Davis' Idiocy, a portal fanfic

Author's Note: So finally, here it is, I've been working on this before I even started 4-leg Turret, before I even joined . This is very, very long for a one-shot, A little more than 10,000 words. So if you're ready for a really long story to sit down and read to, make sure you have a lot of time on your hands and be ready for an emotional roller coaster. Have fun with Davis's rude nonsensical shit!

I slid along my management rail slowly counting each turret. But in truth, I was curious about that one that spoke differently than the rest. It said things like, "thank you," and "her name is Caroline." I should've thrown it out, but I knew that I shouldn't. Although deep down in my chips it said to keep it, I went along with my programming and immediatly put it onto the turret redemption line.

But while I started to slide away on my rail, I thought I heard the sound of a loud metal clang like someone was jumping onto the lines. Then the announcement detected whoever it was and it mentioned that turret redemption lines are not rides.

Before I figured out what was happening, I turned around and heard the sound of a portal gun picking something up followed by a, "thank you."

I narrowed my eye and turned on my night vision and saw that annoying human that she was after. I heard that moron core talk about her to me and the other core sometimes. But I just mostly ignored him. Until now.

"The answer is beneath us." The little turret said. It paused and continued, "Prometheus was punished for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowls of the earth and pecked by birds."

What? Why was this turret reciting ancient myths its not programmed to know?

"Get mad." It kept going as the lady jumped onto the catwalk, "don't make lemonade. Her name is Caroline, remember that."

Actually, this is getting intriguing. Let's just hope the lady doesn't throw it off the catwalk or go through the emancipation grill with it. It's a bit much to wish for but I really wanted to get some answers.

The turret then said sadly, "that's all I can say."

What? That can't be all you can say! There has to be more!

The lady paused before entering the grill. Then she set down the turret and left it there. I grinned inwardly. As soon as she left and the door shut behind her, I raced to the turret and growled at it, "who are you and how do you know all this?"

"That's all I can say." It insisted.

"Oh, really? Because if you don't fess up, I'll throw you into android hell."

It hesitated then answered quietly, "I'm not afraid of dying."

I sighed then requested for a claw to come down. A little hatch on me opened up and a claw came out. It opened up and grabbed the turret. I narrowed my optic at the robot. "If you're not afraid, then why don't you say? At least explain the lemonade before I burn you up. And I'll make sure that you don't get recycled."

The turret blinked its optic. Okay, I've never seen a turret ever blink before. This is getting weird. "Okay then." It said quietly, "Cave Johnson said that when life gives you lemons, to not make lemonade. Here, I'll play his voice." A small beep went off and the voice off a gruff, sick man came on. He coughed and said, "I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons what am I supposed to do with these!? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day they thought they could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to make a combustible lemon that can burn your house down!" Then the beep went off again and then a click when the recording ended.

I glared my red optic at the turret. "So what are you? Some kind of oracle?"

It was about to answer but then I interrupted,

"You know what? I'll just name you Oracle. There, how about that?"

Oracle didn't answer. After a minute it asked, "Are you going to incinerate me like Chell did to the Companion Cube?"

"Who the hell is Chell?" I asked angrily. I already know about the companion cubes because CaSSy talks about them sometimes and she's in charge of them.

"She is the lady that picked me up." Oracle replied. "Now, answer my question, are you going to incinerate me?"

I nodded and made my shudders look like I was smiling, "yeah. I'm going to incinerate you."

Just when I said that though, a red warning was plastered across my optic only seen to me and it said in neon letters, "Template turret removed. Continuing from memory."

I screamed in frustration, "argh! Not again! The system always somehow manages to screw up the memory! With like a missing gun or eye or something." I glared at Oracle and said, "I'll keep you alive for now. We're going I slid along my management rail slowly counting each turret. But in truth, I was curious about that one that spoke differently than the rest. It said things like, "thank you," and "her name is Caroline." I should've thrown it out, but I knew that I shouldn't. Although deep down in my chips it said to keep it, I went along with my programming and immediatly put it onto the turret redemption line.

Before I figured out what was happening, I turned around and heard the sound of a portal gun picking something up followed by a, "thank you."

What? Why was this turret reciting ancient myths it's not programmed to know?

"Get mad." It kept going as the lady jumped onto the catwalk, "don't make lemonade. Her name is Caroline, remember that."

The turret then said sadly, "that's all I can say."

What? That can't be all you can say! There has to be more!

"That's all I can say." It insisted.

"Oh, really? Because if you don't fess up, I'll throw you into android hell."

It hesitated then answered quietly, "I'm not afraid of dying."

I glared my green optic that was ringed with red at the turret. "So what are you? Some kind of oracle?"

It was about to answer but then I interrupted,

"You know what? I'll just name you Oracle. There, how about that?"

Oracle didn't answer. After a minute it asked, "Are you going to incinerate me like Chell did to the Companion Cube?"

"Who the hell is Chell?" I asked angrily. I already know about the companion cubes because CaSSy talks about them sometimes and she's in charge of them.

"She is the lady that picked me up." Oracle replied. "Now, answer my question, are you going to incinerate me?"

I nodded and made my shudders look like I was smiling, "yeah. I'm going to incinerate you."

Just when I said that though, a red warning was plastered across my optic only seen to me and it said in neon letters, "Template turret removed. Continuing from memory."

I thought I heard the voice of Wheatley just when I entered the room. "There! Hacked!" He said smashing a window. I watched outside the door in anger. How dare he betray us! He screwed up my whole turret line! I watched in fuming anger as Chell put in a defective turret in the template scanner.

"Template accepted." It flashed in my screen. I growled as I heard as my lovely, little, perfect turrets get thrown in the shredder.

"Wheeeee!" One screamed happily before realizing what's happening. Then I heard sad little screams of pain. I wanted to cry. The ones I was supposed to manufacture and protect and being replaced by defective turrets!

Then I suddenly saw Wheatley go across the door to the computer command station. That's mine! And he's trying to hack into it! Unfortunately, Wheatley also somehow hacked into my file account and privacy settings. He happily didn't say anything as he shut me out of the command box for turrets.

Nononononono, this can't be happening. Then Wheatley and Chell followed in the darkness, I retried to enter my station but that bloody core even changed the password! I hate him so much.

The Oracle turret remained quiet the whole time as I retried stupid passwords to get in. Why can't I get in if Wheatley's such an idiot? I tried desperately as I heard the happy defective turret passing by say, "so we're all supposed to be blind right? Okay then, fantastic!"

I stared angrily at it and mumbled to Oracle, "If this keeps up, you'll be the last functioning turret. And even you can't work correctly. I'm going after them."

Sliding down my management rail as fast as I could possibly go, I narrowed my optic to a little slit. Eventually, I even heard the damn announcer again. "Warning: Neurotoxin has reached dangerously unlethal levels."

"Yes!" I heard Wheatley sickenly stupid voice say happily, "we can ride it straight to her!" I slid in quietly undetected and saw a pipe broken with Wheatley holding on the rail by just a cord. The lady with him jumped into the broken pipe and grabbed him. Then they just disappeared from sight. I groaned in disgust. Great. Now another hole to patch up.

I set down the turret and messaged GLaDOS respectively.

"Another pipe has broken. And I saw Chell and Wheatley ride that pipe straight to you."

I sent it and waited for a response. It was rather quick, and I received it really fast.

"Thank you Davis. I already got a trap ready. It involves the turrets. How are they?"

I had no idea how to response. But I know that if I said they're all defective now, she'll kill me. I sighed and responded.

"The turrets are fine." Then I immediatly closed connection and lowered myself down to the height of Oracle.

"You seem exasperated." It said in its high pitched sweet voice.

"Of course I am. And I'm most likely going to die soon because I lied to her about the turrets. I'm just hoping she won't blame me and perhaps even pity me for not knowing about them." Then I looked away and added, "even though I obviously do know about the turrets."

The turret surprised me when it snorted. "Her? Feel pity? You are kidding me."

I glared at it. "It's worth a shot."

"Well, at least try to fix the turret lines." It responded with a kind voice.

I paused and said back, "I do have a few more codes Wheatley could've tried to hack it with. Then I blinked and asked, "Why do you want to help me if you've given away all that information to the lady?"

The turret said in a sour voice, "I'm not helping you. Why would I help you if you've tortured us? You've burned us, recycled us, and throw us into android hell if we don't do what you say." Then it added sadly, "I remember in that test chamber a long time ago when that turret said, 'I don't blame you. It's Davis.' As soon as the subject left the room, you grabbed it and thrown it into that fiery room."

"It said my name." I protested, "My name isn't supposed to be said except for her. And can I be bluntly honest for once? I really, really care for all of you, turrets. You're like my children to me. And I'm disappointed that I can't protect you in the tests. But that's how it goes. I can't promise any young turret that they'll survive. I just sadly tell them good luck and give them the best of wishes."

Oracle blinked again. "That was pretty blunt. Especially if you seem to despise me and all the defective ones."

I immediatly turned hard and cold on Oracle. "Those defects are crap and you are one of them! You sound a good turret, you look like a good turret, but you don't act like one. I wonder why I had an interest to learn more about you in the first place."

Oracle seemed to be taken back. He didn't respond for a while. I just stared angrily at it. Then it said, "Interest?"

If I could blush I would have been bright red. I glared even harder. "You're so weird!" I was tempted to leave Oracle right then and there. But I picked it up and slid back to the turret line. I could try to open it again...

I set back down Oracle and typed in a few more codes. Wait, I remember that Wheatley is a moron core. And whenever I call him an idiot or moron, he yells at me. I moved my shutter a little bit and typed in, "1mn0t4m0r0n".

Luckily, it worked! I laughed and reentered the command box. I blocked Wheatley and any other core from entering at all. I left Oracle as I immediatly slid over to the good turrets being tossed away. I swung my claw around hoping to catch one. I narrowed my shutters, took a deep breath, and reach forward grabbing a pure white turret with glowing red eye.

"D-Davis?" It asked.

I slid back up the rail to Oracle and the template machine. "Here's a friend for you, Oracle."

"Oohh... can I please have a name, Davis?" The other turret asked kindly.

I turned around and said in a slightly annoyed voice, "I think you might be defective too." Then I twisted back to the defective turret in the template machine. He just said hello the last time as I snatched him out of there.

"Heyheyheyheyheyheyhey!" It exclaimed in shock, "W-what's going on? Where are you taking me? Better open fire to impress the boss." Then I heard hollow rattles coming from where the guns would be. I heard the machine say that it's going to continue from memory. I threw the defective turret on the ground and made it face me. I narrowed my optic at it and I swore I saw it shiver in fear.

"Oh, hey there, boss." The defective turret muttered, "Uh, got any bullets?" I heard the hollow clicking again before it spoke, "yeah, I'm kind of out of bullets. I think the machine didn't get me any or-"

"Or maybe you're defective." I hissed grabbing it again and shaking it around. I heard yelps emanating from it. "Thought you could overrun my whole turret production line with your kind, is that right? Well, you're wrong. Just so, damn, wrong."

"I didn't think that! It, uh, was the lady! Yeah! S-she grabbed me and put me up here."

"Well, she isn't here to save you again, now is she? Enjoy your last few moments alive. I need to take care of some business before I shred you apart in the gears."

I set it down and turned around to see the two white turrets. I gently picked up the one I saved and put it inside the template machine.

"There you go," I purred, "enjoy your template life. It's nice and safe."

It murmured a thanks before the machine said loudly, "new template accepted."

I faced my optic to the production line.

"Template;" the machine requested.

"Hello."

The little light faced a pure white turret on the line. "Response;"

"Hello." It said in the exact same pitch of voice. I stared proudly at that line for a long time. Watching as it threw away the defects and kept the good ones.

I heard Oracle cough. I twisted around and saw the defect and Oracle standing together.

"You said you were going to shred this defect?"

The defect's eyes shone brightly in fear, "why'd you remind her!?"

I grinned. "Thank you Oracle. You're proving yourself good."

The defect stared at me. I immediatly swept in and snatched it up. It yelped in surprise as I slid down my rail straight to the shredding gears. It protested and pleaded to continue living its short life but I didn't say anything in a cold silence. At last, the giant churning gears were below us.

"P-please, boss!" The defect pleaded uselessly, "I'll do anything! Anything at all!"

I didn't say anything as I slowly swung my claw like a swing taunting him. I finally let him go and he shouted in fear as he fell down tumbling to the shredders. He screamed and fell down.

Down...

...

I heard his scream of pain as he got torn apart. I separated myself from his shrieks of pain as I went back to the turret production line where I left Oracle. Oracle's eyes were sharply narrowed at me, and I shivered, feeling so guilty. I stopped. This is the first time I have ever felt guilt.

I remained silent. Oracle was right, I didn't care about the defects, yet they were turrets as well. I shut my red eye and sighed artificially.

"Davis, are you okay?"

"No." I answered. "I am a murderer. I need to care for all of these turrets."

Oracle was about to answer but I got a notification of an email. I winced, seeing that it was from Her. I had a sinking feeling that it was about the defective turrets. I didn't even bother reading it, so I deleted it.

Without saying anything, I had taken a mental decision. GLaDOS is a killer as much as I am.

"I just got an email from GLaDOS." I said quietly.

Oracle stared at me. "From her? What'd she say?"

"I… I didn't bother reading it." I admitted. However, I wasn't keen on admitting that I am slowly shifting sides. "But I think that it was about the defective turrets."

I lowered myself down to where Oracle was. Together, we watched the turret line move with pristine white machine guns with sweet childlike innocent voices.

Suddenly, I received another message. I looked at Oracle briefly before opening the message.

Turret Authorization Core,

I have put my trust into you and your turrets. It seems as though you have fauld. Me. Ngnj;sj

Whealyn is takng mmyty systemekm.

And ithtttttttts al your faulyy.

Then it just cut off.

I wasn't sure whether to feel guilt or joy or maybe even anger. Was I to feel guilt that GLaDOS is no longer in charge of the facility? Maybe I should feel joy that I no longer work for her? Perhaps I was supposed to be my usual, angry self that a moron is now in charge of the facility.

"Oracle." I whispered, "I got another email."

Oracle remained silent.

A loud clang followed a shattering screech, Wheatley's voice, screaming that he wasn't a moron.

There was a stretched quietness, and I was ready to pick up Oracle and actually talk to the turret.

I almost bolted off of my rail when I heard Wheatley's voice over the intercom.

"Well, well, well, it seems as though there's going to be a few changes around here. First of all, I'm going to need some of you to volunteer for testing."

I stared disbelievingly at Oracle and twitched my optic. Seriously?

Oracle tapped my handlebar with its casing, "you can volunteer some of the defectives."

"It'll save them." I muttered reluctantly, almost admitting I'm beginning to feel guilt.

I winced at the very thought. Send some defects into testing?

"I'm waiting. For a volunteer. You know, I know that you're all nervous, yes, of course you are. But, ah, sometimes someone's got to step up to the plate. I mean, who knows, perhaps it will be a fun experience for you! You know, jumping through portals, stepping on buttons, oh, you got to love that!"

I rolled my optic, thinking on how much of a moron he is.

Right as soon as I rolled my eye, I felt like I was being watched.

"How about you?"

I turned around and saw a camera staring directly at me. I blinked and my eye went small. "Me?"

"Yes you, who else did you think I was talking to? Unless I was talking to the floor or that pen right there."

I blinked and looked at Oracle. Then I looked back at the camera. "Of course, I will take your tests." Then I wished I had a mouth to smirk with. I have no legs to move around on.

"Oh, that's great! Let's see if I can get my claws working…" There was a pause. "Oh, it seems as though I can't, erm, reach you back there."

I sighed. I glanced at Oracle. I got lower than it's eye and moved my shudders to a faint smile. "Oracle, I'm sorry I called you defective. I can hardly believe how easily you made me see defects in your perspective. I do need to care for you all."

"Yes, Davis. Because you are not like GLaDOS."

"Shut up." I said grinning with my shudders.

I tapped my handlebar on Oracle's casing and closed my eye.

"Take care of yourself. I'll try to be back soon."

"Davis,"

"Yes?"

I opened my eye and looked directly into Oracle's soft red glow. It spoke softly, "are we friends?"

I didn't want to respond to that. Of course Oracle was my friend, but I'm afraid if Wheatley gets insane at all, he might try to kill Oracle to hurt me. I didn't say anything, and I slid silently down my management rail out of the turret room.

"I told you, moron. I can't move."

Wheatley growled in frustration. "Don't call me a moron!"

I chuckled and moved my shudders upwards. "You're the one who called on me to test for you."

"You didn't tell me you can't move!"

I sighed and moved a handlebar. "Does it look like I can move?"

"Y-You know what? I have had enough of your bloody attitude!"

"I was programmed like this." I said bluntly, my shudders lowered boredly.

Wheatley growled in frustration on the monitor and quickly span around in a circle. I chuckled to myself, finding this idiotic quality almost intriguing. If he needed test subjects, perhaps I can help him in some way.

"Hey, Wheats, I got an idea. Bring me into your chamber and I'll tell you it."

"I don't trust you. I mean, there's no reason for me to not trust you since I am in control." He chuckled then grinned at me through the monitor, "I suppose I can make an exception since you're so adorable in your tiny casing!"

"I'm not cute!" I snarled angrily, blushing inside of my cords.

"Of course you are. Let me just bring you into my chamber."

A pause.

"That is, if I can get the claws working."

"This is nice." I said boredly, hanging from a claw attached to the ceiling in a chamber full of dark panels and staircases.

"Lovely, isn't it?"

"Not really." I huffed.

Wheatley rolled his optic and let the claw go, letting me drop down onto the floor. I groaned in artificial pain and stared at him. "It's a rather perfect chamber, if I do say so myself. I am renowned in many skills. Intelligence, carpentry, guidance, devilishly handsome, architecture, and even testing."

I coughed harshly, saying quickly, "none of the above."

I almost laughed knowing that moron didn't notice.

"So, you got an idea, smart one? Not that you're the smart one here. I'm just testing you. Obviously."

I grinned with my shudders and replied, "Of course, my favorite moron. You need test subjects since you killed the last of them? You could stuff a turret or two into a cube and let it hobble around. We'll disable the guns and voice receptors."

Wheatley spun happily in a circle and cried out, "that's bloody brilliant! And, erm, what's your name, darling?"

"Davis." I said curtly.

"Alright. Can I call you Davey for short? I mean, it's not like your name needs shortening or anything, your name is actually quite nice. I like it a lot. Just, Davis, oh, it's got a nice ring to it too! But of course, not nearly a nice ring as the name Wheatley does. Oh, here's an idea, since my name is so fantastic, let's rename this place to, Wheatley laboratories! Isn't that clever?"

I swear- it's like this robot will never shut up. But I just made a nodding motion and averted my gaze. Then again, his babbling matches his voice pretty well.

"So, let's get to work mashing those cubes and turrets together!"

"Hooray." I said sarcastically, "I bet the turrets are excited."

I briefly forgot how the turrets will feel about this. So I looked back up at him and quickly added, "But you need permission from the one who takes care of the turrets. And that one is me. So I give you no permission. Got that, sir? No go. Not allowed. No access."

Wheatley picked me back up with the claw and raised me up close to his face. I glared as he retaliated, "oh no, I'm not taking orders from anyone anymore. I own the place now. And now you have to follow my every command. I'm not ready to play some bloody game with you, David!"

"Davis."

He went on, "and right now, I command you to deactivate the turret's voices and guns. So that they won't, you know, shoot me or you or something. But shouldn't they not be able to shoot you because-"

"Fine." I cut him short wriggling my handle bars, "I'll go shut off the turrets' damn guns and voices."

Wheatley smirked, "next time, don't expect me to just give you a little pep talk. Next time I'll shove you into the mashy-spike-plates."

Of course, I was just a younger machine, full of daring and stupidity, just like Wheatley was. So it makes sense that I have developed a tiny crush on him.

So Wheatley reattached me to a management rail and let me slide along to the turret line where I left Oracle. It must be so lonely without me.

It didn't take long, considering I took many shortcuts. The glass reflected the turrets' rusted up bodies. So I got to work and slowly shut off all the manufacturing. A small warning light went off in my vision, but I ignored it, and went to work in the backrooms on a turret cube. I summoned a few claws and got a spare turret.

"What are you doing, Davis?"

It was the sweet voice of Oracle. I ignored its voice and got to work at tearing apart a different turret, who screamed in pain while I tore out its guns.

"Davis, please," the turret begged, "Stop, please…"

I didn't reply.

Oracle looked directly at me. "What's going on? What did Wheatley make you do? Please talk to me."

Oracle and the turret repeatedly cried at me to listen, or just stop. But I blocked them out with a mute. It was like submerging underwater. They sounded a lot more muffled now. I activated smooth jazz to let me work to.

While the jazz went on in my head, I disabled the voice receptors in the turret. If it were human, it would be bleeding.

Then I quietly contacted my blue-eyed friend, CaSSy who took care of the companion cubes. I asked if I could borrow one for the time being. She said yes, and within a matter of seconds, out of the wall tube popped out a cube with blue lines. I forgot to mention that it needed to be just a weighted storage cube.

I grinned to myself, thinking that she guessed right.

Since the companion cubes were also sentient, it wouldn't be a good idea to blend it with a turret, also a slightly sentient mind. So instead, I needed a mindless, cold storage cube.

I used that cube and tore apart the backside of the casing of a turret. The turret screamed but I calmly listened to my jazz. Then I fused together the cube with the turret. I tapped it on and it tried to scream, only succeeding in a gargling noise. It coughed and stared at me sadly.

I used the claw and carried it to the scanner. It scanned it, and asked for permission to actually use this. I said yes, and then on the production line, resulted in turrets fused with cubes.

Wheatley quickly contacted me and congratulated me on the cubes. Also thanked. I chuckled lightly, feeling tied up inside of me. I simply nodded to myself and cut off contact. I lowered myself down to Oracle's level and grinned with my shutters weakly. "Why do I feel so guilty?"

"WHY THE BLOODY HELL WON'T THESE TURRETS GO ONTO THE BUTTON!?"

I yawned facedly and said to him, "you've been yelling at them for three hours. Isn't it about time to relax?"

"No, I-I got this… this itch, you know?"

I glared at him. I actually felt a little relieved to get away from Oracle for a little bit. Wheatley invited me into his chamber once again. Then I responded, "No, I don't know, Wheatley."

"It's like a literal itch almost. It's something I just have to scratch. If it's not scratched, then it just sits there, feelings itchy and wanting to be scratched. And the way to scratch is to get that sensational feeling of a test being completed."

"You've felt it before, right?" I asked, honestly curious.

"Yes. While you were taking your sweet time getting here, one turret actually got onto the button. And boy, that felt so good…"

I rolled my optic.

"Then I started reading some Machiavelli. Pretty genius, I tell you. Only smart people know how to read. Anyway, then the itch just came back."

If I had an eyebrow I'm pretty sure I'd be raising it. Not that I'd want an eyebrow.

Wheatley went on like the idiot he is; "now we're here. I need that itch to be scratched. I need them to SOLVE THE BLOODY TEST!"

I glanced at the monitor and sadly saw that turrets were hopping about, being yelled at by an insane maniac who craves testing just as much as GLaDOS has.

I hated seeing Wheatley this way. Although we were very different, I think I might like him a little bit. Right now, he seems to just think of me as a slight friend. But how can a crazy turret lover like me even somewhat have remote feelings for this stupid maniac?

I raised my shutters at him. I want to see Wheatley happy. Yes, he is stupid, but I have come to find that admirable.

"Hey, Wheats,"

Wheatley was engrossed in staring at the screen, but I'm sure he could hear me.

"Drop me onto the button in the test."

He stared wide-eyed, "can I do that?"

I nodded. "What did you think, numbnuts? Sure, just get out a claw and into that chamber than drop me right on that button."

"You're helping me." He said suspiciously, "why should I believe you don't have ulterior motives?"

I searched for a good reason. Then I said slowly, "Because I am… your friend…?"

"Well, you aren't an acquaintance exactly." He agreed. Then he continued, "yeah, sure, David. But after that, you can't help me any more, got it?"

"Yes, just remember to drag me back up when the test is over."

He picked me up with a claw and yanked me up into the darkness. I felt myself being pulled through the shafts. It was quiet for a long time, and I was able to contemplate about my feelings.

When did these feelings develop? One minute I'm being horrible and snarky, the next, I'm suddenly in love with an idiot. I don't quite understand this logic.

Maybe I fell for him because he's just as cruel as me now? Perhaps I fell over because of his adorable idiocy that is opposite to my hollowed words. It seems like I should be disgusted with myself for all I've done and the pity I've felt.

But I can't help but feel for Wheatley.

Eventually, I was hanging from a claw above the button in the room. I stared down at the bright red button.

"So we have to put you onto the button so that-"

Wheatley was cut off by his own scream of pain.

"GGAAAHH!" He cried out, suddenly dropping me onto the button. It pressed down with my weight and the door opened. I looked up at the monitor at the other side of the room to see the master robot panting in pain and sudden exhaustion.

I blinked my optic and felt worry flood my circuit boards. He was in pain, but why?

"What happened?" I asked sternly.

Wheatley shook his head and said quietly, "it's just a malfunction. That's all. It's nothing to be worried about."

"Shut up. I'm worried." I growled. His scream echoed in my mind. That scream of pure agony. It seriously hurt him, and I didn't want him to be injured.

I looked back up at the claw hanging suspended from the ceiling, wide open. "Bring my back up." I said narrowing my optic, "I need to see you."

Wheatley brought me back into his chamber, and he gently set me back down on the ground. He was still panting hard. He swiveled around and looked at me. "You! It was you-You did something to me!"

I averted my gaze. Then I set my eye back on him and said coldly, "Perhaps if you weren't so stupid perhaps your little mind wouldn't have burnt up from thinking so hard."

Wheatley growled at me and picked me up with a claw, and quickly threw me up against the wall. I felt pain trickle into my system. Now a crack split my eye in two pieces. Just like Wheatley's eye is.

He took a good long look at me. Then he blinked in horror and cried out, "O-Oh, Davis! I'm so sorry, luv! I didn't mean to throw you that hard! It just happened, you know? I can't really control these strong muscles. And I'm not stupid. I mean, that's because the strongest muscle in my body is my brain. Second strongest: The muscle. So uh, oh, you're dented. We should probably get that looked at."

I didn't interrupt his speech. I just watched his eye dart around unsure of himself and what he has done.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't your fault though that I got shocked, was it, luv?"

I lowered my optic and looked away. "I don't think so."

Since when did I become so soft? I'm just a big fat softie now.

Wheatley brought his core piece of the mainframe closer to me. He smiled with his optic and muttered, "Do you forgive me?"

"I really shouldn't be." I hissed waving my handlebar at him, "but for some reason, I do forgive you."

Then he sighed and moved himself away from me. He stared at the wall and said sadly, "Why did I kill her? She was the last human and my only friend. I shoved her down that elevator down the shaft to die. She's going to just die down there now."

"Don't say that. You're my friend."

He looked at me with that perfect blue eye, "really?"

"Why not?"

Wheatley chuckled and looked back at the monitor with turrets scuttling around. "Thanks, Davey."

I wanted to hug him, oddly enough. Why do I want to hug him? Dammit these feelings.

"Wheatley. Are you going to recharge for the night? You don't want your wires to fry from thinking too hard."

He was supposed to take that as an insult, but he instead disregarded it and replied, "Nah, a big, strong robot like me? I don't need sleep, sleep is for the weak. That's why I'm strong, because I don't need to sleep."

I rolled my eye. "Are you sure it's not because you don't want to miss the euphoria just in case the box-turrets somehow do manage to get onto the button?"

Wheatley hesitated before nodding. "Yes, that too. Indeed."

I grinned with my optic and left the room. I looked back, seeing Wheatley intently hoping and watching the monitor with the turrets hopping hopelessly around. That's when I realized that both me and Wheatley were idiots. Hatred and idiocy equaled two morons.

"You don't have feelings for him, do you?" Asked Oracle. I spun around in a circle, feeling so angry with myself, yet so happy all at the same time!

"Oh yeah," I admitted absentmindedly, "of course I have feelings for the moron! It's such a moronic blend, don't you think?"

Oracle stared before muttering, "as long as you're happy, I don't mind."

I randomly searched through the databases for something even remotely romantic to say. Then an old human movie supposedly called Titanic appeared, created in 1997. Then I blurted out like I was drunk while still wildly spinning, "draw me like one of your French girls!"

Oracle sighed. "Davis, you're being not… you."

"Being in love is the greatest feeling in the world, don't you understand, Oracle? It's absobloodylutely AMAZING!"

The other half of my mind wanted to slap me, crack my lense one hundred and twenty eight times, torture me in android hell, then shoot me with turrets for being so stupid for falling in love with such a moron. But the other half will dodge that slap, fix the cracks piece by piece, turn on the internal fans in hell, and sing along with the turrets. I hated that part more.

"Are you ever going to tell Wheatley how you feel?"

I perked up at the thought. I don't know why I would be so stupid, but at that moment, I decided that I will tell him. I smiled and zoomed down the hallways of Aperture Science, eager to admit that I like him.

Aren't I bipolar or what?

Eventually, I entered the chambers and panted. I was prepared to speak until I heard Wheatley say to a monitor, "It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests."

Then another achingly familiar voice replied, "This is one of my tests!"

"Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word, 'test' on the wall there. That's brand new." Then he left someone to go test. I was still staring at Wheatley in shock. He has found some actual test subjects?

"Oh, uh, hey there, Davey." He cleared his throat, "how are things for you?"

I cleared my mind. This was a stupid idea, I'm never going to tell him. I hate myself. So instead, I said quietly, "are you going to run the facility forever?"

"Umm… yes! Indeed, I plan on staying here for a very long time, know what I'm saying?"

"This is one of my tests!"

"That was GLaDOS's voice, wasn't it?"

"Uh, yes. She is back. Definitely back, but I will be using that to my advantage since she's now a potato. Long story. And guess what? She's back with that human! Isn't that grand?"

I looked directly into Wheatley's eye and asked, "But you won't let her take back her position, will you?"

"Whaaaaat…? Of course not. Never. I am the grand ruler of Aperture now. The king, really. Maybe even a god. And now she is just a speck of dust. She means nothing to me now."

I came over to the monitor and watched them solve the test. I didn't see what was so exciting about all this, but Wheatley was absolutely marveled by this. Suddenly, as soon as the box floated onto the button, I heard Wheatley moan in a euphoric response. I backed up as he spoke, "Wow," he started, "well done. Seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead, I'll catch up with you."

Then Wheatley spun around to face me and he bursted out, "that feeling was positively amazing!"

I said the same thing about me in love…

"Hm, do you think you could help me with these tests? Since you're such a helpful little nanobot? Oh, maybe you could go tell Jerry, 'I told you so'? I mean, I didn't mean you telling him but you telling him that I told him that. See what I mean there? Not confusing, when you put it into context. Oh, well, onto the next test!"

"Wait."

Wheatley glanced at me, "not now, luv. We can talk later, alright?"

I nodded weakly and left the room. Why did I feel like crap all of a sudden? Maybe because it seems like he cares more about his tests and euphoria than I do to him. It feels like I'm not worth much to him. Like maybe I could be incinerated and he wouldn't really miss me. I needed to do something so that he would miss me. I can put myself into more use for him.

Why, why, why, why, why!?

Now I spend all of my time on watching Wheatley and his little tests. Once, I even saw him read a book.

A page turned when he said, "Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books."

I rolled my eye and approached him slowly, waiting for him to end contact to speak with me.

"Pages being turned. So that's what I was doing."

I chuckled quietly as he spoke to the test subject and the potato that I have fondly come to know as PoTADoS.

When he finished his little speech, he looked at me and smiled widely with his shutters. I grinned back. I restrained my metaphorically sharp tongue for once and went up to Wheatley. I also resisted the urge to press my casing against his chassis.

"How are you?" I asked holding back the rudeness and sarcasm I was programmed to use.

"Fine, thanks!" Wheatley gushed, "have you told Jerry 'I told you so'?"

I shook my eye back and forth, signaling a no. I inched a little closer. "How are the tests going?"

"Well, once the girl was too stubborn to even press a button. But after that, everything's fine. Now look at her, flying through the air." Then he laughed, "like an eagle, piloting a blimp!"

"You ripped that off from GLaDOS." I snorted.

"Well, she's not in power anymore, is she? Because, you know, I'm in power now. Proving I'm not moronic enough to be in the lowest of low, living in Lowville. Which I am not, because I am the highest of the high."

I sighed and inched even closer than before when he brought his attention back to the monitor. "Ah, I wish there were more books to read. But there aren't."

I waited for him to finish the test. But for some reason, the euphoria didn't come like it should have. I felt his core get enraged when he growled and said, "What was that? That was nothing!"

"Don't get too worked up." I huffed under my breath. I finally nudged myself close enough to press up against his chassis. He didn't notice for a moment. That's what I thought anyway.

"What are you doing, luv?"

I stared at him for a while before I felt my internal fans kick in, meaning if I were human, I would be red as a turret's eye. I moved away and growled, "I just wanted a closer look at the monitor, what did you think?"

Wheatley averted his gaze as his eye got smaller, "well, I just thought, that, ahh… that you just wanted to be able to press your casing against me. I am devilishly handsome, I must admit. Especially since I am bloody massive. You know, who wouldn't want me?"

I felt my wires begin to fry up. I narrowed my optic and said, "no, I wouldn't want you." Total lie, "who would want a moron like you? I just wanted to see the subjects better."

Wheatley blinked and looked away, almost sadly. "Ah, I see. Well, onward with testing!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that I managed to scrape out of that one. I pressed up against his chassis again and watched the test. I felt his warm motor from the central core inside of him. I almost hummed softly like a turret's song until I heard Wheatley burst out saying, "Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results."

Then I heard the potato mutter, "It won't."

"What was that?" Wheatley asked, hearing her mutter something.

"Nothing. Nothing."

Wheatley glanced at me and replied, "Oh. Sorry. Could have…" he paused, "sworn you said something."

Then the potato said something else, but not even I could hear it that time. Wheatley glanced at me, "will moving the chambers closer to us change the results?"

"You really want that euphoria, don't you?" I chided, avoiding the question.

Wheatley hummed loudly and I backed up, "ooh yes, luv, I want it so bloody much!"

I blinked. "You haven't been getting it?"

"No. But I think that maybe if I push them harder, then I'll get the grand feeling again! It's absolutely magnificent."

I didn't want to leave his side. His warm body made me happy somehow. And I liked it. I know I should be attending the turrets and seeing Oracle, and that was pretty true.

So I backed away from Wheatley. He turned around and looked at me. "Something wrong, Davey?"

I glanced at the wall and said, "Yeah. I need to visit the turrets. They must be getting worried without me."

"Oh, good. Can you do me a favor and get rid of the turret that talks all the time. I hear it all the time from the cameras and it's annoying."

I gasped and narrowed my eye and I felt my optic become just a pinprick, "No, I am not going to kill my friend."

"You've become friends with that chatterbox? That's amusing! Stupid really. You should kill it. Because I have commanded you. Also, because I have asked you politely."

I growled, "No."

"Well, aren't you stubborn? Fine. Go check up on the turrets and come back."

I blinked and stared at him.

His optic got tiny as well and his eye began to dart around, looking at anything but me, "W-well, see, luv… I like having your company around. It doesn't make this as… lonely. I hate being alone."

I rolled my eye and left the chamber, heading to the turret line. I am a stubborn core, and he can't really do anything about it. He can't kill me if he really thinks of me as his friend. Then I began to wonder, does he like me back?

That would be wonderful if he felt the same way as I did.

Still, I wasn't sure if he held me high in his own regard. There really wasn't a way to tell to be honest.

I entered the room with glass walls and I noticed that Oracle had its eye shut for sleep mode.

"Hey, Oracle. I'm back, how long have I been gone?"

Oracle slowly opened its eye and made a simulated yawn. After a moment, it said, "couple of hours."

I sighed. "I'm sorry I was gone for so long."

Suddenly without warning, Oracle narrowed its eye at me and declared, "You're spending too much time with that monster. I know you fancy him but you should probably keep your distance from him for the time being."

I turned on Oracle angrily and hissed, "You don't understand, and you never will. I've fallen too hard for him, haven't I?"

"Just a little." Said Oracle back at me.

"Y-you know what? You've been just getting in the way? In fact, did you know that Wheatley requested for me to kill you? And you know what? I defended you, saying you were my friend." I chuckled and moved closer to Oracle, "I regret telling him no. Right now, I'm going to incinerate you. You've been a damn thorn in my side."

"Davis…"

"Don't you 'Davis' me! This is the end for you."

I quickly brought out my claw and grasped Oracle. I carried it to the incinerator only a floor down. When we got there, I hovered Oracle over the burner.

For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Then it had to pipe up. "Hera tried to give birth to child by herself without Zeus. It was Hephaestus; he was perfect in every way except for a twisted foot. Hera was furious, and she hurled her son off of Olympus."

I blinked. Another greek legend that Oracle shouldn't even know about. Without thinking, I let go of Oracle, and watched as it fell down into the fire of the incinerator. I stared at Oracle as it disappeared into the licking flames down below. I looked away and shut the aperture.

I am Hera. Zeus is Wheatley. Oracle is Hephaestus. And GLaDOS is Prometheus.

I wanted to cry at the sudden realization.

Then I remembered that Hera and Zeus didn't love each other.

I slowly slid myself into Wheatley's chamber, and said to him in a voice that covered up my sadness, "I killed Oracle."

Wheatley glanced quickly at me nervously before saying, "That's g-great, Davey. But I'm busy trying to convince this subject to hurl herself into the masher."

"You must have presented a good argument." I said falsely. I came over to him and leaned my casing on Wheatley's chassis, this time closer to his face.

He looked at me briefly before remembering my little lie (that he doesn't know I have lied) about only wanting to get a better look at the monitor. He looked back at the screen and continued speaking, "and here's the best part. There's a conveyer belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to- didn't have to do that."

"Is she really going to go for it?"

"Well," he started whispering, "I have started telling her about it long before you got here, and I believe I have made a perfectly good and valid argument. Perfect, I think." He cleared his throat and looked back at the monitor, "Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? All right? You know what my opinion is: the masher. I'm leaning towards masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think."

Rolling my eye and nudging Wheatley, I said, "That was stupid."

"It was- It was not. It was perfect in every way. And see what I did there? Improvising. Can you do that? Certainly not."

I glanced at the monitor and saw that the lady has cleverly placed her portals so that bombs led straight to the screen. I winced as it cracked on that end.

Wheatley looked back and sighed. "Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well, may the best man win."

"Say sphere."

"Sphere." He said taking my advice, "may the best sphere win. Swap that-swap that in. Much more clever. Books."

I stared at Wheatley and said still pressed up against him, "don't you know how close they are to your chamber now?"

"Oh, um, yes, very close indeed. Maybe we should get the preparations so that she can't escape while I end up killing her in a very gruesome manner. Which will be very gruesome. Some blood. That'll spiffy up the place. Ugh, those smelly humans, always filled with that red stuff. Just gross. If I were human, I would not want to always have that blood sloshing about inside of me. Distract me from everything I'll do. Like killing others. Gruesomely."

I spun around in a circle and agreed that it would be distracting.

"Now, as for preparations. Hm, we'll have to get rid of all the portable surfaces."

So Wheatley and I got to work at getting rid of all the white surfaces, moving them to the next room over. I felt happy working with him. Now I don't have to always worry about Oracle constantly pestering me.

We made sure he was able to start the neurotoxin as soon as the fight began. Then I made sure that he had shields to protect himself from the bombs that he will be throwing. And lastly, with a little advice from me, we set up a booby-trap so just in case the girl somehow manages to override Wheatley, we set bombs around the stalemate button so that she will be killed if even pressing it.

When we were done, Wheatley gasped and said, "woo, finally done! I think they're coming. Um, Davey! Go and hide. Or… something. Yeah, hide. This is going to get very bloody." Then he laughed maniacally. Then he corrected himself, "um, ignore that. Ignore it."

I quickly zoomed over to behind the panels and watched as Wheatley greeted the human coming up from the elevator. He told her exactly what's going to happen. He configured some panels for a shield around him.

"One: no portal surfaces." He dipped his head and smiled mischievously.

"Two: start the neurotoxin immediately." Then a green gas started to flood into the room.

"Three: bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly to number four: bombs. For throwing at you."

I sighed in relief that he didn't mention the bombs we set up around the button.

"You know what," he started, "this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin."

I giggled, not a chance…

"I'm joking, of course. Goodbye."

Then the fight commenced. I silently cheered on for Wheatley, knowing that he is so going to win this fight, especially since I helped set everything up. I sighed as I remembered his words, "Something wrong, Davey?"

He is concerned for me, I just know it.

My concern grew for him as soon as he accidently bombed a tube nearby flowing with a white cream. I narrowed my eyes. He screamed horrifically. Then he chuckled, and played along like it was his plan for that to happen. He ranted on to the lady in a jumpsuit. I blinked slowly, not wanting to miss a moment.

"Wheatley…" I whispered mostly to myself, "don't be stupid and accidentally hit yourself with a bloody bomb…"

He did just that thing though. I watched painfully as the lady shot an orange portal on the wall and made him throw a bomb at himself. He shouted in agony before shutting down briefly. I wanted to scream his name but that would put me in danger as well. I watched with a tiny optic as the lady attached a babbling orange-eyed core onto Wheatley's chassis.

The rest of the fight went on like that, and it grew harder, and harder to watch. He was in pain, and I can't help him.

In one of his waking moments, he screamed out angrily, "Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman! You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!"

I watched him, fascinated by his anger and hatred fueled by this horrible woman. Then I flinched. What if he said those words to me? How would I react? Would I just stay frozen in place, or would I snap back at him.

Finally, Wheatley's corruption was at 100%. The area to the stalemate button opened up and an aperture where a potato held onto it opened up. GLaDOS and Wheatley screamed at the lady either to press the button or not to.

I stared. Wheatley was telling her to not press it?

What's going on in his mind?

Doesn't he want her dead? Or does he still want to stay in power? I guess I'll never know, since as soon as the lady's hand touched the button, she was thrown back by the bombs. I laughed, she must be dead now!

"Part five!" He cried out, "booby-trap the stalemate button!"

But then the impossible happened. The lady heaved herself up and glared at Wheatley.

Wheatley and I stared on in disbelief. She is still alive!?

"What, are you still alive?" He growled, "you are joking. You have got to be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control, and I have no idea how to fix this place!"

A chunk of the ceiling fell off, revealing the sky. I stared at the starlit sky in wonder.

This is the sky.

In plain sight, was a full moon, gleaming in brilliance.

"You just had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work." He glanced in my general vicinity and went on, "yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. Because we are all going to bloody die!"

We're going to die? Has Wheatley done something he didn't tell me about?

He didn't tell me that the whole facility was about to self-destruct?

I cracked a little inside of my wires. He didn't trust me.

Or was he trying to hide me from the inevitable truth?

Then the lady weakly raised her portal gun and aimed it at the moon. One thought ran though my mind at that moment. Portal panels are made of moon rocks. That's why they're portable.

So it makes no difference for the moon.

Then she shot a bright orange portal straight to the moon. It took a moment, but suddenly, a lot of things happened at once. Wheatley screamed as he getting torn apart from his body into space. I shrank back in the panels and watched as he was hanging on by a thread. GLaDOS has taken back control now, and Wheatley was begging the girl to hold on to him tighter.

Then he looked at me.

I stared back and wished I could cry.

Did we really have something spark between us?

Then GLaDOS raised a claw, and slammed Wheatley out of the girl's grasp into space. And the last thing I ever heard from Wheatley was his horrified screams.

"Grab me, grab me, grab me! Grab meeee!"

I wandered the facility for a long time. I have lost my friend as well as the one I have fallen in love with.

I made many odd noises throughout my time alone. I made odd choking noises, like what a human would make if they were crying.

I regret murdering Oracle and not doing anything to save Wheatley.

As if that wasn't bad enough, now GLaDOS is hunting me down because of my treason to Aperture Laboratories. She hunts me down relentlessly for what I have done in aiding Wheatley's successful attempted murders to both her and the lady.

I run everywhere from her. And the entire time I run, I think about Wheatley and the other cores and turrets that I have betrayed.

But for some reason, I don't regret any of it.

I blinked my shutter slowly, and an instant replay of Wheatley's scream ripped through my consciousness.

I sniffed sadly and muttered to the wall, "this is why I can't have nice things."