Flames to Dust

I was nervous. And scared. And worried. I didn't know how to feel. What I was about to do would change everything yet nothing at all. Did I even want to do this? I had to do this; he has to know how I feel before I go. It wasn't a matter of want; it was a matter of need.

The parking lot outside Riverside street, that's where he'll be, its where they all will be. We've been friends ever since year seven – Edward and I. He was that one person who never failed to make me laugh, always cracking jokes – often inappropriate and disgusting, but hilarious never the less. I used to draw on him in history, I thought I was hilarious, but it always ended up with him being made to go wash it off. I thought I was just doing it to be annoying, not realising of course that it could be interpreted as flirting.

In year eight, when he really liked Angela Webber I was always there for him. I listened to him talk about her for hours, thinking of ways for him to get her to like him. And then they finally ended up together, I ignored the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. He kissed me last year, passed it off as being drunk – I never forgot the feeling of his lips on mine.

I was nearing the parking lot now, when I passed the world war one memorial statue next to Amber Park. We spent a summer here just laying underneath the statue on the grass. Talking about everything; that was the closest he came to asking me out.

He's my best friend. He carries me home when I can't walk. He makes me laugh when I cry. He never fails to be there for me. And he loves me – just not the way I want him to.

"Have you seen Edward?" I said while sprinting frantically over to my best friend Alice, who was laughing loudly at something Emmett had said.

"No, I haven't, why do you ask?" She rose her eyebrows and looked at me peculiarly, I blew a sigh of frustration and yanked my hands through my hair.

"I need to see him, I have to see him before I go." To the rest of the group I probably looked insane; Rose was searching my face to see what was wrong.

"Bella, calm down, sit with us, it's your last night after all." Jasper called, grinning at me and holding up his beer like an offering. I smiled slightly and shook my head.

"Alice, come with me, I need to do this." She pursed her lips and after a moments thought grabbed my arm and pulled me away. I barely had time to whip my head back to see the startled faces of my friends.

"Where are we going?"

"The skate park."

I eyed her curiously, "Why there?"

"Because that's the one place you wouldn't think to look." What did that mean? Did he know this and purposely go there so he didn't have to see me? Am I just being paranoid? Or am I hitting the nail on the head here?

We walked in silence; I couldn't look at Alice. All I could think was how much I was going to miss this. I was being dragged away from everything I loved. My friends, my family, my sense of security. All because of some ridiculous job offer in London. Sometimes I wonder if this is just a dream. Just something I've thought up and I'm not actually leaving. How I wish that were true.

I stopped walking before I could get into sight of the circular park. My eyes closed and I was holding back the tears. I felt Alice put her hand on my arm, squeezing it soothingly.

"It's going to be fine, you need to do this. If you don't it will be the biggest regret you ever have."

I opened my eyes and looked into Alice's black rimmed Hazel ones, I knew she was right, I just needed to get myself together before I did this. It may be the biggest regret I have, but that could work either way. What if I just embarrass myself? He may never want to speak to me ever again. Not that it would matter to him, he may never even see me again after today.

I felt like I was going to explode with nerves, there was a lump in my throat that just wouldn't go away with swallowing. I bit my lip and strode over to where Edward was.

He looked stupidly happy, running around with Tyler and Mike. He was wearing the same red jersey jacket he always wore. I used to joke and call him Justin Bieber. I'd always get a playful shove and a 'shuuuuuut the' in response. He hadn't seen me yet, but Mike had.

"Bella! Hi!" I smiled and ran over throwing myself into his arms.

"Mike, why is it we always do this?" I giggled as he dropped me to the floor.

"Who knows? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be packing for the trip?" he insisted on believing this was a trip, not a full time move.

"Everything's all packed up, I actually came here to see Edward." I turned to him; he wasn't looking at me. Choosing instead to stare at the graffiti covered wall in the distance, "Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked quietly and placed my hand on his forearm. His head jerked up and he looked into my silver eyes, without a second thought we both started walking towards the cobbled streets near by.

"I always wondered why you came over here. You can't even skateboard." A safe topic. I wasn't ready to embark on the topic I needed to yet.

He grinned and looked at me sideways, "You wouldn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said playfully.

"Nothing, I-" he stopped on the sentence and halted where we were walking, I turned to face him. His body moved towards me, I couldn't speak; there was an awkward tension in the air. I opened my mouth to say it when:

"Bella and Edward sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g." The comical relief on Edwards face was instant, he laughed and shoved them away. I continued to stand there, but this time a small smile etched onto my face.

"What did you want to talk about Bella?" he asked as he strolled back over. I did the only thing I could think of. I kissed him.

Its cliché to say, but I put my all in that kiss. I gripped the back of his head, pulling him closer to me; his hands pulled me further into his chest. I couldn't get near him enough; my hands wound themselves from his hair around his neck so I was impossibly closer. I felt his lips turn up into a smile as ours molded together; my eyes welled up. I pulled away from him, moving quickly so he wasn't touching me. My hands came up and gently touched my lips; the look on his face was priceless.

"Well, was that your goodbye?" He said with a smile, "I don't know what to say."

"I'm leaving in the morning Edward." I couldn't get any other words out, I couldn't tell him what I needed to.

"I know."

"I'll miss you."

"I know, I'm going to miss you too." My lips formed a smile, but I don't think it quite met my eyes.

"Goodbye Edward." And I ran. I didn't even wait for Alice; I didn't hear the calls from my friends as I ran passed them; I just couldn't be around any of them.

I'd just let my legs carry me away, not thinking about where I was going. I stopped running and sat on a wall a few streets away from everyone. I'd bottled it. Ruined the final goodbye. Not told him what I needed to. Maybe it was for the best.

"Bella," Alice panted a few moments later after running to find me, "why did you run like that?"

I was staring at the ground; I couldn't even look at her. My shoulders shrugged and I felt the first of many tears slip down my cheeks.

"Did you tell him?" I shook my head; she was quiet for a moment. I knew what she was trying not to say: I should have told him.

I felt her come and sit down next to me, "I saw you kiss him." I didn't have an answer to that, "Maybe its for the best." There was nothing else she could say. I just stayed quiet, "Oh Bella, come here." I cried into her leather jacket while she rubbed soothing circles into my back. After a few minutes, and some deliberation in my head, I knew this wasn't what I wanted.

"No." I stated, pulling away from her.

"What?"

I stood up, brushed the dust from my jeans and wiped underneath my eyes.

"You need to tell him." I said, whirling around to look at her. She looked a little stunned for a moment.

"Um, what?"

"Tell him for me, because I can't get the words out."

"You want me to tell him that you're in love with him?" she clarified.

"Yes."

"Like he's even going to believe a word that I say anyway." She said cynically, I just rolled my mascara screaked eyes.

"Yes he will, he knows that if its you telling him, then it has to be the truth." I looked at her pleadingly, "Please Alice."

I don't know if it was my heartbroken expression; the fact I wouldn't do it myself; or because she just felt sorry for me. But the next five minutes included me hiding behind a corner while she told Edward that the reason I ran away was because I couldn't stand looking at the one person I could never be with.

I peeked my head around the corner, to see a crowd of people standing around Edward, who had his face in his hands. I also saw a very determined looking Alice walking back over with her arms crossed. I quickly turned back around the corner.

"What happened?" I questioned her when she came back.

"I told him." She answered simply and pulled her long hair into a bobble.

"And, what did he say?" I urged, she took a few moments to pull a few loose strands into the bobble; the anticipation was killing me. "Oh come on Alice."

She looked me in the eyes and said, "He's heartbroken."

AN: Hi, so this was supposed to be a one shot. As cheesy as it sounds, its actually based on a dream I had about this boy. I don't know whether I should continue it or leave it as it is?

Reviews are appreciated! x