other people.
JediGeneral: *chokes* Other people?!
GreyApprentice: Well, yes, in some.
JediGeneral: I never--
GreyApprentice: Oh, really.
JediGeneral: Arra! What did you do to this girl?!
GreyApprentice: I have them out now. I really didn't see you as a cross- species kind of guy, though.
JediGeneral: Stop…stop...
GreyApprentice: Oh, Mara!
JediGeneral: AAAAAHHHH!
GreyApprentice: Oh! You've got an idea of what this next holo is, then.
JediGeneral: Help me. Please.
GreyApprentice: No help is to be had. Unless...
JediGeneral: Not you...
GreyApprentice: O:-)
JediGeneral: Please…
GreyApprentice: Oh, now you say yes.
JediGeneral: Yoda could not have predicted this for my future...She's trying to utterly embarrass me!
JediOutcast234: Very misty future you have, mmm, yes....
JediGeneral: not to mention...um…
GreyApprentice: yes, the um is crucial.
JediGeneral: Not again...
OutcastMaster: This is getting interesting.
GreyApprentice: And again and again…
JediGeneral: Get her to cancel that deal! I don't want the holos that much!
OutcastMaster: Hey, you made it, you have to take up on it.
JediGeneral: Not you, too...
GreyApprentice: :-) Thank you, master
JediGeneral: Gah...if I have to...
OutcastMaster: You do. *wicked grin*
GreyApprentice: This is looking up...
JediGeneral: No...*bangs head on console*
JediGeneral: Fine...fine...*drops head into hands*
GreyApprentice: ;-)
JediGeneral: Saturday night...SATURDAY NIGHT!
GreyApprentice: I love this. So, you want some dirty dancing, do you?
JediGeneral: THIS IS CRAZY! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!