Cid's Life Sucks
Summery: Based on the Cosplay Idol 07 winning entry called "Cid Highwind – My life sucks." A normal day in Cid's life...well...sucks. Post DOC, Some Cid/Shera. Rated T for language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or the Cosplay Idol 07 entry (A video of which can be found on Youtube)
got my ideas from watching the aforementioned Youtube video.
Also, to whoever did the Cosplay Idol 07 entry...YOU ROCK MAN!!!
"Captain!" a female voice called, it was of course Shera, Cid's wife.
"Will that woman ever call me by my real name?" Cid thought,
"YO!!! In here Shera!" Cid yelled back. Almost immediately a brunette came fumbling into the living room.
"Shera, did you lose your glasses again?" Cid asked slightly annoyed. She rolled her eyes, as she continued to fumble for her glasses,
"Yes and until I find them I can't get out to run any errands."
Cid started stare at the ceiling, and rubbed his hand over his face, "The price of marriage." was all that ran through his head.
"I'll go run yer errands for ya."
"Would you?"
"Sure."
"Thank you, Heres a list."
Shera ran towards, what she thought was, Cid and hugged it. She then began to feel the object which turned out to be a coat stand with a dark blue jacket hanging on it.
Cid shook his head with a smirk, quickly kissed her on the cheek, took the list & his trusty spear, and walked out the door.
Almost as soon as the door closed, Shera reached into her pocket and pulled out a small rectangular box, opened it and put her glasses on her face with a smirk.
"Sucker."
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Later
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Cid walked down the streets of Edge looking at the list.
1. Grocery List.
a) Milk
b) Eggs
c) Sodas (Diet)
d) Beer
Cid smirked as he personally added beer to the list.
As he read on he didn't notice a small group of hooded creatures behind him.
e) Potions
He grimaced at the very thoughts of potions, all of which were made of or included the same three ingredients, which where; Eye of newt, dung of bat, and tongue of toad.
"Downing 30 or so of those a day can. NOT be good for one's health."
f) Materia
Cid rolled his eyes.
"Great, that ridiculous suppository stuff from the ground...ugh... if Cloud makes me create spontaneous combustion or a static discharge with my will again, it will be he who it will be aimed at."
He thought as he reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and groaned.
He had no cash.
Fortunately he remembered that there's an ATM machine about a block over.
He reached the ATM machine safely but still with the small hooded creatures behind him.
He reached into his wallet to pull out his ATM card and all of a sudden he heard the loud cry of...
"KUPO!!!"
"Huh?"
Cid suddenly found himself fighting a battle against a gang...of all things... Moogles.
5 minutes later Cid was yelling and cursing at the Moogle Gang as they ran off.
"Damn Moogles." Cid said as he reached in his pocket for his wallet...which was mysteriously missing.
"Oh son of a..." Cid said as he grabbed his spear and took off after them.
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Kupo!!!
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Cid was finally able to catch the crazed moogles and retrieve his wallet; he fortunately had a little help in the form of one hyperactive Wutai ninja with a 4 point shuriken...who immediately ran off to tell everyone that he had been robbed by Moogles, following their victory against the "Moogle spawn of Sephiroth" as Cid affectionately referred to them.
"First, Shinra, then those three crazed remnants of Sephiroth, then the Tsviets, and now Moogles...of all things to go wacko...awww hell." Cid groaned as he saw that there was now a line for the ATM.
"This is going to be a long...long...LONG...day."
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Grocery Store
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After having waited about two hours for a (very senile) old lady to get five dollars from the cursed ATM, Cid had finally extracted 100 bucks, Cid took no time in gathering all the items on the grocery list and quickly got into the express lane.
BIG MISTAKE!!!
Apparently the teenaged clerk, who just so happened to be in training and with his manager standing over his shoulder giving him instructions, continued to screw something up...every...damn...time.
"Oh please let something happen soon or so help me I will use this spear on somebody," Cid thought, while white knuckling his spear, and shooting death glares at the clerk whenever he said anything to the effect of, "oops."
Fortunately his plea was heard; because a few moments later, Tifa, followed by the former Tsvitet, Shelke entered the store. Shelke noticed Cid and waved to him.
Cid thanked the powers that be and waved for her to come over.
Shelke quickly fixed the problem and Cid was out of there like a bat out of hell...not without giving Shelke 10 bucks, and an I.O.U. for a car.
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Home
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Cid retuned home to find Shera standing out on the lawn looking down at a random spot in the grass.
"Shera, What are ya doin?" Cid asked her.
She looked up with an annoyed look on her face, and pointed at the spot.
"Fire Ants," was her only response.
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Five minutes later
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Cid sat in the living room in his favorite chair, on the phone to his gardener, Bob, all the while holding his spear.
"Yes Bob, fire ants."
pause+
"What do you mean buy some fire ant killer???"
pause+
"No that's what I pay YOU for Bob."
pause+
"Well what the hell do you suggest I do?"
Well...+
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Later
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Not too far away, Denzel, Marlene, and Shelke were riding along on they're bikes with Red XIII running close behind them.
Shelke had just finished regaling them with how she "saved" Cid at the store.
"He really gave you an I.O.U. for a car?" Denzel asked disbelievingly.
"Affirmative Denzel." Shelke responded as they rounded a corner.
Almost immediately Red's ears perked up as he heard something nearby.
"What in the world?!" Red said as he ran ahead of the youngsters.
"Wait here." Red said as he ran off to see what was causing the racket in his ears.
He ran down the street and as he got closer he was able to discern what the noise was, it was a VERY familiar voice swearing and cursing a person by the name of Bob.
He then came across a VERY angry Cid Highwind, who was stabbing his spear at a small pile of dirt.
Red let out a roar to get his attention, which nearly got him impaled by Cid's spear.
"DAMN IT RED; DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!!!"
"My most humble apologies Cid, but what are you doing?"
Cid rolled his eyes, and his face became a deeper shade of red than...well...Red XIII.
"Fire ants," was his only response as he immediately started stabbing the ant hill again.
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That evening
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After having faced a troupe crazy moogles, senile old ladies, defective store clerks, incompetent gardeners, and a mound of fire ants, all Cid wanted to do was have a stiff drink, so he raced over to the 7th Heaven Bar.
Before he could even open the door, he heard Yuffie regaling anyone who would listen with the Crazy Moogle story.
The second he DID open the door, he was greeted by a number of snickers.
"SHUT IT!!!" was his response.
"Awww what's the matter Cid, can't handle a few Moogles?" Barrett said immediately bursting into laughter afterwards.
"Another word outta you and you can kiss your other arm goodbye." Cid threatened.
"Hey give the guy some slack folks." Cloud said as he got up and put a hand on Cid's shoulder.
"Thanks Spikey."
"I mean...it's not everyday that he gets ambushed by a group of killer moogles." Cloud said as he quickly doubled up with laughter.
Cid groaned loudly, and started wishing he had a gun...or Sephiroth's number.
"Tifa...Scotch...and forget the glass...just bring me the whole damn bottle." Cid commanded
Tifa quickly stumbled over to the liquor cabinet, while shaking violently attempting to hold in the laughter...and failing.
"Et too Brunette-ay" Cid asked getting more and more annoyed.
"Yep me too." Tifa said as she too burst into laughter.
Cid then began to flashback to a time back when they were trying to bring down Shinra, and they were staying at an inn.
FLASHBACK+
Cid is trying to sleep on a puny bed with Cait Sith & his robot Moogle on one side, Barrett on the other moaning about how his arm is now a gun, and with Red XIII on his legs, humping them (His legs you sick minded people)...Cid instinctively kicked Red off the bed.
Meanwhile Cloud...Mr. Uber Hero man... is on the other bed, with Tifa on one side, Aeris on the other, and..."What the hell is Yuffie doing?" Cid thought as he got knocked in the back of the head accidentally by Barrett, "This is the worst night of my LIFE!!!"
END FLASHBACK+
Back at the bar, Cid is tapping his fingers on the bar counter taking a large gulp from the Scotch bottle every time one of the "Torture Cid Glee Club" attempted to create some ridiculous limerick.
At that Cid came to one conclusion.
"MY LIFE SUCKS!!!"
End.
That's all folks...please R&R.