I did have this really serious Master story written, but I posted it and decided it wouldn't work so I wrote this instead. I don't know, I'm just insane.

Oh, and Doctor Who isn't mine. Not now, not until Stevie gets bored and sells it to the insane teenager in the Wicked shirt for ten quid and old bus passes.

Summary: "What if somebody knocks three times, just to fool you? You'll open the door, and they'll be like "Ha-ha, got you! BANG." The Master can't resist teasing his captive a little.

Knock Knock, Who's There?

"I can't say I didn't see this coming."

"You're just saying that to annoy me."

"No, I'm not."

"Liar. How did you know?"

"Well, I was on this flying bus—"

"Why do all your stories start like that? I was on a flying bus, I was on the Titanic, give me a break!"

"I was on the—!!"

"Bored. Go on then; surprise me. What clued you in?"

"He will knock four times."

"…sorry?"

"That's what the prophetic woman said. And then the Ood showed me their dreams—well, nightmares really—and they were you."

"And they say I'm the crazy one! Old ladies, ood, nightmares! The only thing missing is some gorgeous girl getting brutally murdered."

"You're sick."

"But what do you mean, he will knock four times?"

"Why should I tell you?! You're the one who tied me to a chair!"

"Well, it's physically impossible for you to shut your mouth, in this irritating incarnation, so I'll just wait until you literally can't resist."

"I don't know, I prefer the word 'charming'. Wouldn't you say 'charming'?"

"No."

"Or 'sexy'?"

"No. Doctor, you're only proving my point."

"…"

"…"

"…apparently whoever knocks four times will bring about my death."

"You lasted ten seconds, I have to commend you on that."

"Shut UP."

"So, you're looking out for four knocks? And that will kill you?"

"Yup."

"Hmm. Well, what if somebody knocks three times, just to fool you?"

"…what?"

"You know. You'll open the door, and they'll be like "Ha-ha, got you! BANG."

"That won't happen. It's four."

"What if—"

"It's FOUR."

"Okay … so, if I do this—"

"AAH! Don't knock on that!"

"—then I have an excuse to kill you?"

"No, knocking on tables don't count."

"You think they mean doors? Okay …"

"No, Master, don't—"

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Just me, come to kill the Doctor."

"You think you're funny, don't you?"

"Of course. It's one of the reasons why I'm a winner. And why my marriage is stable while your girlfriend is stuck in some parallel world."

"Your wife shot you."

"Details, details. Anyway, I've knocked four times; can you die now?"

"I don't think it's you, Master."

"Oh, you always ruin my fun. Don't you want me to be happy?"

"You overturned Earth's government, enslaved the human race and overpowered me. I don't think you really deserve to be happy."

"I overpowered you by tying you to a chair. I don't think you deserve to get self-righteous!"

"I'm beginning to wonder why I didn't want you to die last time…stop KNOCKING on the wall!"

"Worth a try. Ah, well, I suppose the knocking doesn't matter. I'm going to kill you anyway."

"Don't I get a last request?"

"…fiiine. As long as it doesn't involve leaving the room."

"Untie me?"

"Okay. … There. I like moving targets better anyway."

"Now, Master, maybe we can talk about this like two—OOF!!"

"Oh, get up. Doctor? Oh Rassilon. Only you could kill yourself by tripping over your own shoelaces!"

"…"

"Okay, I tied your laces together while you were unconscious. So I guess the prophesy was me! Look, see, I tied it once, twice, thrice, f—oh. Er, maybe the prophetic woman meant four knots?"

It's probably OOC, stupid, random, cracky, wacky and generally rubbish but the mental image, at least, entertained me. My only hope is that maybe my attempt at a cheap laugh entertained you too…? Eh, this wasn't really meant to be taken seriously. Review anyway! :D