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Author's Note: What Sam might have been thinking in Do You Believe In Miracles.
I Lied
I see my brother leaning against the wall covered in blood. I go towards him thinking my brother could die right now and I don't want that. Really I don't. I thought back to when I told him once before that if he had died that I wouldn't help him. I couldn't believe that I told him that. How could I as a brother say that to my brother, to my older brother that had done nothing that cared for me? I saw the hurt look he had on his face when I told him that and now as I look back I couldn't believe that I was so mean.
We had been trained as young children to be hunters and I had been less than nice when we first started hunting. I wanted to have a normal life not wanting to be a hunter. I didn't care about vampires, ghosts, werewolves and other supernatural beings. I just wanted to be normal. That had all changed when Dean had showed up to tell me about Dad.
After that we began hunting and had never stopped. We would go town to town and state to state hunting things that nobody, but a hunter would know was out there. They helped people that not even the Police, or FBI could help. He kind of felt good about doing what he was doing.
They had found the Men of Letter's lair and had settled down there. It was somewhere that they could go back to when they were looking for things to hunt. I don't blame him for turning to Crowley even if he is the bad guy. He had Crowley and Castiel had went with him. After all his brother did for him and this is how he treated him? He wasn't a very good brother.
He vowed to be a better brother when Dean was better he thought as he went to find Crowley.