"Anastasia Steele. I love you. I want to love, cherish and protect you for the rest of my life. Be mine. Always. Share my life with me. Marry me."
His words are still ringing loud and clear in my head as I continue to cradle him in my arms. Both of us cuddling and just enjoying each other's presence in the attic of the boathouse, surrounded by flowers. This handsome, beautiful, overprotective megalomaniac whom I've grown to love has just asked for my hand in marriage. Me, Anastasia Steele, soon to be Mrs. Grey. I am still pondering over what I've done to deserve a guy like Christian Grey. Everything that have happened feels like a dream, a dream that I never want to wake up from and right now I just want to stay in this position forever, with him in my arms.
Grey eyes stared up at me, bringing me back from my thoughts. "What are you thinking about?" He asks, his voice is anxious.
"Nothing, just you. How lucky I am to have you in my life." I replied, giving him a shy smile, embarrassed that I was caught wandering into my own private world.
He lets out a big sigh of relief. "I thought you were having second thoughts,"
"About what?" I look at him, confused.
"Me. Us getting married." He sits up and takes my hand, not wanting to look up at me, he stares down at our entwined fingers and plays with my platinum ring. Oh my dear Fifty, why is he always so filled with self-doubt.
I lift up my free hand and gently tilt his head to look at me, lost grey eyes stared back into my blue ones. My lost boy, I need to reassure him I will not leave him, not after everything we've been through. We have come such a long way and knowing Christian the only way to get this message across and for him to understand is the Christian Grey way.
Leaning in slowly, my fingers fisting his hair, I give him a soft, passionate kiss on the lips. His wraps his arms around my back and kisses me back with equal passion. Gently grabbing my behind and pulling me to straddle him, he slowly trails his fingers down my green cocktail dress and starts to hitch up my dress. With that, I am lost in Christian Grey's spell. Smiling into the kiss, I know that my message has successfully gotten across to him.
~ . ~
"Can we marry tomorrow?" Christian murmurs softly in my ear. I am sprawled on his chest in the flowery bower in the boathouse, sated from our passionate lovemaking.
"Hmm."
"Is that a yes?" I hear his hopeful surprise.
"Hmm."
"A no?"
"Hmm."
I sense his grin. "Miss Steele, are you incoherent?"
I grin. "Hmm."
He laughs and hugs me tightly, kissing the top of my head. "Vegas, tomorrow, it is then."
Sleepily I raise my head. "I don't think my parents would be very happy with that."
He thrums his fingertips up and down my naked back, caressing me gently. "What do you want, Anastasia? Vegas? A big wedding with all the trimmings? Tell me."
"Not big . . . Just friends and family." I gaze up at him moved by the quiet entreaty in his glowing gray eyes. What does he want?
"Okay." He nods. "Where?"
I shrug.
"Could we do it here?" he asks tentatively.
"Your folks' place? Would they mind?"
He snorts. "My mother would be in seventh heaven."
"Okay, here. I'm sure my mom and dad would prefer that."
He strokes my hair. Could I be any happier?
"So, we've established where, now the when."
"Surely you should ask your mother."
"Hmm." Christian's smile dips. "She can have a month, that's it. I want you too much to wait any longer."
"Christian, you have me. You've had me for a while. But okay—a month it is." I kiss his chest, a soft chaste kiss, and smile up at him.
~.~
After our passionate love making, we headed back to join the Greys. Carrick had left the party with Grace, much to Christian's relief, as Grace was in a very drunk state. Mia headed to bed early, leaving Kate and Elliot the only ones left in the family room.
"Finally, took you long enough! How much fun did you have?" Elliot teases, eyeing both Christian and I with a wicked look. I look down at my feet and can't help but blush, if only he knew.
Christian grasps my hand tighter as he notices me blushing and turns to scowl at Elliot. "Shut up Elliot, Ana and I are staying over. It's too late to head back now. I came to tell you that we will both be in my room."
"Round two? Jeez, where did you get all these energy from?" Elliot smirks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, earning a smack at the back of his head from Kate.
"Stop teasing them, Elliot." Kate scolds jokingly and stands to give me a hug. "Ignore him Ana, you have a good rest future bride-to-be," She winks.
I can't help but feel a small thrill run through my body as I am once again lured back into my dream world. . I could get used to that.
"Thanks Kate, you too," I giggle softly as I return her hug before leaving the family room with Christian.
As we enter Christian's childhood bedroom, I can't help but notice the difference between the atmosphere of the last time I entered this room and now. Just earlier today, I entered this room feeling numb and tensed after experiencing the excruciating confrontation in the kitchen. Hmm, I wonder…..
"Are you okay?" These words are out of my mouth before I had time to process it.
He stares back at me, confused. "Why would I be otherwise?"
"I just wanted to know if you are alright, you know, after everything that has happened tonight," I say softly, walking slowly towards him.
He freezes and gives me his lost look again. "Don't,"
Him standing there in the middle of his childhood bedroom with a lost and scared look is enough to pull at my heartstrings. I can't imagine the amount of times he has been in this similar situation, my poor Fifty. I wrap my arms around him and rest my head against his chest, the top few buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, giving me a slight peek of his chest hair.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, breathing in and savoring Christian's scent. He returns my hug and rests his head on top of mine.
"Please, let today be about us," He whispers.
"Promise me you will tell me what happened in the future?" I snuggle up to him tighter.
He sighs, and I can sense him rolling his eyes at me, "Always hungry for more information. And I will, I promise,"
I grin up at him, he looks down at me, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Let's get ready for bed. Taylor already unpacked our things for us,"
I turn to look at the direction Christian is pointing at, and sure enough there is a set of silk nightwear chosen by Caroline Acton on the bed. Were those there earlier? I can't seem to recall, probably because I was so distracted by what happened with the bitch troll.
"Lift your arms over your head," Bossy, controlling Christian is back, interrupting my thoughts.
I do as I'm told and he reaches down to the hem of my dress and slowly peels it off. He leans forward and I think he's going to kiss me, but he doesn't. He rests his head on top of mine and slowly unclasps my bra and gives me a small squeeze on my behind.
"Christian!" I squeal softly as he smirks and take few steps back to admire the view.
"You're mine Anastasia. I love you and I can't wait to make you my wife," He looks at me, earnest and sincere, radiating love.
I step forward to stroke his cheek softly; he leans into my palm and closes his eyes, savoring my touch. "I love you too Christian Grey, my fiancé," I smile at him as he gives me an infectious big toothy grin.
He picks up my nightdress and slowly dresses me before making a move to unbutton his shirt.
"Can I reciprocate?"
He gives me a small nod and I slowly reach up to unbutton the rest of his shirt, careful not to touch him as I do not want wake the lost and frighten boy in him after all that has happened today.
"Touch me, please." He whispers softly as his breath hitches.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I need it. Your touch, it heals." He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, anticipating my touch.
I slowly lift my hands up to his chest to stroke his chest hair. His face scrunches up and he lets out a soft groan, but he doesn't stop me. I let my hands wander slowly around his chest and I can feel him relaxing more as I do so.
"I'm glad this is getting easier for you,"
He opens his eyes and gives me a small smile. "You don't know what you can do to me, Ana." I look up at him. "You make me complete."
"So do you," I smile before engulfing him in a big bear hug.
~.~
I've been staring up at Christian's childhood bedroom ceiling for who knows how long. I just can't sleep. I shift slowly to face Christian, the light from outside allowing me to catch a glimpse of his beautiful sculpted face. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps; I now know why he always loved watching me sleep, it's intriguing.
"I know you are watching me," I jump a little, not expecting him to still be awake.
"Can't sleep?" He opens his beautiful grey eyes to look at me and I melt deep down.
"Maybe it's because of this," I lift up my hand to show him the ring and give him a cheeky grin.
"Not only am I making you lose your appetite, I make you lose sleep too?" He sounds genuinely concerned.
I laugh, he is just too easy to tease. "I'm excited Christian. I'm getting married. I'm going to be a Grey now. It's like a dream, like you are a dream. I just can't believe you would want to marry me, of all the girls out there. You could have had anyone you wanted." As I say this, I realized that this was what kept me awake after all. Why me?
He pulls me into his arms so I'm snuggled into his chest. "Oh Ana, what can I do to make you see that I only want you? You are everything that I want. None of those girls out there can be as perfect as you. I will only ever love you, Ana." He kisses my head softly and buries his face into my hair.
I close my eyes enjoying his embrace, slowly taking in his words and it was the reassurance I needed to get me to sleep.
~.~
I am warm. Too warm, Christian Grey warm. I am starting to get used to this, in fact, waking up to this is comforting. Knowing that Christian is safe and still here, that this wasn't just a long dream. I slowly shift out of his arms and change into the pale blue summer dress that Taylor prepared for me and head downstairs.
Gretchen informs me that the Greys are out having breakfast at the garden's gazebo. I stroll into the garden, in search for the Greys, in the mean time taking up the breathtaking view. This place is so big I could get lost in here. The Greys are so wealthy, Christian is so wealthy, how will I ever get used to this? You have to now, since you've said yes Ana. Oh Christian and all his baggage, my fifty shades. He is such a complicated man, yet I can't seem to stay away, I want to stay by his side to know him better. How can I make Christian open up to me more? We are making progress, but somehow I feel that he is not being totally open and honest with me.
Lost in thoughts and without realizing, my feet have brought me to where the Greys are at. Christian's there too. How did he get here so quickly? A look of sheer panic on his face as he glances around in search of something, or someone. Me?Oh no, how long have I been gone?
I quickly walk towards the gazebo to see what the commotion was about and catches Christian's eye. He immediately let out a huge sigh of relief and strides towards me, pulling me into his arms.
"Where have you been? I was looking for you everywhere!" He grasps me tightly in his arms.
"I took a walk around the garden before making my way here. Don't worry, I'm here, I'm safe." I whisper to him soothingly as if trying to tame a wild animal.
At the corner of my eye, I see Grace and Mia exchanging knowing looks, seemingly surprised by Christian's public display of affection.
"Don't get out of my sight and go wandering again," He scolds softly and releases me.
I laugh and shake my head at him, he can be so overprotective sometimes.
We join the Greys at the table and Christian, being the impatient control freak that he is, he voiced out our suggestion to have our wedding at the Grey household. As Christian predicted, Grace's face immediately lit up and was more than willing to help plan the wedding.
"And mother please, nothing too fancy otherwise it will take too long. I can't wait any longer," He turns to me and places his hand onto mine under the table, giving me a small smile then turning back to the table where everyone are busy throwing out ideas for our wedding.
~.~
"We've arrived," Christian's voice jolting me up from my slumber. I open my eyes to find that we are already in Escala. He switches the R8 ignition off and gently reaches over to stroke my head.
"Hmm," I close my eyes again, not wanting to get up.
I am dead tired. We have spent the whole afternoon discussing the wedding details. The best wedding planners are hired to help plan the wedding, with Christian, nothing but the best will do when it comes to planning our wedding. I got to see the CEO Christian Grey in action, just watching him so concentrated and focus in planning the wedding in his CEO manner is so intriguing.
"Stay right here," Christian exits the R8 and strides around the car to open my door, he reaches down and carries me in his arms, taking me by surprise.
"Christian!" I squeal. "I am more than capable of walking, thank you very much,"
I laugh, snaking my arms around his neck to keep me from falling.
"This reminds me of the time when we were in the Heathman." He smiles but not for long before a frown creeps onto his beautiful face. "You were drunk and that boy…" He trails off.
"You saved me," I try changing the subject to enlighten the mood. "You are my hero, my knight in shining armor," I give him a big smile.
"And I'll always be by your side, if you need me," He says sincerely as carries me to the elevator.
"Are you coming to bed?"
I'm standing at the door of Christian's study, he's been hauled up in here ever since we got back from his parents. I feel bad for not being able to help him with his work. Both of us are rushing to meet our deadline for work before the wedding month.
"I will shortly," He smiles. "Ana, come." He turns in his chair and gestures for me to sit on his lap.
Confused, I do as instructed, wrapping my arms around his neck, not breaking our eye contact, searching his eyes for some clue of what he's thinking.
"I want to talk to you about the vows," He holds my head close to his chest.
"Hmm, what about them?" I close my eyes and rest against him.
Taking a deep breath, he murmurs softly. "I've been thinking and I have a small request regarding your vows"
He pauses to check for my reaction before continuing. "I want you to promise to obey me,"
I shoot straight up in his lap and stare at him, he is being dead serious.
Promise to obey? Like a submissive? Is this the dominant Grey speaking? No, I can't promise this. I shake my head in obvious frustration.
"Christian, I am not your child, or your submissive,"
"I want you safe Ana. This is the only way I can make sure you are safe." He gazes at me, completely impassive.
"I'm going to be your wife Christian. I appreciate you trying to keep me safe, but I am not a child. I do not need protecting; I can take care of myself." I stand up in annoyance, holding my head. Oh, how can I make him understand this.
"Ana," He warns, his voice quiet and serious. "Please, I can't risk losing you. After what happened at the apartment with Leila, I need to know that you will obey me at all times, so I can keep you away from danger." He stands and glowers at me.
He is mad, although he tries to remain calm, but his eyes tells me everything. This is going to be a huge fight, I know it. No way am I backing down from this. I am not his submissive, I am not an errant child and I will not promise to obey!
I scowl at him. "What happened with Leila is over, it won't happen again. You are being too overprotective Christian. I am a mature adult!"
"I need to confirm that it will sure as hell won't happen again!" He growls.
"You are not my dominant,"
"I'm asking you to do this for me, as a husband,"
"Your request is highly irregular for a husband to ask from a wife, don't you think so?"
"Why can't you just follow a simple, fucking request? Why do you always have to defy me?" He snarls.
"You have to stop doing this," I don't want to argue, suddenly I feel weak and exhausted. "If you stop being so unreasonable, I won't be like this!"
"Unreasonable?" He hisses. "I'm doing all this to protect you, if you had more regard for your personal safety, I wouldn't need to do this." He adds angrily, his eyes blaze as he glares at me.
"Look Christian, you need to trust me alright." I say, exasperated. "If we are going to do this marriage thing together, then you are going to have to learn to trust me."
He closes his eyes, trying to contain his anger.
I say softly "When you calm down and think this through, then we will talk. But right now I am exhausted, I am going to bed," I can feel a slight headache creeping on as I leave the room.
~.~
I reach over the Christian's side of the bed. He's not there, I sit up and check my blackberry. 1.35am. I get up and walk to his study to check up on him. He is still hauled up in there, busying himself with his laptop.
He notices me and catches my eye. I'm not sure how long we just stared at each other but I can see that he is still mad.
"Are you coming to bed soon?" I try giving him a small smile.
He turns back to his laptop. "Yes."
"Why are you still so mad at me?"
"You know why," He says without looking at me.
I sigh, this is him sulking in his study. I try a softer approach. "Please come to bed soon, I miss you,"
The corner of his lips twitches and lifts into a small smile but he doesn't say anything.
I walk over to stand beside him, placing both hands on his shoulders. He tenses slightly but doesn't make a move to remove my hands.
Gently, I start massaging his shoulders. "Don't tire yourself, come to bed with me,"
He closes his eyes surrendering into my touch. After awhile he straightens himself, his eyebrows creases and continues to busy himself with his laptop, ignoring me.
I sigh before heading to the door, taking one last look at Christian, I head back to the bedroom.
My head is fuzzy, the headache is killing me. Christian is once again wrapped around me like ivy. His head nuzzled into my chest, his arms curled around me pulling me close. I need a drink, and some Advil, I'm not feeling too good. I slowly untangle myself from Christian as he stirs a little and shifts in his sleep. I take one look at peaceful, sleeping Christian before walking to the kitchen to put a stop to my headache.
Holding my glass of water before taking a seat at the counter, I clench my pounding head, massaging it softly hoping to ease the ache.
"Mommy!"
I turn around quickly, unaware that I was still holding the glass of water, causing water to spill everywhere. What was that?
No, my heart sinks. Christian! I hurry back down the hallway to Christian's bedroom and sure enough Christian is once again tossing and turning in bed, his face scrunched up as if in pain. Another nightmare.
My heart clenches for this man as I rush next to him, shaking him softly, desperate to wake him up and shake away his nightmare.
"Christian! Christian!" My voice is urgent.
"NO, don't touch me! No, no, NO!"
"I'm here." Grasping his shoulders, I shake him softly again. "I'm here."
He wakes and sees me leaning over him, blue eyes wide and brimming with tears. Oh, Christian. Seeing him in this state, so broken, so raw and lost, tears start forming uncontrollably due to the overwhelming emotions I'm feeling inside.
"Ana," His voice is a breathless whisper, the taste of fear tarnishing his mouth. "You're here."
"Of course I'm here." Always.
"I had a dream . . ." He whispers rapidly.
"I know. I'm here, I'm here."
"Ana." He breathes softly.
"Hush, I'm here." I curl around him, cocooning him in attempt to force back the fear.
"Please let's not fight." His voice is hoarse as he wraps his arms around me.
"Okay." I can feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest, his shirt drenched in sweat.
"The vows. No obeying. I can do that. We'll find a way." The words rush out of his mouth in a tumble of emotion and confusion and anxiety.
"Yes. We will. We will always find a way," I whisper softly and lean back to look at him. Lifting my hand up to cup his face, gently caressing his cheek, I kiss him, in hopes that it will chase away his nightmare, to bring light into darkness.
Oh, this man. This beautiful, complicated, fucked up man. My lost boy. I will do whatever it takes to keep him happy, to protect him from his haunting past, to walk the future with him. I love him, married life with this man, married life with Christian Grey will never be dull.