This is my first story so if its bad. I'm sorry. and please leave reviews!

I wanna say thanks to my twinny paola! I love you and thanks for talking me into this!

Disclaimer:I do not own Big Time Rush. Wish i did. But i don't.(sighs in longing)


I stared down at him, his body weak and helpless, growing still with every passing second.

I watched as they struggled to stop the immense bleeding, pressing their hands harder against his open wound as more blood stained the pale skin of his chest, slowly draining the life from him.

His hazel eyes were clouding over, and his breaths were coming out shorter as he became more and more lifeless. His lips were moving but nothing was coming out, and I had to lean down to hear him.

"G-Grace…" he stuttered, his voice small and breathy. I shook my head and let out a sob, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping this was all a dream. It wasn't. I leaned my forehead against his, begging with him to hold on. "I love you." He croaked, and tears escaped my eyes faster, dripping onto the feverish heat of his face.

"JAMES! JAMES STAY WITH ME!" I yelled over the sounds of the abulence as it sped through the streets, the siren seeming to overpower everything as I struggled to hear his whispers. The heart monitor was beeping irregularly, fading in and out. His heartbeat was slowing, and there was nothing I could do about it.

His eyes were closing, his breaths leaving him. "I'll always be here." Was the last thing he said before the stong grip on my hand loosened until he became limp.

" NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" I screamed out on a sob as the monitor drew a flat line. "NO!" I sat there helplessly in the ambulance with silent tears streaming down my face as I watched the love of my life die in front of my eyes.

"Please, Miss. Let us through." The paramedic said,pushing me away from the body and rubbing two metal plates together. "Clear!" He shouted as he sent a wave of electricity through the dead body.

He bent and checked for a pulse but I knew there wouldn't be one. I had watched the light that had comforted me with its warmth leave his hazel eyes.

After a moment, he turned to me, his eyes dark and sympethetic."No Pulse." He told me softly. " I'm sorry ,Miss. He's gone." Just like I knew he would be ,but even then it was still as if someone had stabbed me in the chest instead of him.

I stared at his body as more tears escaped, my hands tightening themselves around his lifeless hand. His last words kept replaying over and over in my head, "I love you and I'll always be here." But he's not here.

He's gone and he's not coming back.

I jolted straight up in bed, finally waking up from that horrible memory. I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I frantically looked around at my surroundings, half expecting to see him laying beside me, a sleepy smile on his face as he looked up at me, wondering what was wrong. But he wasn't there, and even if I was hoping it was all a dream, I slowly realized it wasn't. Putting my head in my hands, I started to sob.

Apparently quite loudly because soon there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I spluttered while I tried to quiet my sobs and stop my body from shaking.

"Hey," a familiar voice greeted me, and I looked up to see Kendall standing awkwardly at my door. "Are you ok Grace?" he asked ,walking into my room and shutting the door behind him.

"Yeah, Kendall," I sniffled, looking down. "I'm fine."

"Really, cuz from my room across the hall it didn't sound that way." I looked up at the tall blond boy standing in front of me, tears still streaming down my face. Sighing, he sat down next to me and put his arm around me. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." I leaned into his side. He paused and I prayed in my head he wouldn't figure out what was bothering me, but like most other times, my prayers failed me.

"Is it…. Is it the dream again?" He whispered, looking down at me.

I stared at him, trying to find the courage to lie to him, but then the sobs I was holding in broke through and I was sobbing hysterically into Kendall's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and started rubbing my back, whispering about how "it's okay" and how "it's over now" as he smoothed down my tight brown curls.

"Oh Kendall, I miss him so much." I choked out between sobs.

"I know." He sighed. "We all do, but he wouldn't want us to be miserable because of it. He would've wanted us to move on and keep living our lives." He paused for a minute, as if thinking whether he wanted to keep going or not. "He would've wanted us all to fall in love and have kids and name at least one of them James." I couldn't help but laugh, remembering how he'd always said he wanted the name James to circulate through our families. Kendall offered a comforting smile and gently tightened his hand around my shoulders.

"He would've wanted us to fall in love."

My brow furrowed in confusion, realizing something. "You already said…" I looked up to find his face was inches from mine and that he was looking straight into my chocolate brown eyes. A gasp escaped my lips as I suddenly noticed how gorgeous Kendall Knight really was, with his long dirty blond hair and those green eyes that seemed to say 'everything will be perfect as long as you're in my arms'.

My heart leapt as I realized I wanted that and then broke into pieces as I realized I would never have it. I wanted to be held and to be wanted and to be loved, but my chance for that left a year ago when James died. I looked at Kendall and thought about how much he had done for me, I wondered what would it be like to be loved by him.

I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice how his face was slowly getting closer to me, how I could feel and almost taste his breath on my lips as he breathed slowly and easily. But soon enough I noticed, and my body seemed to lean in by itself, my eyes shutting when…

He Kissed Me.

It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. As soon as his lips touched mine it was like an electric current was sent through my body into Kendall's and back. And I couldn't get enough. I wrapped my arms around his neck, fisted my hands in his hair and pulled him closer. Kendall picked me up and twisted my body so that I was straddling his lap. All that was running through my head was Kendall, Kendall, Kendall, Kendall.

When I finally pulled back to breathe, instead of stopping, he began trailing kisses up my jaw line and down my neck. I shivered.

"Kendall. Stop. Please."I whispered ,kind of breathily.

His lips stopped on my neck and he pulled away. "I'm sorry…" he apologized, panting. " I thought… I don't know what I was thinking." He looked down in embarrassment, and I lifted his face, pressing another kiss to his lips.

"Kendall," I sighed. "It's you."

He looked absolutely confused, "What's me?"

I smiled, "The one who's supposed to make me forget."

After a smile, he kissed my lips and said, "I love you, Grace."

I smiled and took a deep breath. Blinking once, a grin broke out on my face and I had no doubts in my mind that we were meant for each other, "I love you too."

I suddenly realized that James didn't lie when he told me he would always be here. I could feel him, smiling and protecting us from wherever he was.


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