Wal-mart Night
A/N: Please note that this is a parody. It's based off the nickname for Walpurgisnaucht "Wal-mart Night". Warning for somewhat dark humor ahead?
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Same goes for Wal-mart.
Revision 12/7/2017: Grammar and minor changes.
That wretched night was finally upon them...
Though Homura had endured this battle time and time again, she couldn't help but tremble. The ticking of the watch on her wrist was the only sound to be heard besides her frantic heartbeat. The ticking was almost oppressive in nature. It surrounded her very being, boxing Homura into her private world of fear and insecurities.
Tick 'You'll lose.'
Tick 'Why try again?'
Tick 'Can you ever really save Madoka?'
Tick 'They'll be sold out...'
This was the fate which Akemi Homura had eternally condemned herself to, however, and the best that she could do was to bear her weapon and stand unflinching in the face of her enemy... Wal-mart.
The doors of the Wal-mart were sealed tight, but lights had already begun to switch on. The glass of the nearest automatic door was tinted, but the light from inside was strong enough to illuminate a small digital sign hung upon the door.
CLOSED.
Glancing around herself, Homura felt some relief. Sayaka and Kyouko flanked her, weapons held at the ready. This timeline, she was not alone in her struggle. Unfortunately, though, Mami had already shot herself earlier in this timeline when she discovered commercialization, and that all Puella Magi were doomed to be immortalized in the form of crappy merchandise that, in her words, was an insult to the plight of magical girls everywhere. She lost it completely when she found a whimsical drink cup with a detachable lid modelled after none other than herself.
Tick
Tick
OPEN.
Homura tensed as thousands of familiars began to materialize in the parking lot, marching forward in a great parade. They streamed around her and the other two Puella Magi in their march towards the Wal-mart, chanting in horrible, scratchy voices. "Black Friday," "Black Friday," they cried.
"Glory to the Wal-Mart!"
The hands of the watch on Homura's arm finally struck midnight. The rusty doors slid open with a loud creak, and Homura and her allies surged forward with the crowd of familiars.
Once inside, Homura unleashed destruction upon the familiars around her, firing her machine gun to clear a path down the main aisle of the building. She discarded the weapon when it lost its usefulness, only to pull a fresh gun from her shield and open fire once more.
Kyouko followed behind Homura loyally, taking out any familiars who tried to sneak up behind the raven haired Puella Magi. She had just skewered a particularly nasty looking oxypad with a mustache when Homura turned to thank her. "Thank-" Homura froze.
"What's wrong? Don't wanna admit that I totally just saved your ass?" Kyouko scoffed at her, smirking a little.
Homura stared Kyouko down, ignoring her question. "Where is Sayaka?" she ground out.
Kyouko's smirk instantly faded and her eyes widened in fear. "Oh sh... SAYAKA!"
Their roles were reversed as Homura covered Kyouko's back, allowing the redhead to concentrate on finding Sayaka.
"SAYAKA! OY, SAYAKA!" Kyouko shouted, her voice growing increasingly desperate. She violently skewered more familiars, impaling them against a DVD rack.
Miki Sayaka... always a pain in my side. Homura thought sourly.
"I'm here, Kyouko!" Sayaka suddenly appeared, leaping above the crowd and straight towards a video game console display.
"GOD DAMN IT, SAYAKA!" Homura screamed, enraged at Sayaka's endangering of their mission. "I TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT BUYING AN XBOX ONE. YOU DUMBASS!"
"But they're on saaale!" Sayaka sobbed, falling into despair over the Xboxes.
"NO!" Kyouko screamed. She proceeded to climb into a shopping card and use her polearm to propel it down the aisle toward Sayaka in the fashion of a row boat.
She made her way to Sayaka, now Oktavia, knocking familiars out of the way frantically as she screamed Sayaka's name.
Homura could do nothing but watch as Kyouko crashed her cart into a large shelf, knocking it over and killing both her and Oktavia.
The only remaining Puella Magi sighed unhappily, but this outcome was nothing new to her, and as long as she could protect Madoka, the timeline was still salvageable.
Suddenly, a voice rang out behind Homura.
"The Wii U... they're all sold out..."
Homura's throat tightened, and her entire world seemed to crash down upon her. That sobbing voice belonged to Madoka, her Madoka...
"This is horrible! I don't want this to happen! Uwahhhhh!" Madoka sobbed.
No... NO.
A second voice rang out, "Make a contract with me, and I can change this future for you, Kaname Madoka!" this was followed by a flash of pink light, "Your wish has surpassed entropy!"
Homura fell to her knees, a strangled sob escaping her lips. The familiars around her laughed at her pain as they continued to shop; saving money and living better.
A/N: I suppose mentioning specific console names really dates this fanfic... Oh well. Please leave a review if you enjoyed! :)