Ash, Misty, and Brock were wandering around, as usual, in a forest. They had been for several days and were starving to death. A few miles back they'd been forced to kill a wild Pidgey for food.
"Pika." Ut-oh. Pikachu was worried he was next.
"I'm starving!" Ash yelled.
"Duh, you %^$#@!*, we all are!" Misty snapped. Misty was not a happy camper at the moment.
Brock was lost in dillusion, his hunger pangs overtaking him.
"I could eat a Pikachu, I'm so hungry." Pikachu gulped and ran a few feet ahead, preparing his agility attack. He seriously did not want to became roast Pikachu.
"Brrrrrrrrieeeeee!" God-damn retard humans, feed me!!! Togepi cried. The egg Pokemon had started to look more and more like an omelet to Ash.
He decieded to share this thought with the group.
"Hey, guys, I think Togepi would make a really good meal right now." Brock licked his lips.
"NOOO!" Misty yelled, whipping out her hammer.
"Why? We don't even know what the ^&*% the things' gonna grow up to be anyway. It's useless!!!" Brock yelled. Ash jumped on Misty from behind. She knocked him unconsious with her mallet. Then she ran off into the woods. Brock grabbed Ash's 1st Pokeball off his belt.
"Go, Bulbasaur! Vine whip Misty back here!"
"Bulba?" Huh? You aren't even my trainer. Bulbasaur gave him an incredulas look. Then he went back in his Pokeball.
"Dammit!" Brock yelled. Then he sunk down on a tree, exausted.
Suddenly, a thought popped into Brock's head.
"Go, Vulpix!" he yelled.
"Vul? Vulpix!" What? Hey, this isn't a battle! the fox Pokemon looked around and curled up, ready to finish it's beauty sleep.
"Vulpix! Pay attention to me!"
Vulpix lazily opened one eye.
"Vul?" Yeah, retard?
"When I release Bulbasaur, I want you to Fire Spin it until it dies. Okay?"
"Vulpix!!!!!!" You sicko rat bastard!!!!! No! Vulpix cried in outrage. `` Meanwhile....
Misty ran as fast as she could to the nearest town. But before she could get there, night fell and she had to stop. She'd left her backpack with Ash and Brock, and all her Pokeballs were in there. All she had was Togepi.
"Bree." She could tell it was dying.
It closed it's little eyes and stopped moving. Misty started crying.
"Oh, poor Togepi!! Now you really did die!" she sniffled.
Misty's stomach growled fiercly.
"Oh, well...." Misty cracked the dead egg Pokemon's shell open.
Suddenly all the guts poured out and it started screaming.
"I guess it wasn't dead after all."
And, rising away from the dead egg was an almost completely formed Mew!
"*&^%!!!!!!!! " Misty screamed. Defeated, she started marching back towards where the others were.
Back with retard- I mean- The REST of Ash and Co.-
Ash and Brock looked around for Misty.
"Dammit, I'm so &*^$# hungry!" Ash said, angry.
"We all are, you retard!" Brock said.
Suddenly, Brock yelled "Look, Ash, it's Misty's backpack!"
"Cool!" Ash yelled. "Let's cook her Pokemon!!!"
"Seafood!" Brock yelled.
Ash released all of Misty's Pokemon, and he impaled them all on a branch from a nearby tree. "EEEEEEEEE" The Pokemon screamed, and all was silent. "Vulpix, go! Firespin Misty's Pokemon!"
Vulpix looked at Brock questioningly. "Vul?" What the hell are you doing, you sicko bastard?
"Vulpix, c'mon, Firespin!" Brock said.
"Vul??" Vulpix looked at Brock again. Is there any seafood for me in the deal, ^4%$$#??
"Yeah, retard, now FIRESPIN" Brock yelled at Vulpix.
"Vul Vul!" Vulpix said. Okay, what the hell!!!
Vulpix broiled Starmie, Staryu, Goldeen, & Horsea. Psyduck was so stupid they had to electricshock it and carve it open still screaming "Duck, Duck DUCK!!!!"
Ash and Brock dug into Misty's Pokemon, growling and not having very good table manners.
"Hey, Ash? You know what this needs?"
"Salt?"
"Besides that."
"I don-" Ash crunched through one of stamie's jewels- "-'t know."
"Soy sauce and ketchup!"
"I have some in my backpack!" Ash walked over to his backpack, and pulled out two bottles.
One was full, one was empty,
"GOD DAMN IT, PIKACHU!!!!"
"Pi?" Pikachu looked worried.
"How many TIMES have I told you to stay the $#%@ out of the godddamn ketchup!?!"
"Hey, Ash, I think it's time for a Pikachu Barbarcue!"
"Pika Pi!" Pikachu screamed. Oh, #$%^!
Pikachu ran for the hills. On the way he bumped into Misty.
"Hey, Pikachu!!! what's up?" Misty said, holding the remnants of Togepi's egg.
"Pika pi, pika pika pichi chi pika pikachu pika PIKA!!!!!" Pikachu said frantically. Ash and his asshole friend Brock were trying to kill me and they're having a seafood buffet with your Pokemon!!!!
"OH, SHIT!!!!"Misty yelled, and she ran to the campsite, yelling "I'm gonna stick twigs up their
@$$@# and kill them!!!!! BASTARDS!!!!"
Pikachu looked towards the town and sighed. "Pika pika..." I was telling her the truth...maybe they're PMS'ing. who knows? Maybe there's a Pokemon Center in the next town right there....I'm goin' the hell back to Professor Oak! I can live with Tofu!
And so Piakchu left the freaky group in the woods. Hey, you know that shack in The Blair Witch Project, at the end where the witch kills them? Well, that's were Ash, Misty, and Brock live now. Misty has had two children by Brock, and only one by Ash, and that's cause he only just hit puberty last week. They have long since killed and eaten all their Pokemon, execept for Vulpix, who left and joined Team Rocket, and replaced the Persian as Giovanni's favorite pet.
The End!
Written by TobiasFan and Jigglypuff7786
ps: Yes, we like Pokemon, we're very sorry to ne body we offended, this was weird, whadda want? we had fun, hope you did too. peace!