"What does it say?" Anya dared to ask. Willow read it shakily. The letter read:
Dear Gang,
I know I've been gone for awhile, and you probably forgot about me by now, but I had to write to you. I've missed you all so much it hurts. And the worst part is, I can't come back to Sunnydale. I can't come back to you Willow, or you Buffy, or Giles, or Anya. I know this doesn't make much sense now, so I guess I have to explain it.
See, after the graduation, I died. No, don't freak, I'm not a vamp. And I'm not immortal or anything. I'm really dead. I can no longer remember how I died. But I know that there's no great come back or anything. Just death. I wish I could describe it to you. It really is the end. No heaven comes afterwards for good souls. There's either hell or a return to earth. I know that sounds strange, but considering you forget all that you cared about, all you hated, it is an end. It's an end to seeing Willow's smiles, an end to reading Giles's old texts, an end to seeing Buffy defeating evil, and an end to seeing Anya. God, I didn't know it was possible to get so mushy after death. But it is.
I know after awhile, the pain will go away, and it will be forgotten. But I also know that no matter how many times I'm brought back to earth, I'll never be happy again, unless you guys come back too. I'll miss you, even when I no longer remember who I miss or why. I will miss you because I loved you all.
Giles, I loved you as my father.
Buffy, I loved you as something more than a friend. Something I'll never understand.
Willow, I loved you because you are the closest to a heaven that I'll ever see. You were my best friend and I never told you, but I always looked up to you. You're smart and wonderful.
Anya, I love you because you're you. I love your laugh and your smile. I love your kiss. And I happen to know that even though you were once a demon, you are my soulmate, and I'll never forget that.
Even now, as I end this letter, your names leave my memory. But, even if I cannot remember your faces, you are like gold. Even if we meet, I know I will not remember, but I will remember that feeling deep inside me. The feelings I had for a father, a protector, a best friend, and the love of my life. I will forget, but I also will remember.
Xander Harris.
"No..." Anya and Willow cried softly. Willow dropped the letter as she ran into the back room. No one ran after her. Anya cried on Giles's shoulder, whose own cheeks were wet with tears. Buffy sat at the window, trying not to cry. She was trying to be the strong one. It couldn't happen. She cried.
And no one noticed the transparent figure who stood near her, stroking her hair. Though it no longer knew who she was, it knew that it had one thing left to say to her before it moved on. it had to say it to all of them.
"I love you." It whispered. And it disappeared. It might have once been a boy named Alexander, but it no longer mattered.