And I see fire
Hollowing souls
I see fire
Blood in the breeze
And I hope that you remember me
She's not sure how she got back to the house. Someone is pulling the soaked and dirt stained dress from her shoulders. Her mother's dress. It's probably Lanie, she thinks. She hopes it's Lanie. She can't look at Castle's mother or daughter right now.
A baggy t-shirt is pulled over her hair, taking her carefully styled hair down with it. She's sucking on air, her face tear-stained, her sob heaving, but dry. Fingers pull at the bobby pins in her hair. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
She reaches down to the hem of the shirt, realizes with a sickening roll of her stomach that it's his. Fisting the fabric at her chest she pulls it to her face, breathing in his lingering scent.
Someone's whispering reassurances to her. That'll it'll be OK. But it won't be. Nothing will be OK. The smell of charred flesh still lining her nostrils, with every breath she's reminded. Maybe she should just stop breathing.
"This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life," she whispers, to no one in particular. But it's Lanie who answers.
"I know, honey." She led to a bed, realizing for the first time she's still in the Hamptons house. That's better. She couldn't imagine getting into their bed at the loft right now. Smelling him everywhere but not be able to touch him.
"Here take this," Lanie says, handing her a glass of water and a pill. "It'll help you sleep."
She takes it, sick of feeling, wanting to go numb if just for a little while. Maybe it's just a dream, she thinks, as she's pulled into a deep, drug-induced sleep.
Yeah, just a dream.
When she wakes hours later she feels heavy. The remnants of the sleeping pill are pushing her into the mattress. She blinks and forgets just for a moment that Castle is gone. Dead.
It hits her all over again, ripping a sob from her chest. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to block the images of his car up in flames. She can't breathe, she just needs…when she turns in bed she sees she isn't alone. A mass under the blankets sleeps soundly beside her, the blankets rising and falling in time with their breathing. She reaches out, her hand shaking.
"Castle?" she whispers, afraid to say it too loud. To shatter what has to be a dream that she never wants to wake up from.
The mound grunts and turns causing her to jump back, nearly falling off the bed. She gasps, clasping a hand over mouth. She looks around, her eyes finally having adjusted to the darkness.
She blinks willing the image in front of her to change. She's in her apartment. And it's not Castle next to her…it's Josh. Her heart is thrashing against her chest.
This can't be real.
The detective in her takes over as she slides out of the bed, careful not to wake her ex-boyfriend? in the process. As she scans the bedroom she realizes everything is wrong. Josh's white coat is slung over the chair in the corner, his scrubs balled on the floor. The photo she has of her and Castle on the dresser is missing. She quietly opens the top right drawer, feeling around for any evidence of her fiancé but only finds her things. Better than Josh's.
Kate creeps to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and flipping on the light. She's startled at the reflection staring back at her. Her hair is much darker, but the most noticeable difference is the absence of a bullet-sized scar between her breasts. She feels up under her tank top for her surgery scar, but that's missing too.
She stumbles back out in the room, grabbing at whatever clothes she can find, pulling on jeans and a sweater, putting her hair up in a knot on top of her head. She squints, looking for her phone, spotting it on Josh's side of the bed, charging. The last thing she wants to do right now is wake him.
She wants her fiancé. She wants Castle.
"Babe, you get called in?" Comes a rumbling and distantly familiar voice. She freezes next to bed as Josh's hand comes out to grip the back of her thigh, pulling her into the side of the bed. It makes her stomach roll, him touching her like that.
"Yeah," she mumbles, pushing his hand away and running out the door before he can question her further.
The cold air hits her with a shock, fresh snow covering the sidewalk. She swears under her breath as she hails a cab, giving Castle's address before she even has the door shut. The cabbie raises his eyebrows at her lack of jacket, but shrugs and starts the meter, pulling out into the deserted street.
She closes her eyes, pressing her forehead to the window.
What the fuck was going on?
Is this some sort of alternate reality? Is she dreaming? A strangled laugh falls out of her mouth, startling the driving. She sounds like Castle. Tears burn the back of her eyes. She would give anything for this to be real.
When she lifts her hand to knock on his door, it feels light, a tightness in her chest at the sight of her empty ring finger.
It's late. Really late. But she can't…she has to know.
So she knocks and knocks until she hears someone stumbling through the loft, the key missing from the keychain in her pocket.
The door swings open on a confused Castle. His hair's adorably rumpled, robe half on, only his bare chest and boxers underneath. She nearly sobs.
"Beckett?"
Kate stepped forward, slipping her arms beneath the robe, burying her face in his neck. He's rigid against her, but she doesn't care. He's alive, his heart beating frantically against her, warm skin seeping through her sweater. She can't stop the tears or the half hysterical sob that escapes her.
He's just starting to relax, his arms coming up awkwardly around her, when a throat clears behind him.
"Richard?"
Kate drops her arms and steps back as Castle jumps and turns.
Gina is standing in the doorway to his office; arms folded over her chest, looking bewildered and a little hurt.
Kate feels like she's been punched in the gut. She turns to leave, but doesn't make it far, sliding down the wall next to the elevator, shoulders shaking.
What the fuck was going on?