A day of a life of a jounin

Chapter 1

I dropped my kunai…

"Good morning, my dearest comrades on my way of life at the springtime of my youth"

Lee shouted as he ran towards Ten Ten and Neji who were already sitting next to the memory stone in the training field.

"Where is Gai-sensei?" he asked after reaching his team mates, "He is usually firs to arrive, especially when it is such a youthful morning. The sun is shining brightly like a…"

"Shut up, you freaking workaholic", Neji said to Lee with a mean gaze in his empty eyes.

"Well, good morning to you too, my lovely friend", Lee answered. "Ten Ten, do you know where is our instructor in this hard yet hopeful path of our youth?"

"I don't know", the girl answered, "Neji said he wouldn't come today."

"But why!" Lee shouted from the bottom of his newly depressed heart, "Then who will guide us trough this hard and lonely day?"

"I don't know", she answered, "Do you, Neji?"

"It's that ah-so-cool guy who's usually teaching that bunch of workaholic brats team of Naruto and co. But it seems to me that he is running late, so I guess…"

"What?" Ten Ten shouted, "Why didn't you tell me this before!"

"Why should I have? It seems to me that it doesn't matter who will teach us as long as it isn't Gai-sensei…"

"Neji, you idiot!" The girl yelled. "I'll be back in a moment", she said to Lee, "I live nearby so it shouldn't take long to get changed."

"But why", Lee asked, "I thought those are your training clothes."

Ten Ten obviously didn't answer, as she was already running far away.

"What was that about?" Neji asked.

"I don't know", Lee answered, already missing Gai horribly in his heart. He sat down and they waited. And waited.

After an hour Ten Ten came rushing back.

"He hasn't arrived yet?" She asked.

"No", Lee and Neji said, shaking their heads and trying to suppress their bleeding noses.

"What?" Ten Ten asked.

"I didn't know you have a miniskirt", Lee pointed out.

"I didn't know anyone could have a top as small as the one you're wearing now", Neji pointed out.

"I thought you didn't even own any make-up", Lee said, "And that your hair would be shorter when it's falling open."

"And I though you were gay", Ten Ten said and sat on the ground far from her team mates, who moved immediately closer.

"What made you think so, you beautiful flower in full bloom?" Lee asked. Ten Ten rolled her eyes and shook her head.
After few hours Hatake Kakashi finally arrived, looking like something a cat had brought in.

"At last we have a sexy sensei", Ten Ten whispered to Neji, who was now trying to look trough her shirt.

"See any interesting chakra points", she asked with an extremely annoyed voice.

"No, but a very nice bra", Neji answered, "A bra so amusing that I think I needn't have to use byakugan to see it trough your shirt. I just wanted a closer look."

It was now Lee's turn to roll his eyes.

"Are you tired, sensei?" Ten Ten asked with a soft-spoken voice.

"Is that why you were five hours late?" Lee asked.

Ten Ten kicked him in the nuts.

"Don't you dare to make fun of him, he's obviously tired", Ten Ten whispered as Lee was now lying on the ground. Kakashi cleared his throat.

"As I mentioned Neji yesterday in the bar…" he started, "Your teacher Gai has challenged me to a competition."

They all rolled their eyes, except Lee who was the only one besides Gai who thought that the eternal rivalry thing made any sense.

"As much as I've tried to avoid his suggestions…" (At this point Lee was nearly crying because of the violated honour of his beloved mentor. )"He spotted me yesterday and claimed that there isn't anything new that I could teach to his team. I said that he was absolutely right, and he insisted me to prove it. So here I am, trying to teach you something new and trying to fail it at the same time. If I can't teach you guys anything new, your sensei will do something totally stupid and completely unnecessary, I can't recall what it was. So let's get started. What's the first thing in the morning that you guys do?"

"Five hundred sit-ups", Lee sniffed.

"He's lying", Neji said, "We usually start by taking a nap. It'll help us to concentrate later."

"Okay…" Kakashi started only to realize that Lee was already doing sit-ups and Neji was already snoring.

"Ten Ten", he said, "Your name is Ten Ten, right?"

Ten Ten nodded and Lee shook his head.

"Are you sure you can train with that skirt? I mean… I thought you would all be wearing green jumpsuits or something."

"Oh, no sensei…" Ten Ten nearly moaned and shook her head so that her brown hair was moving on her shoulders, "Green jumpsuits are for idiots."

Lee fell down bursting into tears.

"Are you okay, Lee", Kakashi asked. "I want Gai-sensei!" Lee cried banging the ground.

"He's okay, he's always like that at this time of the month", Ten Ten said, "And I guess you are right about my outfit, sensei. I mean, I could train in a miniskirt, but I left in such a hurry that I forgot to put on my panties. Can you imagine?"

Kakashi nodded as his nose started to bleed.

"Oh, sensei, you are bleeding. How's that possible?" Ten Ten moved closer to Kakashi. "Oops, I dropped my kunai", she whispered throwing one knife over her shoulder. Kakashi's nosebleed continued more rapidly when she turned over to pick up her kunai. "Oh, how clumsy of me", Ten Ten continued, "I accidentally cut my blouse. And I'm usually so skilled with knives and bondage and such. I guess I have to get to my home, which is now completely empty, to take off my clothes."

She crabbed Kakashi's hand and started to pull him with her.

"You come too, sensei. Let's get something cold or something hot for your bleeding nose. Your vest is blooded all over. And I do need you to teach me something I haven't learned before…"

"But Ten Ten", Kakashi started in his horror, "It seems to me that you are trying to seduce me…"

"Oh, how's that, sensei?" She asked ripping her clothes more with her kunai.

"You are a bit too young, don't you think?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm a year older than your students. It makes me nearly an adult, doesn't it?" "Yeah, I guess you are right", Kakashi smiled. The girl grinned.

Chapter 2 Springtime of youth

It was far too early at the morning, when Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke were heading to their meeting point where Kakashi was supposed to be waiting. ("Hah! Like that would happen", they all thought in unison.) Like always, Sakura was so busy trying to pinch Sasuke's bottom that even she, no matter how smart and analytical she might be, didn't realize that something was wrong when they arrived to the meeting point. As usual, Kakashi wasn't there. Instead of him, Maito Gai stood nex to a tree looking kind of annoyed. Naruto found it hard to figure out what was wrong.

"Hey mr. Huge eyebrows, you're not Kakashi-sensei," he said.

"How clever of you", Gai said, "My head doesn't look like a bird's nest, for sure."

"If you're waiting for sensei, Gai-san, he won't be here for at least an hour", Sakura said.

"Get your hooves off my butt, Sakura", Sasuke said.

"Your sensei, my eternal rival, Hatake Kakashi told me that you were supposed to be meeting him here nine o'clock. It is five past eleven now", Gai said.

"Yeah", Sasuke said, "So he won't be here for at least an hour. Get off me, Sakura."

Gai gathered his remaining patience and explained;

"Hatake 'oh-I'm-so-cool-because-my-name-means-a-scarecrow-and-I-truly-look-like-one' Kakashi and myself, Konoha's proud beast have a competition."

"Oh, how surprising", Naruto and Sakura said giggling and rolling their eyes.

"Stop trying to pinch my bottom, Sakura", Sasuke said.

Gai's expression had some annoyance in it.

"Anyway", he continued, "I have to teach you something that you haven't learned before. Otherwise I have to let Kurenai colour my hair pink, dress as a poodle and be a ring-bearer at her wedding."

"Are Kurenai-san and Asuma-san aware of this?" Sasuke asked, "Stop pinching at by bottom, Sakura! Oh, it was you, Naruto. Carry on."

"It wasn't me", naruto whispered suspiciously.

"Stop interrupting me, you annoying yet hopeful youngsters!" Gai screamed, "You obviously lack some respect for your elders!"

"Please pinch my bottom again", Sasuke said to Naruto.

"Please kill me, Sakura-chan", Naruto said to Sakura.

Obviously, they hadn't heard a single word of Gai's speech.

"That's exactly what we're going to learn today!" Gai yelled, "We're learning to respect our elders! Do five hundred sit-ups and then start to respect that stone over there!"

Team Kakashi collected their jaws from the ground.

"What did you say, master über-brows!" Naruto yelled.

"That's exactly what I mean, you noisy yet hopeful fox boy in your full bloom of youth!" Gai yelled.

"You're not master Kakashi, I don't have to do your stupid sit-ups!" Naruto screamed.

Gai was now banging his head to the nearest tree.

"That's enough!" He yelled, "Go and jog ten mails and then come to do your very reasonable sit-ups!"

"I'm on a diet", Sakura said, "I would have gone jogging today anyway. So this is great. Let's go, boys!"

She cheerfully took a firm hold of Naruto's sleeve and started tracking him with her. Sasuke fell crying on the ground.

"I want Kakashi-sensei!" He screamed.

"Oh, come on, boy", Gai said, "My dear students would never be that childish."

After seeing Gai's confronting gaze he jumped up and ran as fast as he could.

"Whoa, I've never been this sweaty", Naruto griped.

"I'm so sweaty I bet you could see trough my shirt. Isn't that right, Sasuke-kün?" Sakura groaned.

"Not interested, stop pinching my bottom." Sasuke pointed out.

"Oh, the glory of youth!" Gai cheered, "You are all so full of it with your healthy-looking red cheeks! Now start respecting that stone."

"Why don't you show us how?" Sasuke asked, "Oh, for goodness sake, Sakura, will you just stop that! I'm no sex object!"

"It wasn't me", Sakura whispered suspiciously.

"Because I'm older than you kids are, I should go respect the hokage. And because we haven't got any hokages left now, I'll go respect Jiraiya-sama" Gai said.

"Can I come too?" Naruto whined, "I haven't been annoying to him for almost a week now."

"No", Gai yelled, "Definitely not, you youthful little child. Sit down and respect that stone!"

"But I…"

"No!"

Team Kakashi sat down and Gai left. After few moments of intense stare the stone started to weep.

"I can't do this if you are all staring me!" The stone cried.

"Come out, Ino-pig, your pig-tail has been seen!" Sakura and inner Sakura yelled in unison.

"A good shinobi should never reveal her hiding places", the blond hair behind the stone murmured.

"Please, Ino, will you be so kind?" Sasuke said with a bored voice.

Blushing Yamanaka Ino stepped forward looking so sheepish she could have been expected starting to grow wool.

"What were you doing there, Ino-chan?" Naruto asked.

"Whatever you were doing, get out of here!" Sakura screamed.

"Asuma-sensei was teaching us spying", Sakura's arc rival explained, "Shoji and Shikamaru decided to spy a certain ramen bowl at Ichikaru ramen but I found it so boring that I decided to spy you guys. Asuma-sensei had a date with his fiancée so he gave us a homework mission not to lose our targets before noon and to report the movements of the targets to him this evening at the bar."

"So you are just eyeing us the whole noon trying to pinch poor Sasuke's bottom?" Naruto asked to confirm if he had got it right.

"Exactly", Ino said and tried to pinch Sasuke's bottom.

"Then how are you going to spy us if we are all running into different directions?" Sasuke asked while rubbing his aching arse.

"Well, that would be just too unfair, Sasuke dear", Ino said.

"Bye then, Ino-pig!" Sakura cheered as they all started running into different directions.

Ino fell on the ground and started crying loudly, much to dismay for recently returned Shikamaru and Shoji, who had managed to kidnap their target.

Chapter 3

Respecting the great pervert

Dear Tsunade

Our sensei passed away recently, thanks to our dear comrade. (I told you…)

Please return to Konoha.

Otherwise those geezers are going to make me the fifth hokage.

You know how allergic to sensible paperwork I am.

You'd be so much better.

You are a natural office-lady.

I can already imagine you in a tight white blouse and a black miniskirt.

Actually, I already drew a picture of you that way. Here it is.

Love, Jiraiya

"Oh, grap! This isn't going to work!" Jiraiya drew a pink piece of paper to a wastepaper basket. He took a new sheet and started writing again, ignoring the annoying hammering on his door.

Tsunade, you'd be perfect as a hokage.

Please come back and start ruling the village and myself.

If you do that, I'll promise to give you a night of your life.

I could even dress up as Dan, in case you haven't got over him yet.

If you have, please date me.

Yours truly,

Jiraiya

"Go away, Ebsisu!" Jiraiya screamed to his door, "I already told you I haven't got any tips how to remain invisible when you're spying women! They are all secret, holy techniques! And if you're Naruto, come back tomorrow. I need to talk to you!" Jiraiya threw the sheet to his bin and started another.

Lovely comrade of mine,

I love you and I want you to come back and so do the geezers.

Actually, they are asking you to become the next hokage, and I think you would make a great one, prettier than all the previous hokages.

Pretty please…

And please tell Shizune I am no longer mad to her because of that incident when she tried to bite my head off…

Come back and I'll shag you, Tsunade…

"What is it now!" he screamed.

"It is Maito Gai here!" the door screamed, "I'm here to respect you!"

"You what!" Jiraiya opened the door so furiously that Gai nearly fell down the stairs.

"I'm here to respect you." Gai said.

"Why?" Jiraiya asked after he had raised his jaw from the porch. "If you are trying to help Ebisu to make me reveal my techniques, you are going to fail",he hissed through his teeth.

"It's nothing like that", Gai said, "I'm only here to respect your glory and geniuses, Jiraiya-sama."

"I suppose you have no idea of how scary and twisted that sounds. Except, that isn't going to work", Jiraiya said, "I'm not revealing my techniques to any of you brats. I already taught them to team Jiraiya long time ago and look what happened! You kids are all the same…"

"Okay", Gai said, "I'll just sit here on the porch and respect you…"

Gai sat down and started to stare Jiraiya intensively.

"I'm trying to write a proposal speech here, kiddo!" Jiraiya yelled, "So you have five seconds to tell me what this is all about!"

"Well…" Gai started, "Yesterday me and Kakashi agreed of a competition…"

"You and your childish competitions!" Jiraiya screamed. If the future hokage would be here already, she would make you pay for disturbing the peace of our lovely village with your competitions! Last week, the house painting competition, the week before; lap dancing competition which no one, especially poor Ayame and Anko, will ever forget! And now this rude interruption for my work! I will make you sharpen all my pencils because of this, even if it would take all night!"

Chapter 4

It will be a long night

"Thank you, Ino. That was a very nice report of the movements of Sakura's split ends, Naruto's mouth and Sasuke's butt. Next time, try not to loose your target. Go ahead, Shikamaru and Choji", Asuma said while caressing Kurenai's hair and neck with his fingertips, "Read your report."

"You are going to read it, Friedrich", Choji said.

"Why always me, Adolph?"

"Because I kidnapped the target even if you are the new jounin."

"Fat ass", Shikamaru aka Friedrich said.

"Lazy bum", Choji aka Adolph said.

"Here's our target", Choji said and raised the ramen bowl to the table.

"First thing to do was to make ourselves new ids", Shikamaru started, "At this point Greta got bored and left us. Sensei, are you listening at all?"

"No, carry on, Shikamaru."

"By the way, Kakashi", Kurenai interrupted while opening Asuma's buttons, "Why are you looking so tired?"

Kakashi smiled and continued brushing his grizzled hair.

"I just learned something new today", he said, "Something that I haven't even heard of before this day."

"Has it got something to do with Gai?" Kurenai asked.

"Why do you ask?" Kakashi asked.

"Because he is standing behind you looking kind of pale."

Kakashi turned around.

"Good evening, Gai", he said, "I'm finally glad that you got me to take part of this competition thing. I had quite a day, you see."

"Good for you, my eternal rivalKakashi", Gai whispered, "I truly hope the greatness of your youthful day hasn't got anything to do with Ten Ten's infatuation. But right now you and I have a problem less youthful then that. Jiraiya-sama told me that if we wish to avoid public humiliation, we must step outside. Otherwise he'll set his youthful frogs upon us."

Kakashi's face suddenly changed its colour. He followed Gai outside in half a second.